Can I trust a single mom with kid?

[Robert28]

Just because she’s a single mom don’t be fooled into thinking she’s mature or has her **** together. Honestly, the ones that do are few and far between. Why? Because most made stupid decisions that got them in that situation to begin with, you don’t think they all of a sudden wised up to their lifetime of bad choices and got smart all of a sudden do you?
The last single mom I dated started out just like yours that you describe. Fast forward 6 months later and she did a 180, started acting weird and distant and everything I did was wrong, keep in mind she played the victim in all of her relationships and always was the dumped one. I always wondered why but then I began to slowly see, she makes **** hard after the 6 month mark and I guess guys got tired of it. I also think her ex was moving back so she had to get rid of me and all she could do was slow fade me. I sent her one last text and she never responded, so I deleted her. Wasn’t 5 mins after that she’s blocked me lol in other words she wanted the breakup she just didn’t want to be the one to do it. So yeah go right ahead with those single moms.

 

[backseatjuan]

Or could this always be a facade?

Date more single man moms. They always do this kind of sht. But then when you go into relationship with them, she moves in with you, and sht changes, 180 degees from my experience..

Literally had chick with kid show high IL, then kid 13 years old enters picture, our first night at my place her and kid moved into to my place in my city, she sleeping with her back to me, sex is a chore.

You know her at this point, you do not know life with her and her kid.

I’d say don’t even try.

Furthermore, the fact that others showed less IL and chick with kid more. Should tell you something. That you don’t have enough to attract normal women. I mean to make them wan rel with you.

 

[backseatjuan]

Never stop spinning. When you stop you risking making bad decisions, man’s nature. Always have three or more. Or don’t have any, have zero.

And always trust bros on sosuave. Turn your back on us, get burn d.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Hope you’ve been well. My take is a little different. I know where you are geographically and I know how the nightlife is in that area. Gorgeous women everywhere. But many are completely entitled. I also recall your profession. You have value because lots of women like the cache of dating or the idea of marrying a guy like you.

So to better address the question you asked let’s dig a little deeper.

1. How long have y’all been dating?
2. What age is her child?
3. What kind of mother do you perceive her to be?
4. Is she sufficiently intelligent/educated to stimulate you intellectually as well as physically?
5. Is she wanting a serious relationship?
6. Do you genuinely seem compatible outside of looks & sex? Do you really like or “get” each other?

Answer me those questions. Ponder them for yourself.

It makes sense you don’t have time or inclination to spin plates constantly. Your time is limited and very valuable. You have professional obligations and so forth. However you are a nightlife guy. I’m a nightlife girl myself. I can’t date a man who wants to be in bed every night by 10pm. I like to get out and hit the town.

That’s a difficult thing to find as you get past university years. She is in the industry so she is well versed in the nightlife scene. She also makes good money doing that, gets to dress in something sexy/provocative and gets plenty of attention & ego validation in her job. Hopefully so much so that she knows that it’s the job.

Is she someone you could take to a professional dinner with your colleagues? Would her manners and polish be a good reflection on you?

What are HER long term life goals?

It’s good she offers to pay. This indicates she sees your value & is willing to invest.

Answer the questions I posed. That will give better insight into the dynamic.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Sup boys

I was spinning plates till about a few months ago. One of my plates, a single 25 yo bartender with a child developed into my favorite. Hottest, nice ass, and fun to hang out with. I'm pretty busy and spinning several just became too difficult, so gradually I let most of them go.

This girl so far shows all characteristics that I value: Respectful of my time, respectful of my needs (physical), and always offers to pay when we go out (an important personality trait for me), never wants to assume that I will take care of her.

Question is for those of you who have been in similar situations, is this a woman I can trust even though she shows those traits? Or could this always be a facade?

Facade for sure. It´s a trap. Stay away from moms. Get new plates.

 

[lgbs2004]

Facade for sure. It´s a trap. Stay away from moms. Get new plates.

Why one should stay away from them? If the only thing you want her for is sex I don't see any problem.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Why one should stay away from them? If the only thing you want her for is sex I don't see any problem.

The mere possibility of getting attached or developing feelings or oneitis is not worth the risk in my book.

