buuuugghh In light of Desdinova's latest post..

[ThunderMaverick]

...I just need to get my thoughts down.


I started to care too much. Or something like that. I wasn't even in a relationship with this girl. She's way too young anyways. Long story short she's been attracted to me for a couple of years now but we didn't do anything because she had a boyfriend. We made out at a party (SHE was sober and I was the one drunk and high. She initiated. How it happened was really hot and it stays fresh in my memory like it happened last night.) We had a great time hanging out and the convos just flowed. She's told me she's not ready for a relationship and that she wants to get to know me better.

That was fine. After all I don't want to jump into a relationship with someone I barely know either. Someone didn't feel right to me though.

On the way back to my car from dinner and a lot of making out I said something that makes me cut my teeth even writing it: do you see this going anywhere?

Her answer was I don't know. We don't know each other that well. And I don't just jump into bed with someone I don't know that well. I'm not that sexual. She then mentioned she was dating Two other guys.

This coming from the same girl that had sex with her bartender/actor coworker on the first date. Maybe she changed. Maybe not. It's only been a few months, but I know better. She's not that attracted to me.

Someone in an earlier post mentioned that the higher a woman is on the sexual market charts, the more disposable men become. We become less appreciated. I know what I said to her was a typical chump move, trying to force her to gravitate towards me in any capacity.

I guess why I asked her if she was dating anyone else was to confirm that attraction. I don't want to be a secondary in any girl's life that I'm into, even if we're just dating. I want to be first on that list. I want to be number 1. It's not worth sh!t to me if I'm just an afterthought. F*ck that.

I asked her if she thinks it would escalate into sex (knowing that another friend asked her this a few days before with HIM and she turned him down) she says she's not ready for sex. I apologized and told her it was a stupid thing to say. She hugged me goodbye and kissed me and told her to call her later.


So far she's never flaked on a date. She likes making out with me. She keeps talking about "when we hang out more". She seemed interested.

I know I made an AFC mistake and damaged the frame when I put her on the stand like that. I didn't damage the frame, I grabbed it and smashed through her F*CIKING HEAD. I'm never calling her again. After doing what I did I'd feel to much like a chump to hang out. On the other hand if we don't hang out or if I don't call she'll think I only wanted her JUST for sex.

I'm not about just sex anymore. I'm just sick of "just sex". You have enough of it and pretty soon it starts to all feel the same. I guess I just want more. I would like companionship at this point in my life right now. I've gone about 3 years of being single and it was fun for a while. Maybe I'm just lonely and falling for a girl who seems interested in me for more than just sex. I mean I am getting older and my priorities are changing.

On to the next one I guess. I really screwed it up with this one.

 

[jophil28]

...

I asked her if she thinks it would escalate into sex ...

.

There are about 100 screwups in that one sentence alone.

I feel for ya TM, but as a member of this forum you know better than to say that ( or you should ).

I can hear the sound of whooshing in the distance - it is DR LOVE shaking his head in disbelief.

 

[Bluntmaster]

Did all this happen recently? You posted about this broad months ago and now all of a sudden this?

 

[game.r]

This is a sad sad post. I cringed in so many spots, so many mistakes. It saddens me. The good thing is that you recognized your mistakes and hopefully learned from them.

I started a couple threads recently about relationships. It is for guys like you that realize that they want more than just spinning plates. There is a faction here that will tell you that relationships are for chumps and that you are a chump/afc for wanting a relationship, that spinning plates is the best path. Nothing against spinning plates but i believe that eventually everyone gets tired of it and reaches a point where they just want more.

I don't know what you have been doing the last 3 years. But what you should've been doing is working on your game and yourself... yes spinning plates and getting laid (hopefully) but also fine tuning yourself as a man! The mistakes you make here leads me to believe that you have not internalized even the basics. Certain tenants of game should just be a part of you after being on this forum for years and having the rep you seem to have.

This is what i believe happens on this forum alot;

Guys spend years 'spinning plates' and 'nexting' only to fall into a relationship after tiring of the whole merry go round. Unfortunately, they only prepared for spinning plates and not a relationship... so what happens? They make poor choices in women, make all the wrong moves and end up completely afc. Then after a few years, maybe marriage, maybe kids, they return here more bitter than ever. Convinced they should never have entered a relationship in the first place. with blinders on, they jump on the merry go round again.

