Calling Women Out vs. Silent Acceptance

[soulforge]

I had an incident with my recent ex..

we was out on a day trip.. decided to go for a meal at this cafe, we parked up..

we walked upto the cafe (5 minute walk) then i realized i had left my wallet in the car.. so i told her we will have to walk back for it..

at this point she strated to call me a DUMMY.. she called me a Dummy three times in quite an angry tone.. i let go of her hand.. stopped in my tracks & told her straight never to talk to me like that again..

i got a half arsed apology from her.. how would you guys have handled a situation like this??

 

[Zimbabwe]

Being silent is basically allowing her to continue without consequences, sure calling her out won't make her interested but i rather do that

 

[bat soup]

I'm using this as a simple example to ask a general question.

Longtime female friend comments/likes on facebook, occasionally emails. I make an end-run back to meeting up in-person every time and to let me know when she's free. She says she will. Of course then I don't hear from her and she's blatantly posting and tagging herself out all the time. I move on with my life, but I wonder...

Is there ever a point where you're matter-of-fact with a woman? When she gets in touch about something random and you try again making plans, do you ever say something to the point:

"Look, I said to let me know when you're free. It's clear you've got the time but won't make the time. It sucks, but that's life, and you're free to do what you want. When you're ready to make time for me, get in touch."

I've done the silent acceptance that she's not interested enough, and I'm not going to chase or pursue. But is there ever a point when you basically have to communicate "Cut the pretense, drop the bull****, or I'm out."

Just wondering as a general proposition.

Just consider her a low priority in your life. If this is a girl you want to bang, suggest hooking up and if she responds negatively turn kick her out of your like forever.

 

[Robert28]

I remember when I was 16 or 17 I was dating this girl who was my age. Things started out great but as time went on I noticed we’d spend less and less time just the two of us and it felt like when we did stuff it was ALWAYS in groups of friends or her family or whatever. I was getting tired of it and wasn’t sure how to voice my frustrations so I finally did in a very calm way. You know what she said? “I don’t know why you don’t think I don’t want to be alone with you, we just went to such and such the two of us recently”. Problem was the event she was talking about acting like happened the other day, had happened 4 damn weeks before. So basically me speaking up went in one ear and out the other, didn’t change a thing. So no, I’ve learned that speaking your mind and saying what you want never works.

 

[PRW63]

I'm using this as a simple example to ask a general question.

Longtime female friend comments/likes on facebook, occasionally emails. I make an end-run back to meeting up in-person every time and to let me know when she's free. She says she will. Of course then I don't hear from her and she's blatantly posting and tagging herself out all the time. I move on with my life, but I wonder...

Is there ever a point where you're matter-of-fact with a woman? When she gets in touch about something random and you try again making plans, do you ever say something to the point:

"Look, I said to let me know when you're free. It's clear you've got the time but won't make the time. It sucks, but that's life, and you're free to do what you want. When you're ready to make time for me, get in touch."

I've done the silent acceptance that she's not interested enough, and I'm not going to chase or pursue. But is there ever a point when you basically have to communicate "Cut the pretense, drop the bull****, or I'm out."

Just wondering as a general proposition.

"Calling out" is feminine and it is the "Butt Hurt little boy" thing. The problem is that you have already tried making plans too many times. It also means you have been focused on just this one woman the whole time "waiting" for her to respond the way you want. If you would have been offering opportunities to other women during this time you wouldn't give a rat's rearend about what this one has been doing.

She is just a long time acquaintance,...and she is happy with that,...and it is all she wants you for. Enjoy the "aquaintenceship" for what it is (no point in making an enemy out of her) and date someone else. Women "talk" to each other,...making an enemy out of one woman,...creates a lot of female enemies by proxy.

 

[Robert28]

Yall do realize this thread is like 6 years old right? If he’s still after this woman then God help him. Since we are on the topic though and others might be in the same situation, I’ll give my advice. I’ve been this guy before. Many times. It sucks. I never called them out but I damn sure wanted to many times, I just wanted to be like “look *****, I’ve asked you out many times and you keep saying you’ll make plans with me and then you go out and I never heard from you”. But I didn’t because that’s stupid, but I understand the frustration. ESPECIALLY when she keeps contacting him. God what a pain in the ass. If you want this girl you got to go out with other girls, better looking girls than her, you gotta take pics with them and post them so she sees it. Next few times she emails (and she will because attention *****s don’t know how to not be attention *****s) ignore the email. Don’t reply. Just keep posting pics of your fun time the same as she’s doing. She won’t give up, she will keep emailing. The ironic thing is by this time you won’t want her because why would you, you’re out with BETTER LOOKING GIRLS THAN HER.
Man I look back at some of the girls I was so hung up on and desperate for them to give me some sort of opening, that maybe they’d change their mind and say “yeah let’s hangout” and actually follow through. I see them now and I’m like “ewww wtf did I pine after her for?”.

