Breaking up with my first GF..How do you feel about staying friends.

[Lil Magic]

Well, its been an interesting experience. I got my first girlfriend 15 days ago and we broke up Friday night. She says she wasnt ready for a boyfriend (and i happened to be her first boyfriend also). But uhhh...yea...this sucks and hurts like a mo-fo. Tonight ws the first time I spoke to her since Friday and after a little bit of time of us talking i asked her if she really had any romantic feelings for me. She said she thought she did...but she didnt. She just wants to be friends. Once again...the dreaded F-word. I really thought I had found the one...yea right...Im such an idiot. Here's one of our last convos. Btw, i gave her one of my band...one says team and the other says player...so you'll understand. Anyway, what are your opinions on staying friends or not.
Blair John

June 26 at 3:14pm
Well, this is the post Slow Motion message. I know I said I would not stop talking to you but the idea has seemed more and more like the best choice. The thing is this...remember what i said about being dropped into the friendzone? Well...the thing as most of us guys who've ever liked a girl but been labelled as just a friend is that usually after being "just a friend," thats all u can be. The reason I would want to stop talking to you is not because I don't like you...as im sure you kno. Its just because you're on my mind every minute of everyday. Just talking to you would stir up feelings...that I know arent returned to the extent that I give them. Its just like when I didnt want to touch you yesterday. Its this knowledge that you're so close...so near...but that I can't have you...at least not now...and not now means possibly never. I don't ever wanna have to think about that. If I agree to being "best friends", as stated in the song...I have to be promised...PROMISED...that there would still be the possibility that you can be mines...and that I can be yours. You said you see that i'm protective of my heart, which is very very true. If I could actually stop my myself from falling in love after Kayleigh, I would have. Its like have someone stab you in the heart...literally. I don't like falling in love at all...I hate it...but anyway, that didnt stop me from falling in love with you. If God gave me the choice to have everything I wanted in the world besides you or getting stabbed but I could have you...i'd take the stab. Hmmm...theres just this huge mixture of emotion. Forgive me if I had overstepped my boundary by attempting to kiss you...but that wasnt planned...that was spontaneous...just I guess how I feel about you coming out in a physical form. I don't know if when i went to kiss you on the lips if u stopped me because You felt it was feelings physical intimacy was rising, or if it was just something that would it just harder to do what you felt needed to be done, or even a combination of the two. And i'm sure you noticed when I went in my room after we had sat down in the t.v. room. I hadnt planned of coming back. I was just tired from thinking about it and wanted to forget it happened. But this song...I think it explained everything you may have wanted to say but didn't. But anyway, I know both of us are very young, but I think you are the most beautiful, kindest, smartest person and someone who i'd like to carry a relationship farther with. Hit me up if you've decided what your choice is.
P.S. When I wrote you have my heart always...I meant it. However you decide to deal with this, please dont be the second person to stick a dagger in it. Peace.

 

[Lil Magic]

Phyllisa Barnes

June 26 at 4:25pm
Blair, I am so confused right now. I don't know what I'm feeling or what I'm not feeling. When I read your message I started to cry..i'm very emotional. I think it was just the thought of me never speaking to you again, the times where you made me laugh for no reason. But I don't know what it is, I like you so much but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship, and I don't want to promise either because I don't want to make a promise I cant keep. You were the last person I thought of last night and the first that I thought of this morning. You didn't overstep your boundary, I wanted to kiss you, boy did I want to, but then that would make things harder for me. Honestly I even thought of kissing you myself but then that wouldnt be fair.When you were touching my arm yesterday, I didn't want you to stop, even though I told you to. I just felt to good, but it wasn't helping me with what I was feeling. And when you came closer to me...I couldn't take it, that's why I got up. I didn't want to do something that wouldn't be fair to both of us. When you went into your room I wanted to follow you because i knew you wouldn't be back. omg!, this is hurting me so much. I never thought I would feel this way, when I break up with someone. I want to talk to you, but I understand what you're saying. I think for me, I really like you but then there's something still missing. I don't know what it is. See Blair , I never wanted to be the girl that broke someone's heart, never.Especially a guy that I like. I want to be the girl that falls in love...but I can't right now.
Blair if I never speak to you again, or see you again please promise me that you'll never change, and that you'll trat another lucky girl the same way you treated me. If we dont get back into a relationship,promise that you'll get over me, just like I will have to. I guess this is it. This is really hard for me, even though I'm the one woh started it. Please don't forget me Blair, please, I won't forget you for the world. You are the most amazing guy that I've ever met. If it ain't me, that girl will be friggin lucky.
It's just not my time yet, and I cant promise a future,but onlly God knows what will happen. If he wants us to be together then it will happen. There will always be a special place for only you in my heart. It's a space you created, the first guy to ever do that to me.

P.S. I cried while writing this whole thing, especially where I mentioned never talking to you again. But it's my fault. I guess I fell in love to.

TEAM-PLAYER
Phyllisa

 

[Big Poppa]

....Oh Lord help us all.

 

[kraytkiller]

Wow. For a while there, until I started to read the second message, I wasn't sure who was the female here.

What the hell are you doing.

 

[KontrollerX]

When she starts to fvck other guys and tells you about how awesome a night she had with so and so...

Will you be ok with that?

Also will you be ok with never having a chance at her ass again?

Because that is exactly what will happen if you go through with this friend's fagg0try since friendship ruins attraction, mystery and anxiety replacing those sexual tension producing things with comfortable familiarity which leads to taking a person for granted which leads to the girl not being attracted to you and permaneantly friendzoning you.

Do you want that?

