Can anyone help find the problem?

[LostAndConfused]

OK, so I know that in order to fix any problems that you have, you have to first know what it is right? Well, thats my problem, lol. I don't know what the problem is... I'll rail off a few things that I know I've got, and I don't see why things are working for me...I kinda need help on this because I'm lost and confused (lol).

*Charisma? Well, I can sure as hell hold up a conversation among the best of them, but I can read people well and I know when they don't want to talk to me. I can talk to just about every guy there is around my age, but whenever its around girls they just dont work. (Maybe I've got a anti-chick magnet or a d1k magnet or something?).

I know in the past I've gone a little too far with negs, but recently I've been able to use some pretty good negs that get fairly good reactions...but as I've said before after I get said-good-reaction girls just put their attention to something/someone else.

*Looks? I know they aren't everything, but from what I've heard (and it's not much, mind you), I'm a very attractive guy.

*Charming Behavior (like smiling and stuff)? Well I've got a crazy stupid sense of humor so I'm always laughing and making folks laugh. Maybe I laugh too much? When I'm around friends (and thats often), I'm almost always laughing my ass off at something I said or something one of them said. Don't get the wrong idea, I don't have a forced laugh that comes off as weird/fake.

*Confidence? My confidence is pretty high (thanks to you guys here!) but of course, as with most people it has its lows. I'm still caught in that AFC-vicious cycle of having low confidence because of lack of experience with women (kinda like the stereotypical girl who eats lots of ice cream because she's sad, and shes sad because she's been getting fat by eating lots of ice cream). Of course I break out of it as much as I can, or at least attempt to do it.

Usually my confidence plummets when I see an AFC doing all the wrong things (that I've been taught, and that make sense to me) with girls and they still get more action than I do. For example the other day I saw this short scrawny little kid (like 5'4", looked about 14) hook up with an HB7, who looked about 16, and after they were done kissing he showered her with compliments. If it were possible to SEE an AFC aura, this man would be visible from around the world.

Don't really get why I don't have girls approaching me, or at least being able to hold up a conversation with me . ANY help is GREATLY apreciated!

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Ok, Your conversations with women. Are you making conversation that creates interest? Is your humor a little immature for women?

 

[Interceptor]

Don't really get why I don't have girls approaching me, or at least being able to hold up a conversation with me . ANY help is GREATLY apreciated!

Women will approach guys who give off a sense of approachability.
A genuine, non goofy smile is perhaps the biggest indicator to a girl if you're approachable or not.
Social Proof also goes a long way here.
A girl will gain more confidence and more interest in you if she observes how you really act among friends and people you are comfoprtabel with. If you are comfortabel with everybody, she will often notice this, and this is a big plus in women's minds.
Now, this would be the mindset of a girl who has healthy self esteem and is actually looking for a good guy, not an ******* tto treat here like sh*t.

Women will open you when you have something that they can open you with.

-"I like your shirt. I don't understand the language though. What does it say?"

-"You have a nice smile."

-"hi."

-"Hey, my friends told me a lot about you."



-Women just stands there maintains eye contact and continues smiling at you.


(pay attention to these things. Often ,clueless guys who don't 'get it' do not recognize when a girl is trying to get your attention. Pay attention to the 'vibes' of the womne around you,. Watch their body language, men.Sometimes a woman is just freakin' dying to talk to you!! Really. So talk to her already. Smile and say "hey there, what's up?" anything, ok? A lot of women are NOT used to guys with 'game" , men! IMagine you knowing what you know now getting opened and taking full advantage of a woman' attraction to you! Imagine the possibilities when sh compares YOU to all the chumps she's used to talking to!!)



These things are typical of woman openers.

If you are not being seen with friends ebing natural, and are not bulding social proof, that's a strike against you being opened.

-BE 'APPROACHABLE".



Now, for 'holding conversation with" you........

Most women who are attracted, and wondering about their interest inyou WILL converse with you. They will ask you questions, and show you that "Oh wow, you are such an interesting person!" (girls are so cute when they do this) and make sure you KNOW that they are ;into you."
If they are not talking and are not investing in the conversation or the interaction, something's wrong.

Either you are talking to womne who are somewhat attracted, but ddefninitely NOT 'interested."
or you are trying too hard at everything.
You may be 'qualifying" yourself.
You may try too hard to get 'noticed' and 'validated' by women.
You may be coming off as 'phony' in some way.
You may not know how to ask good attraction/interest building questions.

You may be ASEXUAL in your conversation with women.

I don't know, man.

this is hard, bro. I need some more examples and more data to give you something that can help you better.
Why don't you try to post a conversation/interaction you remember that you know specifically is what you see happening negatively.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Ah interceptor really helpful post man!

Since both you and I.A.F.Y.B asked about conversation and interactions I'll give an example from the last approach I tried:

*Last saturday I was sitting down at a food court in this mall where most of the hot girls go. I already had my food and a couple of my other friends were picking their food up from another restaurant and I saw this cute HB7 with her friend eating at a table across from mine. Obviously I don't wanna get caught staring, so I took out my phone and started texting random people as I waited for my friends to get back, using my peripheral vision to see if she was looking at me. And she was. Even more than that: staring. So I look back up and smile at her, and she smiles back.

I hesistated for just a second because I still had my food and some things I bought at the table, and I wasn't sure if I should just get up and sit down and start eating with them (pretty bold move, some chicks would think its creepy), or whether I should beckon them over, OR if I should get up, leave my stuff there, chat them up a little, and go back to my table after my friends sit down with their stuff. But since I try to live by the 3-second rule I impulsively left my stuff there and approached both girls.

