Broke A Major Rule!

[Frosty]

Well, nothing in the bible teaches me how to deal with this situation so I am calling on you all.

A couple of weeks I finally slept with a female that I have been into for the past couple of months. We were both being a challenge to each other so we built up some strong sexual attraction. We went out bowling and afterwards,I dropped her off at her place, she invited me in. It was 2:00am so I was all happy and Sh!t.
Well, before I knew it, we were making her bed squeak.

Well, after that night I didn't call her back for a few days, trying to be cool and all. She called me instead and asked why I haven't called her. I told her that I was going to call butI got busy wrapping up some final exams at school. Well, since then, things hasn't been the same. She no longer calls me as often and is sort of distant when we talk over the phone. It even hard to get her to go out again or come over to my place. She used to be excited when she talked to me now its like a "whatever" kind of attitude.
I really like her. She is attractive, intelligent, and has a nice personality with a tinge of sassiness which makes her even sexier.
She is one of two girls I am dating but I am not into the other as much as I am with this one.

I now know and see that you absolutely should call the next day after having sex with a woman.

Is there a way I can recover from this and not look like a total AFC? Do I just call and say "I'm sorry about the other day?"

 

[flyjesta81]

Hey I hear ya! I get that sometimes too were your trying to
do things right so to speak. and at first things go really well
then you distant yourself acting like your busy or something
then she finally calls or whatever and u say 'oh I was busy"
then she like loses interest. I wonder why? do u think it is because maybe she thinks you just used her. or what?
i'm confused on that same question maybe some of the vets can
help us out

 

[Frosty]

i'm confused on that same question maybe some of the vets can

Well, I don't know; 78 views and no reply except for yours. I thought it would be an interesting topic.

 

[violator]

She is probably miffed that you didn't call soon enough. Some women get all emotional and sentimental when they have sex.

Give her some time to get over it and call in a couple of days to set up something with her to talk things over. Good luck!

 

[Starman]

"I now know and see that you absolutely should call the next day after having sex with a woman."

Dude, keep your pants on. She is miffed that the sex wasnt as meaningful to you as it was to her.

She is playing your own game and you are falling into her trap.

She is trying to make you feel guilty..and is trying to be aloof and distant from you either in anger..or is trying to play hard to get (even tho she already played her hard to get cards by sleeping with you)

don't awfulize a situation thats just beginning to brew. Obviously she likes you..and wants to work things out. Just be patient..give her a few nibbles here and there , but dont fall for her cold shoulder tricks.

Hey Im from chicago too!

 

[here come the drums]

You should have told her that you wanted to appear cool by not calling her. Because no matter how you wanted to portray yourself the message didn't get through to her. She thinks sthat you're an insensitive idiot. There is also the possibility that you really sucked in bed, but if the first thing she asked is why you hadn't called, then that would have been of lesser importance.

After sharing an incredibly intimate moment with her, using "busy" as an excuse for not ringing is a an obvious lie.
First you are insensitive then you lie. Why are you surprised that she doesn't want to hang out with you anymore?

don't think you'll be able to rescue this one
use it as a learning experience

 

[Frosty]

Hey Im from chicago too!

Where at? I am from the West side,
Near Austin BlVD/ Oak Park area.

There is also the possibility that you really sucked in bed

After 11 years of screwing, I hope to hell that is not the problem or nothing can help me.

 

[Grey Fox]

A little philosphy to aid your problem

You talked about all that tension built between you. Think of her as a sand castle builder and you as the ocean. Each day she dared to build her castle closer and closer, building up the excitement that the ocean might wash away everything. Of course the ocean is given to tremendous storms now and then. A mighty wave one day obliterated her sand castle.(You two making the bed squeak) Now that the excitement is gone, why should she come back to the beach and enjoy that particular strech of the ocean(You). The ocean my friend has the power to destory, but also give life. It yields up nourishment, but not easily, it must be fished after.(Make her work a little and then begin to satisfy her emotional needs) If things go well, one might choose to live by the ocean for the bounty it provides.(She decides to pursue you seriously because you make her feel special) In time one can form a bond with the ocean, and the ocean shares its secrets and wonders.(If her interest stays with you long enough and grows, truely open up to her, and buy her roses or simple gifts when she doesn't expect it.) Though one must never take the ocean for granted, for it has the power to wash away a man much like a sand castle.(Should she try to play you, NEXT her. But should you treat her poor and with cruelty, she whatever feelings she had for you will be quickly washed away.) Hope this helps, and if you like any further advice I would be pleased to give it and post again.

Grey Fox

 

[Frosty]

Fox, That is a great post! Very insightful. Thanks for your time.

