E-Z Rider
Master Don Juan
This doesn't pertain directly to anything currently happening in my life, but the advice tip "Breaking Up is an Essential Part of Many Relationships" sort of got me thinking.
How many times on here have I seen the general advice that goes something like this; a guy gets dumped, but not your typical 'flat' dump, there's still a little indecision on her part it seems. But she ends up dumping him, regardless. And this guy gets told basically that he should next her forever, b/c it will never work with her again, she won't respect him, she'll cheat on him, etc.
Now, I'm going to argue that the tip article I mention above contradicts the general line of advice given here. But first, let me state the context: I'm not AT ALL challenging the advice given on how to TAKE a break up. I know firsthand that taking it gracefully and moving on is MUCH better for yourself than to dwell on it and try to save it. What I'm talking about is the notion that once it's over... it's OVER.
I'm not sure if the advice given here is meant to be 'over-harsh' in an attempt to snap the guy's mind out of one-itis (b/c we all know that if you allow yourself to think "well maybe if I wait a week, I can get back with her" you'll just prolong your misery). I'm talking about in the large picture, a matter of months or yrs, not days or weeks. After you've calmed down, met some new girls, had some experiences, and she's done the same....should you ever entertain the thought of getting back together?
I know there are lots of times when successful marriages result from two people who have broken up in the past. I'm not really talking about taking a break, but a real BREAK UP, even a 'dump'.
I can remember from one of Pook's posts, he talked about his sister, who kept breaking up with her boyfriend, getting back together, until he basically set his foot down and told her to take him or leave him, but let it be final. And he went on to say the two are now married.
I read in Reader's Digest (yes, I actually read that sh!t) that something like 78% of "first-loves" who broke up then reunited years later ended up having long marriages. 78% is a damn high success rate for a relationship.
So, just by looking at the world around me, I start to see how breakups aren't neccesarily the end-all they are chalked up to, but that they often result in successful relationships. And more often than common wisdom would have you think, they are neccesary. (I've started to think of this as kind of like pruning a tree. You kill a part of it so it can grow back later, and grow back stronger).
Now I'm not saying that you would break up with the specific purpose of getting back together. But you should be open minded about it- if you get dumped, don't hesitate to forget about her and move on, but if the chance happens that you could have her again sometime down the line (and if you would even want her, excluding the history between you), then why not go for it?
So, given my explanations and arguments above, do you think we should rethink our advice to people who come here saying they just got dumped, or to people who ask if they should talk to their ex?
Discuss!
-E-z
How many times on here have I seen the general advice that goes something like this; a guy gets dumped, but not your typical 'flat' dump, there's still a little indecision on her part it seems. But she ends up dumping him, regardless. And this guy gets told basically that he should next her forever, b/c it will never work with her again, she won't respect him, she'll cheat on him, etc.
Now, I'm going to argue that the tip article I mention above contradicts the general line of advice given here. But first, let me state the context: I'm not AT ALL challenging the advice given on how to TAKE a break up. I know firsthand that taking it gracefully and moving on is MUCH better for yourself than to dwell on it and try to save it. What I'm talking about is the notion that once it's over... it's OVER.
I'm not sure if the advice given here is meant to be 'over-harsh' in an attempt to snap the guy's mind out of one-itis (b/c we all know that if you allow yourself to think "well maybe if I wait a week, I can get back with her" you'll just prolong your misery). I'm talking about in the large picture, a matter of months or yrs, not days or weeks. After you've calmed down, met some new girls, had some experiences, and she's done the same....should you ever entertain the thought of getting back together?
I know there are lots of times when successful marriages result from two people who have broken up in the past. I'm not really talking about taking a break, but a real BREAK UP, even a 'dump'.
I can remember from one of Pook's posts, he talked about his sister, who kept breaking up with her boyfriend, getting back together, until he basically set his foot down and told her to take him or leave him, but let it be final. And he went on to say the two are now married.
I read in Reader's Digest (yes, I actually read that sh!t) that something like 78% of "first-loves" who broke up then reunited years later ended up having long marriages. 78% is a damn high success rate for a relationship.
So, just by looking at the world around me, I start to see how breakups aren't neccesarily the end-all they are chalked up to, but that they often result in successful relationships. And more often than common wisdom would have you think, they are neccesary. (I've started to think of this as kind of like pruning a tree. You kill a part of it so it can grow back later, and grow back stronger).
Now I'm not saying that you would break up with the specific purpose of getting back together. But you should be open minded about it- if you get dumped, don't hesitate to forget about her and move on, but if the chance happens that you could have her again sometime down the line (and if you would even want her, excluding the history between you), then why not go for it?
So, given my explanations and arguments above, do you think we should rethink our advice to people who come here saying they just got dumped, or to people who ask if they should talk to their ex?
Discuss!
-E-z
