Breaking parental control

[Need-2-B-Pimpin]

I'm 16 (17 on the 26th), and I'm trying to break my parents grip on my life. I won't be driving until valentines day next year since I was an idiot and waited WAY too long, and I had that day free when I wanted to get my permit. What would some good ways to subtly tell my parents to give me some space be? Talking is about as effective as shooting a BB gun at a brick wall. I've grown a lot from the total AFC I was before summer, and still haven't gotten anywhere with a girl but I'm getting there. I've also gained a lot of independence, but I'm still trying to get my foot completely through the door. Any advice?

 

[DuckMan]

man, the only way is to slowly break certain rules. Start small first, like going out sumwhere but leaving a note. It will show u are responsible, but u can be on ur own. U get wat im sayin , there was a post on this which had areally good response try a search. cheers.

 

[Gold Heart]

call your parents when they're out at work but call them from a cell phone - yours or your friend's - to tell them where you are. show them it's okay that you're out places and that you're responsible for yourself. just don't make them worry cus they hate that.

 

[Mikelo2k]

I dont recommend phoning ur parents. Talking with them directly may cause arguements, and u dont want that.

As i've said before, leaving a note is like THE BEST method. You are telling them where you are, it shows responsibility (because you informed them), and it wont make them worry or call the cops cause 'my son is missing'.

Stand up for yourself, but try to avoid arguements. What I find effective is, if an adult is yelling at you, just put on a big smile (this will drive some ppl w/tempers crazy and they might attack u, so be careful - it's happened to me lol). But anyways, put on a big smile and talk in a calm manner, it may be hard at first to resist the urge to swear and scream, but this really makes the person who is yelling feel stupid\bad.

Show your parents that you want to be independent. Whatever way, even if it's doing laundry yourself, or cooking your own dinner, anything that shows you can take care of yourself.

Bah, cant think of much more atm, but I hope that helps

 

[bogman2121]

tell them to get you a cell phone so that you can go out and they can keep in touch with you, they'll never call, and BAM theres your freedom

 

[Need-2-B-Pimpin]

I do have a cell phone, but they call all the time, and mercilessly ***** for hours if I don't hear it or something (which I often geniunely don't). And they have rules fobidding me to ride with other teenage drivers (I get my license in February), so the only place I can go and leave a note is outside, and there's nothing to do but terrorize the local golf course around my house, which doesn't involve going anywhere far enough to be significant because it's about 100 feet away from my house. That's a ogood idea though, any other ideas?

 

[Da Game]

The best way is to slowly stretch the controls, so you prove you're responsible, and then you can stretch them even more.

Example: a year ago, I had to get permission from my mom, leave a note, call her, etc. whenever I went anywhere, and I could hardly ever go to parties. I did all that faithfully.

After 6 months, all I had to do was leave a note and get permission. Now, I just tell her what I'm up to and leave a note. I have almost complete freedom.

Fighting with your parents is the wrong way to go. It just won't work. What you can do though, is ask for a little more freedom at a time, so you can prove you can handle it. As long as you don't screw it up, everything will work out fine and before you know it you'll be able to do whatever you want.

 

[Duke]

I've got almost the exact same problem. I just got my license yesterday, but my parents won't let me go more than about 5 miles from the house. When I do THAT, I have to get permission to leave, call them when I reach my destination, and call them when I'm coming home. Thing is, almost all of my friends live 10-15 miles away from me.

At the lunch table, my friends think I'm a big ***** for not "standing up to" my parents. But they don't get how irrational and stubborn my parents are. I just argued with my mom for about 15 minutes and she ended up getting psycho emotional and started crying. She raved on about how its "me me me."
I know she worries a lot, and yeah, there is a lot of bad **** going on in my family (my dad lost his re-election and my 23 y/o brother got arrested for possession of marijuana and cocaine which he also abused...)

But guys, I really need your help. I love my family, but my brother made some fvcked up choices and my parents are so negative. They do nothing but drag me down into a hole. I have tried to show them how things could always be worse and how we have to persevere, but they have the victim mentality and forestall my social life by telling me how stressed they are. I'm sorry, but that is not my problem! Worry and stress cross the line when it limits my independence and my persuit of happiness.

I don't see a way out of this. What should I say to my parents?? Please help!

 

[bogman2121]

my parents used to be very overprotective they never wanted me to drive with my friends but when presented with the choice of letting me go out and have fun for a few hours or driving me all the places my friends went letting me in the car with another teenager didn't seem so bad. i used to have to wait til they got home to go anywhere and i started off leaving notes and gradually just left and they would question me forever on where i had been and what i had done. slowly it became id leave come home and they'd ask where did you go id say got drunk and right now im high im going to bed and they would laugh. so like everyone says take little steps and they'll loosen their grip. also, tell them you aren't your brother. you learned from his mistakes without having to suffer the consequences. tell them to give you a chance to prove yourself AND DON'T SCREW IT UP.

sorry about spelling and grammar its really the least of my worries

 

[wh01987]

if they tell you to be home by 11 get home at 1030 and earn their trust and have a cell phone so if they are worried they can call you and also let them know where you will be .. or atleast say im goin to so and sos house then u can go do whatever you want. Just let them know youl be gone.. hah...

 

[Ded_Skin_Mask13]

start like doing more adult sh*t. Like buying necessary **** for the house like toilet paper and batteries for your CD player or something....Get a Job. Pay the phone bill. be back home before 11. Offer to do **** for them(nothing hard).. Its all about gaining your parents trust. And overall don't be expecting your parents to be doing sh*t for you anymore...

And another thing, don't rush trying to grow up and sh*t because its going to be harder and stressful doing sh*t if you aren't prepared or whatever..Like I got my car a month a go, now I gotta pay for f*ckin gas, f*cking insurance, and maintenance and sh*t. And your money goes down that damn drain faster than when you recieved it, so learn to control your money and all that good stuff.

 

[Mr. Latte]

The biggest thing is DONT ABUSE IT. Nothing wrong with staying out late when its necessary. But dont just be out for the sake of being out. If you're not GOING somewhere, be in by 11. My dad still gets upset when I'm out until 1 or 2 for no real reason, just to drive around or be out for the sake of being out, and wake him up when I get home. Make sacrifices, and reap the benefits later on. Choose your battles wisely. Some things aren't worth fighting for, and nothing will impress your parents like that...when they're upset at you for something, instead of yelling back, say "you're right, and I'm sorry"..and mean it. A little responsibility will get you far in life.