My ex-girlfriend (feels weird to say that) broke up with me after a 1 year and 4 month relationship. This is not the first time we've broken up, we've broken up several times since November of last year, maybe 5 or 6 times total. When we do breakup we usually get back together the next day. This time around, it seems as if its a final breakup. I needed some valuable input from you guys since I am really heartbroken 
. I know some of you are going to be harsh, and I'm going to have to man up and listen to everything, but be easy since I've been out of the game for a while :kick:
-We broke up this time because of the stress and fighting that we've been putting each other through, it just hasn't been the same lately. She has been there physically but emotionally shes been missing. All of the problems started back in November, right after her birthday and when I started to really spend time with her family.
-We argue about the same things, such as her family, my expectations, and time management. We can never come to an agreement because she is just so stubborn and never admits to her faults/always has an explanation of things.
-One of the biggest things and main reasons why we broke up is because I was fed up with the fact that she spent time with her "guy friends" and had dinners with them alone and had different activities after (grab coffee, dessert, play pool) in which my opinion sounds like a date. She says that they are just friends and that she's known them long before she's met me and that she would not waste her time with me if she was cheating on me with them. I have a VERY hard time accepting the fact that she has male friends that she eats dinner with and goes out with them after because in my opinion I just feel that if you're in a serious relationship, you shouldn't be going out with the opposite sex. What do you guys think about this situation? In the past I tried to compromise and let her go out with her guy friends, but I just can't accept it. When I asked her to drop her guy friends for me, she refuses and thinks negatively and says " If i drop my guy friends, what happens if we breakup, where do I go to?"
-2nd reason is because she keeps breaking up with me, after we have a stressful argument, I hate this because we are both adults and I feel that we should talk it out like human beings, rather than leaving the other person. I would always be the one running back to her, and this time I did not run back
-3rd reason is her family:
I recently graduated from a major university in December with a B.A. in Finance. I had a big graduation/celebration dinner with my family and invited her family as well. I chose the restaurant specifically across the street from her house so that her parents would have no problems showing up. She decides not to take them to my graduation dinner since she says "I don't want to put them through this in case we break up in the future." I found that it was very unfair that I ALWAYS made it to all of her family events, she has 3 little brothers and I would always make it to their bday parties/event celebrations with gifts as well.
I have no way of communication to her parents. Her parents do not speak english, and only speak Mandarin. I speak vietnamese, cantonese, and english. So there is a language barrier.
The other thing is that her family DOES NOT respect me. Her dad treats me as if I am some scumbag with no education, no job, and I just feel that with my accomplishments, no human being deserves this level of respect. Almost every time I come inside her house, I get this feeling from her dad that he does not want me to be there, unless he needs me to fix their computer.
I am mad at the fact that I invested so much time/effort into her family by showing respect and face by going to all of their events, spending time and money on her little brothers/parents and NOT receive anything back but negativity from her family after a year of trying to get them to "like me" and not have them show up to my graduation dinner really hurt me inside.
A wise friend of mine told me, "If you marry the girl, you marry her family" so I had that concept stuck in my head and always tried my best to make her family happy.
4th reason:
In December, she asked me for a promise ring for x-mas. We went shopping for it, and we picked it out together. Christmas time came, she opened the ring box in front of her family since she wanted them to see how happy/excited she was, then left it on her table in her room. The next week I wanted to take her to get the ring sized, so when I asked her about it, she says she doesn't know how to tell me this, but she lost the ring.
I was VERY upset/sad and she kept explaining that nobody took it from her room, her brothers did not take the ring, nor her parents did not take it. I honestly have a gut feeling that her mom secretly took the ring and hid it from her just because she didn't feel that it was right for her daughter to wear the promise ring. I can be wrong, but honestly nobody would of taken it, I don't think my ex-gf would lie about something like that either since she was crying that she felt guilty for losing the ring.
There are positives about her though:
My family REALLY respects her, LOVES her, and always talks to her with nothing but great things to say about her attitude. They really did see her in my future and I also saw her as a potential wife/soul mate. Maybe our visions are different since I am turning 23 and she is 20 and still in school pursuing to be a registered nurse.
She broke up with me 2 weeks ago, I was so mad at her I didn't call/text just let her be. The next 2 days she said she realized what she did was not right, but not all of it was her fault, and said she wanted me back for the next 2 days. I said no, and needed some time to think about the above situation (4 above reasons why I would not want her back).
The next couple of days, I tell her that I miss her and am ready to talk to her about what happen and resolve our recent problem we had. She says she needs time to think, and that she realized that it would be best for us to split up since we fight about the same things and can never come to a conclusion.
Last week, I saw her on tuesday and we made up, had sex, and then she still told me she needed another week to think about things and where they were going...