Don't make this mistake! Work on your relationship game.

1st step is know yourself and be in the right place mentally.
-The fact that you want more will roll off you and women will smell it
-It will cause you to make AFC mistakes

2nd step is choosing the right women based on your standards that you have established, know what you will accept and what is a deal breaker.
- Do you really want a chick that slept with her coworker on the first date?

I will be making a thread on the 2nd step soon. But in the mean time i will give a little advice to grab frame back and walk away with your dignity.

Next time this girl ask you to hang out, agree. Meet her and simply tell her you don't think yall should hang out anymore, that this will not work. Tell her you're looking for something different (make sure don't say 'more') and want to give yourself sometime to work on you... basically you're gonna take the attitude that you're dumping her but letting her down easy. Don't be petulant or angry here, just nice and calm. Do this quick and get out! Don't hang don't listen to anything she says. Then go dark.

This may seem afc, but its chick game... she will get it and it will hurt.

 

[Kailex]

I can hear the sound of whooshing in the distance - it is DR LOVE shaking his head in disbelief.

It's NOT the millions of vuvuzelas crying out in collective anguish over TM's FR?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Did all this happen recently? You posted about this broad months ago and now all of a sudden this?

Yeah this all happened within a month. You're thinking of a different broad. Almost half of my threads are about different "broads".

Edit: My best friend, who doesn't frequent this site or live by it made some interesting points about me. He told me as far as picking up girls I have no problem with that. As far as getting laid on the first date it's like second nature. I screwed 2 girls in the last two weeks while dating this girl that I kinda fell for. He says I suck when it comes to establishing a relationship. He knows the girl also and tells me not to give up, that she wouldn't be going out with me if she wasn't interested.

My point is, even screwing these other girls doesn't help numb the feelings I have towards this girl I REALLY like. I do a pretty good job of compartmentalizing, something I never thought I could do until it...just happened. I just need to lower my expectations as far as my future with her...I mean if I WANT to keep seeing her. That's something I don't want to do right now. I'll give it a few more days of NC to see what I want to do.

 

[Bluntmaster]

Yeah this all happened within a month. You're thinking of a different broad. Almost half of my threads are about different "broads".

Edit: My best friend, who doesn't frequent this site or live by it made some interesting points about me. He told me as far as picking up girls I have no problem with that. As far as getting laid on the first date it's like second nature. I screwed 2 girls in the last two weeks while dating this girl that I kinda fell for. He says I suck when it comes to establishing a relationship. He knows the girl also and tells me not to give up, that she wouldn't be going out with me if she wasn't interested.

My point is, even screwing these other girls doesn't help numb the feelings I have towards this girl I REALLY like. I do a pretty good job of compartmentalizing, something I never thought I could do until it...just happened. I just need to lower my expectations as far as my future with her...I mean if I WANT to keep seeing her. That's something I don't want to do right now. I'll give it a few more days of NC to see what I want to do.

You are making too big a deal of this. I've said stupid crap before and it can be fixed. Just don't talk to her for a week, then call her up and ask her out. Stop over analyzing. It's not like you confessed your love to her. Tell her you were drunk. I've gotten off plenty of dumb behavior by saying I was drunk.

 

[iqqi]

You asked a girl if something would escalate into sex???? :crazy:

:nono:

For some reason that seems to be on the same level, or nearby, as guys who think it is sexy to show pics of their pen!ses to girls. Yeah, baby, come get it! :crackup:

I can't for the life of me even imagine how you asked that in a suave demeanor, or any kind of attractive way.

I think that your issue is becoming clear. You are great at getting skanky and low quality girls. You have no idea how to get quality, because you are lacking some. The first thing to do is figure out why exactly it is extremely unattractive to ask, (out loud, with words,) a girl about your friendship escalating into sex.

Sorry that was kind of harsh, but I expect better of you.

And I agree, the situation can be rectified, especially if you could say you were drunk, then go James Bond So Suave on her. IF you can...

EDIT: and what a terrible thread name. Don't blame this heap of emo fvck up on Des! I find some big differences in both of the threads, the only common factor would be the emo crap.

