Break up.... how to handle this

[penguin]

I'm not asking here how to handle the breakup, because i barely even like my now ex-girlfriend..... (i got dumped via text message after 1 year 8 months....)

Anyway, she's the kind that wants to always act "tough" and now she's being *****y about the breakup... anyway, it's only early, but she' has got right into it and came onto msn with msn names such as "men with hard-ons: the blood rushes to their head and makes them really stupid!" etc.

Now what's the best way to go about handling the attacks? (I know her and the attacks will come, and she will talk **** about me to everyone i know, she's the kind of one that will seek revenge like telling personal secrets etc.)....

I'm thinking of simply ignoring it, because she's wanting attention from it.... but i'm not sure, i'm no DJ, so i'm seeking advice. Thanks.

 

[MacDiddy]

Have you seen the movie ERASER.. you need to totally erase her from your life... You can also play a game called avoidance... The moment you see her, just scoot away... make her feel that she is like the plague.... You can say to your friends when she arrives on the scene... "gotta go guys, miss *****y is here". This will be annoying to her since her presence is seemingly making people leave...


Also, read the bible and stick in this forum and read past post on other breakups...

 

[penguin]

Cool thanks for the advice. I'm completely over her, I just don't want to give her any satisfaction over it. I also dont want her to be talking **** about me to my friends, because she's the kind of person who would do that (they're friends of both of us, so she'll play the "lets win them over" game).

Anyway, i'll be reading the bible.... several times because i'll need to

 

[Trance]

Btw, delete her from msn. NOT blocking, delete! You wont be wondering where she is and what she's doing, and she'll find weird that you've disapeared, and SHE will wonder what you're up to!

 

[MacDiddy]

I just don't want to give her any satisfaction

Ahhhh... yes.... Its all about satisfaction.... Give any of it away and you're giving your own self confidence away in the process....

 

[biker_gixxer]

Take Trance's idea and delete her from your msn.

You can't control whether or not she starts talking crap to your friends, but you can control how you react to it. Know what I mean? You can make her look dumb by disregarding any comments she makes about you. Show them (and her for that matter )you're above her petty games. However, if she starts acting snotty or 'tuff' directly to you, then you need to verbally smack her silly. I promise you she'll think twice before trying that again.

Any girl that has to hide behind text messaging to break up with you is immature and childish. You're job now is to treat her as such.


came onto msn with msn names such as "men with hard-ons: the blood rushes to their head and makes them really stupid!" <--- And this little game was for your benefit. She's trying to get your attention or get a reaction out of you. DON'T give her the satisfaction, you're above this.

And the best way to forget about her and show everyone (including her) that she means nothing to you? Start banging someone else...

 

[Climax]

!

penguin: whats your ex gf's msn address?

Otherwise... just dont think about her.. get urself another chick and FORGET about the b!tch!

Laterz...

 

[Don_Joffe]

Forget about her, if you dont and cont talking to her, she will get an ego boost, and YOU dont wannt to do that? Tell her she doesnt have another chance with you ever and dont speak to her so you will forget her and move on.

 

[PRMoon]

you should totally not worry about it. Sounds like she's being immature and you'll look alot better to everybody if you rise above all that. I mean that's not to say you have to talk postive about here but you should mostly ignore what she does to try to "ruin your image"

If anything when people ask you about it you should just say "things just didn't work out, that's life and now I'm movin on." By not saying anything bad you've shown that you were the more mature in the relationship. When ever some one conveys what she's said about you or anything like that you should just laugh it off, because when you think about it, it really is pretty funny.

You'll be okay man just take it in strides.

As my father told me "Tough times call for tough men" This isn't even a tough time so you being tough yourself, should have no problems getting over this one.

 

[DrSoSuave]

What a h0bag. Getting dumped through email, text, voicemail, or even instant message is disrespectul and shows how much important she placed on you buddy!

The phone call/handwritten note breakup should be the lowest form of communicating a breakup never those electronic methods!

Most likely she'll try to turn your friends against you, I would recommend by playing it cool and getting deeply involved with your friends (hanging with them, etc.) Re-establish your network of brothers and you'll call it even for the time wasted on a girl that dumped you by text message.

The most important thing is, don't talk crap about her or your ex. If your friends ask why'd you break up, don't act emotional.. just tell them it just didn't work out and politely ask them to stop talking about it or change the subject.

I've had guy friends that would b1tch and moan about their exes and that turned me away not because they weren't being men but because I felt like I was going to be involved in their emotional drama.

 

[Jariel]

I'm in a similar situation with a short term girlfriend dumping me and being cruel about it. I figure the best way to deal with it is polite indifference. No insults, no petty ignoring, no arguments - just act like you hold no grudges and nothing she does bothers you. And be polite about it.

When you react to a woman's insults or show her you are hurt, you are doing exactly what she wants you to do. You are showing her that she is worth arguing with and that you still care.

