Can physical attraction develop over time?

[RIDER]

You are obviously not going to be attractive to every female you persue, but is it possible for them to develop attraction towards you the more you are around them?

Lets say you meet a HB9, she wants to remain friends because she doesn't think you're that hot, but then after a few months of knowing her she finds you irresistable and wants to take it further than friendship. How feasable is a situation like this, impossible? possible? likely?

Share your thoughts and experiences

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

Ummm not likely. Once you are in the friend zone its hard to get out if not impossible.

 

[Gravyboat]

Doubtful. Affection might develop over time, but not attraction (yes, that's a David D theory, but I find it to be true.) Most women--especially hot women--make up their minds right away whether you're "friend" or "lover" material based on your initial projection of yourself (e.g. your level of confidence, comfort, and control.)

If you're asking whether you can recover from initially acting like an AFC then switching to a DJ...well, I've never had that experience with a 9, but I never had to try. Quick story though, which is fairly relevant:

At my last job a couple of years ago, there were a few 6's, but that was the best of the bunch. It was during that time I began employing the DJ principles, ditching "Mr. Phony Nice Guy" and becoming more or my natural self--a wise-cracking smartass who didn't really give a f*ck about too much.

About two weeks after I started acting more like "me," one of the 6's came up to me and said, "Gravyboat, what's different about you? You look more...masculine..."

Needless to say, I hadn't changed a thing about my appearance--it was solely my attitude. And apparently she couldn't figure it out--she just knew she found me more attractive suddenly (at least that's how I interpreted it.)

So while I still doubt you can pull a 9 out of the "friend zone," you can at least practice on her and see if she notices a difference. Then, be that way from the BEGINNING with the next 9 you meet, and see if things workout a bit more favorably.

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

Possible, but only slightly so.

As I stated in a different thread, I wouldn't want a woman who thought I looked like crap and then had to warm up to me. At that point, she's already rationalizing why she stays with you by pointing to things like "personality" and other metrics. At that point, she's just easy pickings for someone more attractive than you who ALSO possesses those things like "personality" and "Sense of humor" etc.

I'm the biggest RAFC out there, and I nexted the first girl who had shown interest in me after we'd been out on two or three dates b/c she told me that "It wasn't my looks that attracted her." That's a crap thing to tell a guy, for starters, and it just reveals that the relationship is doomed from the beginning because the woman is lowering her standards to be with the guy.

It's not worth waiting to for a woman to wake up and find you attractive. Move on to someone else.

 

[drZaius09]

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Or in other words, no. Physical attraction is either present immediately or never present at all. I'm not in the mood to hear the bullsh1t right now. We've all heard the old axiom "a woman knows the minute she sees you whether she's going to have sex with you." We've all heard it a thousand times because it's true. If a girl does not find you physically attractive from the moment you meet her, you will NEVER have sex with her, unless it's a pity f#ck, or a drunken desperation f#ck, or under similarly extrenuating circumstances-- and I promise you won't like the aftermath of those situations.

The good news is that attraction is made up of lots of factors besides your appearance. Those things you can control. But without that crucial physical spark, it's all WORTHLESS. Please men, stop trying to fight this. It's really not a big deal, there are millions of women out there... and LOTS of them WILL find you physically attractive. SO STOP WASTING TIME ON THOSE WHO DON'T!

 

[drZaius09]

oops, double post

 

[wind20mph]

Hey rider, let me remind you that looks aren't that important. If you were to pursue a girl HB9 and always around her like a dog, chances are you will be sinked to the frends zone. Bad idea man.

Don't pursue her. Attract her, stay as detached as possible.

Always flirt whenever you are around her. Have fun with other ladies that she knew. Be interesting.

And don't hang around her too long. Give her some space to miss you.

 

[RIDER]

Thanks for the replies guys, very good answers

My problem is that I can attract 6-7's easily and have no problem getting them in the sack, but I feel no emotional connection, no challenge and no reward when I go for them.

Every girl (HB8+) thats ever made me nervous and given me the thrill of the chase has always turned me down. The last one told me she just needs to get to know me better, which is really just a BS way of putting me in the friend zone

I guess I'm just going to have to keep looking and trying

 

[bud1971]

Hey Rider,

You might try telling her that you don't want to be her friend because your interest in her is romantic and stop seeing her completely. She may come around....otherwise it is a lost cause.