 

[mjb3617]

I would keep quiet and move on, when you call her out on her bad behavior you are reacting, it means that you lost control of your emotions. At that point it's useless, I call them out sometimes but after I regret, I always tell myself that I should have shut the fvck up and let her go. You might feel good temporary when you call her out, but when you see that there is no reaction from her part you start feeling needy a bit, because by calling her out you were expecting changes, you were expecting a reaction from her.

Just move on, you can unfollow her, delete her contact but never block her (unless she is a real psycho). Just stop texting her, in a few days you'll be ok and you won't remember her.

when the girl doesn't follow/comply, move on quickly. It took me years to understand that, I've wasted so much time. Next her, do it for yourself.

Great advice. I called out my last ex and while it felt good in the moment, I've regretted it since. It showed her she had control over my emotions and that's not a feeling you want.

Much better off ghosting and remaining silent than to give in to the urge to say what you're thinking. Silence is power when it comes to women. At least that's what I've learned.

 

[Kotaix]

It's usually never worth it to call out a woman who is a serial flake. It won't help your cause to be direct like this because she's already got time management problems and you're just going to come across as a complainer and lessen your chances of hanging out.

It also helps to suggest concrete plans instead of suggesting a vague time in the future to get together.

I have a good friend who is extremely flaky, I know better than to include her in any of my plans because I know she'll just let me down, but every now and then she'll come up with great adventures so I just leave her be until she comes up with plans of her own.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

In the end, 99.9999% of females are delusional and cannot be called out or red-pilled. Its a waste of time unless you're just going scorched earth.

 

[Glassguy]

Why waste your time calling out a woman that has low interest.

I never get p!ssy with a woman, I just next them. Look all this is fun. I know that many think this kind of stuff is annoying, but I just love watching women get all confused when I don't behave the way they expect.

If you think a woman is disrespecting you the best thing you can do to her is to just pretend she means nothing to you.... disappear don't give her any thought at all. Trust me this will bother her a lot more than showing you are ticked off at her.

This ^^^^.
You're words mean nothing to someone who doesn't value you or respect you. (low interest women).

You're actions define who you are to yourself.

Don't waste your time or energy putting a chick on blast. Simply withdraw all attention and move on. If she reaches out later you have the control over the situation to either communicate or leave her on read. I choose to leave her on read 99% of the time since she already showed me who she is and what she is about.....a time waster.

 

[Robert28]

As a woman, that is correct, I agree with you. However, when a woman has HIGH interest, I will tell you with all honesty that we will actually respect a man who calls us out on our BS. We want to be called out on our BS, often times we don't even realize it's BS "UNTIL" a man we respect calls us out.

When a man has the confidence to do this, fearlessly and without apology, he goes from high value to SUPER high value!!

Withdrawing attention, going silent essentially cowering away (which is how we view it) will lose our respect, it's WEAK and cowardly.

That behavior is the opposite of strong masculine, it's feminine, it's actually what I do because I don't have the balls or confidence to call a man out in a strong dominant way. So I go silent. It's 100% feminine bahavior.

So basically you don’t know how to act and you depend on a man to put you in your place when you “act up” because you don’t have enough self awareness to know right from wrong? Screw that, I don’t have time to raise anyone, especially a grown adult. I don’t care if it’s feminine or what, BS is BS and I don’t tolerate that stuff anymore in my older age. I won’t withdraw attention or anything, I’ll just ghost you. Forever.

 

[gabvfx]

First of all your mistake was telling her "let me know when you are free", in my experience this rarely works, you are putting the ball on her court. You are giving her the power when infact you should be leading. Rarely will a girl "let you know when shes free" because it's kinda like shes the one inviting you out when it should be you. Unless you ****ed her and created an emotional imprint on her they most likely will just wait for you to reach out.

So I think you should just have tried to set up a specific date to meet up and if she declines/makes up an excuse and doesn't counter offer you just let it go.

