Can a BPD make you feel like you are the narcissist?

[latinnova]

Jesus, so I just got done with a LTR with a Histrionic in which I was king for two years, and then it all went to hell quick after that. Just so much drama and fighting. By the way, I was not aware of Cluster B's so I got swept away by her treating me like a King. The thing is all the fights were about the boundaries that I had set up way early in the relationships and enforced, which were cool for the first two years, but the last year it was nothing but constant barrages trying to force herself through my boundaries. Every time I enforced my rules she would then accuse me of being a self centered ******* who cares about nothing but myself... and this actually started to get me thinking that I might be a self centered *******. Anyhow, the drama and the attacks on the boundaries got to be too much, and I just flipped out, lost my cool, we got into a super heated argument (I was not nice) and I kicked her out because it was too much. Now she is of course on a smear campaign all over social media talking about how I am the biggest, uncaring, narcisisstic ******* that has every walked this planet. Anyhow, did anyone else come out of the relationship and think the same thing I am thinking, about thinking that they just might be a little narcissistic too?

I know she was a Histrionic because her traits were....
1.) She was and is the victim to everything that has ever gone wrong in her life.
2.) Had horrible relationship with her family. Father and mother issues galore, her brother was the golden child, she was neglected etc...
3.) She threw it on me on the first date, but I overlooked that because this girl was about as fine as they come and I welcomed it.
4.) Super freak in bed, like anything went. Stuff that I didn't even want to do. Loved to be choked, and I mean like crazy hard. Told her I would never do that again. Domination to the extreme
5.) Typical facebook *****, cleavage shot, anything to fish for comliments.
6.) All of the men in her previous relationships were complete scum of the earch, narcisisstic *******. Matter of fact, she pretty much badmouthed everyone, even her friends..
7.) Highly emotional about everything, said she wears her heart on her sleeve.
8.) Every small anything was a crisis, almost like everything was in crisis mode.

List goes on and on, but all the serious ones did not show up for about two years.

Anyways, I know I completely messed up with this one, as all the flags were there, but I guess being king of this girls world had me overlooking it. Yes, I take the blame for all of it because I should have avoided it in the first place, but now I feel like I might be messed up because now I do feel like I am a narcissist and may have narcissistic traits which I originally thought were just enforcing my boundaries. People have said I am stubborn. Easiest thing I can say is I feel completely mindf*cked. I have also read that the reason a person might attract a narcisisst is because they might be messed up themselves.

 

[MrAddiction]

Let me give you a Quote of what my ex said to ne Short before the end of the LTR. Sounds like a joke but that really sums up what you mean.
Her: you are absolutely selfish!
Me: Why? explain!
Her: Because you Do not Do what I want.

It is all projecting.

Go and read some of this articles
http://www.sharischreiber.com/articles.html

 

[exhausted]

Welcome to our world.

A control freak accuses you of being controlling when she does not have all the control.

Same with jealousy as well.

They mind fruck the chit out of you.

I'm still messed up and healing.

Listen to MrAddicttion he is spot on about things.

Good luck.

 

[PokerStar]

some people are artists at hiding their crazy. identify and take the right course of action.

 

[Billtx49]

but all the serious ones did not show up for about two years.


Easiest thing I can say is I feel completely mindf*cked.

Yep, it's sad really. These women reach the point where close intimate bonding is supposed to occur and her krap hits the fan. They can never have that kind of connection with a man.

The mindfvck is called the fog. Most men have it after encountering a disordered woman.

 

[latinnova]

Damn, this is crazy, literally. I feel like I should still go see a therapist just to make sure that I am not a narcissist though, or just to clear the "fog". Oh, and another thing, I can't believe I am saying this, but I have never, ever gotten sick of sex. With this girl, she was so hyper sexual that I truly no longer liked sex anymore. Like I ****ed my brains out for 2 years straight, it was almost like a job, and it was just wayyyyy.... toooo... much. I seriously started just hating it. My 15 year old self would be disappointing in me, lol.

 

[Billtx49]

A therapist is a very good idea. She will be removed from your headspace faster by seeing one.
The sex bombing is typical, it's her #1 hook.

 

[latinnova]

Ya, that sounds like a good idea for sure then. I need to find out more about this stuff like the hook. I heard there are three stages. I did notice that once I started to not want to have sex with her anymore, that really flipped her out. But I literally couldn't, like my **** wouldn't get hard for her anymore, and btw he still works fine, just not with her. Maybe he new better then me. I guess maybe she was thinking her hook wasn't working or something? But I did notice that when I would start accommodating her needs she would withdraw and almost called it quits herself. And when she did I was like "That is cool, don't let the door hit you on your way out..." and after that she was all back into me again. Stuff like that just messed with my mind.

