Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

[Kailex]

Im gonna have to come at this from another angle. Everyone is saying bail out and leave her, etc. etc. I think some of the guys on here are so caught up in "game" that the situation is analyzed in a very unfair manner. No amount of stats, nor threads describing your situation will warrant you advice any better than your own instincts and desires. YOU know your situation, YOU know the depths of your relationship with this woman.

But my experience is this: My stepdad came into the picture when I was a young kid and took me and my mom in. A couple years later they had my sister. Yeah there were tensions between my stepdad and I when I was younger, but who knows where my mom (who was 22 at the time) and I would be had it not been for that man. I can guarantee I wouldn't have gotten a college education. He could've taken the selfish route and found another woman who didn't have a kid, but he loved my mom. Hope one day I can be half the man he didn't have to be.

Also, they are still very happily married 20 some odd years later.

But its your life bro, do what you will.

That's all nice, and warm, and tingly, and cuddly...

But apparently you missed the part where the OP said he DIDNT want to be a father to these kids.

I'm sure your stepdad accepted your mom's condition and embraced it. That situation is not applicable here. It's not being "caught up in the game". It's understanding that if a man doesn't want to raise someone else's children, that should be completely acceptable as well.

Why would I advise him to stick around if he is clearly saying what he doesn't want from the relationship?

 

[Jaylan]

OP, if you dont want to be a father figure to these kids, then bail. You had no business catching feelings and thinking of being serious with a single mom if you werent ready to accept her kids. Long term dating a single parent who has custody of their children, means you have to accept the kids. And it generally means being some sort of authority figure and role model for the kids if they are young enough.

How can you not know this before you dated this woman? You dont want to be the kids father figure? Fine, cool, I understand as I wouldnt want that myself. It just means you need to bail right away.

Exactly. Your mom and you were the beneficiaries. But what about your step dad? Would he not have been better off marrying a woman who had no kids from a previous relationship? Chances are, he would have had a happier life had he made that decision.

Stupid assumption. The guys stepdad could have married some other women whom he may not have loved as much and who could have been a crappy woman to him. Then his life would have been crap.

If its and buts were candies and nuts....

Ifs dont matter as his step dad found a good woman and raised a fine daughter and stepson with a good wife beside him. My best friends dad is his stepdad and has been there since he was a tyke. He and his wife (best friends mom) raised that kid well. And they had a great impact on me as well.

In other words, you know not what you speak. Not every situation is the same.

 

[bluenorther]

ABORT! EJECT! RUN!

Stand your ground and realize you don't want to be someone else's #2. Because guess what, that's what you are going to be to the kids.

In fact, you won't even be #2... There IS NO #2.
I've dated many singled moms, and they always started incredibly well. They ALL crashed after a few months, when the kid issues and ex issues began to take over.

 

[Dom1noe]

OP: My mother got divorced and then married again and it seems to be going fine. The thing is my upbringing was already over at the time she married again. My brother was only like 10 years old when we moved in, though.

A good point I saw mentioned here is the relationship with her ex. The relationship of my parents is not perfect (couples divorce for a reason) but everything was always correct. I never witnessed an argument, they never threw sh!t behind each other's back, my father was never a day late with the payments and she always arranged things so that he could visit us or take us to a trip/grandma/vacation/whatever. Which he did often, so although mum had a new relationship, we didn't feel the need to relate to this guy as a father.

If you don't see a way the relationships between her, you, the kids and her ex work on a solid level long term, then evacuate. It's better for everyone - bad temper between adults puts stress on kids (ex talking **** about you, etc.), kids go CRAZY at home which builds pressure in her and she has noone to blame but you... It's a sad idea, but a possible one. :kick:

 

[Tomthebomb]

You exactly what to do. Stop this crap and let her go as soon as possible, it is not your job to clean up somebody else's mess, she is responsive for having these kids and leaving the father, not you. She might seem like she loves you unconditionally but that's because she's desperate, she's desperate and she needs you (to man up and marry that ho).

Raising another mans kids is the ultimate insult to your manhood, using your own resources to further the genes of someone else makes you b1tch, don't be a b1tch.

Also, we are talking about a women that takes child support from her ex-husband - the male version of rape. She will f.u.c.k you over too as soon as it is beneficial to do so.