Frosty

 

[Quick]

I agree with drums except for his view that everything is definitely lost. A well done apology can make a lot of things better. I believe that a DJ should have control, and not let a woman make him feel guilty for doing nothing wrong. If however, you know you did something wrong, such as intentionally not calling after sex because you stopped thinking about her as a person with feelings and were instead concentrating on rules that you misinterpreted, I believe that an apology is warranted. Everyone in this world can spare 10 minutes for a phone call, and if you didn't call for days, she knows it was by choice. She probably told herself she wasn't going to call, but when she couldn't stand not knowing, she finally called you to see if you had any reasonable explanation. You didn't.

As far as how to apologize, this doesn't call for the straight "i'm sorry". "I'm sorry I didn't call," won't solve her main concern. Her main problem is that it seemed like having sex wasn't as big a deal to you as it was to her, and she feels like she may have been used. You need to do something special and that requires effort and reassures her that she's important to you.

When things change in the relationship, you have to change too. The same things you do to present a challenge and get her interested, don't work after you already get her. You have to show that her pursuit of you is working, that she's making progress in winning your affection. That means calling quicker and more often, being more open, and showing that you actually care.

 

[Frosty]

Quick, this is an excellent respones. It makes 100% sense and I completely agree with you.

 

[RKTek]

The sex was bad.

Rather, it wasn't as good as she had dreamed. Is this a bad thing? No, because she might have dreamed of fireworks exploding as she had powerful orgasms. Or she dreamed of toe-curling sessions as all her problems disappeared. Or more cynically, she saw you as someone she had a hard time figuring out or controlling so she decided to 'give it up' to get you under he 'spell'. But you weren't under her spell, she realized it and that's that.

So, she was less than thrilled, and I'll bet that if you'd be honest with yourself you'll admit she wasn't that great in the sack either.

So, she's giving you the cold shoulder. Hey, at least you've found out what a flake she is now, rather than later.

 

[DJintheworks]

man that is a tough situation, and nothing feels like a good option. but at this point just fvck pride and do whatever it takes to get her into bed again and then do it right from that point on. But don't make it drama, just call her up and instead of "we need to talk" be all fun and act like you did before it happened, get her out on another fun date and set yourself up for glory. good luck!

 

[GirlCrazy]

Everybody seems to be making assumptions about what's up with this girl. Why not just ask her? Say: "Hey what's on your mind?" or "You seem bummed at me, let's talk about it over dinner. I know this great little Italian place."

I don't think it's AFC to ask her what's on her mind. You don't have to be apologetic or come off as needy. If she can't communicate with you then it probably wasn't meant to be anyway.

 

[GirlCrazy]

I agree with DJintheworks that your tone with her shouldn't be that serious or somber. Assume the positive.

 

[ds28]

I thought Drums and Quick both made good comments.

 

[Frosty]

well, I am glad you guys didn't let me down and gave some great replies.
I went more along the lines of Drums and Quick and simply apologized for not calling. Things seems to be back to normal. We are enjoying some great interactions again. Thanks to every one.

Let this be a lesson to every one. Call the next day after having sex with a woman. You don't want to mess that one up.



Frosty

 

[am4591]

Ridiculous. I never call the next day. Any woman who has a problem with it, the hell with her. A few have said something about it but I just tell them I don't like talking on the phone anyway, which is true. I'd rather save conversation for when I see her. Just about the only time I call a woman is when I call to set up a date--I'll chat with her a little then but I still keep it short.


Frosty,

You shouldn't have apologized but I'm glad things are OK now. It sounds like your situation has changed for the better.

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by Frosty
well, I am glad you guys didn't let me down and gave some great replies.
I went more along the lines of Drums and Quick and simply apologized for not calling. Things seems to be back to normal. We are enjoying some great interactions again. Thanks to every one.

Let this be a lesson to every one. Call the next day after having sex with a woman. You don't want to mess that one up.



Frosty

I'm very glad to hear it. She obviously was mad for a specific reason, and you correctly identified the reason why. What made it saveable was that she cares for you, and wanted to forgive you. You just had to give her a way to be able to do so and still keep her pride. Apologizing was the correct thing to do when you knew you messed up, and I don't believe the DJ thing to do is to blow a good and progressing relationship so you can pretend you're never in the wrong. You still have all the power that you used too, and are possibly in a better position than before. She's revealed by her actions that you can get to her by the simple act of not calling, and you've unintentionally created some drama that will bring you two closer. Belive me when I say that she felt worse than you did during this time.

 

[Escalade]

This is what most likely went down:

First, she didn't lose interest after she had sex with you, which is proven by the fact that she actually called a few days later asking why YOU never called. This is where she loses interest...

You have established yourself as just another guy in her eyes because she thinks that all you wanted was sex, and this is a big turnoff in a lot of girls eyes, obviously this girls too. So once you hit it, she figured you wanted to leave it.

I don't think she's testing you, I just think she's lost interest, and the only way to get her back(if you want to) is to apologize...don't play games like wait more time or anything like that, because in my opinion that will worsen the problem.

So if you really like the girl, I'd say just call her up, and tell her your sorry and you should of called sooner, but don't get all AFCish and grovel down and beg, nor buy her expensive gifts, just apologize.