I called her on friday breaking down in tears, and because I am an honest guy I cannot mickey mouse this situation since I am older and do not want to play games. I told her that I was hurting deep down inside waiting for her, and that I was willing to resolve/compromise the issues we had faced previously. She said that it doesn't make sense for us to be back together because we'll fight about the same things over and over again, and that we'll stress each other out even more. She tells me she's made her decision to move on and that it doesn't seem that it will work later down the road. I cried and told her things such as "I don't want to lose you, I don't want to regret anything in the future" and so on... It wasn't working so I went to sleep since I had work early the next morning.
Anyways, this past sunday I finally realized that I was hurting myself too much over this relationship. I've put so much time and effort into someone that does not appreciate the things I do for her in the end. Maybe it's her age (20) and that she does not realize what she has is good, or maybe its the fact that she rather spend time with her friends than me. For whatever reason, it sounded like she was firm on her decision of breaking up with me and moving on. Changed her status on facebook and deleted all of my pictures.
I sent her a text saying,
"Hey, I thought about it, and I finally realized that I'm going to accept your decision and let go. It's been so great and we had some adventures, very unforunate we can't work things out. Call me in the future if you need any help. Good luck with school and everything else."
She does not text me back until today:
"I'm sorry too dear, goodluck with everything. I hope you get promoted within your company maybe we will get a chance to get together in the future. Thank you for everything, you'll always have a place in my heart"
Should I really move on? I mean, I don't think that I'm a bad guy to begin with. I have a stable career and recently graduated from college with a BA in Finance from a well known accredited university. Do you think that it's fair for me to deal with the level of respect that her parents show me? Or do you guys think I'm at fault for over analyzing the situation?
This week is my birthday, Friday I have dinner plans with my family and Saturday I am planning an event at a sports bar with my friends. Both of the events in which I invited her to, to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I honestly think that if she does not show up, I would be even more hurt. What do you guys think? Move on if she comes back? Accept the fact that she broke up with me?
I honestly do feel that right now, she's going to have fun with her friends and all since she has freedom now. But after she's alone and has no plans with her friends, she's going to realize that her friends do not give her a feeling of love that she needs. I just have a good feeling she will come back to me in a week or two. My family is so sweet to her, and her family is not so sweet to me. Family is important to me when it comes to a relationship, and it's something that can't accept if her family does not accept me. We love each other so much/the intensity of the attraction towards each other is extreme/unexplainable and it's just the fighting that is breaking us apart. I tried to explain to her that we can work things out, but she has no hope. I really am heartbroken and need to be guided in the right direction
. I know some of you are going to be harsh, and I'm going to have to man up and listen to everything, but be easy since I've been out of the game for a while :kick:-We broke up this time because of the stress and fighting that we've been putting each other through, it just hasn't been the same lately. She has been there physically but emotionally shes been missing. All of the problems started back in November, right after her birthday and when I started to really spend time with her family.
-We argue about the same things, such as her family, my expectations, and time management. We can never come to an agreement because she is just so stubborn and never admits to her faults/always has an explanation of things.
-One of the biggest things and main reasons why we broke up is because I was fed up with the fact that she spent time with her "guy friends" and had dinners with them alone and had different activities after (grab coffee, dessert, play pool) in which my opinion sounds like a date. She says that they are just friends and that she's known them long before she's met me and that she would not waste her time with me if she was cheating on me with them. I have a VERY hard time accepting the fact that she has male friends that she eats dinner with and goes out with them after because in my opinion I just feel that if you're in a serious relationship, you shouldn't be going out with the opposite sex. What do you guys think about this situation? In the past I tried to compromise and let her go out with her guy friends, but I just can't accept it. When I asked her to drop her guy friends for me, she refuses and thinks negatively and says " If i drop my guy friends, what happens if we breakup, where do I go to?"
-2nd reason is because she keeps breaking up with me, after we have a stressful argument, I hate this because we are both adults and I feel that we should talk it out like human beings, rather than leaving the other person. I would always be the one running back to her, and this time I did not run back
-3rd reason is her family:
I recently graduated from a major university in December with a B.A. in Finance. I had a big graduation/celebration dinner with my family and invited her family as well. I chose the restaurant specifically across the street from her house so that her parents would have no problems showing up. She decides not to take them to my graduation dinner since she says "I don't want to put them through this in case we break up in the future." I found that it was very unfair that I ALWAYS made it to all of her family events, she has 3 little brothers and I would always make it to their bday parties/event celebrations with gifts as well.
I have no way of communication to her parents. Her parents do not speak english, and only speak Mandarin. I speak vietnamese, cantonese, and english. So there is a language barrier.
