break up - the world is going under

[rapsta]

Hey.. I've just returned to sweden from my trip to chicago.
Chicago - where my girlfriend (or should i say ex girlfriend) is studying.
Now we've been together for 8 months. But ever since i got with her, she have been showing me love that i didn't think existed. She's always been there for me. For everything. It's like i was #1 in the relationship and she was #2, even for her. She is a christian (not too exaggregating though) and maybe thats why she shows me that much love. Anyway.. i hadn't seen her for 4 months and then we were together for 3 weeks. I stayed at her place. We celebrated christmas and new years eve together.

I totally lost myself. I was bytching with her for small things like why she wasn't paying me attention etc etc. And that got her sad. And we were argueing almost every day. Argueing about who loves who more etc etc. I was totally like an AFC. All insecure in myself.

Here is where she got enough:
She lives with her girl friend from sweden and that girl friend's boyfriend. Now the girl was in sweden during the holidays. And me and my girlfriend spent some time with her friend's boyfriend. He kept hugging her and sh!t pretty much when we were out. I got pretty jealous i guess. Then i told her one night what i thought about him and that hugging and sh!t. (no she is not cheating on me with him since he is getting married with her friend soon.. he is 27) but still i got jealous because she paid more attention to him than me when we were out.
She told me i had no right to critisise him because he has always been there for her and i've never been there when she really needed me. But still "she loves me because she chose to love me, not because of anything i do"
I got really mad and told her i have never done anything for you? (she was broke for the holidays, but she's always been paying for me when we were in sweden, her mum even paid my flight ticket to chicago) and i told her "you know.. i don't have to pay all the food for you"
and she freaked out because i talked about money. And i dont know why I even brought up money. I was stupid.

But here is the situation:
We broke up that night but the other 2 nights i was in chicago we still had sex etc because i know i lost her.. and i showed her more appretiation.
But the thing is, she broke up with me and told me that i need to grow up and mature, and that i needed this, i needed to feel this drama that she had broken up with me in order to grow. Because difficulties makes you grow she said. She told me "you need to think through if u wanna be with me forever or not" and when you decided, i want you to struggle to get me back, i wanna see how much u can give, how much u want me back, how much u love me.


What the fvck should i do? Now that im back in sweden, i miss her like crazy and i feel i would do anything for her. I regret that i was such a damn jerk while i was in chicago. I wanna move to chicago and study there just to be with her all the time. She makes me strong. Being with her makes me complete. I find no joy if i cannot be with her for the rest of my life. And the worst thing is that i am cool with her mother and brother, and im supposed to meet her mother next week to give her some stuff that my girl sent her. Damn. I WANT HER BACK. She shows me more love than my family man, she has always been there for me no matter what. She would never back off. She would've died for me if we got in a fight.

What would u guys do in my situation? what do you think i should do? I wanna grow up, i wanna become more mature and not argue about small stuff like that, i dont want small stuff like that to make me feel bad. I dont know what to do myself.. i feel like nothing is worth living for if i cant be with her. What should i do? blaaaaah

(And i think i wanna move to chicago because it was a great city and here in sweden i live in a small depressing town, i wanna see the world, but i dont wanna go there alone, whatcha think? should i try to get her back? or what the fvck should i do? i wanna be with her forever, i wanna be there for her all the time when she needs me, i wanna be able to die for her)

 

[belividere]

you're going to get torn apart by people for this, if you haven't by the time I get done writing this. Maybe you do need to grow up and this will be your wakeup call. Good luck with whatever you choose

 

[Swede54]

sounds like she wants a cheap thrill, just my opinion. Complete control over you, since she had lack of it before; My ex did this to me, and i did everything and worshipped her after that. Did she take me back? Nope, she cheated on me.

 

[rapsta]

grow up? thats what she wants me to man. she wants me to change. and to change i need goals and dreams in my life. i have none. all i want is being with her and then im happy. nothing else matters.

 

[belividere]

yeah i read that. Did she move half way around the world to follow her dreams and goals? I'm not trying to be an ass here but think about it. You want to move to chicago and be with her but you get pissed over little **** when you're together. Thats a big move to make. Doing that just to be with her is putting her in complete control. You will become her lapdog in a big city were you don't know anyone. She'll take you back out of pity and then leave you or make you her b!tch. Then you'll be in a bigger more depressing city with no hopes, no dreams, no goals still, no family, no friends and half a world away from what you know.

 

[rapsta]

if i treat her right she won't do that. i dunno what do you others say?

 

[Fenderules]

kinda sounds AFC to me. I think you might have blew it. Perhaps talk to her and say you did do some wrong things and perhaps you can figure something out.....but dont give everything up for her.

 

[MetalFortress]

Let her go. You were a huge idiot there, you made a mistake, and now you have to live through the consequences. Even if you shape up, she will not love you the same way again.

 

[dearsappho]

Ride the wave pal...distance is the antedote you require right now...the pain will pass in time...be strong.

 

[NewMan]

Let's get down to the brass tacks here:

How do you ever think you are going to make HER happy, when you can't make YOURSELF happy?

You are living your life through her (hense the jealousy) - your not living YOUR life - your getting your self worth off of her. What does that show? you have very little self respect or self worth. What do you have to offer her? very little indeed from where I am standing.

You have zero goals. you have nothing going for you. everything you mention is about her, her, her.

If you were half the man that she wants - you would not have argued consitantly with her.

You have much to learn.

You are way to immature, lack self respect - and have no life for yourself.

Let me ask you this. What do you think she finds more attractive. A whimpering little man, who's only goal in life is to be with her 24/7 - but who's insecure, let's himself get treated like a b#tch by his woman, has no confidence and little in the way of direction and goals to offer her

OR

A confident MAN. Who doesn't NEED her - but chooses to be with her because he can share HIS dreams and desires with HER - and experience life with HER. Who if necessary has the strength and confidence to move on and grow as a man.....

I'd say the 2nd.

Your the 1st.


Stick around here and read the bible. There are many things you need to learn.


What to do next:

No contact with her.
Figure out what YOU want to do in life.
Live life - have fun and experience.
Don't hold hope for Her - but let go. Don't think of her as some item that you can HAVE - but rather as an experience - she's an individual - you need to be one to.
She will call you. But what happens at that point depends on whether your the same jealous, insecure individual you are now.


So.... in short.

1) stick around the board.
2) Read the bible.
3) Forget and let go (of her)
4) no contact
5) get out there, have fun and meet other women.

 

[dearsappho]

Read the end of the previous post again and again till it sticks m8....gold.