Can she come back?

[Imawakenow]

Hey all, could use some advice here, but first a little background:

34, separated, one child. Last year I met an amazing girl through work, she's 23, amazing in bed and is accepting of my child. We started out hot and heavy for the first month, she went on vacation and came back only wanting to be friends. For the next ten months I was playing the long game, letting her text me first, teasing her over silly things, and occasionally being the friend she needed. After Christmas, we started dating again and it was even better than before. She met my family, I met hers and the sex was mind blowing. I admittedly started getting attached. She started entertaining thoughts beyond dating. She was happy. She randomly thanked me here and there just because she was so happy.

Last week it ended suddenly because she had a secret that got out. Before we even met, there was someone else that there was no possible way things could ever work out with, but she still had her fun. The vacation she took was with that guy and was the reason she originally stepped back from me. When we got serious again, I noticed she was ignoring phonecalls and texts when we were together. She always said I wouldn't like her if I knew everything about her. I knew the risks of pursuing her but I really wanted this one.

So when I learned of this other person, the issue wasn't that she still wanted him. I asked her point blank if she wanted space so she could with him and she said it didn't matter because there was no future there. The issue is that even though she knows there's no future with this person, somehow he is controlling her. Finding out about us got her "in trouble" and she "got lectured".

Because I actually do care about her and her safety but at the same time I want her ass, I want her to ditch this controller, whom she says she isn't being controlled but it's more out of guilt.

I know I should eliminate contact to start her feelings of missing me and yesterday she texted me out of the blue, which I waited bit before answering her. How can I plant some seeds in her head to lose this guy? She's obviously upset she had to stop seeing me because when I hugged her and told her I had a blast the night we broke up, she started crying.

She's got a lot of self esteem issues that I've sort of used to get this far. I have a very demanding job that doesn't give me the time to go out and meet people plus a two year old, so I really don't want to get with other girls. She's honestly been amazing and there's so much chemistry and tension when we are together that I think she needs some reminding of.

No contact is almost impossible because we work for the same company and occasionally will have to see her at meetings. The texting has been brief yet devoid of personality. I wanted to get back to teasing again. She responds so well when I tease her.

Thoughts?

 

[Desdinova]

she's 23

The vacation she took was with that guy and was the reason she originally stepped back from me.

...and that's the guy at the top of her high score list. This is why I say that age 23 is the end of the line for women with no man at the top. Men need to get in before things like this happen.

The issue is that even though she knows there's no future with this person, somehow he is controlling her.

The only thing controlling this woman (and every other woman) is her emotions. She's more interested in him than she is in you. You have to accept that women can and WILL find other men more interesting and attractive. The most likely scenario is that he isn't controlling her at all.

How can I plant some seeds in her head to lose this guy?

You cannot "plant seeds". You are in competition with other men. The only way you can win at the competition is to be the most interesting, masculine, confident, and funny person you can be. You have to do all of this BETTER than most of the men out there. It's actually not that difficult since many men don't put in the effort to have these qualities and instead focus on the woman liking him because he's "nice". Nice is not attractive.

Thoughts?

Time to move on to other women. There are thousands of single women out there, so there is no need to focus on only one.

 

[Skyline]

Wait, so she cheated on you when she went on vacation? Were you just dating or actually together?

 

[Imawakenow]

Wait, so she cheated on you when she went on vacation? Were you just dating or actually together?

We were not together. Hooking up, but not together.

 

[Glassguy]

She said you wouldn't like her if you knew all about who she really is......women will tell you what you need to hear if you'd just listen.

And she's a cheater, and she controls you and not the other way around. Hiding is lying in my book. She did both.

The real question is: how much of your life are you going to keep giving her to fvck you over? You can't get time back once it's gone. Cut your losses now and move on. This b!tch is playing you like a fiddle. You'll never recover with this one. You're completely in her frame.

 

[dude99]

Hey all, could use some advice here, but first a little background:

34, separated, one child. Last year I met an amazing girl through work, she's 23, amazing in bed and is accepting of my child. We started out hot and heavy for the first month, she went on vacation and came back only wanting to be friends. For the next ten months I was playing the long game, letting her text me first, teasing her over silly things, and occasionally being the friend she needed. After Christmas, we started dating again and it was even better than before. She met my family, I met hers and the sex was mind blowing. I admittedly started getting attached. She started entertaining thoughts beyond dating. She was happy. She randomly thanked me here and there just because she was so happy.

Last week it ended suddenly because she had a secret that got out. Before we even met, there was someone else that there was no possible way things could ever work out with, but she still had her fun. The vacation she took was with that guy and was the reason she originally stepped back from me. When we got serious again, I noticed she was ignoring phonecalls and texts when we were together. She always said I wouldn't like her if I knew everything about her. I knew the risks of pursuing her but I really wanted this one.

So when I learned of this other person, the issue wasn't that she still wanted him. I asked her point blank if she wanted space so she could with him and she said it didn't matter because there was no future there. The issue is that even though she knows there's no future with this person, somehow he is controlling her. Finding out about us got her "in trouble" and she "got lectured".

