Broke up with girlfriend of 7 months, we still talk like we're together, what to do?

[JCKey618]

She had been acting weird lately so I got fed up with the *****yness and asked her if she still cared for the relationship and if she didn't we should just end it now. She said she doesn't think she's ready for a committed relationship (only took 7 months to figure that out ) so I asked if she wanted to end it and she said "yes and no" and then I said, well, we can't have both and that I guess this is the end.

Well, that was two days ago. And after the break-up part she told me that she loved me with all her heart and would do anything for me. Today we talked for a while like everything was the same. Towards the end of the convo, she even told me about a nasty dream she had about us. Then, when we said our good-byes for the night, she said "I love you my Sexy Justin" (she calls me Sexy and I call her Tasty) and I said it back.

I know I am probably walking on dangerous territory here. I want the relationship to be back on. I just want things like they were just a week ago. But, I'm thinking that if she thinks that she can have the good parts of a relationship without a committment, then she won't want the situation to change from where it is currently. So, what do I need to do to make her realize she's happier with me than without me?

Also, what are my limits here? Can I kiss her? Touch her like I used to? This is quite awkward for me. We're not a couple, but we still act like one (atleast in convo).

 

[Dirtheart]

I got a similar speech from my ex-. "I'm confused, I don't know what I want, but I don't think I can commit to a relationship".

I made the mistake of pushing her and trying to regain her interest, but I lost her completely.

Try to remember the old adage "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". I am sure she still has feelings for you, but you need to keep your distance and let her realise what life would be like without you.

It's easy to think she'll forget about you if you're not around, but she won't. The less you are there for her, the more she'll think about you.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by JCKey618
She said she doesn't think she's ready for a committed relationship (only took 7 months to figure that out ) so I asked if she wanted to end it and she said "yes and no" and then I said, well

... I'm ok with that, we should just meet up and have sex every now and then without the commitment".

If she wants the good parts of a relationship without the commitment, then just make sure that one of those good parts is the regular shagging.

I don't know, I am probably a little jaded here, but you have a great opportunity for an fbuddy. Your limits are this: do everything as before, but stop spending money on her and feeling like you have to call her up everyday just to say hello.

 

[jbbrain]

NEVER have sex with an ex:

Dont make me warn u again.

 

[NatureGuy]

I've been in this situation too, and I think Dirtheart has a good approach to it.
Backing off a bit is common when a relationship starts to seem serious, especially when you're younger and still exploring/understanding your options
in life. My advice: have fun with her,
treat her like a 'girlfriend', but lay off the commitment talk and serious stuff.
It's hard to do sometimes, I know. But it's necessary.

 

[JCKey618]

She just asked me to go out with her this weekend to a festival

 

[JohnJones]

How old are you two?

 

[CLOONEY]

Definately withdraw yourself.

I would hate to state the obvious, but she is confused = she loves you, but doesnt want anything seroius with you.

If you try to push this, u will loose her entirely, as you will loose your challenge.

Withdraw withdraw withdraw!!

 

[Ridingthelightning]

Sounds to me like you're still in the early stages of a relationship, I wouldn't throw a lot of weight on it. You break up and then she says she loves you. She wants to break up but doesn't.
Sounds to me like you're at the transitional phase of the relationship. If you both decide to go to the next step and make some sort of a stronger commitment then I think you'll mature personally and in the relationship.
I'd stay clear of still acting like you're dating still until you KNOW what is going to happen. I've been where you are just that I didn't want to commit and she was telling me she loved me.

 

[JCKey618]

She told me yesterday that she is very stressed out right now and has to get her life together and once she gets back on the right track she wants to try to resume our relationship.

When I asked her how the hell she wanted me to act around her, she said just act like this is temporary. She told me that she felt the same as I and was as sad as I and that I just need to have patience and faith.

 

[JCKey618]

She's the kind of girl that would do the same back. Sometimes I think she's read the Don Juan Bible herself

 

[JohnJones]

Then it sounds like you should do whatever feels appropriate for you independent of what she does. If she wants to have her cake and eat it to, maybe she's not ideal for you.

Its one thing to say that she needs extra time to do work because she's busy, its another to say she just "needs space." If you feel like giving her the space, do it, and if you feel like going out with another girl, do that.

 

[backbreaker]

she is getting the best of both worlds.

She can be with you whenever she wants, get sex, have a companion, but no relationship.

That's not fair for you.

Just tell her that you have to move on, since, and she did say that she wasn't ready for a relationship. It's that simple. She can't have her cake and eat it to. if she could, what would be the reason for her getting with you in the first place?

 

[Player_Supreme]

Why would you even be talking to an ex??? done is done is my book. I just had a talk with my girl about this and she said she would have sex with an ex. whereas I would not.

To me once your finished and that does happen for a reason why would you even want to open up old doors that lead to pain and hurt anyways just to satisfy your animal natures?


There is a reason for that person being an ex and not in your life right now. I could sleep with an old fawk buddy but not an ex. For me just seeing them would bring back to the surface all of the negative that you had to go through to make them an ex.

I don't rut just for the sake of rutting (fawking). I preffer an emotional connection. And the tearing of this connection even for an old crusty assed playa like me is painful.

And pain isn't what I'm looking for in this lifetime. So why are you?