Breakup (I’ll appreciate support)

[darksprezzatura]

Hello kind folks!

I’d been in a relationship since 3 months.

We’d been hooking up since a year and she pushed for exclusivity and I gave it to her after a few months. Over time I had caught feelings for her.

Red flags:

- Conservative dangerous family
- No female friends, lots of guy friends
- Told me an ex a raped her (he came inside without consent)
- Never asked about my life or goals or dreams
- Immediately started acting like my girlfriend texting everyday etc. since the first day we hooked up. Mostly rants etc
- Replied late, cut calls saying she’s with busy or with family
- Told me she laughed at a girl after she made that girl’s boyfriend cheat on her with her
- Past dates on social media, in touch
- PCOD, hairy all over
- Rarely compromised
- Never suggested plans herself
- Met guy friends without informing me or me knowing anything about them
- Flakey af
- Never on time (I rarely use the word never but I mean it)
- Never introduced her friends to me or invited
- She ignored me when I texted or called but when she texted or called and I wasn’t unavailable she’d have severe anxiety and blow up my phone
Apart from this, due to her conservative orthodox family, she couldn’t go out late night w me, couldn’t pick up her calls after evening, couldn’t go on trips with me, couldn’t even consider marriage without her parents’ consent religious stuff etc.

I often felt unheard and ignored from her, never felt I had any space in the relationship or any curiosity from her side about my life etc.

She told me it’s reasonable if she goes out with some guy hypothetically (maybe office colleague), and has a few drinks with him 1v1 and informs me after the coming back.

And that I could hang out with female friends for drinks and tell hee.

To which I said, that’s not comfortable with me and maybe we should end this. She said let’s talk about this and discuss.

I said sure but she didn’t agree to meeting as she generally doesn’t.

I went out with a female friend for drinks and told her. She got really pissed and said we should end this instead of hurting each other.

We broke up and we had a post breakup toxic chat lmao where she said this was done out of spite. Which was true and that I was trying to make a point.

I think she’s blocked me now, and I’m relieved cuz I’d been cheating on her with 7 different girls like over 30 times after all the fights and stress I faced (I’m ashamed of this and will never repeat this again as it ruins the chances of anything becoming serious and just leaves me with guilt), so leaving her gives me an opportunity to move on from this.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Dude you totally dodged a bullet on this one be happy you made the right choice.

 

[Stanley]

Let her go, she ain't it.
Low self esteem histrionic attention seeking woman who plays the victim and makes everyone she gets involved with feel like utter ****. She's an emotional vampire and a succubus. You both sound like you need to do some healing and you both sound spiteful and bitter.

I think every self respecting dude in here will tell you she's not worth your time and if you're looking for people to pile on her then that just seems like spite. You're in the early stages of grief and step one is anger and denial. Take time to heal and focus solely on yourself. Bench the girls right now and quit 'cheating' with like 7 different girls. Just let her go, it shouldn't take this much work this early on and she seems drama prone.

If you want, take some time to do some exercises in recognizing why she wasn't a good fit. Consider doing some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. You kind of already did this one, but writing out her negative qualities helps a lot. Also actively ask yourself why you are attracting this kind of person? Oftentimes the ones you attract are mirrors of yourself. Also, be clear with what you want and are looking for so you can seek out a quality girl and avoid these ones. I'll steal this one from Corey Wayne, but write out what you want in a partner or relationship and make it specific. See how well this girl matches that criteria and be honest about it. Then use that list as a catalyst for finding quality woman you want to spend time with.

Focus on yourself and go no contact with her.
Go nuclear and delete her ass from your life whether you want to or not. She sounds toxic as all hell and you should not want someone like that in your life period. Block her ass, delete her number, remove her on socials. You're not butthurt, but if you want to move on and not give her an inch, do it. She sounds like the type of chick to play ego games and **** with your head for the enjoyment of it. Don't let her in, she had her chance. You're gone. You have better things to be doing. Every time you feel like reaching out or being angry with her open a word document and write that **** out then delete it, or leave it and come back and reflect on your emotions in the future.

It is cliché at this point... but hit the gym and start grinding for a bit. Work on your self esteem and build character. When you're in a better place you'll wonder why you gave two ****s about this girl anyways and by that point you'll have other girls to see who WANT to see you! Let the scarcity mindset go and work on yourself and actually become the prize and a high value guy. Don't allow this girl define your self-worth man. Maybe controversial amongst this forum but don't allow this exchange to sour relationships for you either. This girl sounds a lot like an ex of mine and it ****ed me up for a long time. I gave power over this woman when I shouldn't have and projected onto future relationships.

Remember she's just a girl and they're are 3.8 billion of em out there.
Don't get hung up on this one, she ain't it.

 

[logicallefty]

She sounds narcissistic.

 

[darksprezzatura]

She sounds narcissistic.