 

[Slickster]

Well, before I got married a couple years ago my friends always used to bug me that I was "relationship guy". I had my share of meaningless one night stands and stuff but for whatever reason women always wanted to be my "girlfriend". In fact my wife was warned not to go out with me by one of my good friends. He told her that she would "fall in love with me" to which she scoffed, "yeah right!"

Anyhow, in my experience of applying all the different theories and ideas that drift around this place I can tell you this...

When it comes to building a relationship and getting women to look at you like relationship/marriage material then you have to play the game differently. In some ways almost opposite.

All the "get laid quick" and player stuff that you learn around here is counterproductive to any relationship you are trying to build. Chicks aren't totally oblivious. They'll play along maybe to get laid themselves but they won't take you too seriously.

If you really want a relationship start paying attention to the Doc Love stuff. I know he gets a bad rap from some people but that is because his stuff IS geared towards relationships.

Eg. Most guys go in for the kill way too early. They want to get laid or at least some action right away. Doc Love tells you no contact, no kissing, no talk of relationships, no nothing for the first 3 dates! You spend all that time just qualifying her and showing her how much of a challenge you are. I can tell you from personal experience that if you really want a relationship, it works like a charm. It's almost scary sometimes!

My plan for the first 2 or 3 dates was to show chicks the best possible time without any inkling that I was interested in them sexually at all. We'd have tons of great conversation, laughs, and fun suggestive flirting. However when it came time to end the date I'd do it quickly and disappear in a flash. I'd tell them I had a great time and "maybe" we'll hang out again sometime. By the time we did get around to anything physical she would be dying for it! After the deed was done they would all tell me stuff like, "I didn't even think you liked me" or "You never even tried to kiss me".

The thing is that most chicks are expecting a guy to make a move too early. If he doesn't then she's expecting him to ask something about "where the relationship is going" or something that implies that there is some sort of expectation just because you had a date. As a single girl looking for something more than just sex all this must become pretty lame. I think a lot of guys should take a cooking lesson. You gotta let pot simmer a while.....

So don't beat yourself up too much TM. You have all the skills there. Maybe some fine tuning to develop some other aspects of your game is all that is needed.

 

[Falcon25]

Men Don't Desire Or Need Relationships. They Just Run Into Them. The Reason Why A Woman Likes A "challenge" Is Because Men Desire Multiple Women. A Woman's Challenge Is To Make Herself Be Your Only One. When You Act Or Convey Feelings Such As "i Want To Be In A Relationship", You Are Acting Feminine. Stop It. You Are An Animal, Let Her Tame You. You Are A Beast, Not A Bitcvh.

 

[Falcon25]

...


I'm not about just sex anymore. I'm just sick of "just sex". You have enough of it and pretty soon it starts to all feel the same. I guess I just want more. I would like companionship at this point in my life right now. I've gone about 3 years of being single and it was fun for a while. Maybe I'm just lonely and falling for a girl who seems interested in me for more than just sex. I mean I am getting older and my priorities are changing.

On to the next one I guess. I really screwed it up with this one.

We all do, but women cannot sense this. They will never be with you. NEVER. Or, you will find ONE that will use you. NEVER let your body language dictate this. You are a man, you were brought to this world to be alone, to fight and to survive. To take what you want. And someday you will find a chick who will try to be with you. But right now, you are trying to be the chick. Start dating, start meeting, act like you are a fuvk machine. Act like you are a great guy but never SAY or portray you are looking for a relationship. Even if you cry to sleep at night, NEVER let a woman know that this is what you want. It smells of femininity. You think strong men say "I wish I was in a relationship"? They say "it would be nice if it happened, but in the meantime I'm a fucvk machine."

DOC LOVE IS EXCELLENT FOR LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS. ALWAYS READ HIS STUFF. ALWAYS GO SLOW WITH WOMEN. NEVER SAY WHAT YOU FEEL JUST SHOW IT. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH A GIRL YOU LIKE RIGHT AWAY, THIS WILL PUSH HER AWAY. GOOD LUCK, AND GOD'S SPEED.

 

[Falcon25]

Well, before I got married a couple years ago my friends always used to bug me that I was "relationship guy". I had my share of meaningless one night stands and stuff but for whatever reason women always wanted to be my "girlfriend". In fact my wife was warned not to go out with me by one of my good friends. He told her that she would "fall in love with me" to which she scoffed, "yeah right!"

