Brings kid on first date

[BackInTheGame78]

For childless men, everything is wrong with dating single moms.

Maybe but if you are in your mid 40s with no kids good luck finding someone with no kids. And if you do chances are high they are fvcked up mentally and that's the reason why they don't have kids.

A woman near 40 with no kids is a giant red flag.

 

[RickTheToad]

I avoid blanket statements... you'll end making a lot of bad decisions in your life that way.

Respectfully, I disagree. The female is either 25 or 28, not 40 or near 40. In addition, many females are waiting til mid 30's or later for kids. Not saying I agree with this, but this is the trend. You and I may not like or agree with it, but that's what's happening dude. Not your generation any longer.

Why American Women Everywhere Are Delaying Motherhood

PHOENIX — Luz Portillo, the oldest daughter of Mexican immigrants, has many plans. She is studying to be a skin care expert. She has also applied to nursing school. She works full time, too — as a nurse’s aide and doing eyelash extensions, a business she would like to grow. But one thing she has...

www.yahoo.com

 

[Barrister]

Do we really need to derail another thread that rags on single moms? OP's post was more about why she brought her kid to the first date, not whether or not he should date a single mom. As to the original question, it is impossible to know. Maybe just ask her - because most single moms I know are HIGHLY protective of their kid and you normally will not meet them unless you have been dating for an extended period of time. I think it is a red flag that she brought the kid with her; not a red flag that she is a single mom standing alone.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Ok....here we go ..
Was at the supermarket. Saw a cutie. Got her number.
Texted back and forth for about a week or two...don't remember.
She says she is really busy all the time but is free Friday night. Ok.
Go pick her up at coffee shop near her place ( I found that out later).
I'm thinking no big deal...first date...doesn't want me to know where she lives.
As I'm pulling up....she's there with her like 6 or 7 year old daughter.
This girl is 25. In my head I go... I guess we don't need to have that conversation anymore.
So I took it as that. She just wanted to rip the band aid off real quick. So we went to the mall. Walked around and had like chicken and fries. Nothing much to do.
Second date happens later on and no kid...straight to my place. Sex...no food cuz I just moved in...just beer for her....rum for me. No TV ...no furniture lol
All the entertainment was her cell phone music.
So the kid on first date still puzzles me.

That is a huge red flag. Not just because she has a kid and that comes with a whole bag of complexities but because no mature and centered woman would bring her child to a first date with a complete stranger. Think about it. What kind of mum/parent is she bringing a child to a scenario like that?

Needless to mention, during that week of texting (which I have advised against, but that's neither here or there), the conversation should have been brought up by her and not just surprise you. That is obviously a huge part of her life.

Conclusion, next her and move on. These are huge red flags that you should avoid.

PS: I am not against single mums, you just have to know what you're getting into. But her actions were huge red flags, especially since you should be strongly vetting women that you date. Meaning, she vetted herself out.

My two cents.

Modern Man Advice

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Respectfully, I disagree. The female is either 25 or 28, not 40 or near 40. In addition, many females are waiting til mid 30's or later for kids. Not saying I agree with this, but this is the trend. You and I may not like or agree with it, but that's what's happening dude. Not your generation any longer.

Why American Women Everywhere Are Delaying Motherhood

PHOENIX — Luz Portillo, the oldest daughter of Mexican immigrants, has many plans. She is studying to be a skin care expert. She has also applied to nursing school. She works full time, too — as a nurse’s aide and doing eyelash extensions, a business she would like to grow. But one thing she has...

www.yahoo.com

Thank God...that generation is lost

 

[Lookatu]

I don't see anything wrong with liking someone whether she has kids or not. If you like her, you like her. Don't be so closed minded or self limiting.

I can understand arguments on both sides as I've dated several women with and without kids(> 300).
Everyone has had unique circumstances to why they are at where they are today.

It's like a 25yo girl raising a red flag because a 40yo dude doesn't have his own house yet or make 6 figures if you want to reverse the logic.

However it boils down to preference too. Everyone has their own and I'm not going to preach or shame someone because they have one. Everyone should go with what they're comfortable with but not demean others for a different preference. My $.02

 

[Jor-El]

I have had the same experience as the OP. I met a girl in a club,set up a date for a couple of days later,she turned up,no make up,spag bol down her top,with a kid in tow,and honked of BO....I should have had her under the trade descriptions act tbf and headed for the door but what can you do ? I made a remark that she never said she had kids and she said and i quote "I didnt think you would meet me if i told you that" Well I went thru the motions but that was a one date wonder and it was nothing to do with the fact she had kids but the red flags as Modern Man mentioned

 

[PRW63]

Ok....here we go ..
Was at the supermarket. Saw a cutie. Got her number.
Texted back and forth for about a week or two...don't remember.