Calling her out is necessary most of the times, but not in this case, if you call her out you will just look butthurt which will ruin your chances in the future if you have any at all, cause I guarantee you are not the only one talking to this girl, she likely will put her friends above you and so on.

Sometimes they even set up a date, cancel and be posting stuff to see if you get mad (Basically they could be testing so see if it's safe to go out with you in the first place). You shall show no reaction, remove attention and this way she will also understand shes not all that and she doesn't hold that much importance in your life.

Also leave stuff like "calling her out" for face to face interactions, its pointless to do it over text she won't even be able to understand if you are serious or not, butthurt , ideally you should communicate that you have 0 tolerance for disrespect without even having to raise your voice at all, looking her dead in the eye should suffice xD.

 

[2Rocky]

Now I realize OP was talking about first dates and all. but when it comes to relationships of the long lasting kind one of the smartest minds in real life said the words "Seek Peace over Justice" . And I had to think about that.

Because in the Final years of my failing marriage I definitely wanted Justice. When we negotiated terms of the Divorce, I wanted peace. and to be fair, I was happier when I sought peace. That's my own personal peace. if i didn't like the situation someone created, I removed myself from that situation.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

As has been said:

“The best revenge is a life well lived.”

And

“Never wish them pain. That’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing, that’s what they need.”

 

[Atom Smasher]

I have never understood the prevailing thoughts around here regarding this issue. Most guys here always think of only two options, which are polar opposites. Either “call her out”, which to most of you means conveying weakness and neediness, or slink away quietly, which is supposedly the way to convey power.

Both extremes are entirely wrong, but calling out is closer to correct. The third and most effective option is to call her out in a detached, matter-of-fact way.

Women need to be corrected, and WANT to be corrected. Go back and read @catsmeow ‘s first post in this thread. We should ALWAYS call women out on their sh!t. The mistake is doing it with emotion. Just calmly and factually tell them why their behavior is unacceptable, and 9 times out of 10 their attraction for you will increase dramatically.

I’ve called many women out in my life, in that calm, detached manner, and every single time I got positive results. Women can derive zero power from such an interaction because they know you are unaffected, and simply stating your requirements and that she fails to meet them. This tends to drive them absolutely crazy as the tables are turned.

 

[3agle 3yes]

Why is this thread being revived? The first post was in 2015, I don’t even think OP is on this forum anymore.

I’ve posted on this already, I’ve changed my opinion since then. Most of this can be avoided by simply giving her dates when you’re available instead of asking her when she’s available.

Most normal people are available on the weekends anyway, especially women, so just pick a weekend.

Expecting to go on a “date” that lasts hours with someone you‘ve just met, or haven’t seen face-to-face before is usually too much commitment for many people these days.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

I’ve learned (and it took some time)that the best way to handle this is to simply move on. Sometimes no response, is a response.
This is NOT something you should call her out on. It will only push her away more and make you look weak

 

[BadBoy89]

As a woman, that is correct, I agree with you. However, when a woman has HIGH interest, I will tell you with all honesty that we will actually respect a man who calls us out on our BS. We want to be called out on our BS, often times we don't even realize it's BS "UNTIL" a man we respect calls us out.

A woman ALWAYS knows what she is doing when is comes to romantic relationships. If it’s business, she can’t manipulate. But when it’s about emotions and sex and love and dating and babies, she can manipulate with her eyes closed and one hand behind her back.

Now why would a woman with high interest give a man BS in the first place?

 

[BriBri]

Just calmly and factually tell them why their behavior is unacceptable, and 9 times out of 10 their attraction for you will increase dramatically.

I’ve called many women out in my life, in that calm, detached manner, and every single time I got positive results. Women can derive zero power from such an interaction because they know you are unaffected, and simply stating your requirements and that she fails to meet them. This tends to drive them absolutely crazy as the tables are turned.

I equate this to the old expression "...kill them with kindness...".

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Some great replies here.

I've a different angled question for this, hope some bros can input.

Suppose if an OLD girl ignores/flakes on you when asked out; would it be considered an overreaction/butthurt to remove them from your social media list?

Or would it still be the advice, of withdrawing attention but leaving them be on social media.

One interesting thing I've seen in my social media/OLD experiment this year is that when I just move on, the flakers still stalk my stories and like my posts despite not wanting to go out.

Feels weird, almost like a disrespect to me that they want to stalk my life yet not respond to actual plans to hang. Not sure if deleting/blocking them is seen as an overreaction.