Breaks up with me, but one more night?

[countermart]

Guess who texts back? Any advice?

My Text: All names are changed.

“Hi Sarah, I’m no longer interested in 30 May. I love and want you, but not like that, not a final fling. I’m going to move on, as I see now, despite everything, you do not love me, and appear disinterested in trying to work things out together. I have just dropped you and Pete’s (her son) things off. Your key is under the front door, other things in front courtyard, All the best, Countermart.”

Her reply:

“That’s fair enough Countermart, I was also worried it might cheapen everything.

But I have been really concerned about the kids, as I haven’t had a chance to say goodbye to your kids and Pete’s been asking for you.

Your kids in particular have already lost Jenny (prior long term girlfriend who wanted a baby but I said no..from the start) with no further contact and I am worried the same thing is happening again. I also understand they feel like they want to support you.

I haven’t told Pete yet that we have broken up as I was hoping you might reconsider seeing us every now and again since he has no other reliable males in his life.

Your main concern about that was that you would hear about me being with other guys but I have no intention of that happening.

Don’t answer me straight away, but please have a think about whether all of us could meet up every now and again. Perhaps it doesn’t have to be a final goodbye.

If not, could Pete at lease have a phasing down period where we meet up a few more times and then you say goodbye to him?

Anyway have a think about this before you reply.

 

[cordoncordon]

My Text: All names are changed.

“Hi Sarah, I’m no longer interested in 30 May. I love and want you, but not like that, not a final fling. I’m going to move on, as I see now, despite everything, you do not love me, and appear disinterested in trying to work things out together. I have just dropped you and Pete’s (her son) things off. Your key is under the front door, other things in front courtyard, All the best, Countermart.”

Her reply:

“That’s fair enough Countermart, I was also worried it might cheapen everything.

But I have been really concerned about the kids, as I haven’t had a chance to say goodbye to your kids and Pete’s been asking for you.

Your kids in particular have already lost Jenny (prior long term girlfriend who wanted a baby but I said no..from the start) with no further contact and I am worried the same thing is happening again. I also understand they feel like they want to support you.

I haven’t told Pete yet that we have broken up as I was hoping you might reconsider seeing us every now and again since he has no other reliable males in his life.

Your main concern about that was that you would hear about me being with other guys but I have no intention of that happening.

Don’t answer me straight away, but please have a think about whether all of us could meet up every now and again. Perhaps it doesn’t have to be a final goodbye.

If not, could Pete at lease have a phasing down period where we meet up a few more times and then you say goodbye to him?

Anyway have a think about this before you reply.

This is her way of trying to keep you on the hook without reeling you in. She wants to toy with you, and despite what she says, she wants to toy with you while she sees what else is out there.

My response, IF you feel the need to make one (the best response is no response), would be. "I understand, but I am not interested in doing anything like that. Best of luck."

And leave it at that.

 

[Kailex]

My Text: All names are changed.

I warned you, didn't I?
I told you this would happen if you contacted her, but nope, you had to do it, you just had to go and send her a message about it. Why? Who knows, only you know that. Because you thought you could just be the last one to say something? To be the man? To hope she might respond, "NO PLEASE COME BACK."? You'll learn your own lesson.

“Hi Sarah, I’m no longer interested in 30 May. I love and want you, but not like that, not a final fling. I’m going to move on, as I see now, despite everything, you do not love me, and appear disinterested in trying to work things out together. I have just dropped you and Pete’s (her son) things off. Your key is under the front door, other things in front courtyard, All the best, Countermart.”

I can "deal" with this, if it had stopped her. If you had blocked her number, if you weren't deciding what to say back... ANYTHING you say is going to undermine this text... except for SILENCE.

So let me break down HER reply for you.

Her reply:

“That’s fair enough Countermart, I was also worried it might cheapen everything.

I wasn't worried about it at all.

But I have been really concerned about the kids, as I haven’t had a chance to say goodbye to your kids and Pete’s been asking for you.

Now I am going to use our kids as emotional bait. I haven't been asking for you, but my son has. I'll use my own kid as emotional bait to keep you on the hook.

Your kids in particular have already lost Jenny (prior long term girlfriend who wanted a baby but I said no..from the start) with no further contact and I am worried the same thing is happening again. I also understand they feel like they want to support you.

Now I am going to use YOUR kids and YOUR ex-girlfriend as emotional bait... because do you really want to put your kids through a break-up again while I take my sweet, sweet time figuring out if I want to settle for you or want to be with someone else? But hey, by all means tell your kids you broke up with me.

I haven’t told Pete yet that we have broken up as I was hoping you might reconsider seeing us every now and again since he has no other reliable males in his life.