That's about a week or two too long. Should have made the date one or two days after getting the number,...or made the date right off the bat in-person, which would give you a legit reason to need the number without having to even ask for it. Then stayed off the phone (texting) until the date.

She says she is really busy all the time but is free Friday night. Ok.

That is because of the teenager style texting. In her eyes you were just like all the rest. She could have been "busy" with other guys,...or not busy at all and just wasn't impressed with you enough to agree to anything yet,...eventually pushing it to Friday night.

Go pick her up at coffee shop near her place ( I found that out later)
I'm thinking no big deal...first date...doesn't want me to know where she lives.

Yep.

As I'm pulling up....she's there with her like 6 or 7 year old daughter.
This girl is 25. In my head I go... I guess we don't need to have that conversation anymore.
So I took it as that. She just wanted to rip the band aid off real quick. So we went to the mall. Walked around and had like chicken and fries. Nothing much to do.

Part of the kid being there was too keep you out of her pants. At this point to her you are just like all the rest trying to get in her pants. The kid is a "buffer" or a "shield". She probably figured if you were only looking to "bang" the kid would have scared you off.

Second date happens later on and no kid...straight to my place. Sex...no food cuz I just moved in...just beer for her....rum for me. No TV ...no furniture lol
All the entertainment was her cell phone music.

Since you didn't freak out over the kid last time she thinks there may be hope. But she didn't learn her lesson well enough yet and still banged a guy on the 2nd date who has absolutely nothing,...so little that the only entertainment was music she had to supply herself with her own phone. This is how she will end up with kid #2 and have to figure out later on how to get a guy to accept two kids from two different guys.

Sorry man! I know that doesn't put you in a good position, but I have to tell it straight.

 

[bat soup]

Ok....here we go ..
Was at the supermarket. Saw a cutie. Got her number.
Texted back and forth for about a week or two...don't remember.
She says she is really busy all the time but is free Friday night. Ok.
Go pick her up at coffee shop near her place ( I found that out later).
I'm thinking no big deal...first date...doesn't want me to know where she lives.
As I'm pulling up....she's there with her like 6 or 7 year old daughter.
This girl is 25. In my head I go... I guess we don't need to have that conversation anymore.
So I took it as that. She just wanted to rip the band aid off real quick. So we went to the mall. Walked around and had like chicken and fries. Nothing much to do.
Second date happens later on and no kid...straight to my place. Sex...no food cuz I just moved in...just beer for her....rum for me. No TV ...no furniture lol
All the entertainment was her cell phone music.
So the kid on first date still puzzles me.

Just be careful not to get emotionally involved, unless you want to play daddy. Also, be careful not to give her another one because that will result in 20 years of her helping herself to a percentage of your salary.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I don't like this situation because any normal woman who can't get a sitter will just cancel the date, the kids accompanying her is very troubling because it's basically communicating that these kids are a problem and she's looking to throw that problem onto you as fast as possible.

 

[_sideways_]

That is a huge red flag. Not just because she has a kid and that comes with a whole bag of complexities but because no mature and centered woman would bring her child to a first date with a complete stranger. Think about it. What kind of mum/parent is she bringing a child to a scenario like that?

Needless to mention, during that week of texting (which I have advised against, but that's neither here or there), the conversation should have been brought up by her and not just surprise you. That is obviously a huge part of her life.

Conclusion, next her and move on. These are huge red flags that you should avoid.

PS: I am not against single mums, you just have to know what you're getting into. But her actions were huge red flags, especially since you should be strongly vetting women that you date. Meaning, she vetted herself out.

My two cents.

Modern Man Advice

Agree...
Needless to mention, during that week of texting (which I have advised against, but that's neither here or there), the conversation should have been brought up by her and not just surprise you.


Luckily....I grew up raising my brother who was a baby and helped change diapers and watch SpongeBob and cook...etc.
Kids are not a big deal.
Just need to have experience.

But...I do see her as ....she was hurt and maybe just wanted to know right off the bat...how she should think about me.

