Bros before hoes? Bullsh!t!

[jonwon]

I would eject him from my life and call and end to the 'friendship' - and no ammount of pleading or appologies would suffice.

You have to weed out arseh*les, even if they're your friends, from your life, when they expose themselves.

My closest friend of 15 years started fooling around with a chick whom I had a history with once I gave him my blessing to persue what he wanted with her, but then he kept breaking plans with us for her, constantly.

Due to the constant f*ck offs he displayed I told him exactly what I thought of him and his behaivour and that the friendship was over - he is no longer a part of our group and has zero friends.

The Muscly Jerk

True, even if you wanted to remain mates and be the better man i hardly works out that way!

Another example of even if you rise over it, your mates neccassarily do not.

 

[jonwon]

Nice post mate, you broke it down, and pointed out some more deeper issues that were hiding.

I guess alot of it also depends on how well you Gamed your girl. If you had done really well, she wouldn't think for half a second in risking losing you.

Its how you game the women is only a small part of.

If you was with the right women anyway, it would not matter about jumping through hoops to appear better then one of your mates, thats the point

Some women are not that great sad but true! The positive side to all this well you just lost a women that was no good, he as now been passed onto the chump mate, GL to him, to the wise he is simply a fool where as you got a lucky escape.

(or maybe they will work, just know you did not, pointless stewing over it).

Incidently on my experiance, the relationship did not work out, the guy had a kid to a women who cheated on him all the time (he had no idea) left him and now he is paying her a good amount of money, that could have been me

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I gotta side with Jariel here. I don't care if some sleazy guy bangs a guy's ex-girlfriend 1 second after they break up, but when that sleaze is the guy's BEST FRIEND, that doesn't say much for the friendship.

Some of my friends have dated my ex's before, but they've been open about it. They told me "Hey, mind if I bang Miss XYZ?". They didn't go sneaking behind my back or plotting schemes to get laid with my ex after we break up.

A real man shouldn't do all this Desperate Housewives sh!t.

 

[Potbelly]

Drop your formerly best friend. Just be more careful from now on.

Sure, look at all these hard asses saying "no be a better guy and wish them off." **** that man. When it's not you in the situation it's easy to say that, but when you're ass gets put in the grinder then it's very different.

What I'm saying is, what your buddy did was wrong. Stop blaming yourself for other people's shortcomings. Not the other way around. There was no short coming on your part here with "gaming" the girl enough. Girls are human, and humans are inherently flawed to lie, cheat,steal, and make mistakes. Be wary of that fact and live your life as you would but never blame yourself for the sh1t other people throw at you. They are the ones at fault and the true people who should be blamed.

 

[PRMoon]

The fact that he set it up is what makes the difference for me. None of my friends would tell me to my face to stay away from my ex and then hook up with them after that fact. That's completely the opposite of what friends do. How am I suppose to trust or respect this person again after that? If I do then I'm stupid because I pretty much just let him make me his b*tch and I might as well walk around with my hand in his belt loop from then on out.

We talk about sh*t test from girls all the time, but that might as well be one for a guy. If he does that to you and you let it slide, then what else will he try? I can garuntee he'll think you're a push over from then on out and you'll be doing all he DD (drunk OR designated driving) from then on out while he makes out withsome girl you picked up in the bar.

That's not a friend. That's not even someone I'd want to hang around me because they'll bring down your overall image.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

You really are a dipsh!t,

Ah, more name-calling and insults from our friendly forum boob. I come to expect nothing more of you.

Understand I'm not saying this out of spite, I just cant believe how different my thinking is to yours. It seems so backward.

i.e. "I am an elitist @sshole. Whatever I say is right and what you say is wrong"

Understand I'm not saying this out of spite, I just can't believe how much of an elitist jacka$$ you really are.

 

[MindOverMatter]

my 2c.

1.) Don't trust her when she says he couldn't get it up. She prolly did sleep with him and doesn't want to admit it because she knows you'll never talk to her again. Sometimes telling a tiny bad truth makes the person believe you enough to look past a really big lie.

2.) Tits vs Jariel. Both have good points. Something like this has never really happened to me, as all my friends are like non-biological brothers to me. I've hooked a few of my friends with exes, female friends, and so on. It's always served me good as they've done the same.

I'll offer you some advice here Jar, don't go to your male friends and air out your depressions. Male friends are there for watching sports, kicking back with beers, and gaming groups of broads. They're not therapists, and in my book, no matter how good of a buddy he is, if you show your depression around him each time you have it, and expect him to nurture you back to being normal, they will slowly lose respect for you and see it as a sign of weakness. It's an inner problem, deal with it from within and don't involve others in it. Because once you let other guys know your weaknesses, they do take advantage of you in small or big ways.