 

[exhausted]

Ya, that sounds like a good idea for sure then. I need to find out more about this stuff like the hook. I heard there are three stages. I did notice that once I started to not want to have sex with her anymore, that really flipped her out. But I literally couldn't, like my **** wouldn't get hard for her anymore, and btw he still works fine, just not with her. Maybe he new better then me. I guess maybe she was thinking her hook wasn't working or something? But I did notice that when I would start accommodating her needs she would withdraw and almost called it quits herself. And when she did I was like "That is cool, don't let the door hit you on your way out..." and after that she was all back into me again. Stuff like that just messed with my mind.

They mind frcuck you beyond belief. It's all opposites. In real life when u give to someone they give back and love revolves.
With a cluster b you give they take and take and take and take then u begin giving less as u are wearing down then they shame and punish you. There is no appreciation. There is no reciprocation.

 

[latinnova]

Well that is one thing that is really confusing, is that she would give, and give like some crazy stuff. Sometimes she would give gifts in excess of $1000, and I was always like.. wtf?? And she would buy stuff for my kids all the time and what not, so it she was very generous in that way. She would clean and cook around the house like crazy all the time, but that then became less common. I really miss that part about her, there was definitely some good stuff. But she was never consistent with the real obligations, she never paid rent - and when I would ask her to she would then pull all those strings attached to all the expensive gifts she had gotten me and the kids, it was her escape card. She was on and of about the groceries, wanted me to co-sign for a car loan, wanted me to buy a car in her name, and if I didn't, which I never did, then she would give me the full "You are my man, you are suppose to have my back, you are so self centered for not helping me, all you think about is you." Crazy.... wow.

 

[Billtx49]

When you get in deep enough it's all about her control of the relationship. Set the hook through sex and praise, then get the control. Normal trait with most women, but the disordered ones are the same on steriods. Adds to their self perceived emotional safety needs and helps keep their inner fear under control, but the deeper in she gets, she has more need to seperate emotionally in any way she can get it done.

 

[exhausted]

Well that is one thing that is really confusing, is that she would give, and give like some crazy stuff. Sometimes she would give gifts in excess of $1000, and I was always like.. wtf?? And she would buy stuff for my kids all the time and what not, so it she was very generous in that way. She would clean and cook around the house like crazy all the time, but that then became less common. I really miss that part about her, there was definitely some good stuff. But she was never consistent with the real obligations, she never paid rent - and when I would ask her to she would then pull all those strings attached to all the expensive gifts she had gotten me and the kids, it was her escape card. She was on and of about the groceries, wanted me to co-sign for a car loan, wanted me to buy a car in her name, and if I didn't, which I never did, then she would give me the full "You are my man, you are suppose to have my back, you are so self centered for not helping me, all you think about is you." Crazy.... wow.

Gives, clean and cook wtf?!?!
Mine got lazy as chit after the first year of faking her to get me.
She looked to me to do everything.

The victim mentality and lack of empathy are red flags of cluster b.
As well as gaslighting to where you are looking around to see if u are being punked with such ridiculous bs.

 

[latinnova]

So yours also gave, cleaned and cooked Exhausted? Mine did this very well, and she could bulldoze through cleaning when she wanted because of her ADHD. But later on in the relationship it would just happen every other week, and be really sloppy in between.

The victim mentality was very strong with this one. I thought it was weird as hell, but what ever, I drew my boundaries and let her in, protecting myself financially. But emotionally, it has me just ''WTF just happened? I wasn't ready for that". It has rethinking everything, especially my actions to see if I am a narcissist. Is this gas lighting? Now if has me thinking that if any person has boundaries and the enforce those boundaries, well, they can be considered a narcissist can't they, because of the self centeredness around sticking to what you believe is right?

The lack of empathy I really didn't see though, which is an odd one because I heard it's the key trait. But it's probably because I am no drama at all, so there was nothing to really empathize with, but it seemed like that was never a problem when it would happen though. I am definitely more of a stoic kind of guy, so I think I suffer more from lack of empathy. She had so much drama near the end of the relationship and a majority of the time all I could think was, "what the hell are you making such a big deal about?", but I would try to cater to her needs and be there for her, and sometimes I would just say, this is not an emergency. I just couldn't understand why everything was such a crisis with her, and maybe this is a bit narcissist?

The weird thing is that I really miss the good times with her more then any other girl I have been with. I mean, after sex she would lay me down in bed and rub my back, face, etc.. until I fell asleep. We are talking kingly kind of things here. She was super fun to hang out with, we laughed, joked, and really clicked with our weird sense of humor. She would go fishing, camping, etc... and still liked doing it. It seemed like she loved my kids as much as she loved hers and got along with them really good. So some of her traits were awesome. But the consistency, reliability, etc... was kind of hit or miss. At the end everything seemed hot and cold.. she would threaten to leave, then be ok. And I would do this too because it had me all confused and was sick of the up and down moments, gas lighting again?.

