Breaking Up in American Culture

[Frank2500]

I was just curious. As someone originally from another country who's been living in the U.S. now for 11 years, it seems to me that when people break up in this country, the "ex" or the person with whom things didn't work out too well often becomes an enemy and lots of folk, especially women, tend to take it very personal and the ruptures are often very bitter. It often involves just not talking to one another at all...and forever. With many American women especially, there seems to rarely be a desire to work out any sort of compromise or to work things out when there is a misunderstanding. The mentality is always: "I'm a woman, I have lots of options besides you. You can go to hell." I don't have problems with that, but just thought I'd share my thoughts and find out what folks think.

Getting comments such as these from a potential mate with whom things didn't work out after perhaps two dates or even a relationship are pretty common, for example:

"I would appreciate you not contacting me anymore."

"Have a good life."

"Well...I didn't feel the same way that you did. Please don't contact me again."

The Today Show did a report about two years ago about Web sites that specifically cater to people who wish to act out some sort of revenge against their ex-mates. On there, they could purchase and mail cards expressing how much they dislike their ex-girlfriends or boyfriends, and some even go as far as offering scary stuff such as dead flowers and white roses to send out to their ex-mates. I just think it's an amazing phenomenon.

 

[Le Parisien]

Just out of curiosity, where are you originally from? At what age did you get to the US? When you were young or relatively "grown up"?


I think there are people who are like how you described in every culture. Maybe, just maybe, Americans are more straightforward in the way to express this kind of things.

People might say "well see you later", "catch you another time" out of courtesy or politeness when they actually don't want to see your face again. Actually I'd prefer the straightforward way if that's really how they feel.

It's like when chicks flake on you and say "I'm busy" when they are just not interested, I'd really prefer if they tell me the truth so I don't waste my time. Same thing with the thing you described.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

Le Parisien, based on your screen name and the statement in French which accompanies your posts, I'm guessing you have a French background? That's interesting, because I do speak some French myself. Je me debrouille en Francais. In answer to your question, I am originally from Central Africa. To maintain a measure of anonymity, I'd leave it at that. I came to the U.S. when I was 19 years old. What I was referring to in my post was primarily the animosity which seems to stem from many break ups in this country and the usually hard feelings folks tend to feel toward one another. People were straightforward and outspoken as well where I came from, but over here, there appear to be, in my opinion, very strong feelings of resentment and bitterness when folks split up.

 

[Babnik]

You guys are awful lucky if girls tell you "Don't contact me anymore"...I would SO love that!

 

[wayword]

You don't realize the negative impact that feminism has had until you have something else to compare it too. For example, if you have been overseas before...

Frank, have you realized how American women are simply spoiled byches due to feminism, yet? And why feminism must thus die - as it is anti-man at every turn?

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

Why would you love that, Babnik? I'm just curious. To me, the pleasure that I could derive from that would be it gives me an opportunity to now chase as many other and hopefully "better" women as possible.