breaking up with my girlfriend.

[JLW]

What is the best way to do it without absolutely destroying her?


You can read the whole thread on why I decided I would break up with her in this thread, (its like 2 pages long though). http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=102357


If you don't feel like reading it, basically, she drank with a bunch of guys alone and I wasn't cool with it. So I tried to break up with her but she begged and pleaded saying she wouldn't do it anymore. I was thinking, "Ah, what the hell, I'll give her one more chance." But I did that earlier in the relationship with another thing, and she ended up screwing me over anyway (and thats why I'm here making this post).

Now, although this girl isnt mature enough for an LTR, I still don't want to hate her for it. I don't want to "hate" her, if thats possible with an ex-girlfriend.

She is REALLY really really desperately crazy about me and she knows what's coming to her. How can I put her down nice and easy in a way that would offend her the least?

Should I just explain to her why I don't want to go out with her anymore in the nicest way possible?

I'll admit at first I was scared to break up with her. I mean, she's REALLY hot (like an HB8) but this is her second offense and it's really not fair to me. I'll admit I'm afraid I won't get a girl as attractive or sexual as her (we had sex. a lot). But recently, she's more stress than she's worth. Although, I have been gaming SO much better eversince I decided to break up with her. Like, its a HUGE self esteem boost. So I guess I will eventually get with another girl. She was my first kiss, my first everything though, so its just a bit hard for me. (I'm only 17 after all, I'm too young to be dealing with all this bull**** drama)

 

[speed dawg]

Why put her down easy? She wouldn't put you down easy if the roles were reversed. She's hot, she knows it, and she will go on and on behaving this way until somebody puts an end to it.

First of all, use your head. Ask yourself what's the right thing to do.

 

[mountain]

i read your previous post and I never really saw the problem. If you can get rid of your one-itis and just have sex with this girl in a non-exclusive relationship, you can essentially have your cake and eat it too. Like speed dawg was hinting, if this was reversed she would drop your ass like a bad habit. The only way you are going to make it easy for her is to act like a complete AFC.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

If you can get rid of your one-itis and just have sex with this girl in a non-exclusive relationship

For the summer, this is what me and my girlfriend decided to do. We both party a lot seperate from each other, she agreed not to have sex with anybody else. She never would sleep around. She's only had sex with the people who we're a committed boyfriend. Well I on the other hand, hang out with other girls, I don't care if I have sex with another girl.

I suggest this, because you can still have sex with your g/f, go out and party, meet other chicks, and feel more comfortable that there are better girls out there. It helps you move on too. Like if you find someone that's so much better than your current g/f, then you can still cut things off if you wanted to.

Although my relationship may be a little different because if she happends to crash at a guys house for a party, and tease him and flirt, maybe a kiss, I wouln't consider it cheating because it's meaningless and I know she'll always come home to fvck me. She's 17 and very conservative about sex, she'll only share it with me because she think's i'm a prize.

The only problem that irks me is the titles and status. Me and her are really in a relationship, but we're not big on boyfriend, girlfriend titles, and the sterotypical question to ask me or her is, "Are you and HB9.0 still together?" I never know what to say. Usually i'm like kind of.. and then mention it's summer!

Long story short: Why throw away attention and sex from a HB 9.0, get her to commit sexually, and start moving on. Girls don't want to be sluts, they'll agree not to sleep around if you and her share something special. But you, the man, sleep with as many girls as you want this summer. Just don't bring your cell phone over her house!

 

[JLW]

i broke up with her. no strings attached. im not going to pretend to go out with her and cheat on her. That's unethical.

I'll just keep doing what I've been doing. I'll eventually find an equally good girl, if not better.

 

[DarkChaos]

How'd she take it?

Good job.

 

[JLW]

Oh man, she was crying and everything. She was in denial that I was breaking up with her. Finally I just had to say "I don't want to go out with you anymore, I don't see you the same way after that."

It was mean, I know, but she just didn't get it when I tried to tell her nicely.

It was so bad that I actually had to like, tell her that she'll easily be able to find other guys. That's how bad I felt.

Like, I know how I should be a DJ and all, but when a girl is crying like that, you have to at least try and cheer her up and tell her she'll find someone else. In my opinion, that would be the REAL dj thing to do in a situation like that.

 

[Krassus]

I read both threads. Why the hell did you break up with her? You had a problem with her drinking, and she said she'd stop, for you. That's the best response you could have expected. Tell her you've decided to give her one more chance because you care about her, and take her back. She'll never forget how precious you are and you're gonna have the nicest gf ever. See my post in your other thread as well.

 

[JLW]

I'm learning to play bass guitar starting today (the day I broke up with her) in hopes of helping me forget her.