Because I actually do care about her and her safety but at the same time I want her ass, I want her to ditch this controller, whom she says she isn't being controlled but it's more out of guilt.

I know I should eliminate contact to start her feelings of missing me and yesterday she texted me out of the blue, which I waited bit before answering her. How can I plant some seeds in her head to lose this guy? She's obviously upset she had to stop seeing me because when I hugged her and told her I had a blast the night we broke up, she started crying.

She's got a lot of self esteem issues that I've sort of used to get this far. I have a very demanding job that doesn't give me the time to go out and meet people plus a two year old, so I really don't want to get with other girls. She's honestly been amazing and there's so much chemistry and tension when we are together that I think she needs some reminding of.

No contact is almost impossible because we work for the same company and occasionally will have to see her at meetings. The texting has been brief yet devoid of personality. I wanted to get back to teasing again. She responds so well when I tease her.

Thoughts?

Dude she is playing you like a fiddle. I think you need to have a nice tall drink of reality.

She is lying through her teeth and you are buying it. She wants to be with this other dude. If didn't want to she would tell him to take a hike.

She lied to you about the vacation then broke up with you after coming back from that vacation and then kept you around as an orbiter, then got back together with you when things soured with the other guy again.

Then she has the nerve to say she wont get rid of him because of guilt? Where was that guilt when she was telling you she only wanted to be friends? No where because she was getting sechs from mr. No future.


Her water works of tears when you two broke up may have been an oscar winning moment but it was just that-- an act.

Dude she wants to keep you around to use and abuse but if she wanted the other guy gone he would be gone.

Unfortunately your interest in her is so much higher than hers in you you're not seeing the forest through the trees.

She has the best of both worlds in her eyes. Sechs with mr no future and safety net you when he discards her.

 

[Skyline]

We were not together. Hooking up, but not together.

Oh. Then everything will be okay and I'll tell you why.

Women are the same when it comes to what they find attractive. But some women like to be ignored while some like to be smothered. This one likes to be ignored.

You both don't really owe each other anything. You getting feelings for her is the only real difference here. She didn't have to tell you about the other dude and you didn't have to care. As long as she isn't withdrawing sex then you are fine.

If you were seeing other girls, would you really care about a girl that saw another dude? Especially when you two aren't even together?

I will also add this... Some women will hoe around just before they get into a relationship. I've seen this happen countless times.

I'm not a relationship guru. Not one bit. But here is what I would do at this point.

I would set up a date and then have sex with her. It doesn't have to be on the first but the goal is to have sex with her. I would then blow her mind with the sex.

Then once you're done and cuddling her, I would hint at being exclusive. The best manipulators will make the other person think they came up with the idea.

It's difficult to phrase something like this but I would personally come from a place of weakness and then finish from a place if strength. I would say something like:

"I'm not sure how I feel about two people being together."

Then... (doesn't matter what she says)

"It's just they generally have no passion. I would get with a girl but we wouldn't connect. But she would still want to be with me. It's weird."

Saying something like this will plant the seeds. Anything she says after this should be relationship related. You can then easily phrase whatever you say into her only seeing you without actually saying that you want a relationship.

But that doesn't end there. She seems like a high maintenance girl. You really have to push pull with this one even if you go through with it.

 

[TrophySquuezer]

Hey Bro,

I don't mean to be harsh, but this is an immature girl who plays games. Walk away now. It will do two things 1: save you from further developing any more feeling from her and getting hurt. 2: it will leave her shocked that you had the balls to say **** it. You sound like a good dude so I'm just trying to save you some time and heartache. You deserve better. Whenever there is another guy in the picture, you're better off wiping the slate and finding someone loyal.

Good Luck

 

[QuadDeuces]

She sounds like she brings stress into your life and is not trustworthy.

 

[Trump]

34 years old with one kid, are you are getting your spin by a 23 year old girl who is sleeping with her ex boyfriend? Im glad the girl isn't an actress and 21. You would go into melt down.

Come on bro, you a THIRTY FOUR WITH A KID. I don't how you guys can pop out kids, get and maintain jobs, but still have issues with girls who just want to use you for their own personal agenda.

Guess that's what society and the media wants. If you are chasing after girls and doing everything to make them happy, less of a chance you can challenge the powers that be.

Brutal.

 

[Imawakenow]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. It's been hard because I made the mistake of getting attached to someone I knew wasn't going to be good for me but I'm seeing everything a lot more clearly now. She clearly has self confidence issues that she's buried by throwing herself at guys and I can't lose my pride over someone who plays games like that. It was really fun while it lasted but you can't expect to play games all the time and not lose eventually.

 

[MrAddiction]

Her water works of tears when you two broke up may have been an oscar winning moment but it was just that-- an act.

Maybe but maybe it were real tears - her regreting loosing another guy she can walk over and use for her entertainment.

 

[MrAddiction]

Dude she wants to keep you around to use and abuse but if she wanted the other guy gone he would be gone.

Unfortunately your interest in her is so much higher than hers in you you're not seeing the forest through the trees.

That guy is spot on: you can nor negotiate desire!
https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/25/the-desire-dynamic/