Called out for being shy today

[DJinTraining06]

This has been bothering me all day. I went to my gf's parents house for a family gathering. Family and neighbors i never met were all there. I get there late cuz of work and when i get there id say about 15 people are left sitting in the backyard. I walk into the backyard and say kid of a general hello with a wave. I know about 6 people out of this group and i say hello to them one by one, and nobody introduces me to anyone else. I was finally intrtopduced to 2 people. and then a thrid one about 30 minutes later which i thoguht was a lil rude but watever. Now i am a bit of a shy person around new people, ive always been that way. but show me a lil warmth and i open up. Now were sititng down and about 15 minutes after i get there, this lady who i was just introduced to says to my gf's mother "he's cute be he seems shy" so then somebody overhead and says whos shy? and then her mother says she said im shy. I ca tell the mother didnt want to say it but she had no choice cuz she was asked out loud. So now the whole table is jokin bout how i cant be shy in this family, yada yada yada. All in good fun, they meant it in a funy way, saying i wont eat cuz theyre all vultures and silly stuff like that.

But wasnt that rude of her to call me out like that out loud? i was sitting 5 feet away i could hear every word she was saying. Meanwhile i just got there and i was talkin to a couple people, i wasnt being a mute. i dont know what exactly caused her to call me out like that. It embarassed me and i ended up very uncomfortable the whole night and felt like i had to run my mouth just to prove her wrong, and i prob sounded like a buffoon cuz of it. Whatver happened to being a quiet gentleman? Thats my personality. Isn't that really rude to call someone u barely know out for beign shy like that. Gimme a freakin chance to warm up a lil, sorry if i didnt come in and impress u, im not that kinda guy. Wish i was but im not. I know being shy or quiet is a bad trait to have and it wont get u anywhere in life, but i thoguht i was actually pretty scoial those first 15 minutes. Its a lil intimidating walking into a backyard with 15 people quietly talking at a a table. It wasnlt liek walkin into a party where theres music and everyone walkin around and spread out. I think thats a lil nervewrackign for even an extrovert. granted id like to be able to be more charismatric and fun but as long as i smile and im polite and make conversation, i think thats plain rude. She doesnt know me at all.

 

[DJDamage]

Older women are like that.

They tend to pass judgement out loudly without even thinking that it may be inappropriate or insulting.

However wrong she was, you got to admit that she was right in her observation and that pissed you off. You are shy after all, therefore she exposed your weakness in front of everybody and it embarrassed you. Maybe overcoming even the small amount of shyness will be helpful for you in the future.

Now you could have done something instead of just sitting there and taking it, you should have said something using some C&F that would have diffused the situation, saying something out loud with confidence like:

"Yes I am a very shy guy but give me a couple of drinks and by the end of the night I will be out here in toga!"

By publicly acknowledging it and joking about it, you could have diffused the situation.

Next time don't take yourself too seriously and have more fun.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Older women are like that.

They tend to pass judgement out loudly without even thinking that it may be inappropriate or insulting.

However wrong she was, you got to admit that she was right in her observation and that pissed you off. You are shy after all, therefore she exposed your weakness in front of everybody and it embarrassed you. Maybe overcoming even the small amount of shyness will be helpful for you in the future.

Now you could have done something instead of just sitting there and taking it, you should have said something using some C&F that would have diffused the situation, saying something out loud with confidence like:

"Yes I am a very shy guy but give me a couple of drinks and by the end of the night I will be out here in toga!"

By publicly acknowledging it and joking about it, you could have diffused the situation.

Next time don't take yourself too seriously and have more fun.

I know it's just the way in which she said it, it was as if i had some kind of disease. She said he's cute but he's seems shy. There was a strong but their and she said it very serious like. It wasnt said in a lighthearted way. it seemed almost like she was concerned and wanted to let my gf's mom know that. Everyone else then made it into a funny thing, but she was dead serious. Am i taking this too much to heart? i've had people call me out for being quiet before a few times in my life and it always bothers me alot. Thats the one thing that usually makes me more shy. Them sayin that makes u feel like an alien. Only a shy person would really get what im saying i think. The only thing that made me feel a lil better about it is that my gf says shes one of those crazy cat ladies.

 

[spider_007]

i've been in that exact situation more then couple of times. And avery time i've dismissed averything they said. Yes i was shy, and i didn't want to talk to them in the first place. And they ware just looking for attention. Don't be bothered by it.

 

[DJinTraining06]

i've been in that exact situation more then couple of times. And avery time i've dismissed averything they said. Yes i was shy, and i didn't want to talk to them in the first place. And they ware just looking for attention. Don't be bothered by it.

Yea but it makes u look bad in front of everyone else doesn't it?

 

[Wiesman44]

"Excuse me, do YOU think anyone enjoys being called shy. Scratch that, do you think someone this pissed off thats letting YOU know about it is shy? Not a very approriate remark, and I do not appreciate it"

Said this once when I was in a similar situation as the OP. Needless to say, she apologized. Some older women think because they are older, it gives them the right to say snotty remarks to younger people. Well, its not, and you should let them know.

 

[DJinTraining06]

"Excuse me, do YOU think anyone enjoys being called shy. Scratch that, do you think someone this pissed off thats letting YOU know about it is shy? Not a very approriate remark, and I do not appreciate it"

Said this once when I was in a similar situation as the OP. Needless to say, she apologized. Some older women think because they are older, it gives them the right to say snotty remarks to younger people. Well, its not, and you should let them know.

