Busted

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by yul
What do you recommend then ?
What other ways would you have at working at the relationship?

No really, I am very curious.

Should I ditch her ?
Stop doing all this ?
Do something else ?

I can be very strict and firm too you know. Maybe not as much as required.

I want to hear your take.

Thanks
;-)

Her self esteem is the problem. Unless a woman tells you that she is unhappy with how she looks and needs or wants to change that you should NEVER make negative comments about it. If she wants to make the changes, then you be supportive, patient and exercise with her and encourage her. If she was already feeling kinda negative and you went negative it has the opposite effect of what you're looking for.

Chances are, even if she does lose all the weight and get her confidence back...when she does she will probably leave you and find someone else. Women rarely get over this kind of thing. They either continue to get worse, look worse and use that to keep you from wanting her or bust their arse to look better than ever and then ditch you.

 

[yul]

Even though I told her these things, I never gave up on the little attentions like going out and stuff.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by yul
Even though I told her these things, I never gave up on the little attentions like going out and stuff.

Maybe she suffers from depression...that will often cause weight gain and loss of interest in sex. I do think what you said is a huge issue, though.

 

[yul]

So, in light of all this information, does anyone think there is something left to do with this relationship ?

Thanks

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Her self esteem is the problem. Unless a woman tells you that she is unhappy with how she looks and needs or wants to change that you should NEVER make negative comments about it. If she wants to make the changes, then you be supportive, patient and exercise with her and encourage her. If she was already feeling kinda negative and you went negative it has the opposite effect of what you're looking for.

Chances are, even if she does lose all the weight and get her confidence back...when she does she will probably leave you and find someone else. Women rarely get over this kind of thing. They either continue to get worse, look worse and use that to keep you from wanting her or bust their arse to look better than ever and then ditch you.

homey you believe this crap that this chick wild posted if you want too! It's not your job to make her feel comfortable for getting fat, it's on her for getting fat.

If she looked like that when you met her you probably wouldnt have messed with her, so if she changed then she risked the fact of you not being that interested in her.

You have the right to have standards and if she is not up to whatever standards you have let her know. And if it keeps getting worse drop her for someone who does.

If she was really caring how you felt she would do something to please you.

#1 rule: Women dont even know what they want so how can they tell you.

 

[NewMan]

At the same time there has to be something going on that she isn't happy with that is leading her to not want sex. If he wants to resolve this then they need to have a serious talk and sort out why she doesn't want sex. There COULD be something he's doing that is contributing to her not wanting it. IF there is (not saying it's all his fault, only that he should see if he's making mistakes) then he should want to sort it out.

This is typical of women.

You see, SHE has the problem with something in the relationship - but instead of COMMUNICATING (how women love to throw that at us guys) with her man, instead she will with hold sex from him.

In fact the woman will wate until everyone is unhappy.

Fvck, they will even argue, and argue about sh#t....

But she will not come up and tell him what the fvck the problem is.

He's left to work it out for himself.

Bottom line is....

he shouldn't have to be the detective. She should come to him.

Secondly...

Do you really want to be with a woman that uses sex as a weapon?

Fvck that.

If your not happy with something - open your mouth.

Sounds like she's good at opening her mouth to shovel food into it.... but can't to tell him what her issues are.

Yul, you will be dealing with this tick tack sh#t for the rest of your life.

So, in light of all this information, does anyone think there is something left to do with this relationship ?

Sure there is something left - should you want to be the b#tch of the realtionship.

It's difficult to retrain this woman.

You've got to step up and start being a man.

And probably then she will not like it.

You've got to lay the law down.

Sit her down and ask her what the problem is.

If it's fixable then do so.

In return, she needs to start taking care fo you - and you should vocalize this need.

If she uses sex as a weapon as she is doing - get the fvck out.

Don't put up with women who use sex to get what they want - or to discipline their menj,.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by yul
So, in light of all this information, does anyone think there is something left to do with this relationship ?