 

[RIDER]

Originally posted by bud1971
Hey Rider,

You might try telling her that you don't want to be her friend because your interest in her is romantic and stop seeing her completely. She may come around....otherwise it is a lost cause.

Thats what I did bud, I said "I have plenty of friends, I wasn't looking for another one. Goodbye"

Then she got really emotional and told me I had a special place in her heart etc. and she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Even though I can be an absolute ******* most of the time I just couldn't do that to her

I eventually gave in and told her we'd remain friends, I made a thread about this chick a few days ago - its too bad because I was really into her

 

[Kaparski]

Originally posted by drZaius09
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Or in other words, no. Physical attraction is either present immediately or never present at all. I'm not in the mood to hear the bullsh1t right now. We've all heard the old axiom "a woman knows the minute she sees you whether she's going to have sex with you." We've all heard it a thousand times because it's true. If a girl does not find you physically attractive from the moment you meet her, you will NEVER have sex with her, unless it's a pity f#ck, or a drunken desperation f#ck, or under similarly extrenuating circumstances-- and I promise you won't like the aftermath of those situations.

The good news is that attraction is made up of lots of factors besides your appearance. Those things you can control. But without that crucial physical spark, it's all WORTHLESS. Please men, stop trying to fight this. It's really not a big deal, there are millions of women out there... and LOTS of them WILL find you physically attractive. SO STOP WASTING TIME ON THOSE WHO DON'T!

Exactly.

Some girls will like u, some won't. But in terms of attraction its impossible.
Case in point this girl I know. Last year I was fat as hell and I knew she wasnt in to me. Anyways, I came back lookin way leaner and better than before and have had complients from 3 girls in my class on my first day to back it up. But she still isnt attracted, even tho I changed. Therefore, once they establish ur attractive or not, it sticks with them forever, well thats my opinon.

Some study came out cliaming that 80% of relationships are solely based on physical attraction and explain why we (as in people of the world) alternate throughout life with differnt partners.


Eye of the beholder

Remember that line u guys, ALL of u.

 

[BigMike]

Originally posted by RIDER
I eventually gave in and told her we'd remain friends, I made a thread about this chick a few days ago - its too bad because I was really into her

Seems like she really wanted you in her life.

When you take a valuable possession from someone, what do they do? Do what it takes to get it back!

That could have been a great way to find out if you had any chance. Remember that "a lot" girls like guys that treat them "badly" for some reason

Quotations added to stay "PC" :crackup:

 

[RIDER]

Originally posted by BigMike
Seems like she really wanted you in her life.

When you take a valuable possession from someone, what do they do? Do what it takes to get it back!

That could have been a great way to find out if you had any chance. Remember that "a lot" girls like guys that treat them "badly" for some reason

Quotations added to stay "PC" :crackup:

You're absolutely right

She told me about how her ex was an absolute prick and she stuck with him through everything (he even hit her at one point) until he dumped her anyway. She's still paying off debt's he created in parking fines etc from using her car.

I just didn't want to cause her even more pain.. she's a really sweet girl

 

[Fatality]

Attraction can become stronger the more you see or are around a person but if there is zero attraction the first time they meet you they will most likely never be attracted.

Unless they find out you are a rich

 

[Instinct]

Originally posted by RIDER
You are obviously not going to be attractive to every female you persue, but is it possible for them to develop attraction towards you the more you are around them?

Lets say you meet a HB9, she wants to remain friends because she doesn't think you're that hot, but then after a few months of knowing her she finds you irresistable and wants to take it further than friendship. How feasable is a situation like this, impossible? possible? likely?

Share your thoughts and experiences

Not likely but possible...attraction can build overtime..but if you let her friend you, you ****ed up somewhere, point blank...and unless you changed what you did/are doing it'll remain strictly friendly..it's like you meet a model who goes out looking, smelling, and acting like trash..will you be attracted to her? No..because she doesn't take care of herself..however, if she later on DOES, you will feel attraction because you will then see a completely different person..a woman who you want to ****. Now, this applies to males aswell..The trashy look= afc behavior..being A MAN= model looks..now what do you want to look like? First impressions are HARD TO CHANGE..but it ISN'T IMPOSSIBLE...you can generate attraction, but the longer you wait the harder it'll be..

