Zap
Senior Don Juan
After about a year of solid effort, I've finally gotten myself into an actual RELATIONSHIP. Yes, I have someone I'd call my "girlfriend."
Foolish me, I thought once I got this point all of the bullsh!t, or at least most of it, would disappear. For some reason I thought things would just happen, we'd just cooperate. I wouldn't have to worry about if I seem confident, needy, or whatever.
Well, as you all should know, I was wrong. Still the same crap. It's practically the same as when I'm just "seeing" someone now that I'm in a relationship. Granted, it still is early, but annoying nonetheless.
So, I'd like to have a serious, long discussion about cutting the crap and avoiding this game. Not just early in the relationship, but before it even starts, and well into it. I'm only 17, and I'm sick to death of it. I can't imagine how you guys in your 20's and 30's even cope.
I think this is more than my desperate attempt to make things easier. We're all so accustomed to playing this game. Even if it isn't our fault, even if it IS the women who bring it about, we STILL cooperate and play into their hands. If we don't cooperate, we get anxious and may very well cave in anyway.
If we don't participate we suffer because we naturally want to be with this girl. We end up waiting it out, which isn't pleasent. We get anxious and nervous, which isn't good for our health. If we DO participate, we're even worse off because she gets all the control and she's ultimately going to end things.
So... let's figure out how to AVOID PLAYING THE GAME COMPLETELY. Devise a way to call her back, even when it is her "turn," without worrying about being needy. I'm sure there are other examples, but the phone call wars are all that come to mind right now.
My idea is to simply pretend you are oblivious to any "rules" of the game. If she's supposed to call you, but you want to talk to her, call her anyway and don't even bring up the fact that she said she'd call. It doesn't matter, does it?
I don't know, that's why I'm posting this. I'm just trying to get a discussion started.
Foolish me, I thought once I got this point all of the bullsh!t, or at least most of it, would disappear. For some reason I thought things would just happen, we'd just cooperate. I wouldn't have to worry about if I seem confident, needy, or whatever.
Well, as you all should know, I was wrong. Still the same crap. It's practically the same as when I'm just "seeing" someone now that I'm in a relationship. Granted, it still is early, but annoying nonetheless.
So, I'd like to have a serious, long discussion about cutting the crap and avoiding this game. Not just early in the relationship, but before it even starts, and well into it. I'm only 17, and I'm sick to death of it. I can't imagine how you guys in your 20's and 30's even cope.
I think this is more than my desperate attempt to make things easier. We're all so accustomed to playing this game. Even if it isn't our fault, even if it IS the women who bring it about, we STILL cooperate and play into their hands. If we don't cooperate, we get anxious and may very well cave in anyway.
If we don't participate we suffer because we naturally want to be with this girl. We end up waiting it out, which isn't pleasent. We get anxious and nervous, which isn't good for our health. If we DO participate, we're even worse off because she gets all the control and she's ultimately going to end things.
So... let's figure out how to AVOID PLAYING THE GAME COMPLETELY. Devise a way to call her back, even when it is her "turn," without worrying about being needy. I'm sure there are other examples, but the phone call wars are all that come to mind right now.
My idea is to simply pretend you are oblivious to any "rules" of the game. If she's supposed to call you, but you want to talk to her, call her anyway and don't even bring up the fact that she said she'd call. It doesn't matter, does it?
I don't know, that's why I'm posting this. I'm just trying to get a discussion started.