Also, I don't know about your friendship with this guy. Are you a bros-over-hos type of guy? Did you ever hook him up? How often do you wing for him? 50%? 30%? Personally, I tend to pick up mostly when I'm solo in public, so when I go to clubs, almost 80% of the time I wing. if you throw your dog a bone every now and then he wont get hungry to the point where he's willing to bite you.

But at the same time, I disagree with Tits that Jariel shouldn't be pissed and that he should still see the guy as his brother. Frankly, if one of my boys had come up to me and told me he was interested in my ex, I'd help him out. The key here is communication. Real friends will put you before p*ssy, and will talk to you first. But the guy in the picture did the opposite. I don't think Jariel is pissed off that his buddy was horny and went after his ex as much as he's pissed about the fact the guy trying to manipulate him through friendship to stay away from her so that he could improve his chances.

All in all, pick and maintain your friends better, and you wont have this problem.

 

[Jariel]

I don't think Jariel is pissed off that his buddy was horny and went after his ex as much as he's pissed about the fact the guy trying to manipulate him through friendship to stay away from her so that he could improve his chances.

Exactly!

As for him not being able to get it up, I actually do believe it because I know he had that problem for a long time. He went to the doctors, and was even in a 3 month relationship (with a friend I set him up with) and was unable to have sex.

I will be more cautious of him in future and as you suggest, Mind, avoid showing weaknesss. Also, any girl he's into or breaks up with is fair play now.

Thanks everyone with your suggestions and advice. Like with all bad experiences, there's a lesson to be learned and you go on a little wiser after each one.

 

[d9930380]

People can't be trusted. End of story. Most people act for their own selfish interests.

People say you should assume the best. That's bull**** and very naieve. You should assume the worst about people until over ALONG time they have proved otherwise. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't get close to anyone, just that you should ALWAYS be on guard and don't allow people to get too close too soon. Once someone does screw you over then they should be written out of your life without appeal, you can't have people around you that treat you like a fool.

As for women, you should be even more on guard because women have the ability to get closer and hurt you more.

 

[djbr]

I'll offer you some advice here Jar, don't go to your male friends and air out your depressions. Male friends are there for watching sports, kicking back with beers, and gaming groups of broads. They're not therapists, and in my book, no matter how good of a buddy he is, if you show your depression around him each time you have it, and expect him to nurture you back to being normal, they will slowly lose respect for you and see it as a sign of weakness. It's an inner problem, deal with it from within and don't involve others in it. Because once you let other guys know your weaknesses, they do take advantage of you in small or big ways.

This is SOLID ADVICE.

 

[Scorched]

Jariel did you confront him and ask him if he likes your left overs?

 

[insanity]

exactly mindovermatter. men are competitive by nature be it a game or women, there is no difference. people do what is best for themselves with little regard for anybody but their own feelings. i have always respected my friends who have girlfriends even if they hit on me. why would i destroy a friendship that has stood the test of time by taken their women that may be just a quick fling.

you should be able to distinguish a good friend from a sh@tty friend. i remember this one guy that i hung out with for a few months at school and he seemed like a stand-up guy till i invited him over to my place and my woman walked out in her pyjamas and he commented that she was looking good in not a joking manner. i told him to shut the f@ck up after awhile he left. i ceased the friendship from evaluating one comment which was a huge red flag. he always wondered why i never wanted to hang out with him anymore and i just said i was always busy. to me he seemed like a snake and if the opportunity arrived he would have taken it. i trust my woman but i can't stand snake like people. never let your guard down.

 

[Scorched]

So... I had a friend ...
I had no idea he was doing it. And one day it just clicked...
This was about 3 years ago... After I had broke up with this girl... I asked him what had happened when he was alone with this girl I had BEEN DATING FOR A YEAR!
He said "yeah I tried to kiss her , I was testing her for you."
Then it clicked, he had been trying to get with EVERY girl I had dated...
The problem at the time was we were room mates...
So... about 2 weeks later I told him I had a girl coming over...
He got off work 2 hours early to he would be there when we showed up...
He tried to say "She seems down to earth" (where she could hear)

We almost got into a fight about a week later when he tried to talk to another girl I was seeing.
I slowly but surely got rid of him as a friend.

 

[Craig Reeves]

exactly mindovermatter. men are competitive by nature be it a game or women, there is no difference. people do what is best for themselves with little regard for anybody but their own feelings.

That's not true. That's only selfish people so I will not excuse that behavior.

Nor does that make it OK. I'm sorry but it's low to go after your friend's girl when you know he's upset. There are plenty of girls to game. Why go through all that trouble when there's plenty more where SHE came from?

Bros before ho's. The end.