The other girl was average (HB5), and I knew I had to disarm her first because almost every time I approach a set of 2 or more I get CBed by the "other."

So I focus my attention on the average girl first, asking her, "Hows the Tokyo Express here? I've never tried it."

She grunts "good....." and kinda drags it out, implicitly asking "Why are you sitting here?" First negative sign.

I hesistate again because I'm not sure whether to neg her by talking to the HB7 I wanted and saying, "ha looks like your friend is too busy eating to want to talk." Problem was, she was a little overweight so I knew that wouldn't go off well. So I ask the HB7, "What are you eatin over there?" (I was standin across from her so it was appropriate I guess). She says some dish that I've never heard about, it was probably vegetarian, but adds, "why?" That's another bad sign.

At that point my friends were already back and apparantly they had been watching me try to spit game at these girls, and they come to the rescue as always yelling, "Hey man don't leave your stuff over here it could get stolen!" So I wave bye and I get back to them and get back to my food, and don't even bother looking at those girls again.


I would add more experiences if I could remember them, but I don't approach much because there really aren't any approachable girls at my school. The ones who look good only date wannabe-male-models who act metrosexual and flip their hair every other second and football players.

Outside of school, although I can get some fairly obvious look-IOI's from some very cute girls, I can usually pick up that we'd have nothing in common to talk about if I were to approach them. OR, the girl is outside of my age range (too young...jailbait lol), and thinks I'm her age because I look young (which is a problem with the older girls).

And yeah, I know at this point I should have approached 100+ girls (Don't really have to deal with AA anymore), but I'm in a unique situation that sorta limits my options.

 

[LostAndConfused]

does that help by any chance?

 

[Lexie]

So it sounds like, based on that situation, that you read the girl wrong. I think you probably got a "friendly" smile rather than an "interested" smile. How do you dress? Have you thought about changing your style at all?

In future situations like the one you described, I think you need to come to them with something to say, instead of expecting them to supply the conversation.

 

[LostAndConfused]

How would I be able to determine if the smile is "friendly" as opposed to "interested"? Should I just smile and pay my attention somewhere else and expect the girl to approach?

When it comes to dressing, I'm probably one of the best at my school (I don't approach girls at my school, thats just a gauge of what I mean by dressing pretty well). I wear urban clothes like brands such as Ecko, Ed hardy, Affliction, and Sean John, but I don't wear my clothes trashy with pants sagging and looking distasteful. I always match, in fact I've got outfits that match shirt, jeans, and my kicks too. I guess clothing wise my style is good, but I really don't know what my style is when it comes to the approach. I've never had any real failures or real successes to go by to gauge how I should approach women to my own "style." (see above comment on confidence).

For scent, I feel that wearing cologne every day is overdoing it (it seems to just reek desparation to me at the high school level), so I use a good Axe fragrance but I make sure not to put too much on.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've always believed that a conversation between people include all of them engaging in dialogue. I start the conversation with the questions that I asked, and we just...talk. It shouldn't be ask a question, get a one word answer, ask a question, get a one word answer, ask a question, get a one word answer, ask for number, success/failure. By supplying the conversation I mean we both mutually hold up both ends.


:EDIT: Well fvck it I guess I'm not cut out for this stuff. I'll just stick to giving out advice, because I know the game pretty well. No point in approaching when I dont even know what I'm doing wrong.

 

[ready123]

you're doing fine, it's just the learning process. since you don't have AA, try experimenting w/ different tricks, openers, etc. identify a methodology that works best for you - direct, indirect, natural, gunwitch, etc. over time experience will train your mind to recognize when you f'd up, when you ran good game, when it doesn't matter what happened because of circumstances (IE your friends ****blockin you, lol). it's that social intelligence you should be aiming for in addition to experience

also, with respect to finding commonalities in a girl, the attitude I have is to try to find something about her that genuinely interests me or makes them unique in my mind. in a sense, you're trying to guide her to qualify herself to you - to prove to you that she's not boring. now there are some genuinely boring girls out there but usually you can find something

 

[penkitten]

i think you are over analyzing things. you seem like a normal guy. you seem to be about as confident as can be expected.
sometimes even when you feel un confident, you must just act as if you feel very confident anyhow.
go with the flow!

 

[Interceptor]

The only way of knowing really is to engage the female.
IF she sems 'cold" , then perhaps she wasn't interested.
Stay cool, calm, and keep your composure.

Females who reject males who are masculine are the one who have 'issues'.

IF a female is 'annoyed" you approached, it can be a myriad of reasons. But the simple fact that she acts impolite, lacks social grace, and finesse, and above all CLASS denotes that you were probably encountering something not worth your time and effort.


That realization hits a lot of guys really, REALLY Hard.



A Lady can still engage any man who approaches her, and nicely state that she was just being 'polite' , and was not 'interested."
And she will still think about you in the future as that masculine man who had the guts to go after what he wants, and still admire and respect you for it. She won't punish you for being a MAN.

Think about that!!

Females on the other hand, you cannot expect certain behaviors.


Sometimes females are just "friendly" to every guy.

And as strange as it may seem, just because a female smiles at you does not mean she wants you to approach her, as you found out.


Which goes back to my first point. Unless you are psychic, you MUST approach.

And yes, that means putting your EGO on the line, and risk a female (gasp!) rejecting you.

OF course we all know just how deadly that is!
You do know that many males have simply exploded or died of spontaneous combustion just for walking up to a female....

So only do it if you're prepared to die right on the spot!