Thanks

The most you can do is sit down and talk to her about all this. Tell her that you can't go on like this and want to make one last attempt to make it work, but that you need her to work at it with you. If she isn't willing to try then you should probably just end it.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I tell her she is beautiful
I tell her I love her
I am ALWAYS thankful for all her doings (washing, cooking etc...)
I kiss her every morning
I dont usually lie (except last night)
I take her out often
I have my take at cleaning the house (washing clothes, vacuum, mop)
I will be giving her a car in 2 weeks
I wash her back in the tub
I massage her hands sometimes
I ask if there is anthing wrong she would like to share etc...

I know I should be doing way more house chores because she says she is completely overwhelmed but I cant understand how.

This is why you fail,..

NEXT! That is your solution.
(giving her a car indeed,..)


One thing WYLD went over that I think is the operative here is that she's not giving you enough sex. There's a HUGE difference between giving a guy sex and wanting to have sex with you.

Read this carefully, the-woman-does-not-WANT-to-have-sex-with-YOU.

Face facts, her desire is gone and you know this. This is exactly why you are responding as you did and you're not cognizant of it. No amount of negotiation is going to make her WANT to have sex with you. She may give sex from time to time, but she doesn't want you. She gives you just enough reinforcement to keep you in purgatory.

NEXT!

 

[Wyldfire]

Rollo...she doesn't "want" sex with him anymore because she no longer feels desirable to him or adequate. She doesn't even "give" him sex because she is resentful and angry and either subconsciously or not...she is punishing him.

Even though some may give me grief for pointing out the fact that a man should NEVER tell his wife or girlfriend he doesn't like how she looks...it's true. It never, ever fixes the problem and only makes matters worse. There are ways to address the issue, but it must be done very cautiously or all hell will break loose.

A man telling a woman he doesn't like the way she looks is equivalent to a woman telling a man that his penis is too small for her liking or he doesn't make enough money. There are certain topics that must be handled with extreme care if you want any kind of positive outcome...and this is one of them.

 

[Slickster]

I tell her she is beautiful
I tell her I love her
I am ALWAYS thankful for all her doings (washing, cooking etc...)
I kiss her every morning
I dont usually lie (except last night)
I take her out often
I have my take at cleaning the house (washing clothes, vacuum, mop)
I will be giving her a car in 2 weeks
I wash her back in the tub
I massage her hands sometimes
I ask if there is anthing wrong she would like to share etc...

I know I should be doing way more house chores because she says she is completely overwhelmed but I cant understand how.

She is spoiled, spoiled, spoiled. Rotten!!

You are whipped, whipped, whipped!!! I can't even say p*ssy whipped cuz you're not getting any!



Buddy although you may think all of those things are "nice" you are totally at this woman's mercy. Those things ARE nice! You sound like every woman's dream guy. If so why does she have such a problem with you going out for a night on the town with the guys? Seeing how you are so perfect you should have some leeway to do as you please.

However, she has you wrapped around her finger and there is no way to change that now. Continue on with this sadness and you will end up bitter.

Move on to greener pastures but before you start another relationship make sure you do some more reading. Ie. the Bible. You have a lot to learn.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

WYLD: I can understand your point, but the problem is that eventually the fact that a man (or woman) is dissatisfied with his partners physical appearance is going to manifest in his behavior. Which is exactly what's happened here. Perhaps it was a 'mistake' to tell his girlfriend this, but there's a whole lot more at work than just this.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
WYLD: I can understand your point, but the problem is that eventually the fact that a man (or woman) is dissatisfied with his partners physical appearance is going to manifest in his behavior. Which is exactly what's happened here. Perhaps it was a 'mistake' to tell his girlfriend this, but there's a whole lot more at work than just this.

