jhonny9546
Master Don Juan
There are people who remind me that I'm the "nice guy." Unfortunately, the traits on my face communicate this without me having to move or say anything. However, I want to stop being just a nice guy. Like many of you, I wonder why some people achieve good life results while the nice guys are there to support them.
I notice a kind of automatic reaction in my social interactions, which I believe happens to others too:
- I always smile and try to maintain a positive atmosphere.
- I'm always available for others if they come to me with their problems. Especially in a work or office environment, I have very high problem-solving capabilities and can help others in many aspects.
- I have a hard time contradicting others. I prefer to listen and don’t point out other people's mistakes. When I do, I do it with a smile or by helping them understand why it was wrong.
- I remain calm even when faced with aggressive statements or contradictory actions from others, often creating embarrassment. For example, if your boss or a woman comes to you and says, "You made a mistake; you're an idiot. This was how it had to be done. Now what do we do if we lose the customer because of you?"
- I think I am afraid to express my opinion on things for fear of exposing part of myself and giving others material to judge me on, and not because I "can't" do it.
I also notice different behaviors in those around me:
- My brother-in-law behaves poorly with my mother, yet nothing happens; everything goes back to normal.
- A friend who refutes every opinion of his employees and always does his own thing still has people who consider him a friend.
- The boss who explodes and reacts poorly when someone criticizes him still attracts people.
Then, going in the women POV, I read about how you need to trigger positive emotions in women. However, from what I see, it seems as if women are looking for something that makes them feel bad—something that repulses them—rather than positive emotions. They seem drawn to situations that create trouble.
Instead, I'm the kind of guy who can bring you positive emotions by inviting you into my life of excursions, motorcycle or bicycle riding, hunting, reading, working out, watching movies, massages, meditation, doing things like showering together, appreciatiion, and also providing "neutral" emotions like being quiet, detached, negating validation, etc.
I imagine that the "negative" emotions I see in other men's behavior—like screaming, scolding, belittling, offending, being arrogant—are not for me. But I might be wrong. Anyway, women still with those men, and their behaviour seems saying "please give me more".
I don't see those guys making new friends; they only seem to make "acquaintances." The advantage for nice guys is that they can make 1,000 new friends out of 2,000 people they encounter. Why is that?
I'm like that too! Many people want to be my friends because they see me as a "positive" person. However, especially women or businesspeople often prefer the "jerk" over the nice guy for that "homework"
So for all the nice guys out there who operate in this automatic behavior: Is this something we can learn as a habit? Can we replace our automatic "nice guy" behavior with another automatic behavior? (Like making something a habit requires doing it "x" times for "x" days.)
I notice a kind of automatic reaction in my social interactions, which I believe happens to others too:
- I always smile and try to maintain a positive atmosphere.
- I'm always available for others if they come to me with their problems. Especially in a work or office environment, I have very high problem-solving capabilities and can help others in many aspects.
- I have a hard time contradicting others. I prefer to listen and don’t point out other people's mistakes. When I do, I do it with a smile or by helping them understand why it was wrong.
- I remain calm even when faced with aggressive statements or contradictory actions from others, often creating embarrassment. For example, if your boss or a woman comes to you and says, "You made a mistake; you're an idiot. This was how it had to be done. Now what do we do if we lose the customer because of you?"
- I think I am afraid to express my opinion on things for fear of exposing part of myself and giving others material to judge me on, and not because I "can't" do it.
I also notice different behaviors in those around me:
- My brother-in-law behaves poorly with my mother, yet nothing happens; everything goes back to normal.
- A friend who refutes every opinion of his employees and always does his own thing still has people who consider him a friend.
- The boss who explodes and reacts poorly when someone criticizes him still attracts people.
Then, going in the women POV, I read about how you need to trigger positive emotions in women. However, from what I see, it seems as if women are looking for something that makes them feel bad—something that repulses them—rather than positive emotions. They seem drawn to situations that create trouble.
Instead, I'm the kind of guy who can bring you positive emotions by inviting you into my life of excursions, motorcycle or bicycle riding, hunting, reading, working out, watching movies, massages, meditation, doing things like showering together, appreciatiion, and also providing "neutral" emotions like being quiet, detached, negating validation, etc.
I imagine that the "negative" emotions I see in other men's behavior—like screaming, scolding, belittling, offending, being arrogant—are not for me. But I might be wrong. Anyway, women still with those men, and their behaviour seems saying "please give me more".
I don't see those guys making new friends; they only seem to make "acquaintances." The advantage for nice guys is that they can make 1,000 new friends out of 2,000 people they encounter. Why is that?
I'm like that too! Many people want to be my friends because they see me as a "positive" person. However, especially women or businesspeople often prefer the "jerk" over the nice guy for that "homework"
So for all the nice guys out there who operate in this automatic behavior: Is this something we can learn as a habit? Can we replace our automatic "nice guy" behavior with another automatic behavior? (Like making something a habit requires doing it "x" times for "x" days.)