 

[noBSgames]

Jesus, so I just got done with a LTR with a Histrionic in which I was king for two years, and then it all went to hell quick after that. Just so much drama and fighting. By the way, I was not aware of Cluster B's so I got swept away by her treating me like a King. The thing is all the fights were about the boundaries that I had set up way early in the relationships and enforced, which were cool for the first two years, but the last year it was nothing but constant barrages trying to force herself through my boundaries. Every time I enforced my rules she would then accuse me of being a self centered ******* who cares about nothing but myself... and this actually started to get me thinking that I might be a self centered *******. Anyhow, the drama and the attacks on the boundaries got to be too much, and I just flipped out, lost my cool, we got into a super heated argument (I was not nice) and I kicked her out because it was too much. Now she is of course on a smear campaign all over social media talking about how I am the biggest, uncaring, narcisisstic ******* that has every walked this planet. Anyhow, did anyone else come out of the relationship and think the same thing I am thinking, about thinking that they just might be a little narcissistic too?

I know she was a Histrionic because her traits were....
1.) She was and is the victim to everything that has ever gone wrong in her life.
2.) Had horrible relationship with her family. Father and mother issues galore, her brother was the golden child, she was neglected etc...
3.) She threw it on me on the first date, but I overlooked that because this girl was about as fine as they come and I welcomed it.
4.) Super freak in bed, like anything went. Stuff that I didn't even want to do. Loved to be choked, and I mean like crazy hard. Told her I would never do that again. Domination to the extreme
5.) Typical facebook *****, cleavage shot, anything to fish for comliments.
6.) All of the men in her previous relationships were complete scum of the earch, narcisisstic *******. Matter of fact, she pretty much badmouthed everyone, even her friends..
7.) Highly emotional about everything, said she wears her heart on her sleeve.
8.) Every small anything was a crisis, almost like everything was in crisis mode.

List goes on and on, but all the serious ones did not show up for about two years.

Anyways, I know I completely messed up with this one, as all the flags were there, but I guess being king of this girls world had me overlooking it. Yes, I take the blame for all of it because I should have avoided it in the first place, but now I feel like I might be messed up because now I do feel like I am a narcissist and may have narcissistic traits which I originally thought were just enforcing my boundaries. People have said I am stubborn. Easiest thing I can say is I feel completely mindf*cked. I have also read that the reason a person might attract a narcisisst is because they might be messed up themselves.

That's crazy mine she wanted me to choke her while having sex and that's not my thing still crazy to think about it.. she describes herself as a hopeless romantic.. her relationship was mother and father not together and he's in one country and I always felt I was the sponge.

 

[noBSgames]

Damn, this is crazy, literally. I feel like I should still go see a therapist just to make sure that I am not a narcissist though, or just to clear the "fog". Oh, and another thing, I can't believe I am saying this, but I have never, ever gotten sick of sex. With this girl, she was so hyper sexual that I truly no longer liked sex anymore. Like I ****ed my brains out for 2 years straight, it was almost like a job, and it was just wayyyyy.... toooo... much. I seriously started just hating it. My 15 year old self would be disappointing in me, lol.

I have a question did yours get pissed off if you could not perform? Like the stress she gave me it made it hard for me to get it up and she would get pissed about that and start getting pissed at that which added more pressure.. she was like oh you don't love me or your not excited to see me.

That chit got on my nerves it started to feel more like a chore then being able to enjoy it.

Well that is one thing that is really confusing, is that she would give, and give like some crazy stuff. Sometimes she would give gifts in excess of $1000, and I was always like.. wtf?? And she would buy stuff for my kids all the time and what not, so it she was very generous in that way. She would clean and cook around the house like crazy all the time, but that then became less common. I really miss that part about her, there was definitely some good stuff. But she was never consistent with the real obligations, she never paid rent - and when I would ask her to she would then pull all those strings attached to all the expensive gifts she had gotten me and the kids, it was her escape card. She was on and of about the groceries, wanted me to co-sign for a car loan, wanted me to buy a car in her name, and if I didn't, which I never did, then she would give me the full "You are my man, you are suppose to have my back, you are so self centered for not helping me, all you think about is you." Crazy.... wow.

Mine wanted me to pay her part of the rent or her cellphone boy when I said no she went into full rage just like you said saying I was the man and I should have her back at that time I was working PT and earning $400 less a week plus I have my own bills I'm going to take care of first..

I noticed the patterns with her.. she would tell me come over then lets go here and do this and that.. next thing I know I spent $100+ on her in 4 hours and I've left wondering what the hell. She got mad because I haven't taken her out to eat.. shes like it's been like 6 months and when's the last time we went out for dinner blah blah you can never win.

I will say and this chit still sounds crazy.. when we came back from vacation last year some of her family members were asking me if I got her preg.. to hear that I was like WTF? and her two others sisters were like I want to be a aunt!