 

[JLW]

No Krassus, I heard the whole story the next day in school from someone who was there and completely sober. We'll say his name is Tom.

She was flirting with some other guy, like really badly.

So I asked him this: "Tom, if that was your girlfriend flirting with a guy like that in the back of a car completely drunk, with no other girl friends around to help her stop, what would you do?"

he responded, "I would break up with her. No questions asked. No doubt in my mind I would."

This kid, Tom, is a good friend of mine and has no reason to lie about it.

And THEN, I hear that she is saying how it wasnt a big deal and I should loosen up to her girl friends. Sorry, no can do.

 

[Krassus]

In that case, you did the right thing.

P.S. Since you're still in hs, i'd be extra-careful who you trust. For all you know, this guy Tom's gonna be fvcking her next week and laughing at you for believing him. I've seen sh1t like this happen a million times. Make **SURE** he really IS telling the truth.

 

[JLW]

hey krassus,

That's the thing, this kid who is so-called Tom has a girlfriend.


Also, Tom doesn't really know this girl that well.

And in addition to THAT, my girlfriend admitted to flirting with the kid.

I asked her not to drink with guys, I gave her one more chance, she took advantage of my good-nature, and now it's over. It will take time for me to get over this. This is the first girl I've ever even kissed. Think about that for a second. It takes time to get over this ****. But I know in the end it will save me so much trouble.

I told her that if I was still interested, and she was, in 6 months, when shes more mature, we could go out again. The only thing she lacks is maturity and thinking before she acts. But that was sort of a hollow promise since I know both of us will be over eachother by 6 months...

But I really don't care anymore. I did the right thing in my mind and that's all that matters.

 

[Jariel]

Respect to you! She betrayed your trust and failed to meet your standards! It may feel like sh!t now, but if you continue standing up for yourself like this, it will pay off on your confidence and save you a lot of sh!t in the long term!

 

[JLW]

Holy **** things change fast.

The kid who said she was complaining to all her girl friends about how it wasn't a big deal, well, turns out he had an axe to grind with my girlfriend. My girlfriend has a totally logical response to it all, too. I just didn't want to believe her.

Then I find out that she put her head on his shoulder. Apparently my friend Tom considers that unfaithful when you're in a drunken stupor. That isn't worth breaking up with somebody over, not after 6 months.

So, in order to keep the power in the relationship, but still admitting that I'm wrong and she deserves another chance, here's what I did:

"girlfriend, I'm sorry I didn't believe your side of the story. It turns out that upon further research, you were right. I can tell you learned your lesson, you cried a lot. The fact that you talked to me for an hour even after we broke up saying how you're never going to find someone as good as me shows your devotion to me. But what you did was really horrible, especially after I gave you a second chance. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm still undecided on whether I want to go out with you or not, even though all the other stuff turned out to be untrue. So I need some time to think. I'm going to California for 2 weeks in a few days. I can't speak with you, I just need to think about whether I want to go out with you or not, still. If you still wanna have a shot at going out with me, we need to take a break for about 2 weeks while I'm in California. I'll let you know for sure whether I want you back or not, when I return."


This still gives me power in the relationship but also gives her a fair chance. I think it's a good compromise.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

lol...high school drama over nothing as usual.
Why should she trust you now? You took two guys words over hers, and you dont even know one of them that well...

 

[JLW]

she trusts me because i'm a good kid.

Don't be bitter just because I came up with a reasonable solution.


I figured this forum out. Basically, whatever I'm leaning towards, you guys lean to the opposite direction. When I finally come up with a good plan, you guys just make smart-ass remarks. **** this forum. I don't even need it.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

yes... the whole board is against you...

What i am saying is why should she trust you? You ignored what she said and chose two guys opinion...one of which you arent close with

 

[JLW]

because I'm the most trustworthy guy out of all the people on this board, which still isn't saying much. Plus she likes me a lot. I mean, read the 4th post of this thread to see what I'm saying.

I'm done with this forum. You guys helped me with basic DJ techniques, but that's all this site is really good for. For any beginning DJ's reading this, the best thing to do is learn the basics, and then leave this site AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Otherwise you'll listen to other people's advice which isn't always the best. You guys have good advice most of the time, but sometimes you guys are just plain mean/sarcastic.

 

[DarkChaos]

Well, whatever you do, good luck.

Don't blame us for that trouble, though. It's high school. And someone already pretty much predicted what could happen with that guy.

 

[MacDiddy]

JLW, you're posting in the wrong forum... No offence but there is a High Skool forum that is more suited to your maturity level... go one level back and select High School Forum...

High skool drama is just all foreign to most of the dudes on this forum.

please come back when you've grown some balls, or at least accept the fact that you have more to learn.