Are you ok with all of this?

If you are be friends with her.

If not move the fvck on already.

No friendship.

 

[jeffthechef]

holy crap man....i couldn't read past "it's just because"
man...if you want her back, you can't be sending these messages...what you really told her is you can't live without her and you're emotionally obsessed with her and everything related to those ideas

if you wanted her back, you should of done it in a less emotional way...i know that's what you see in the movies...the guy was manly throughout the relationship (which i have trouble believing was your case after reading that message, but lets assume you were) and when they break it off...he expresses his emotions...and she falls into his arms

sadly and happily, that's not how it works in real life..

as for your future now with her...i only read two lines of her message, sorry i'm kinda tired...i read one line that stuck out..."that girl would be friggin lucky"...sounds like she's telling you your future gf is gonna be lucky

MOVE ON...one of my ex's cheated on me..i ended it...she told me the same exact thing...that line is a piece of ****...you know what i wished i had said back to her..."tell me something i didn't already ****ing know"...

this thing is over...just move on...

and this next point i need to emphasize for you and every guy on sosuave

Not including longterm, serious, year or more relationships...the only reason why breaking up would hurt/being rejected...is if you were attached...you have no reason to be...you haven't fallen in love...i doubt 1% of teens have...stop attaching yourself to girls especially ones you have never approached or have barely been in a relatinoship with...i've repeated this several times already.. "ATTACHMENT LEADS TO SUFFERING"...stop obsessing...care but don't obsess

 

[eaglez1177]

Wow dude PLEASE tell me you didnt send her those....grow the hell up and stop being an obsessive afc

 

[Lil Magic]

Lol...I had all that coming... Lesson learned: dont ever let a girl know how u feel...even if its your gf. They really just are repelled by that arent they...even if they're already with you...Wow...dont I feel like crap...

 

[jeffthechef]

you're missing the point

you can tell a girl how you feel and you should WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP (that has been going on for a fair amount of time)...but when you do...you don't do it like that..."I love you"..is quite enough...that's why you don't go throwing the l-word around...save it for when you really know..and that's all you'll need to say...

when it seems things are going to end...and if you awnt her back...don't send her that type of message...you want to send a message of stability and control
she should know that you can live without her...but that you believe she would enhance your life

 

[Big Poppa]

But, what you have communicated to her is that: I am moe than willing to be your ***** and emotional tampon. And I'll do it with a smile

 

[nicelife]

****ing hell.. i love how she mentions twice that shes crying while she writes it.. " OH YOU'RE THE MOST AMAZING GUY I'VE EVER MET !! " "I GUESS I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO!!"

so why does she just want to "be friends" ?

dont listen to this sh!t mate.. "im not ready to be in a relationship right now"

shes just trying to make herself look innocent and confused so you arent mad at her and take pity ..

what shes trying to say is SHES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, maybe its cos you're so sappy and claim that you're in love with her after going out for 2 weeks ? i dont know.. but what i do know is you've gotta forgot this chick, stop talking to her right now..

you arent an idiot, you just didnt know any better...

You thought if you poured your heart out to her she'd change her mind and you'd both live happily ever after..


i did almost the exact same thing you did when my first girl was like "omg i dont want a relationship right now!" and guess what? i didnt get her back either.. i wasnt angry at her tho.. how could i be when she replied the exact same way your girl did..

but guess what, thanks to that girl i found this site and i've learnt better than that.

So dont beat yourself up, you are very lucky to have found this site! now forget this girl, shes basically told you that there has to be a miracle performed by God to get you guys back together.. You dont have time to wait around for that, theres thousands of better looking and more interesting girls out there for you to spend your time on.


Now I want you to go and read The DJ Bible , specifically the Book of Pook and start learning how to be a man.

 

[darkstarrr]

When she starts to fvck other guys and tells you about how awesome a night she had with so and so....

OP when i was your age i believed my gf at the time was going to be the one i would marry. holy fucking shit was i a blind fool. i realize now nothing back then mattered. my little world back then means jack shit now. sure i am still in touch with a few people from back then but i'll tell ya one thing they are definitely not all the ones i expected i would stay in touch with.

anyway, don't worry - because in a short amount of time you are not going to give 2 shits about anything. just be cool. sure, stay friends, but expect things to potentially get super weird when/if you or her start seeing other people.

all the BS that goes on in females minds, especially at that age - its pointless, really. do not make the mistakes i made by letting all the gibberish that comes out of their mouths control and define my world.

this is my (your) world. i (you) call the shots. if some girl wants to break up with you or if anything isn't working out or whatever the case may be, who cares. if a female can not recognize the qualities in you to respect and appreciate you and for them to be "cool" with you then they can buzz off bro because like my lawyer said there are tens of thousands of woman all over this planet that dream about someday meeting a guy just like me (and you).

good luck with your situation and most of all, please maintain perspective and love and respect yourself.

i apologize if i sounded a little abrasive above. take what i say with a grain of salt or just ignore it altogether if you prefer. i just get a little pumped up now thinking about these breakup situations because it makes me think jeez man how is it possible that there was a time when i let my world come falling to pieces over shit like this. used to just obsess over it hinge-ing my thoughts on over-analyzing every little thing they used to say and do. its just beyond me. you can't take them seriously unless they are either raised very well and/or are at least 23 yrs old and/or if you have qualified them.

good luck!

DS

 

[RFish]

darkstarr your first paragraph made me chuckle! Hahha your post was funny but there were many good advise.

Lil Magic you should read KontrollerX, darkstarr and Rollo Tomassi's post you surely won't go wrong.