I haven't told Pete that I made the decision to break up with you because I thought I could keep you around so that you could be nothing more than a friend to me and a positive role model to him. But hey if you go through with this and not seeing me, you aren't reliable. Forget that I am not holding myself accountable for any of my actions, but how could you do this to Pete?

Your main concern about that was that you would hear about me being with other guys but I have no intention of that happening.

And what I mean by that, is that I have no intention of telling you if it is happening. Because why would I?

Don’t answer me straight away, but please have a think about whether all of us could meet up every now and again. Perhaps it doesn’t have to be a final goodbye.

Hey, can I just keep you around for my convenience and my son's convenience? I don't really want a relationship with you. I just don't want my son to think I'm a slut or unreliable or can't keep a guy.

If not, could Pete at lease have a phasing down period where we meet up a few more times and then you say goodbye to him?

Anyway have a think about this before you reply.

Hey, so can we please do MY kid a favor... I mean, forget your emotional situation, we need to do this for my kid. I couldn't care less what you are going through, how you feel, what's going on with you. I never even asked if you were okay, I'm just worried that my kid won't take it too well. You know, none of the things I was worried about when I decided I didn't want to be with you anymore. Don't worry though, as soon as I think Pete is ready to not have you around anymore, I'll stop stringing you along... and of course, once I've found a new man. Hey, do you think you could babysit Pete on Thursday? I've got a da... um, I've got a thing to go to. Oh thank you, I knew I could count on you. You are so reliable.

Are you kidding me, countermart, if you even dignify to respond to this, you are undermining everything you put into motion. Don't you even dare (even though I know you will) respond to that message. She completely held your emotions hostage by throwing kids into the forefront. Notice how she didn't mention that SHE missed you or SHE missed your relationship or how SHE feels about everything? Notice how this wasn't about YOU NOR HER. Dude, she's moved on emotionally. And you leaving a box on her porch was completely symbollic of what you should be doing and living up to from now on. DO NOT RESPOND. MOVE ON. Pete will grow up just fine without you. She'll be just fine without you. You will be EXCELLENT without her.

 

[MOTU]

^^^^^this. Repped.

Countermart, do yourself a favor here bro. You asked for advice and you are getting very excellent advice. Listen.

 

[Warrior74]

NUKE IT. Respond with, phuck yo kid bytch. I dare you. Just see what happens. I mean its over anyway right? Why not nuke it?

But seriously. Go no contact.

 

[countermart]

Amazing hey?

Does she really think I’m that stupid! Good lesson in the ways of women, at least some of them.

Well it’s great that I am seeing her true colours at last. I’ll let it stew.

Guy’s thanks for your help again.

 

[Teddy_Beer]

My friend...it's the sad truth that this is the case with 95% of women

 

[SAYNO]

My friend...it's the sad truth that this is the case with 95% of women

If not 99 percent!!

 

[Greasy Pig]

Kailex nailed it. Now you simply do not respond. EVER.
Even if she blows up your phone and tells you Pete can't sleep at night, just ignore.
Using kids like that in this situation tells you all you need to know about what kind of woman she is. Be glad to be rid of her and know you've dodged a bullet here.

 

[countermart]

Educational purposes only.

Ok I thought I’d follow up with what happened with my girlfriend of three years for educational purposes for other guys, so you can laugh at my folly!!
Oh yes what a fool I was lol.
So day 30 never comes because basically I end up going over to her place one Saturday after she gets mad at me via text, we end up in bed.
Then we break up again. But a few weeks later I get a txt at 12.30am to pick her up in town, she’s all over me and we end up in bed. I think we are back together, but she says that it didn’t make any difference.
Basically, we keep winding up in bed a few more times and then she agrees to go on a “date” with me. I’m thinking great maybe she wants to get together and go back into the relationship, because all this in between stuff is doing my head in.
I set up a date, it’s an over- night date! To my surprise she agrees.
We go away, she’s incredibly affectionate and sleeps with me. All the way home we would have looked like the most in love couple on the boat. I’m sure we are going to patch things up. We get back, she forgets something at my place comes back in the afternoon and we end up in bed again.
She wants to go and see a relationship councillor, but wants to go by herself first and then together. She goes to see this guy and when she returns, oh boy she’s as frosty as a snowman. I ask what the councillor said, and she says, “He says I can’t make up my mind.” Geez at $300 an hour! I could have told her that for free. But she still wants to go ahead with the joint session. But the councillor is sick and cancels!
She says this is a sign that we are not meant to patch things up. I bring out my absolutely fantastic best AFC game and beg her to go through with the joint session. Of course that was not the apex of ways to handle the situation. I ask her why she was so all over me on the overnight date and that I thought we were patching it up. She says that it was “Just a fantasy!”
She says, “I don’t love you and I want you to go away.” That’s always great to hear!
I write to her pointing out that I don’t think she is exactly being the most rational fish in the ocean. She gets hopping mad and emails me, “I never want to see or hear from you again. Goodbye.”
So that’s it. The amazing thing for me is that this highly educated girl was through most of the three years completely rational. I was madly, in love with her. But post break up she was close to crazy, all over the place.
She put my heart through a meat grinder, but I miss her like hell, and all I really want is a nice stable girl, but for me stable relationships are for horses it seems.
Conclusions:
Even after all these years I am not sure if all girls are crazy, I make them crazy, or I am just a chick magnet for crazy girls.
You can never really know a woman, they change.
Arguing logic with a woman is almost impossible.
Desire is not something that can be negotiated.
Women want you to risk everything for them, even if you make it clear from the start that you will not, and when they do not get it they get hopping mad.
Women have no empathy for men, even the few rational ones.
Never show weakness to a woman they will hate you for it. I always forget this.
When a woman tells you she loves you, it’s completely meaningless. If means she loves you in that exact second, but a second later she could hate you.
Most important…look at how she treats her parents, because that is how she is going to treat you, it’s only a matter of time. Well except for the sleeping with you bit.
At least life is not dull!
I’m done with crazy women, and in my experience that’s most of them. I going to concentrate on my business for a while.
Good luck out there.