Still....a heads up would have been nice.
She lives a super modest life.
I asked to see her place and it is nothing like any of you have lived through.
We are self entitled sometimes. Take for granted good water pressure in the shower.
Complain when the WiFi is down...live in nice neighborhoods where you can order food to be delivered to your door.
Have a TV...
She doesn't have any of that.
Me either but that's my choice. I have my piano. And I go out and talk to girls for fun.
And work out. Call my mom and friends.
Nothing extravagant. Just brush my teeth...my hair looks good even after a hang over...wash my clothes and go shop for groceries. See cute girl. Hi cute girl . Name ..number...ok. call you bye

 

[_sideways_]

That's about a week or two too long. Should have made the date one or two days after getting the number,...or made the date right off the bat in-person, which would give you a legit reason to need the number without having to even ask for it. Then stayed off the phone (texting) until the date.


That is because of the teenager style texting. In her eyes you were just like all the rest. She could have been "busy" with other guys,...or not busy at all and just wasn't impressed with you enough to agree to anything yet,...eventually pushing it to Friday night.


Yep.



Part of the kid being there was too keep you out of her pants. At this point to her you are just like all the rest trying to get in her pants. The kid is a "buffer" or a "shield". She probably figured if you were only looking to "bang" the kid would have scared you off.



Since you didn't freak out over the kid last time she thinks there may be hope. But she didn't learn her lesson well enough yet and still banged a guy on the 2nd date who has absolutely nothing,...so little that the only entertainment was music she had to supply herself with her own phone. This is how she will end up with kid #2 and have to figure out later on how to get a guy to accept two kids from two different guys.

Sorry man! I know that doesn't put you in a good position, but I have to tell it straight.

....I'm ok dude.

I'm not an RSD type guy to follow rules of texting too much.
I have a busy life too.
It's just texts....
Texts don't mean shyt.

Ok. She's busy fvcking Chad at 2 in the morning while she's singing a song for me to go to sleep.

....her kid is a buffer while I'm dancing with her in the parking lot.....

You guys are closed minded.
And I get it. Hearts been broke....don't want it to happen again.
Guess what.
How do I put this politely....
Hearts don't break. Weak souls break.

 

[_sideways_]

But she didn't learn her lesson well enough yet and still banged a guy on the 2nd date who has absolutely nothing,...so little that the only entertainment was music she had to supply herself with her own phone.


I just moved in to the house....I don't have time to shop for a TV and sofa and dishes and chairs and Xbox and any of that stuff because I am out....meeting people.
She didn't mind.
I have absolutely nothing.....
I would brag...but...it's pointless.

My question was....how odd is this?

 

[_sideways_]

Dang it....
I was hoping for more mature responses.
Thing is...this was months ago.
Since then...she met my friends kid and vice versa.
Had BBQs....went shopping for groceries.
Normal shyt. Still cuddle...yuck. but she fits nice in my arms. Yuck.
We had fights...
Left her alone. She calls.
The usual.
Kid has never been a problem.


It's the not telling me that is a problem.
I'm not a chimp to be played with.
Next next next...sure.
But this is a learning experience for her...not me.
How do I reach out to this girl and point her in the right direction?
Just letting her go and fvcking up her idea of the world and how her kid sees the world is irresponsible.

Maybe I'm just lucky that my past relationships stayed around to show me my faults before they ejected.

 

[Visionist]

Your last posts reek of oneitis.

You owe her nothing. Unless of course playing stepdad appeals to you, takes all sorts it seems.

You came here to ask us why she brought her kid. We're not mind readers, she knows the reason, not us. Ergo ask her.

And the humblebragging isn't gonna impress anyone here. There are guys on here who fvck several new girls a week.

 

[_sideways_]

Your last posts reek of oneitis.

You owe her nothing. Unless of course playing stepdad appeals to you, takes all sorts it seems.

You came here to ask us why she brought her kid. We're not mind readers, she knows the reason, not us. Ergo ask her.

And the humblebragging isn't gonna impress anyone here. There are guys on here who fvck several new girls a week.

How oneitis?

 

[_sideways_]

You guys think because you have a deep connection with a female is oneitis....
And please respond to my original question....
I should have gone to Reddit.

 

[_sideways_]

I bet none of you wake up at 4 and get kids ready to go to school. And then try to look handsome....and work all day....and think about how your kid is doing....eat lunch nervously thinking if he's alright....then take a bus....and walk home...just to have that anxiety replay everyday

 

[_sideways_]

Don't judge.....my question was . ...how would you feel about it ..(supposing there was definite Sparks) ...

 

[_sideways_]

It's bullshyt you guys cough up...
Next....red flag....
I and her enjoyed two good months together.
Shyt came up....maybe a guy with her....maybe I just want a break from blah blah ....listen to my music ..

I heard no constricve criticism about that question.
Unless.... it's
Single mom. Abort