Cafe server turns ice cold after I suggest getting drinks with her (Growth Journal, Log 6 of ∞)

[mellow_yellow]

I already know that it's a waste of time hitting on servers and bartenders. I know they're hired guns in the service industry who will be very friendly to get bigger tips. I only tried getting the server's number because I thought she was giving me signs of interest during the last 2 visits. I was clearly wrong.

HB 8 white cafe server (ice-cold passive rejection)
I went to get lunch with a colleague at this cafe. We got a cute server who had a very sweet and pleasant personality. After I finished asking her questions about the menu she kept eye contact with me for a split second longer before turning her face & body away to put in our order. I felt something in my gut that she might be into me. She She would occasionally come by our table to refill drinks and either keep pleasant eye contact or look down. We finished lunch and headed out. I decided this might be a fluke because I never got IOIs, not until recently after I began working out.

Next week, we head to the cafe for a 2nd visit. Similar scenario. Last Friday, I decided to come in by myself for a 3rd visit and sit at the counter, one of the restaurant sections she was covering. I asked her how her week was. She smiled, saying she's tired after going out to a bar and club in LA last night with friends. She goes back and forth and when she drops off my food, I ask her what her schedule is like next week. She said it always depends, but probably Monday and Tuesday. I say the reason why I ask is I'd like to get drinks with her. The moment I say that she begins losing her smile, looks down and goes "Oh..." I said we can figure out a time later. I was going to ask for her number next, but something stopped me based on her reaction. After that pause, she goes back to serving the other tables. I go back to looking at my phone. She drops off the check and closes my tab quickly. I linger for a few more minutes to see if I can get her number, but she isn't coming back. When I see her pass by, I ask her if she could refill my water. She doesn't make eye contact with me, quickly refills my glass, and goes away. I was processing what happened for a minute and once it finally hit me that she probably wasn't interested, I walked out.

This rejection shook me up because I don't remember the last girl I approached who turned ice-cold at the flip of a switch. Her attitude flipped so suddenly like night and day and I was caught off guard. If I return back to the cafe, I'm not going pursue her and pretend that nothing happened. She'll probably ignore me and avoid all eye contact if I get her as a server again.


HB 7 black girl at c*cktail bar (I didn't make a move fast enough)
Nothing much to say about this one. I was at my favorite c*cktail bar in the area. I was at the bar top drinking with other patrons. After those wave of patrons left, it was me and 2 other guys left at the bar top. I had 4 open seats to my left. This beautiful black girl sits right next to me to my left. I was thinking why wouldn't she at least sit 2 seats down, keeping an open seat between us? She sat right next to me. I'm still thinking yeah this could be a sign that she's "approaching" me, but I don't really get approached or IOIs.

I was debating this for a good 2 minutes in my head until her friend or boyfriend came by. She stood up and moved to end of the bar with him. I think he was a gay friend based on how they were talking. I wasn't sure if she was trying to catch glances at me or not as she was hanging out with her friend. Oh well.

The lesson for me here is that I need to strike immediately and break the ice as soon as I get a gut feeling. You never know if the situation or environment will change in the next minute. After 2 minutes, she moved so I lost that opportunity to check if she was interested by talking to her. I'm not good with taking impulsive action, but I'll practice at it.

 

[Mrpua]

I didn't read your post. but I can tell you need to change your mindset.
how do I know this? based on the length of your post. if you're so obsessed about what happened that you took the time to write all this, that means you care too much.
you shouldn't remember what happened in your interactions. That's how much you shouldn't care.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I didn't read your post. but I can tell you need to change your mindset.
how do I know this? based on the length of your post. if you're so obsessed about what happened that you took the time to write all this, that means you care too much.
you shouldn't remember what happened in your interactions. That's how much you shouldn't care.

+1

This!

Far too much obsession on failure versus #nextset!

I've did pickup for years. One of the biggest thing I have seen is that, guys want to dip their toe in the water. Many cucks are five years + in with approach anxiety. Its about being forged in the fire. Rejection and failure holds no power over you once you transcend having gone through the fire.

I am numb to rejection. Flaking, ghosting, female logic, not in the mood etc is of no concern. The solution to a girl problem is #nextSet! No time for playing her game, being **** Tracy or sorting through her dramas. Its not in my interest.

OP, she went cold as a ***** shield. Her being nice was mistaken for attraction or her flirting was met with a bare bones pass. She is a selective slut for Chad and Tyrone thunder cawkkkk. Next her. When you see her,suggest she introduce you to her hawttt younger sister and friends.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I didn't read your post. but I can tell you need to change your mindset.
how do I know this? based on the length of your post. if you're so obsessed about what happened that you took the time to write all this, that means you care too much.
you shouldn't remember what happened in your interactions. That's how much you shouldn't care.