Anyhow, in my experience of applying all the different theories and ideas that drift around this place I can tell you this...

When it comes to building a relationship and getting women to look at you like relationship/marriage material then you have to play the game differently. In some ways almost opposite.

All the "get laid quick" and player stuff that you learn around here is counterproductive to any relationship you are trying to build. Chicks aren't totally oblivious. They'll play along maybe to get laid themselves but they won't take you too seriously.

If you really want a relationship start paying attention to the Doc Love stuff. I know he gets a bad rap from some people but that is because his stuff IS geared towards relationships.

Eg. Most guys go in for the kill way too early. They want to get laid or at least some action right away. Doc Love tells you no contact, no kissing, no talk of relationships, no nothing for the first 3 dates! You spend all that time just qualifying her and showing her how much of a challenge you are. I can tell you from personal experience that if you really want a relationship, it works like a charm. It's almost scary sometimes!

My plan for the first 2 or 3 dates was to show chicks the best possible time without any inkling that I was interested in them sexually at all. We'd have tons of great conversation, laughs, and fun suggestive flirting. However when it came time to end the date I'd do it quickly and disappear in a flash. I'd tell them I had a great time and "maybe" we'll hang out again sometime. By the time we did get around to anything physical she would be dying for it! After the deed was done they would all tell me stuff like, "I didn't even think you liked me" or "You never even tried to kiss me".

The thing is that most chicks are expecting a guy to make a move too early. If he doesn't then she's expecting him to ask something about "where the relationship is going" or something that implies that there is some sort of expectation just because you had a date. As a single girl looking for something more than just sex all this must become pretty lame. I think a lot of guys should take a cooking lesson. You gotta let pot simmer a while.....

So don't beat yourself up too much TM. You have all the skills there. Maybe some fine tuning to develop some other aspects of your game is all that is needed.

THIS IS AN EXCELLENT POST BY A PROFESSIONAL. THIS KID KNOWS HIS STUFF. READ THIS, PRINT IT, PUT IT BY YOUR BEDSIDE WHEN YOU CRY AT NIGHT. THE QUICKEST WAY TO AN EXIT AND BEING DUMPED BY A WOMAN, IS TO HAVE SEX EARLY. LET HER ANTICIPATE, LET HER LIKE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. LET HER FALL FOR YOU. NOT YOU FALL FOR HER. NOBODY GIVES A FUVK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

You asked a girl if something would escalate into sex???? :crazy:

:nono:

For some reason that seems to be on the same level, or nearby, as guys who think it is sexy to show pics of their pen!ses to girls. Yeah, baby, come get it! :crackup:

I can't for the life of me even imagine how you asked that in a suave demeanor, or any kind of attractive way.

I think that your issue is becoming clear. You are great at getting skanky and low quality girls. You have no idea how to get quality, because you are lacking some. The first thing to do is figure out why exactly it is extremely unattractive to ask, (out loud, with words,) a girl about your friendship escalating into sex.

Sorry that was kind of harsh, but I expect better of you.

And I agree, the situation can be rectified, especially if you could say you were drunk, then go James Bond So Suave on her. IF you can...

EDIT: and what a terrible thread name. Don't blame this heap of emo fvck up on Des! I find some big differences in both of the threads, the only common factor would be the emo crap.

Easy, girl. I know what I did wrong. Kicking me while I'm down doesn't help. The more you talk the more I KNOW going into a relationship with the intention of JUST friendship does NOT work. You're living proof of this. I don't do friendships first. I look for a spark or a hint of a girl seeing me as more. I think she wanted to take it further but I rushed the process, due to my frustration. I shouldn't have done that. Slickster's advice was truth. I get pissed knowing I made a rookie mistake.

Also I wasn't blaming Des for making this thread, you uppity c*nt. It was in the spirit of caring to much... I just showed it. It must be that time of season.

 

[Miles28]

Would just like to second the statement that Iqqi is an uppity c*nt. Somebody really needs to put a foot up its ass.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Ikky knows I love her, but she can be a total hypocrite sometimes.

 

[game.r]

Easy, girl. I know what I did wrong. Kicking me while I'm down doesn't help. The more you talk the more I KNOW going into a relationship with the intention of JUST friendship does NOT work. You're living proof of this. I don't do friendships first. I look for a spark or a hint of a girl seeing me as more. I think she wanted to take it further but I rushed the process, due to my frustration. I shouldn't have done that. Slickster's advice was truth. I get pissed knowing I made a rookie mistake.

