Call 'em out on lack of interest?

[Von_S]

Went on a date with a girl, went pretty well (2nd base). She started a new job a few days later, and has been doing training for it. Hit her up via text here and there "let's hit happy hour/yoga/etc", she seems responsive but I keep getting the "how about next week" response.

When this happens, especially via text, what are your thoughts on calling her on it? Something like "I don't want to drag you someplace if you're not feelin it".

For me I just hate the back and forth when a chick who has low interest and doesn't like saying no to things.

 

[pdx1138]

Thats why you need to have other options.

When it gets annoying, get something going with another one. Put that one on the back burner...she might come right back or not...

One thing I've learned is not to be in any kind of hurry for additional dates. If a girl is really interested she will definitely agree to meet up again soon.

In the first couple of dates a good majority of women will be looking for signs of clingy/needy behavior in men. now is not the time to show it.

"calling them out on lack of interest" is a sign of desperation....don't do it.

 

[Rubato]

I have done this. But if you do, know you're essentially setting the stage for her to dump you. 2 better courses of actions, IMO, would be to either:

1. Preemptively dump her, if you really think her interest level is that low.

2. Strategically withdraw from the girl. If you make yourself scarce - ie, stop initiating communication, stop giving her attention/compliments/ect, stop trying to plan dates - you will see whether or not she is really attracted to you. If she sends you a text, you don't have to respond. If she calls you, you don't have to answer. And if you do, make it very short and vague. Do not display interest, give her IOI's, attention, ect. Don't be mean. But you're obviously a busy guy with lots of things going on, lots of options, way too much time just to chit chit idly with the girl... right? Maintain this same strategy with any other forms of communication.

Girls are very perceptive to behavioral pattern changes, and if she likes you and senses a "disturbance in the force", she will likely try and remedy the situation by increasing her investment in your interaction. And if she doesn't like you, well, then she'll probably just disappear and leave you with time to find a better girl to replace her with. Either way, you'll have extra time to devote to making yourself a better person.

 

[Von_S]

I should add this isn't a oneitis or no other options thing, I'm currently gaming a number of women at various stages. I'm looking at this as more of a tactic to employ when dealing with women in general, not necessarily trying to recover this particular chick.

 

[pdx1138]

Right on.

I would go with #2 that Rubato suggests if it were me.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I should add this isn't a oneitis or no other options thing, I'm currently gaming a number of women at various stages. I'm looking at this as more of a tactic to employ when dealing with women in general, not necessarily trying to recover this particular chick.

I'm not sure what this tactic would get you.

It'd be like going to a car dealership, not liking any of the cars, and the car salesman says to you, "Hey if you don't like my cars, just say so!"

It doesn't help you sell the product. And it puts the potential buyer in a position of not wanting to deal with you in the future. So, the only benefit is that it gives you a chance to vent.

 

[black jesus]

Right on.

I would go with #2 that Rubato suggests if it were me.

what he said^^

 

[AlexLefty]

2. Strategically withdraw from the girl. If you make yourself scarce - ie, stop initiating communication, stop giving her attention/compliments/ect, stop trying to plan dates - you will see whether or not she is really attracted to you. If she sends you a text, you don't have to respond. If she calls you, you don't have to answer. And if you do, make it very short and vague. Do not display interest, give her IOI's, attention, ect. Don't be mean. But you're obviously a busy guy with lots of things going on, lots of options, way too much time just to chit chit idly with the girl... right? Maintain this same strategy with any other forms of communication.

Agreed, if a woman goes cold, you go ice cold. Yet, this is a risky tactic and has to be played out perfect. It can not look or feel like you're TRYING to ignore her, she must get the sense that you have a life and sometimes life happens. You know? Then read her reaction and move on from there.

 

[vatoloco]

Thats why you need to have other options.

When it gets annoying, get something going with another one. Put that one on the back burner...she might come right back or not...

One thing I've learned is not to be in any kind of hurry for additional dates. If a girl is really interested she will definitely agree to meet up again soon.

In the first couple of dates a good majority of women will be looking for signs of clingy/needy behavior in men. now is not the time to show it.

"calling them out on lack of interest" is a sign of desperation....don't do it.

+1 and QFT.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Thats why you need to have other options.

When it gets annoying, get something going with another one. Put that one on the back burner...she might come right back or not...

One thing I've learned is not to be in any kind of hurry for additional dates. If a girl is really interested she will definitely agree to meet up again soon.

In the first couple of dates a good majority of women will be looking for signs of clingy/needy behavior in men. now is not the time to show it.

"calling them out on lack of interest" is a sign of desperation....don't do it.

pdx1138 is right about signs of desperation. But I have never been a fan of spinning more plates.

Spinning plates causes more of a reliance effect. You have to learn how to be single, and be ok with that. THIS IS IMPORTANT! If you can be have your head that being single is just as good as being with someone, you have a better chance of getting the girls you want.

This mindset automatically produces a non-desperate attitude in your personality. That means less work on your part.

I am not saying that I'm against spinning plates. But I am saying, spinning plates should be after you have decided 100% that you can be single and be just as happy.

To the OP, if you would have done this first, this thread wouldn't exist.

 

[pdx1138]

I'm only comfortable spinning two plates at any one time myself.

 

[BillieAnn]

Maybe she is really busy! Leave her to ask you ?

 

[Trump]

Calling a girl out is when they don't back up what they are saying or say one thing and then do another.

To call a girl out for "lack of interest" doesn't make sense. She hasn't put you down or attacked you or made fun of you, she just doesn't like what you are offering. Instead you should be improving your product rather than getting made at the customer.