countermart
Don Juan
OK Guys I need help. Have not posted here for about 3 years as all was fantastic with a beautiful, Phd, piano playing girl 17 years younger, I’m 49. Long story short – she lived a long distance away we flew back and forth for two years, she came over to live with me for a year. I have two children, she has one a four year old. Prior she was in a bad relationship where the guy cheated, who was her childhood sweetheart. Got divorced.
Sex was fantastic, compatibility was great, I fell deeply in love with her. Still am. She still had to fly back for her son’s visits with the dad every six weeks. But she could work in both places. But it was a pressure.
I noticed she had a tendency to run away when under pressure. About six months into the year of living together she started to say things like “I love you more than you love me” which was just not true. The kids would all fight a bit and that created pressure and a year in she suggested she get another place to live close by. I reacted badly to this as I though she wanted to break-up, so I said, “Fine the relationships over.” She literally begged and pleaded with me to stay together saying she did not want to break up, that it would just be easier for the kids. Eventually I came around, she got a place. This was about two months ago.
I helped her move in. Even though she was still travelling which meant she was away a fair bit she started to go out more with the girls and less with me. I felt she was pulling away and did the classic chump thing of becoming more controlling and needy. Yep classic beta error I know!
Last week she flies back says “We don’t have a long term future” and breaks up. But then comes in the bedroom naked. In the night we end up f’ing, but I literally breakdown sobbing and let’s just say I was pretty in shock and pretty pathetic! Since we are generally fantastic (she always said I was the best in her life) together, I suggest one more night to get my act together so to speak and then to split. But now the shoe was on the other foot and I was saying not to do this break up, that she would regret it. Yep beta I know. We agree to get together a few days later for a final fling to get me working again.
Then later she says no, that a couple of days later was too soon that she needs to go through the grieving process. So I suggest a number of other dates via txt two a month away. She agrees to one 33 days in the future. We discuss the return of stuff, as she decided to break up after I spent some money to fix her car (this was unusual I did not spend much on her, but would have if she asked) while she was away I ask for this back, she agrees, and we agree we will not see or contact each other, I will just come to her place on the night. She is fine with this. She doesn’t ask for the key to her place back. In a txt she confirms that the relationship is over and that she is so sorry.
So a few days is too soon for the grieving process, and 33 days is ok?
Once she said if we ever break up she would go back straight away, but now she is saying she will stay here till the end of the year.
Ok so I f’ed up and became too beta I know!!! So she dumps me, yep age old story. Says she does not want a relationship with anyone. Of course I don’t believe it when a woman says that and maybe she has her eye on someone else here although she insisted she doesn’t. She says she doesn’t know if she loves me. I think she missed her “party time” when younger and wants it now. But I am convinced she will look back with great regret on ending this, because we really have something.
It’s possible she is going to go after another guy but wants to keep me as back up, or that she is not absolutely ready to split and wants to see how she feels after a month, just in case. I mean the first thing you say in a split up is give me the key back.
So what to do, go ahead with the night or forget it and move on? I’m not actually sure that a final night with her would be good for me psychologically, I’m the one being dumped and still very in love.
Any ideas on how to get out of the beta trap I dug myself into, and any strategy to salvaging this?
Sex was fantastic, compatibility was great, I fell deeply in love with her. Still am. She still had to fly back for her son’s visits with the dad every six weeks. But she could work in both places. But it was a pressure.
I noticed she had a tendency to run away when under pressure. About six months into the year of living together she started to say things like “I love you more than you love me” which was just not true. The kids would all fight a bit and that created pressure and a year in she suggested she get another place to live close by. I reacted badly to this as I though she wanted to break-up, so I said, “Fine the relationships over.” She literally begged and pleaded with me to stay together saying she did not want to break up, that it would just be easier for the kids. Eventually I came around, she got a place. This was about two months ago.
I helped her move in. Even though she was still travelling which meant she was away a fair bit she started to go out more with the girls and less with me. I felt she was pulling away and did the classic chump thing of becoming more controlling and needy. Yep classic beta error I know!
Last week she flies back says “We don’t have a long term future” and breaks up. But then comes in the bedroom naked. In the night we end up f’ing, but I literally breakdown sobbing and let’s just say I was pretty in shock and pretty pathetic! Since we are generally fantastic (she always said I was the best in her life) together, I suggest one more night to get my act together so to speak and then to split. But now the shoe was on the other foot and I was saying not to do this break up, that she would regret it. Yep beta I know. We agree to get together a few days later for a final fling to get me working again.
Then later she says no, that a couple of days later was too soon that she needs to go through the grieving process. So I suggest a number of other dates via txt two a month away. She agrees to one 33 days in the future. We discuss the return of stuff, as she decided to break up after I spent some money to fix her car (this was unusual I did not spend much on her, but would have if she asked) while she was away I ask for this back, she agrees, and we agree we will not see or contact each other, I will just come to her place on the night. She is fine with this. She doesn’t ask for the key to her place back. In a txt she confirms that the relationship is over and that she is so sorry.
So a few days is too soon for the grieving process, and 33 days is ok?
Once she said if we ever break up she would go back straight away, but now she is saying she will stay here till the end of the year.
Ok so I f’ed up and became too beta I know!!! So she dumps me, yep age old story. Says she does not want a relationship with anyone. Of course I don’t believe it when a woman says that and maybe she has her eye on someone else here although she insisted she doesn’t. She says she doesn’t know if she loves me. I think she missed her “party time” when younger and wants it now. But I am convinced she will look back with great regret on ending this, because we really have something.
It’s possible she is going to go after another guy but wants to keep me as back up, or that she is not absolutely ready to split and wants to see how she feels after a month, just in case. I mean the first thing you say in a split up is give me the key back.
So what to do, go ahead with the night or forget it and move on? I’m not actually sure that a final night with her would be good for me psychologically, I’m the one being dumped and still very in love.
Any ideas on how to get out of the beta trap I dug myself into, and any strategy to salvaging this?