 

[derby1]

and i tend to love their level of maturity

they have a terrible level of maturity and solipsism, they also have alcoholism(usually) ........could be an area defined thing but deffo not in welfare influenced places.....the Uk is one big welfare dump ground

 

[bcude]

they have a terrible level of maturity and solipsism, they also have alcoholism(usually) ........could be an area defined thing but deffo not in welfare influenced places.....the Uk is one big welfare dump ground

That may be, but becoming a mom means taking responsibility for someone else's life than herself, which naturally forces her to mature into a more caring, nurturing role doing more "adult" stuff and hobbies. I tend to like that. The downside is the emotional baggage they most often come with after breaking up with the biological father having to give up on the idea of the perfect core family. Alcoholism is a generalisation that's false.

 

[derby1]

That may be, but becoming a mom means taking responsibility for someone else's life than herself, which naturally forces her to mature into a more caring, nurturing role doing more "adult" stuff and hobbies. I tend to like that.

the whole of the west is collapsing due to single mom households , please dont tell me they are mature or responsible they are not rejected from society in anyway shape or form , their also as good at raising boys as a tuna fish could raise a shark

 

[2Rocky]

Hey, I am a single dad. If I am going to make a woman part of my family she needs to be a good role model for my daughter. I actually ruled out some younger women because they had not had kids. Ruled out another couple women because her kids were younger than mine and I wasn't going to play daddy for an additional 9 years. The words from her "If we got together we'd be a regular Brady bunch." Damnnere took off then and there.

 

[greatsnake]

single moms (widows are the exception) made a mistake and they know they'll have to pay dearly, as their SMV has cratered and the dating pool has shrunk. Ask yourself these questions:

Why would you want to be second or third?
Why would you want your gonads to be cut off, when she tells you that you can't discipline the child?
Why provide for a child that's not yours?

Have some self respect and put yourself first.

 

[Billtx49]

Why would you want to be second or third?

Exactly. The only place or position I want to be in with a woman is horizontal with 100% of her emotional passion involved, not second or third place on her emotional action ladder…

 

[thinker]

If your going to get involved with a single mother make it just a FWB relationship and don't meet the kid. You may think that women are dangerous but kids are even more dangerous. Ask yourself what would happen it one day her kid says that you touched them inappropriately. I try not to be alone with any kids, all it takes is one false allegation and your life is screwed. What ever problems you may encounter with women will be magnified by kids. It is unfortunate that we have to think this way, but at least for the time being this is the reality we have to deal with.

 

[greatsnake]

Exactly. The only place or position I want to be in with a woman is horizontal, not second or third on her emotional action ladder…

always. One additional thought-- imagine how you would react if one day the child comes to realize that you're not the real father and they one day say "you're not my dad"

 

[Billtx49]

always. One additional thought-- imagine how you would react if one day the child comes to realize that you're not the real father and they one day say "you're not my dad"

Yep, I’ve seen it myself. Had an Ex a few years back that led her daughter to believe her hubby was daughters daddy when it was actually Ex’s stepdad. Kid didn’t find out until about 18, talk about a mindfvcked kid…
Not telling a child the truth is one thing, but actually lying to and deceiving them is another…
It pitches all trust out the window.

 

[FMCSMT]

Sure you can watch her kid while she goes off and bangs Chad after bar close, why not?

 

[Epic Days]

Sup boys

I was spinning plates till about a few months ago. One of my plates, a single 25 yo bartender with a child developed into my favorite. Hottest, nice ass, and fun to hang out with. I'm pretty busy and spinning several just became too difficult, so gradually I let most of them go.

This girl so far shows all characteristics that I value: Respectful of my time, respectful of my needs (physical), and always offers to pay when we go out (an important personality trait for me), never wants to assume that I will take care of her.

Question is for those of you who have been in similar situations, is this a woman I can trust even though she shows those traits? Or could this always be a facade?

Trust. That’s a tricky one. How about understanding life, masculinity and femininity and all the things on this site...then realize that you can trust a woman to be a woman. Nothing more and nothing less.
Respect can be faked. Anything can be faked. Trust only you and your instincts.

 

[dude99]

Sure you can watch her kid while she goes off and bangs Chad after bar close, why not?

Funny thing i knew this crazy (beta) guy who was dating a stripper. He was the one taking her kids out for halloween while she was working the pole.

We were like "dude WTF is wrong with you?"

 

[bcude]

Funny thing i knew this crazy (beta) guy who was dating a stripper. He was the one taking her kids out for halloween while she was working the pole.

We were like "dude WTF is wrong with you?"

dude had 99 problems, but the b1tch wasn't one