It was a mistake for him to address the issue in the way he did. The best way to try to encourage someone to take better care of themself is for you to take better care of yourself and include them in what you're doing. You can also take control of the main eating issues in the home by doing the cooking and preparing healthy meals. You can plan activities that cause that person to get more exercise, too. Yes, making these little efforts can be a pain in the butt...however, they are more apt to make a real difference than the comments and complaints will make.

 

[yul]

Wanted to say thanks to everyone who posted here today.

So I am out of the apartment at my moms for the weekend.

When I got home from work today, I brought her flowers.

She was crying at how awful I am blablabla and she never did anything to deserve this. (me lying about going to the strippers)

I said that if we did have a sex more that 3 times a year, I probably would have stayed home for heavens sake !

I told her that sex starving our relationship for the past 3 years is pretty bad in my idea

I also said that if she resents me so much as to not want to sleep with me because of my past doings, she is being very unfair by letting this linger for years and years without even having a chance to discuss anything.

If she is to continue resent me and to sex starve the couple, she better breakup with me or open up the discussions (she cant).

I said SHE was unfair, not me, for wasting years of my life while I wait patiently after her. She started to cry and told me to leave for the weekend.

More to come...

 

[Wyldfire]

That's a good start...you stated how you feel and what your needs are. She will do some thinking this weekend and you should do the same. If she is prepared to actually talk and work on things when you go back then you MIGHT have a chance to fix things...but ONLY if she is willing to do her part, too. Just like it takes two to have problems it takes two to fix them. If you go back and she isn't making any effort and you hit an impasse then you should just collect more of your things and turn right back around and leave again.

 

[NewMan]

Good job. Good start.

 

[alphawolfx]

is this all about her starving you sexually?

or are there deeper, more underlying problems?

 

[Luveno]

Yul, that was a bold move. Very strong.
If the relationship ends, it will be a blessing.

Good luck bro. Keep your head up. You did nothing wrong. Don't be anyone's slave.

 

[yul]

Hey guys !

So I am back home but shes off to work today.

She called me last night expecting some apologies but instead, I jumped right on the subject of why we arent making love in spite of all that i am doing for her.

Again crying, she basically said she was unhappy with her life and some aspects of our relationship blablabla.

i told her I gave her everything she wanted and that she was spoiled. I agreed with her on some things that I do need to fix but that's no reason for with holding sex.

I said I was sick of her putting the meter back at 0 everytime I did something she didnt like and taking months and years to get over it.

This also explains why I tried to conceal my doings last Friday because I knwe Id be back at 0 and still wait for 1 week before she'd get back on track.

She said she loved me but couldnt find the energy to get turned on.

The conversation ended with me telling her that sex should be a priority and she needs to fix her life or get out. In no circumstance will I allow withholding sex in order to get me to behave like she wants.

So we still have some way to go . I dont expect her to want to lay me for a couple of weeks but it should get better tho.

 

[NewMan]

* hand clap*

Good job.

Whatever you do, don't cave in now.

You are doing exactly what I should have many years ago....

 

[Slickster]

Excellent work Yul !!!

Now you're getting the hang of it.

Her "lack of energy for sex" excuse is pitiful. Tell her that you don't always have the energy to do all of these things either

eg. I tell her she is beautiful
I tell her I love her
I am ALWAYS thankful for all her doings (washing, cooking etc...)
I kiss her every morning
I dont usually lie (except last night)
I take her out often
I have my take at cleaning the house (washing clothes, vacuum, mop)
I will be giving her a car in 2 weeks
I wash her back in the tub
I massage her hands sometimes
I ask if there is anthing wrong she would like to share etc...

Yet you still find a way to do your best to make her happy.

She's been spoiled for so long that she doesn't realize what she has with you. She better start finding energy and treating you differently or you're gone. Off to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve.

Don't make the mistake in thinking that she is the best you can do. There are plenty of women out there who are looking for a guy just like you and they would bend over backwards to keep you happy.

Sadly your current gf probably won't realize this until it is too late.