The other thing is that her family DOES NOT respect me. Her dad treats me as if I am some scumbag with no education, no job, and I just feel that with my accomplishments, no human being deserves this level of respect. Almost every time I come inside her house, I get this feeling from her dad that he does not want me to be there, unless he needs me to fix their computer.
I am mad at the fact that I invested so much time/effort into her family by showing respect and face by going to all of their events, spending time and money on her little brothers/parents and NOT receive anything back but negativity from her family after a year of trying to get them to "like me" and not have them show up to my graduation dinner really hurt me inside.
A wise friend of mine told me, "If you marry the girl, you marry her family" so I had that concept stuck in my head and always tried my best to make her family happy.
4th reason:
In December, she asked me for a promise ring for x-mas. We went shopping for it, and we picked it out together. Christmas time came, she opened the ring box in front of her family since she wanted them to see how happy/excited she was, then left it on her table in her room. The next week I wanted to take her to get the ring sized, so when I asked her about it, she says she doesn't know how to tell me this, but she lost the ring.
I was VERY upset/sad and she kept explaining that nobody took it from her room, her brothers did not take the ring, nor her parents did not take it. I honestly have a gut feeling that her mom secretly took the ring and hid it from her just because she didn't feel that it was right for her daughter to wear the promise ring. I can be wrong, but honestly nobody would of taken it, I don't think my ex-gf would lie about something like that either since she was crying that she felt guilty for losing the ring.
There are positives about her though:
My family REALLY respects her, LOVES her, and always talks to her with nothing but great things to say about her attitude. They really did see her in my future and I also saw her as a potential wife/soul mate. Maybe our visions are different since I am turning 23 and she is 20 and still in school pursuing to be a registered nurse.
She broke up with me 2 weeks ago, I was so mad at her I didn't call/text just let her be. The next 2 days she said she realized what she did was not right, but not all of it was her fault, and said she wanted me back for the next 2 days. I said no, and needed some time to think about the above situation (4 above reasons why I would not want her back).
The next couple of days, I tell her that I miss her and am ready to talk to her about what happen and resolve our recent problem we had. She says she needs time to think, and that she realized that it would be best for us to split up since we fight about the same things and can never come to a conclusion.
Last week, I saw her on tuesday and we made up, had sex, and then she still told me she needed another week to think about things and where they were going...
I called her on friday breaking down in tears, and because I am an honest guy I cannot mickey mouse this situation since I am older and do not want to play games. I told her that I was hurting deep down inside waiting for her, and that I was willing to resolve/compromise the issues we had faced previously. She said that it doesn't make sense for us to be back together because we'll fight about the same things over and over again, and that we'll stress each other out even more. She tells me she's made her decision to move on and that it doesn't seem that it will work later down the road. I cried and told her things such as "I don't want to lose you, I don't want to regret anything in the future" and so on... It wasn't working so I went to sleep since I had work early the next morning.
Anyways, this past sunday I finally realized that I was hurting myself too much over this relationship. I've put so much time and effort into someone that does not appreciate the things I do for her in the end. Maybe it's her age (20) and that she does not realize what she has is good, or maybe its the fact that she rather spend time with her friends than me. For whatever reason, it sounded like she was firm on her decision of breaking up with me and moving on. Changed her status on facebook and deleted all of my pictures.
I sent her a text saying,
"Hey, I thought about it, and I finally realized that I'm going to accept your decision and let go. It's been so great and we had some adventures, very unforunate we can't work things out. Call me in the future if you need any help. Good luck with school and everything else."
She does not text me back until today:
"I'm sorry too dear, goodluck with everything. I hope you get promoted within your company
maybe we will get a chance to get together in the future. Thank you for everything, you'll always have a place in my heart"Should I really move on? I mean, I don't think that I'm a bad guy to begin with. I have a stable career and recently graduated from college with a BA in Finance from a well known accredited university. Do you think that it's fair for me to deal with the level of respect that her parents show me? Or do you guys think I'm at fault for over analyzing the situation?
This week is my birthday, Friday I have dinner plans with my family and Saturday I am planning an event at a sports bar with my friends. Both of the events in which I invited her to, to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I honestly think that if she does not show up, I would be even more hurt. What do you guys think? Move on if she comes back? Accept the fact that she broke up with me?
I honestly do feel that right now, she's going to have fun with her friends and all since she has freedom now. But after she's alone and has no plans with her friends, she's going to realize that her friends do not give her a feeling of love that she needs. I just have a good feeling she will come back to me in a week or two. My family is so sweet to her, and her family is not so sweet to me. Family is important to me when it comes to a relationship, and it's something that can't accept if her family does not accept me. We love each other so much/the intensity of the attraction towards each other is extreme/unexplainable and it's just the fighting that is breaking us apart. I tried to explain to her that we can work things out, but she has no hope. I really am heartbroken and need to be guided in the right direction