 

[Big Eee Zee]

See, thats cool and all, but you guys are all wrong. Every single one of you.


WRONG!


My ex-gf was a good friend of mine for 4 months before we went out. We broke up because she said she was no longer attracted to me and wanted to be friends again.

Well guess what? She wants me back now. we made out a few nights ago, and every time I'm around her she just stares at me.

You all jus' got told!!!!


Oooohhhhhh!


I'm kidding, you guys are mostly right, but I am proof that it can happen.

 

[drZaius09]

You haven't proven anything, doosh. She was always attracted to you in one way or another. Nobody said it can't be bolstered or diminished from time to time.

Please, let's try not to enter a woman's actions or rationale for action into any serious discussions on this topic. We'll just end up running circles around ourselves.

 

[RedPill]

In my opinion, there is no clear-cut answer. But maybe this is a good analogy. If you've ever gone to the gym, looking to lose or gain a lot of weight, you will look in the mirror constantly, trying to see the changes from your efforts. It's always frustrating because you don't notice day to day improvement. But... if you take pictures or just observe yourself over time, the improvement will be quite noticeable.

Where I'm going with this... If the girl in question sees you regularly, or even semi-regularly, she will not notice your changes or have any subconcious reason to re-evaluate how she sees you.

Recently I went to this bar and ran into this girl I see maybe 2-4 times a year, and have known as a friend for about 10 years. She's somewhere between average and cute. She's never attempted to flirt or show any interest at all. I hadn't seen her in over a year this time, and in the last year my looks and style have improved significantly. To boot, there were two other girls all up on me which gave me a good dose of social proof. This girl approached me and tried to tickle me to get my attention, and when I turned around she was all blushing and giggly. It blew me away! I've never really been interested in her but the realization that I had just been seriously upgraded in her mind was very educational.

It can be done, but the hard part is you gotta totally cut her loose and actually become a lot more of a DJ. She's gotta lose track of what's going on with you so you gain the mystery back. Then you have to resurface with her and let her reevaluate you.

Both sides to this debate are right. To those who say it can be done, you're right, but it takes so much time to happen it's not worth getting all bent out of shape over one girl. You truly have to not give a fvck. To those who say it's impossible, you're also right because as you become the DJ that you need to be in order to get out of the friend zone, chances are you're totally gonna forget the girl you wanted anyway.

 

[Luveno]

Originally posted by RIDER
You are obviously not going to be attractive to every female you persue, but is it possible for them to develop attraction towards you the more you are around them?

Lets say you meet a HB9, she wants to remain friends because she doesn't think you're that hot, but then after a few months of knowing her she finds you irresistable and wants to take it further than friendship. How feasable is a situation like this, impossible? possible? likely?

Share your thoughts and experiences

Hello RIDER. If a girl wants to be "friends" solely for the reason that you're not that hot, I would consider that an insult and tell her that I have too many friends as it is and for her never to contact me again.

Knowing her for a few months will not make her attracted. Most girls who want to be "friends" only really want to not have a relationship with you. If you talk to them fine but they're not gonna make the first move to ever call you.

The most probable way to establish attraction is to make yourself scarce, almost terse, as I have above. She will feel inferior to you and want to prove her worth, perhaps with sex.

Of course, after a line like " you're not that hot", sex would be all she'd be good for anyway.

 

[Luveno]

Originally posted by RIDER
Thats what I did bud, I said "I have plenty of friends, I wasn't looking for another one. Goodbye"

Then she got really emotional and told me I had a special place in her heart etc. and she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Even though I can be an absolute ******* most of the time I just couldn't do that to her

I eventually gave in and told her we'd remain friends, I made a thread about this chick a few days ago - its too bad because I was really into her

RIDER, welcome to sosuave.

This girl is MANIPULATIVE! You didn't take her crap so she started to spout her sentimental melodrama to make you feel GUILTY about being HONEST and CUTTING YOUR LOSSES. Have sentiment for the poor, the underprivileged, your family, and your friends. NOT MANIPULATIVE girls that OFFER YOU NOTHING but PAIN!

Ask yourself this: If you were so special to her, why aren't you dating?

Looks like she's won, and you've lost.