 

[penguin]

Yeah.... we basically broke up because she didn't want to give, and wanted to take take take. I stopped so much giving and started demanding things of her and she hated that. For example I hadn't got sex for about 2 months beforehand, and she stated recently that i "have to earn it, it's not a right" and i had to "earn it" by being sweet and doing romantic things for her....

I asked her how she planned on earning my romance (in reply to her little demand that i earn sex).... of course she stepped around that one. Didn't want to do anything. She wanted to make me work so she could have some ego trip, but she was quite content to sit on her ass and not contribute.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Some new developements though:

She has been contacting me a little, and unfortunately i fell for the trap and contacted her back, however i wasn't sucky.

For e.g. she's leaving msges like how much she hates that she still loves me, or "i would have done anything for you but you ruined it" and "it's just all about sex to you isn't it?", and then *****ed about not getting replies.

So i shot off an e-mail to her basically stating that "you ended it. You should be happy. You got what you want. What kind of reply were you expecting? It's done."

Can anyone explain this? Why would she just keep up the complaining after it's all said and done?

I'm just curious in terms of psychologically (sp?) what's happening.... after all, i'm here to learn. Seems to me she's still craving the attention/drama, or possibly she's second-guessing her decision but is too stubborn to ask for me back so is trying to guilt me into crawling back (won't happen, but it wouldn't surprise me this option because she loves the power)

Thoughts? I'm looking to learn more.... It's been a long relationship, I have to take some lessons/knowledge out of this, but i'm not good enough to read all these mental things yet.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by penguin
I'm just curious in terms of psychologically (sp?) what's happening.... after all, i'm here to learn. Seems to me she's still craving the attention/drama, or possibly she's second-guessing her decision but is too stubborn to ask for me back so is trying to guilt me into crawling back (won't happen, but it wouldn't surprise me this option because she loves the power)

Personally, I think you are right. A basic fact of human psychology: people value what they fear losing. She took you for granted and now she feels like she is losing you, she is starting to see your value.

By being a challenge and by not giving into her, you are increasing your value so keep it up.

 

[car501]

Break up....

Originally posted by penguin
Yeah.... we basically broke up because she didn't want to give, and wanted to take take take. I stopped so much giving and started demanding things of her and she hated that. For example I hadn't got sex for about 2 months beforehand, and she stated recently that i "have to earn it, it's not a right" and i had to "earn it" by being sweet and doing romantic things for her....

"You have to earn it, it's not a right". Two words for you the next time a girl say's that to you. "Good Bye !".
You say "I'M curious in terms of psychologically (sp?) what's happening.... after all, i'm here to learn. Seems to me she's still craving the attention/drama, or possibly she's second-guessing her decision but is too stubborn to ask for me back so is trying to guilt me into crawling back (won't happen, but it wouldn't surprise me this option because she loves the power).
Tell you what. Your spending way too much time on this issue. You say you won't go back,
but the amount of time your still thinking about it, I'd say there is a good chance she may sucker you back into something.
My advice.Forget about her. Don't communicate with her at all. No email, text, chat, etc. If you do you help keep her little game going, guess what will happen. If she wants you back, she'll get you. She keeps contacting you (i.e complaing about the break up) because you keep contacting her back.She is keeping a 'relationship' with you going even if its just through email/text or what have you, and it's on her terms. Put your time and energy into somethng more positive.
OBTW, if she can easly influence your friends by talking sh*t about you, I'd get new friends. Good Luck..

 

[penguin]

Man i'm such a dumbass. I got sucked in and talked to her again.....

Basically it was the same 'ol power bull****, but one thing pushed me over the edge..... one thing i'm glad happened because it made me see her in even worse light than I have been....

She kept speaking to me as if me wanting sex is a bad thing and that it's not a right and that I should be thankful that she's doing something she doesn't have to do etc etc.

Anyway i said "if you had a sex drive you'd know how i feel" (she doesn't have one, she's admitted it)....

Anyway, she threatened me! She said something like "Keep making comments like that and we'll see what happens".... So i asked her what she's threatening me with..... told her to have the guts to say it. (big mistake i think..... I think she was after the power of 'having soemthign i want' i.e. knowledge of what it was).

Needless to say she said if you keep asking i'll go so i said ok and that was that.


I am so dumb..... seriously, i got sucked into another conversation with her. As soon as it was over I thought ".....absoloutely stupid". Oh well, you live and learn. At least this time she pushed me so far over that edge that i truley no longer want to contact her again, ever. I just can't get over how dumb that was lol

 

[Wyldfire]

Jesus H. Christ...why did you even get involved with this girl in the first place?

Right NOW...delete her from your messenger and BLOCK HER EMAIL. Do NOT communicate with her at all. She's baiting you and you keep biting. If you keep responding to her she is going to accuse you of sexually harassing her. That's what her threat was about. She is a toxic emotional terrorist and you're better off without her.

DELETE HER FROM IM AND BLOCK HER EMAIL RIGHT NOW....NOW.