Also I wasn't blaming Des for making this thread, you uppity c*nt. It was in the spirit of caring to much... I just showed it. It must be that time of season.

lol, there was much more than 'a mistake' in that thread bro. I have to agree with Iqqi's post. And why so mean toward her, its petty and juvenile. Doesn't seem becoming of the Don Juan all you guys aim to be.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

lol, there was much more than 'a mistake' in that thread bro. I have to agree with Iqqi's post. And why so mean toward her, its petty and juvenile. Doesn't seem becoming of the Don Juan all you guys aim to be.

Is that suppose to hit a nerve?

I'm not a label. I'm not a Don Juan nor am I aspiring to be. I never called myself a Don Juan or a future alpha male. It's meaningless. All of it, in my view. I was not put on this planet to make myself stand out or be better than the rest of the population. My plan is not to better myself to make a woman wet in the panties. My plan is to learn to not be afraid to become a better man (not just a man. a human being) - in all aspects in my life. Hopefully in that process if a woman happens to come along that I think will be a pleasure to bring into my life then I'll try it.

I don't go seeking companionship. I would love to have it though. I know what I have to fix and it's a painful and grueling process....unlearning and fixing everything about me that's busted up inside thanks to my education, my friends and especially my family. It's a paradox, wanting a girl to be with me while I make something of myself and then wondering when I become better established in my life and then thinking to myself - "are you with me because of what I can provide? Because of my pull? Do you love my ideals? My integrity as well as my body?"

It's all trial and error, and I don' think I'll ever stop learning. It's maddening to me.

 

[game.r]

Is that suppose to hit a nerve?

I'm not a label. I'm not a Don Juan nor am I aspiring to be. I never called myself a Don Juan or a future alpha male. It's meaningless. All of it, in my view. I was not put on this planet to make myself stand out or be better than the rest of the population. My plan is not to better myself to make a woman wet in the panties. My plan is to learn to not be afraid to become a better man (not just a man. a human being) - in all aspects in my life. Hopefully in that process if a woman happens to come along that I think will be a pleasure to bring into my life then I'll try it.

I don't go seeking companionship. I would love to have it though. I know what I have to fix and it's a painful and grueling process....unlearning and fixing everything about me that's busted up inside thanks to my education, my friends and especially my family. It's a paradox, wanting a girl to be with me while I make something of myself and then wondering when I become better established in my life and then thinking to myself - "are you with me because of what I can provide? Because of my pull? Do you love my ideals? My integrity as well as my body?"

It's all trial and error, and I don' think I'll ever stop learning. It's maddening to me.

No i was not trying to hit a nerve, Just making an observation. I strive for the same thing, to be a better man and human being.. it is a long never ending journey. But in light of you're striving to be a better human being, i am a lil shock at the harshness of your response to her..."uppity c*nt". But perhaps there's a history there that i don't know..

 

[squirrels]

On the way back to my car from dinner and a lot of making out I said something that makes me cut my teeth even writing it: do you see this going anywhere?

That was wrong.

I asked her if she was dating anyone else

That was wrong.

I asked her if she thinks it would escalate into sex

THAT was VERY wrong!

Why do you feel you need to discuss the relationship dynamics?? Do you think women WANT to discuss things like this WITH the men they're dating, WHILE they're dating them??

The only time I have EVER asked a girl "what are you after" or "where do you see this going" or ANYTHING like that was when I wanted her to STOP being attracted to me...to try to defuse a situation with a girl I wasn't even really that into and intentionally "friendzone" myself.

As SOON as you ask them this, they're going to think of a million reasons why being with you (or any other man) is WRONG, based on years of social conditioning that all men are pigs. This is NOT what they want to be doing when they're on a date.

I dunno what to tell you here, man. I'm just curious as to what you were thinking when you went down THIS particular tangent.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I really screwed it up with this one.

Big deal. You met a girl who had less interest in you than you in her. Happens to every guy thousands times in a normal lifetime.

do better next time. Hold back, don't ask, and increase her interest in you before you show even one of your cards.

don't lose the vast forest of pu$$y for this one meager tree.

Live and learn.