Agreed. I noticed this long back.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You dodged a bullet but need to see this sooner. All the red flags were there she was just using you for a period of time and wasn't serious.

Even plates I am not exclusive with want me to meet their friends and family after a period of time.

But also my question is...why did you allow this type of toxicness to remain in your life for so long?

 

[eli77]

We've all been there at least you're not going to be able to see her anytime soon

 

[thesimplestseed]

All you need is yourself. You only can rely on your own actions. You have no control over what others choose to do. Believe in your craft and your craft only. Make s**t happen for yourself. When the right time comes, you will find your person. And if you don't, you always got stability with yourself. TIME TO LEVEL TF UP!!!

 

[bat soup]

- Told me an ex a raped her (he came inside without consent)

She sounds like a nut job with zero long-term potential. Hopefully the sex was worth it.

With these types of girls, it's best to use them for what they're worth and not get emotionally involved. Don't take them seriously, don't tell them about other women you're dating, don't consider them in any long-term plans. Just bang them when they can get away from their home/prison and then move on when they start acting up.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Glad you dodged a bullet.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you find someone better. However, I hope you take note of these red flags and apply it to your next partner instead of thinking "catching feelings" was the only reason she dumped you. Men need to start taking accountability and validating women before getting in to relationships/marriages.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She sounds like a nut job with zero long-term potential. Hopefully the sex was worth it.

With these types of girls, it's best to use them for what they're worth and not get emotionally involved. Don't take them seriously, don't tell them about other women you're dating, don't consider them in any long-term plans. Just bang them when they can get away from their home/prison and then move on when they start acting up.

Yeah you can end up in emotional quicksand very quickly with women who display a massive array of red flags but who are very good and freaky in the bedroom

 

[bat soup]

Yeah you can end up in emotional quicksand very quickly with women who display a massive array of red flags but who are very good and freaky in the bedroom

True. I've experienced that. It depends if you want to take the rollercoaster ride or not. Looking back I'd say that I don't regret the experience, but I'm glad that I got out alive.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Update: She reached out and said she still wants me to be in her life even if it’s not as a boyfriend and told me she loves me.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Heard that so many times bro, sorry.
She wants to put you in orbit.

Update: She reached out and said she still wants me to be in her life even if it’s not as a boyfriend and told me she loves me.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Heard that so many times bro, sorry.
She wants to put you in orbit.

Possible, but unlikely.

I broke up with her after she got pissed off by seeing me on a candlelight dinner with another girl (to prove a point to her) and posted pics on my social media.

It was a toxic act, which hurt her self esteem im sure and she called and called and called when she saw my social and I cut her calls.

Her self esteem took a hit and she’s still reaching out to me after all this bs I pulled.

I did apologise to her nonetheless and kept things civil.

I’m sure she just wants me to make it up her for a bit.

Yet it’s a free pass for me to smash other girls, and call her too when she’s free.

As a good person, I am gonna keep my distance. Focus on my life and be glad she’s done.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

The “even if not as a bf”. I don’t know how old you are but anyway experience says otherwise.

 

[darksprezzatura]

The “even if not as a bf”. I don’t know how old you are but anyway experience says otherwise.

I know exactly what you mean though. The context here is different. I told her I’m not great at relationships and act out when I’m committed. I asked her to help me through this so we can stop this break up patch up cycle.

 

[member160761]

Conservative dangerous family

Sounds like a huge plus. Where the **** do you come from?

- Never suggested plans herself

Not her job.

To which I said, that’s not comfortable with me and maybe we should end this. She said let’s talk about this and discuss.

I said sure but she didn’t agree to meeting as she generally doesn’t.

I went out with a female friend for drinks and told her. She got really pissed and said we should end this instead of hurting each other.

You have to man up and not wait for her "consent" to "discuss" about what bothers you. You don't even discuss, you tell her straight she ****ed up and ghost her. If it is out of habit you tell her it never happens again or else ... There is nothing to talk about. You call the shots. Period.

I think she’s blocked me now, and I’m relieved cuz I’d been cheating on her with 7 different girls like over 30 times after all the fights and stress I faced

You got what you deserved. Act like a whoгemonger and get the whoгe. It is like pottery, it rhymes.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Sounds like a huge plus. Where the **** do you come from?


Not her job.


You have to man up and not wait for her "consent" to "discuss" about what bothers you. You don't even discuss, you tell her straight she ****ed up and ghost her. If it is out of habit you tell her it never happens again or else ... There is nothing to talk about. You call the shots. Period.


You got what you deserved. Act like a whoгemonger and get the whoгe. It is like pottery, it rhymes.

Bruh she’s a feminist nvtjob who comes from a strict abusive family and rebelled.

She sure as fuvk won’t listen to anything I say or ask her to do. It’s not gonna work out w her.

I just gotta move on.