 

[jc_80]

Don't feel bad. You got laid and in the process proved her to be a worthless, manipulative winch. To prove to herself she still had power over you, she actually surrendered it. That's why she's so mad.

 

[hithard]

Your inner game is weak, that's why the crazy flocks to you. Get your $hit together or you will repeat the situation.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Countermart,
Why are you Blokes so serious!...Svex is just like food or drink,a basic need once satiated you move to the next priority,just like having a Crvap really...all this surreal Pride is a Joke!...Mate of mine went to Perth for his Divorce,eats out on his Story about meeting his Ex outside the Court Room,asked her for a Quickie for Old times sake...She acquiesced,I think that showed Style!

 

[Kailex]

I write to her pointing out that I don’t think she is exactly being the most rational fish in the ocean.

Arguing logic with a woman is almost impossible.

You've been here on the forums enough to know better. To know that OF COURSE she isn't being the most rational fish in the ocean. But guess what, neither were you. Go re-read this entire thread, re-read everything everyone said to you and remind us why you continued to see her?

Because sex? That seems to be the only reason.
You complain about you seem to get the crazies, but you aren't making the most sound decisions either yourself and seem to be all gung-ho about trying to fit a square piece into a round hole.

Educational purposes only.

Well, I hope YOU learned something from it.

 

[countermart]

Yes I think it is really interesting how what some of you guys said would happen, happened.

She effectively played with me with absolutely no regard for how it may have hurt me at all. But hey it was not all bad!!

And quite positively I got to see another side of her, the manipulative side. I had not anticipated that it was in her.

So what would I do if this ever happened again?

Well it’s still not an easy decision, but on balance I think the best approach would have been, “Ok sweetheart, goodbye.” And just walk out, with no contact.

Ironically, that was exactly what I did with my ex-wife. Three months later she begged me to take her back. I say “No thanks”.

 

[countermart]

Well I learned if I’m not a good boy, I’m going to get a spanking from Kailex.

Why did I go back?

No, not for the sex that just kind of happened along the way. We never lost attraction for each other.

I went back because I actually loved this girl, and sometimes when you love someone they are worth fighting for, to try to get them back. But I did also get to see another side of her.

Yep, admittedly maybe I went about it in the wrong way, we will never know.

I appreciated the advice from the guys…

“But it is not the same to talk of bulls, as to be in the bull ring.”

 

[Slickster]

Never show weakness to a woman....

I've been on this site a very long time and have read countless stories about guys having problems with women. Hidden within every single tale is a sentence or a comment that is the "root cause" of all their problems. This quote above is yours.

When this woman suggested moving out you freaked and showed weakness. The relationship was over at that very moment.

I frequently give guys advice to have the "Actions speak louder than words" conversation with their girlfriends. You have to be COMPLETELY calm and cool but VERY serious about it. Tell her which action(s) you won't accept and that you are unwilling to waste your time if it continues. Be willing to put the entire relationship on the line right then and there. Show her that you are absolutely fine (and happy) with ending things if her actions don't align with what YOU want or need.

Another opportunity to have this conversation would have been when you noticed she was going out more with her girlfriends instead of spending time with you.

I have done this many times and it is 100% fool proof. Whether the relationship ends or continues it is ALWAYS a positive outcome for you.

Huge thanks for sharing your story Countermart. This is exactly what guys coming here need to read.