Repeat Offender
New Member
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2012
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DAY 9 NC
Today was rough. To recap:
We were a great fit. Sucessful parents, divorced, like to party together, held social gatherings all the time, enjoyed the same music. She bought me a Jagermeister machine for my birthday in September. The issue I have is this is a very sucessful strong willed womam who litterally worshiped the ground I walked on. She always told me that she loved me more than I loved her. She said that I made her act like a girl and she is usually in the drivers seat with men. I think she liked the challenge and the fact that I did not kiss her A$%. I do have that bad boy persona but I also maintain a successful job and have custody of my oldest daughter. I am a good person at heart but I do believe I have narcissistic ways. Either way, due to some finnancial stress among us she was always worried and it seemed like it didnt bother me in her eyes. I was handeling the stress on the inside. For a while I felt like I lost interest and started focusing on the things that I didnt like about her and fell into a rut. No doubt, I love her deeply. I just kind of wasnt excited about the sex anymore and I feel like I lost attraction. It doesnt take a woman very long to sense this. We eventually had a drunken fight which is rare as we for the most part hardly argued. This was a 3 year relationship. She said that she wasnt sure if she wanted to continue on this path because she saw where it was going. She was right and I knew it. We met as I was going through a divorce and I knew the timing was bad, but we fell in love (her way faster than me). My ex wife who had cheated on me was now chasing after me but I had no intentions of reconciling with her. We moved in together roughly six months after becoming exclusive. This was our first mistake but I was in a financial bind at the time and I loved her. She helped me get back on my feet and before long we were in a brand new beautiful home. All was well. I still believe that I was affraid of marriage and she definitely wanted to marry me. I told her that I didnt want to get married but also that I wanted to spend my life with her. It was around this time that I started to question if she was the right one or not. She is sometimes a 6 or 7 but other times an 8. Her personality is what really attracted me(She is a massive NFL fan). For some reason I was focused on all the nice things we had and how we were portrayed socially. I felt like sometimes that she was not pretty enough for me. Looking back, I dont think that was the real issue. I think that I had relinquished much of the household and financial responsibilities and became a horrible partner. Even if I had not helped with the finances and been there emotionally she would have been happy. But all the sudden both were missing and not too many people (including myself) are going to hang around for too long in that situation.
Break up:
We were going back and forth on the break up. She would call me, I would call her. We slept together nearly 3 weeks after the breakup and after that I initiated the NC. The reason being is that I really do love her and I think it could work. Just not in that environment we were in. I think that I went straight from marriage into a relationship with a giver and never really had to fend for myself. My story is one of a spoiled brat who always gets his way and lands in a bed of roses as soon as things look bleak. I now have the opportunity to get my own place for my daughter and I and take some personal responsibility. This was a major trigger for me in the relationship going bad as the joy of being a jiggilo had faded. I know I was taking advantage of her and I think I stopped in the relationship because I was not ready to get out on my own.
What I want is to have the personal freedom and satisfaction of providing for myself. Indeed, a much more attractive quality. I think that if we have that space and the stress of my finances are no longer her burden that we could happier than ever. I really dont want to jump into a relationship with her, just want to start fresh and without nothing to gain other than partner to enjoy life with.
The thing is I'm not sure if it is the case of too little too late or, you should have known what you had when you had it. Maybe thats what I deserve from an outside perspective. I just might have stripped this woman of every last thing she had to give. She sent my mom a text after last monday after she and a girlfriend took a holiday vacation to get away from everything. She told my mom that she missed and loved them and that she and I were trying not to talk and that it was hard. She sent her a FB message as well and you could tell that she was reaching out. She really didnt want to leave me, I pretty much forced her hand. I had to send her an email on day 7 of NC in regards to plates and tags for my new car I purchased after the break up that were being mailed to our old house. It was very brief and to the point. She responded the same way within a matter of ten minutes.
Its really hard for me not to reach out. This is not some stupid little girl, she is a very intelligent woman with a lot of independence. I know she has been a wreck and drinking too much and not really doing well with the break up. She did mention that other guys were interested in her and that she had been talking to them. But honestly I have used this tactic too. I know it is still too fresh and she is an emotional wreck for it to have any significant meaning. Even if it is just sex with someone to make her feel wanted, I totally understand that. Hell, I have already done it and it had limited healing power at best.
I know what kind of forum this is and I know the answer to my coming question. I also know that my story and the people involved are not unique. I just really want to know what to do to make it right with her. I know space and time is the best cure for these things. She is a great person and so am I. We formed a bond on a level that I have never received from another person. I truly believe that the root of our relationship problems were due in large part of my immaturity and her being my door mat.
I know there are too many out there to be pining over one like a girl. I just came back from a date with a girl I met out last week. She is just as successful and even a little better looking than my ex, but........... That connection that we had immediately is not present.
I need some true advice as to handle this issue. Give me something good. This girl doesn’t hate me and still thinks the world of me. I think she is scared and for good reason that she will get hurt again. Given the situation of us no longer living together and having our own responsibilities, I personally think that the next time around would be very satisfying for both parties. I don’t know..........................................................................