Men really are worrying too much about what they think. That doesn't work...

 

[ALnotAI]

Is your journaling part of a 30 day challenge?

Why do you consider approaching bartenders and servers a waste of time? Is this statement based on your personal experience or others' hearsay?

Does it matter if the servers are white or black? Nothing against added description but do you personally find it makes a difference?

 

[ALnotAI]

I didn't read your post. but I can tell you need to change your mindset.
how do I know this? based on the length of your post. if you're so obsessed about what happened that you took the time to write all this, that means you care too much.
you shouldn't remember what happened in your interactions. That's how much you shouldn't care.

Mrpua, how much success are you having in your sex/dating life?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Is your journaling part of a 30 day challenge?

Why do you consider approaching bartenders and servers a waste of time? Is this statement based on your personal experience or others' hearsay?

Does it matter if the servers are white or black? Nothing against added description but do you personally find it makes a difference?

Bartender or waiter game alot easier if you are a regular or a known celebrity. Other than that don't sweat them. They get hit on 20-50x a day.

 

[ALnotAI]

Bartender or waiter game alot easier if you are a regular or a known celebrity. Other than that don't sweat them. They get hit on 20-50x a day.

I would ask the same question: are you basing this on hearsay or your personal experience?

 

[ALnotAI]

Hey man, I skimmed through two of your other journal entries. It seems like you are doing a lot of cold approaching.

But what are you doing to make sure you see the same girls over and over again? How about a class at the gym or local jc? A salsa class?

Cold approaching leans heavily on being highly physically attractive. And not just being a bit above average.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I would ask the same question: are you basing this on hearsay or your personal experience?

That's reality.

They tend to be hoez. They warm up to you when their familiar.

 

[mellow_yellow]

I didn't read your post. but I can tell you need to change your mindset.
how do I know this? based on the length of your post. if you're so obsessed about what happened that you took the time to write all this, that means you care too much.
you shouldn't remember what happened in your interactions. That's how much you shouldn't care.

Or it can mean that I'm a detailed writer and I wrote all this to see if there is anything I can improve on. This is my growth journal. Yes, I could write more concisely. That's something I'm working on.

If I cared so much, why did I walk away after I figured out she wasn't interested? Helps to not assume that every poster is the same.

+1

This!

Far too much obsession on failure versus #nextset!

I've did pickup for years. One of the biggest thing I have seen is that, guys want to dip their toe in the water. Many cucks are five years + in with approach anxiety. Its about being forged in the fire. Rejection and failure holds no power over you once you transcend having gone through the fire.

I am numb to rejection. Flaking, ghosting, female logic, not in the mood etc is of no concern. The solution to a girl problem is #nextSet! No time for playing her game, being **** Tracy or sorting through her dramas. Its not in my interest.

OP, she went cold as a ***** shield. Her being nice was mistaken for attraction or her flirting was met with a bare bones pass. She is a selective slut for Chad and Tyrone thunder cawkkkk. Next her. When you see her,suggest she introduce you to her hawttt younger sister and friends.

Sure, I can always spam approach 100 more girls, but isn't it wise to step back and learn from any mistakes? I keep this log to see if I could've done better or if there was nothing I could've done about this uninterested girl. Looks like there's nothing I could've said and done so just means she wasn't interested in the first place.

I agree with you on getting forged by fire. It's not an easy process because you have to keep sound mind. I'm also not looking to spam approach and get a 1% lay rate from sheer effort. I'd rather spend the majority of time trying to raise my SMV as I continue to practice game.

 

[mellow_yellow]

Is your journaling part of a 30 day challenge?

Why do you consider approaching bartenders and servers a waste of time? Is this statement based on your personal experience or others' hearsay?

Does it matter if the servers are white or black? Nothing against added description but do you personally find it makes a difference?

Nope, it's a never-ending continuous challenge. I'm going to keep posting my sets until I get good with women. That's why it's set 6 of infinity. It keeps going. Doesn't stop after 30 days.

Both. I've hit on plenty of female bartenders and servers. I've laid one after she saw me as a regular and we started hanging out. Do a search and you'll find plenty of guys say it's not worth the time.

Nope, it doesn't matter. It's for my reference because descriptions help over saying "restaurant server".

Hey man, I skimmed through two of your other journal entries. It seems like you are doing a lot of cold approaching.

But what are you doing to make sure you see the same girls over and over again? How about a class at the gym or local jc? A salsa class?

Cold approaching leans heavily on being highly physically attractive. And not just being a bit above average.

Good point. I have to build up my social circle and create a lifestyle where I run into people. I'm seeing that cold approaching is not effective unless you're above average. That's why I'm working on my SMV as I do this, but better to try than not to try even if I'm below "above average". I posted another thread where we're talking about initial attraction.