 

[Craig Reeves]

I'll offer you some advice here Jar, don't go to your male friends and air out your depressions. Male friends are there for watching sports, kicking back with beers, and gaming groups of broads. They're not therapists, and in my book, no matter how good of a buddy he is, if you show your depression around him each time you have it, and expect him to nurture you back to being normal, they will slowly lose respect for you and see it as a sign of weakness. It's an inner problem, deal with it from within and don't involve others in it. Because once you let other guys know your weaknesses, they do take advantage of you in small or big ways.

I've actually found that this was moreso the case with alot of women than men.

If you have a good relationship with your mother then she's probably the best bet you've got. That or a female friend who owes you.

 

[frivolousz21]

there are a lot of children here.

someday some of these guys will grow up and learn integridy and honesty.

jariel you need to take a hard long look if you want this loser as someone you are loyal to and trust.

also your friends are your friends..you dont need to not tell them how you feel...if a person cant confide in another close friend because its to manly to be emotionial thats not true..your real friends wont lose respect for you if you go to threw a hard time.

if you want good advice on loyalty ask the old man forum...I am 24 and take care of my son....and its made me grow up out of this selfish elitist attitude..it might get you laid but its sure jaded.

 

[mrRuckus]

The point is he should never have had to. It was your shortcomings that forced him to behave in such a manner.

Your depression and handling the breakup badly has nothing to do with his mateship toward you or wanting to fvck this woman does it? You made it all intertwined.

A friend fesses the hell up and doesn't lie to your face when asked. The question of should the friend go for Jariel's ex is up for debate, but he surely shouldn't lie about it. I suspect "forced him to behave in such a manner" is a matter of semantics so I'm just going to let that go.

Whether Jariel should care if his friend goes for his ex is a different topic.

 

[mrRuckus]

He spends 5-6 days a week with her, then on the weekend, when its guy time, he'll still drop whatever we're doing and leave to go see his gf for 20 minutes (when shes on break from work). then he'll leave a few hours later to pick her up from work. its sad.

Sounds to me like he'll be back to being your friend in a few weeks.

 

[SamePendo]

So, let me see if what you think of this:

1) You give blessing to whichever dude tries getting with your ex, or whatever connection this woman is to you, she is of no more good for you, all signs of jealousy are insecurity, you surely aren't happy with your life (aka, not getting laid).

2) BUT if a guy gives it a shot behind your back, knowing she's of your interest, or was of your interest, it's not cool. It's not what a friend does. A friend goes and asks if it's ok, to what, as point. 1 says, you'll be totally cool about it and say: SURE! But, BUT, he does it behind your back, he is not to be considered anything close to a friend.

 

[backbreaker]

I had a situtation like this... one of many that made me cut my friends off.

I had dated a girl, well not dated.. fvcked her brains out is more like it, about 2 years ago. she was a friend of my little cousin and I hav eknown her forever..a lways had a crush on me. So I run into her one day (2 years ago) and my little cousin's friend has grown up

anyway, i had my own apartment, she comes over about 2-3 times a week, we **** like rabbits, she goes home the next morning. I was taking someone a little more seriously at the time, plus the sex wasn't the best I ever had, so I stopped answering the phone when she calls (i know immature).. she calls and says she think shes pregnant, and tells me she needs 500 for the abortion. I give it to her, konwing she is lying becuase I never came in her, but my thinking was if I had to pay 500 to get rid of this situtaiton, so be it.

Anyway, about 8 months ago I 'm riding with one of my friends to take him to go pay a bill before we go out of town on at rip. he leaves his phone in a car... now I'm not the noisey or anything, but he has this huge screen on his phone and I realized that number.. it just looked too familar. so I looked in my phone and sure enough, it was her.

I did some snooping (my cousin) and sure enough, they had been messing around but didn't want me to know about it.

Now.. here is the thing..if he woul have asked me could he or did I mind, not only did I not mind, I would have set the date up, paid for the damn dinner myself, and rented them a hotel room and provided a condom for him.I don't care about the girl. ****, i wish he wul have did it a year earlier so she would leave me alone.

But to go behind my back? that brings up the characher issuse. Why don't you want me to know about it? ****, what were you trying to do when we were ****ing? It brings up alot of questions I couldn't answer.

I've had a couple of opprotunites to sleep with women he has brought over my house.. namely one in particular, who I actually talked to for a while before I realized she was one of his Fvck buddies, then cut it off. She then threw a tirade against ME, saying she didn't do anything but have sex with hi ma couple of times (uhh.. that's the point). I called him the second I put two and two together and told him what was up but that I'm not talking to her.... just so she can't try to put me in a bad sopt. it was no biggie and he was dating someon else anyway, I could have probalby done it with her and technically he couldn't say anything, but still.. that was like my blood.

So one night she comes over an we all are playing cards. She has to go, everyone leaves. 20 mins later she shows BACK UP by herself... and she's very easy on the eyes. I was tempted.. but I couldn't do it and sent her on her way.