Today was rough. To recap:
We were a great fit. Sucessful parents, divorced, like to party together, held social gatherings all the time, enjoyed the same music. She bought me a Jagermeister machine for my birthday in September. The issue I have is this is a very sucessful strong willed womam who litterally worshiped the ground I walked on. She always told me that she loved me more than I loved her. She said that I made her act like a girl and she is usually in the drivers seat with men. I think she liked the challenge and the fact that I did not kiss her A$%. I do have that bad boy persona but I also maintain a successful job and have custody of my oldest daughter. I am a good person at heart but I do believe I have narcissistic ways. Either way, due to some finnancial stress among us she was always worried and it seemed like it didnt bother me in her eyes. I was handeling the stress on the inside. For a while I felt like I lost interest and started focusing on the things that I didnt like about her and fell into a rut. No doubt, I love her deeply. I just kind of wasnt excited about the sex anymore and I feel like I lost attraction. It doesnt take a woman very long to sense this. We eventually had a drunken fight which is rare as we for the most part hardly argued. This was a 3 year relationship. She said that she wasnt sure if she wanted to continue on this path because she saw where it was going. She was right and I knew it. We met as I was going through a divorce and I knew the timing was bad, but we fell in love (her way faster than me). My ex wife who had cheated on me was now chasing after me but I had no intentions of reconciling with her. We moved in together roughly six months after becoming exclusive. This was our first mistake but I was in a financial bind at the time and I loved her. She helped me get back on my feet and before long we were in a brand new beautiful home. All was well. I still believe that I was affraid of marriage and she definitely wanted to marry me. I told her that I didnt want to get married but also that I wanted to spend my life with her. It was around this time that I started to question if she was the right one or not. She is sometimes a 6 or 7 but other times an 8. Her personality is what really attracted me(She is a massive NFL fan). For some reason I was focused on all the nice things we had and how we were portrayed socially. I felt like sometimes that she was not pretty enough for me. Looking back, I dont think that was the real issue. I think that I had relinquished much of the household and financial responsibilities and became a horrible partner. Even if I had not helped with the finances and been there emotionally she would have been happy. But all the sudden both were missing and not too many people (including myself) are going to hang around for too long in that situation.
Break up:
We were going back and forth on the break up. She would call me, I would call her. We slept together nearly 3 weeks after the breakup and after that I initiated the NC. The reason being is that I really do love her and I think it could work. Just not in that environment we were in. I think that I went straight from marriage into a relationship with a giver and never really had to fend for myself. My story is one of a spoiled brat who always gets his way and lands in a bed of roses as soon as things look bleak. I now have the opportunity to get my own place for my daughter and I and take some personal responsibility. This was a major trigger for me in the relationship going bad as the joy of being a jiggilo had faded. I know I was taking advantage of her and I think I stopped in the relationship because I was not ready to get out on my own.
What I want is to have the personal freedom and satisfaction of providing for myself. Indeed, a much more attractive quality. I think that if we have that space and the stress of my finances are no longer her burden that we could happier than ever. I really dont want to jump into a relationship with her, just want to start fresh and without nothing to gain other than partner to enjoy life with.
The thing is I'm not sure if it is the case of too little too late or, you should have known what you had when you had it. Maybe thats what I deserve from an outside perspective. I just might have stripped this woman of every last thing she had to give. She sent my mom a text after last monday after she and a girlfriend took a holiday vacation to get away from everything. She told my mom that she missed and loved them and that she and I were trying not to talk and that it was hard. She sent her a FB message as well and you could tell that she was reaching out. She really didnt want to leave me, I pretty much forced her hand. I had to send her an email on day 7 of NC in regards to plates and tags for my new car I purchased after the break up that were being mailed to our old house. It was very brief and to the point. She responded the same way within a matter of ten minutes.
Its really hard for me not to reach out. This is not some stupid little girl, she is a very intelligent woman with a lot of independence. I know she has been a wreck and drinking too much and not really doing well with the break up. She did mention that other guys were interested in her and that she had been talking to them. But honestly I have used this tactic too. I know it is still too fresh and she is an emotional wreck for it to have any significant meaning. Even if it is just sex with someone to make her feel wanted, I totally understand that. Hell, I have already done it and it had limited healing power at best.
I know what kind of forum this is and I know the answer to my coming question. I also know that my story and the people involved are not unique. I just really want to know what to do to make it right with her. I know space and time is the best cure for these things. She is a great person and so am I. We formed a bond on a level that I have never received from another person. I truly believe that the root of our relationship problems were due in large part of my immaturity and her being my door mat.
I know there are too many out there to be pining over one like a girl. I just came back from a date with a girl I met out last week. She is just as successful and even a little better looking than my ex, but........... That connection that we had immediately is not present.
I need some true advice as to handle this issue. Give me something good. This girl doesn’t hate me and still thinks the world of me. I think she is scared and for good reason that she will get hurt again. Given the situation of us no longer living together and having our own responsibilities, I personally think that the next time around would be very satisfying for both parties. I don’t know..........................................................................