Yea middle aged women are like the worst people on earth in myopinion lol. They are usually loud, way too opiniated, and jaded as hell. That's plain rude. You think im shy fine your entitled to your opinion. I admit i kinda am, but thats plain rude to embarass me like that. Give me a freakin chance i hardly knew anyone yet. By the ened of the night i was actually jokin around and being myself after she had left, but when she was still there i was really uncomfortable from her sayin that.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

This has been bothering me all day. I went to my gf's parents house for a family gathering. Family and neighbors i never met were all there. I get there late cuz of work and when i get there id say about 15 people are left sitting in the backyard. I walk into the backyard and say kid of a general hello with a wave. I know about 6 people out of this group and i say hello to them one by one, and nobody introduces me to anyone else. I was finally intrtopduced to 2 people. and then a thrid one about 30 minutes later which i thoguht was a lil rude but watever. Now i am a bit of a shy person around new people, ive always been that way. but show me a lil warmth and i open up. Now were sititng down and about 15 minutes after i get there, this lady who i was just introduced to says to my gf's mother "he's cute be he seems shy" so then somebody overhead and says whos shy? and then her mother says she said im shy. I ca tell the mother didnt want to say it but she had no choice cuz she was asked out loud. So now the whole table is jokin bout how i cant be shy in this family, yada yada yada. All in good fun, they meant it in a funy way, saying i wont eat cuz theyre all vultures and silly stuff like that.

But wasnt that rude of her to call me out like that out loud? i was sitting 5 feet away i could hear every word she was saying. Meanwhile i just got there and i was talkin to a couple people, i wasnt being a mute. i dont know what exactly caused her to call me out like that. It embarassed me and i ended up very uncomfortable the whole night and felt like i had to run my mouth just to prove her wrong, and i prob sounded like a buffoon cuz of it. Whatver happened to being a quiet gentleman? Thats my personality. Isn't that really rude to call someone u barely know out for beign shy like that. Gimme a freakin chance to warm up a lil, sorry if i didnt come in and impress u, im not that kinda guy. Wish i was but im not. I know being shy or quiet is a bad trait to have and it wont get u anywhere in life, but i thoguht i was actually pretty scoial those first 15 minutes. Its a lil intimidating walking into a backyard with 15 people quietly talking at a a table. It wasnlt liek walkin into a party where theres music and everyone walkin around and spread out. I think thats a lil nervewrackign for even an extrovert. granted id like to be able to be more charismatric and fun but as long as i smile and im polite and make conversation, i think thats plain rude. She doesnt know me at all.

A great book to read is "When I Say No I feel Guilty," by Smith. Lots of good exercises to handle a situation like this.

You could have gone a lot of different ways with this. You could have looked at her calmly, (since she said "but") and said.

"yea, I am shy, aren't I?" and then just ignore her.

or

"So you think being shy is bad?" and then politely and calmly ask her to explain herself. The more she does the more she'll feel put on the spot, since people almost alwasy criticize in others what they fear in themsevles.


or

"what part of my behavior do you think is shy?" and then whatever she answers, ask more questions.

any retard can sling insults around, but when you calmly and politely ask them to explain themselves, they will quickly run for the hills, as insults are usually directed at others to make the insulter feel better about themselves, when you politely and very subetly call them out on it, it terrifies them.

 

[worship]

It could have just been a misguided attempt to make you more outgoing in that situation. I fvcking hate that - it happens to me sometimes; "Gee, you talk alot" "Why aren't you talking?" etc. Which just ends up making me more self-conscious and I talk even less.

Fvckers.

 

[DJinTraining06]

It could have just been a misguided attempt to make you more outgoing in that situation. I fvcking hate that - it happens to me sometimes; "Gee, you talk alot" "Why aren't you talking?" etc. Which just ends up making me more self-conscious and I talk even less.

Fvckers.

Yea i know some people think they r helping when they say that, but in her case she was saying it one on one to my gf's mother, in a low voice but not low enough as she though apparently cuz we all heard it. Saying anything witty back would just make me look insecure, really there is no comeback to that. Once ur labeled by someone in a group and theres even a lil bit of truth to what they say (which there was cuz im a lil quiet) then theres no way to change their opinions. it will take me a long time now to change their perception of me and i gotta be on my game socially every time im at a family function cuz this biotch put that thgought in their heads.

 

[Darth]

A great book to read is "When I Say No I feel Guilty," by Smith. Lots of good exercises to handle a situation like this.

You could have gone a lot of different ways with this. You could have looked at her calmly, (since she said "but") and said.

"yea, I am shy, aren't I?" and then just ignore her.

or

"So you think being shy is bad?" and then politely and calmly ask her to explain herself. The more she does the more she'll feel put on the spot, since people almost alwasy criticize in others what they fear in themsevles.


or

"what part of my behavior do you think is shy?" and then whatever she answers, ask more questions.

any retard can sling insults around, but when you calmly and politely ask them to explain themselves, they will quickly run for the hills, as insults are usually directed at others to make the insulter feel better about themselves, when you politely and very subetly call them out on it, it terrifies them.

+1. This is the correct kind of reaction. Put HER on the spot for saying such a foolish thing.

 

[oakraiderz2]

It could have just been a misguided attempt to make you more outgoing in that situation. I fvcking hate that - it happens to me sometimes; "Gee, you talk alot" "Why aren't you talking?" etc. Which just ends up making me more self-conscious and I talk even less.

Fvckers.

People used to do that to me. Thats what they do when you not talking to them makes them feel insecure. F*ck em.

 

[6-heads lewis]

"youre a c*nt"

that usually works.

seriously though, just stare back coldly and be like "what are you talking about?" stare dead in the eye, talk loud with conviction. that will prove youre not shy or embarassed.

dont EVER EVER blush, laugh nervously, or look down... thats how they get you.