Breaking Up

[3countriesPlan]

I haven't been on this site for awhile since I have been with my gf for about a year.. started out great and we actually were really in love for awhile.. she'd even talk about our future and call me the Chinese version of "hubby".. it was going great but we started to have issues with personality and value conflicts. To me now that is the new most important thing for me in any subsequent relationship. After reading some other posts here and a few articles online, I've come to the conclusion there isn't really a chance to get back together and I am basically sunk. However, even though I have gone on a couple of dates I guess I'm just not over the whole thing. I was even thinking about her during s*x with one girl. So I guess this weekend I will have another date and then spend the night at my ex's house. It still feels good to be with her. I'm sure I'll get flamed. This is just my input on my situation that I'm going through. Here are some red flags I noticed after our numerous fights began to take a toll on us:

Less sex
Less affectionate texts or calls
Her being depressed and sleeping alot
More when I think about it..
Any comments if you should have any will be welcome

 

[SunnyD]

I haven't been on this site for awhile since I have been with my gf for about a year.. started out great and we actually were really in love for awhile.. she'd even talk about our future and call me the Chinese version of "hubby".. it was going great but we started to have issues with personality and value conflicts. To me now that is the new most important thing for me in any subsequent relationship. After reading some other posts here and a few articles online, I've come to the conclusion there isn't really a chance to get back together and I am basically sunk. However, even though I have gone on a couple of dates I guess I'm just not over the whole thing. I was even thinking about her during s*x with one girl. So I guess this weekend I will have another date and then spend the night at my ex's house. It still feels good to be with her. I'm sure I'll get flamed. This is just my input on my situation that I'm going through. Here are some red flags I noticed after our numerous fights began to take a toll on us:

Less sex
Less affectionate texts or calls
Her being depressed and sleeping alot
More when I think about it..
Any comments if you should have any will be welcome

It still fells good to be with her because you still hold HOPE.

Please, for the sake of your sanity and heart...seperate yourself from her for awhile to get your emotions in check. If you KNOW there's no chance of getting back together like you said...why do this to yourself???

 

[Bussey]

If you've broken up and already had sex/dated other girls then you are on the right path.

I take serious issue with this "this weekend I will have another date and then spend the night at my ex's house".

Please do NOT do that. Pretend you broke up 6 months ago... 6 months later you're moving on. She's still in your head, but only for the good times you had.

Cut the ties. It's never easy if you've become attached to someone... but first things first... cut the ties and find things to take up your time. Enjoy life man!

 

[Rumpelstiltskin]

... have been with my gf for about a year.. started out great and we actually were really in love for awhile..

Stop right there - this is the key issue here...you had the illusion of love, it was not love. And when you base your life on illusions you always lose!

Most women give the illusion of affection as a deflection to her true mental state, which is focused on self interest. If you no longer want to live in deception, then your task is to know the difference between perception and reality.

 

[Bible_Belt]

A one year relationship means at least a couple months getting over it. Take your time; you have nothing to prove. Do your own thing, and women will come with time.

 

[3countriesPlan]

I admit I totally AFC'd over this girl.. I got over my break up with my ex of 6 years in seriously about one day and here I am getting totally owned by this girl..
Lately I've been trying to do stuff that will help me relax and feel good. So, I have been going to the park alot. Its Taiwans version of central park, 228 park. Plan for lunch break tomorrow: drink guava juice, smoke, listen to 80s taiwanese music , and feed pigeons... can't believe my coworker is actually down to go with me..

I'm thinking ya she can hang out with me now all I want.. I could mistake that as interest but when I think back to how I hurt my long term ex.. I was just hanging out with her cause I was comfortable but had no intention of going back to her.. I then stopped chilling with her once I found a wing and began to lay girls from the clubs.. I have never heard such venomous words hurled at me before.. straight out of a freaking ghost movie! So I assume my ex is happy to chill with me till some douche hooks up with her.. I always think I can look at myself for answers but at the same time I feel like I'm too evil and others wouldnt be..

Used to be up in them guts like everyday.. ( listening to b1tches aint ****- ben folds version )

 

[3countriesPlan]

A one year relationship means at least a couple months getting over it. Take your time; you have nothing to prove. Do your own thing, and women will come with time.

Thanks. Pretty new to the whole breaking up and actually not happy thing.

 

[tick37]

Less sex
Less affectionate texts or calls
Her being depressed and sleeping alot

It sounds like you caged her in and suffocated her.

 

[DonGorgon]

It sounds like you caged her in and suffocated her.

We tend to do that when we fall in love with a woman .. see, we are afraid that we will have to share her with others...

 

[3countriesPlan]

Ya thinking of her with another guy isn't the most pleasant thought. Shes cold in the romanctic area. Thats her choice she can do whatever she wants. My faith in girls quite low now.. had a date with this girl but she wanted to change it from Friday to Saturday cause she had a late fitness course on Friday.. told her to fvck off.. maybe a slightly intense reaction.. but I just have no patience with girls and I do not want any low interest or control games in the future. Hopefully I can stick to that and of course not get too extreme in that department in my next relationship. I guess one thing I learned from this is that if its a good relationship you are having with the girl you don't even have to analyze it all.

 

[BustedKnucks]

Here's my advice, but first some backstory.

I had been with my ex for about 8 months. During the first 5 months, everything was going great, I trusted her completely, and I only cheated once. The next 3 months, while I'm sure she doesn't know about what I did, something changed. We didn't look at each other the same way, time spent together wasn't as fun, sex was less frequent, and I cheated 3 more times. Finally, it got to the point where I wanted to just dump her. I thought about it, and figured to myself that keeping things going might be better, since A) it would be easier, and B) I could still stand her, even if we were obviously growing apart. A couple of weeks after this, she made the move to call it quits.

The point? If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. You can't force it. Your head and your heart are always going two different directions and your **** sometimes wants to make a B-Line in a third. It's going to be a lot easier for you if things shut down on your terms rather than hers.

 

[BustedKnucks]

edit - double posted