 

[latinnova]

I have a question did yours get pissed off if you could not perform? Like the stress she gave me it made it hard for me to get it up and she would get pissed about that and start getting pissed at that which added more pressure.. she was like oh you don't love me or your not excited to see me.

That chit got on my nerves it started to feel more like a chore then being able to enjoy it.



I will say and this chit still sounds crazy.. when we came back from vacation last year some of her family members were asking me if I got her preg.. to hear that I was like WTF? and her two others sisters were like I want to be a aunt!

Uhhhhhh... Holy hell. This was one of the most recent fights we got into about two weeks ago. There was so much pressure on my to have sex all the time that it was like a job and put **** tons of stress on me because I truly was just tired of marathon sex every time we had sex(1+ hours easily every time). Well low and behold My member wasn't co-operating and she got insulted. She asked if I wasn't into her anymore, what is wrong with me, what is she not doing for me, etc.. then got all cold and just rolled over on her side and played the whole passive aggressive thing, which just completely ****ed with my mind. So next time I was up to bat all I could think of was what she said last time, and bingo, my member was like "forget this, I'm gonna stay sleeping" and there she goes, saying all the stuff she says before, and the only way she can feel a true connection to me is through sex, and if she can't have that then she doesn't think this will work. Finally got a toy for her and made her have massive mutliple orgasms, to meet her needs, and still wasn't satisfying enough, started berating me again. I was able to have sex with her one last time before we broke up, and it is a miracle that he even worked because my mind was thinking about all the crazy stuff she said, but he was for some reason up for it that day. But yes, that affected her severely, and thus messed with my brain like crazy.

 

[latinnova]

Mine wanted me to pay her part of the rent or her cellphone boy when I said no she went into full rage just like you said saying I was the man and I should have her back at that time I was working PT and earning $400 less a week plus I have my own bills I'm going to take care of first..

I noticed the patterns with her.. she would tell me come over then lets go here and do this and that.. next thing I know I spent $100+ on her in 4 hours and I've left wondering what the hell. She got mad because I haven't taken her out to eat.. shes like it's been like 6 months and when's the last time we went out for dinner blah blah you can never win.

I will say and this chit still sounds crazy.. when we came back from vacation last year some of her family members were asking me if I got her preg.. to hear that I was like WTF? and her two others sisters were like I want to be a aunt!

I was really strict about the financial deal when we both got together, that was one of the boundaries. If we went out to eat, movies, etc... then she would pay half, no exception. Well, with her being my girl I did pay for her here and there, just to be nice, but the majority of the time we would split the costs for everything. Well, come to find out she is using this as ammo in her facebook smear campaign of me. She is saying, on top of being a self centered narcisisst that "I never paid for a dinner for her, the movies, etc.." Well I did, but only a couple of times though. It was part of the deal, she knew that going into the relationship.

 

[noBSgames]

I was really strict about the financial deal when we both got together, that was one of the boundaries. If we went out to eat, movies, etc... then she would pay half, no exception. Well, with her being my girl I did pay for her here and there, just to be nice, but the majority of the time we would split the costs for everything. Well, come to find out she is using this as ammo in her facebook smear campaign of me. She is saying, on top of being a self centered narcisisst that "I never paid for a dinner for her, the movies, etc.." Well I did, but only a couple of times though. It was part of the deal, she knew that going into the relationship.

Ha welcome to the club.. shes long been doing talking about me on FB for awhile now.. after awhile my friends caught on and they knew I wasn't like that so her way of trying to get them to turn on me failed.. my friend's fiance she's been cursing her out now as she can see what she's doing.

 

[noBSgames]

I was really strict about the financial deal when we both got together, that was one of the boundaries. If we went out to eat, movies, etc... then she would pay half, no exception. Well, with her being my girl I did pay for her here and there, just to be nice, but the majority of the time we would split the costs for everything. Well, come to find out she is using this as ammo in her facebook smear campaign of me. She is saying, on top of being a self centered narcisisst that "I never paid for a dinner for her, the movies, etc.." Well I did, but only a couple of times though. It was part of the deal, she knew that going into the relationship.

Yeah this girl was like lets open up a joint banking account.. UHMM NO WAY! last vacation I spent like $800 between the room and car rental.. she still says I did not spend any money...

 

[latinnova]

lol, ya, this still has me in a "fog" as they say, because it is odd from her treating me as the king of all lands, to having issues with everything. She is getting tons of sympathy from all her friends about how she can do a million times better then me, how it is good that she left (she is saying she left, not the fact I kicked her out because she was literally about to drive me crazy) or the emotional abuse might have turned physical, those white nights swooping in asking if I need an ass kicking, you know, all the good stuff to stroke her ego. Isn't this called her "Supply" or something?