break up help!!!!

[ink_wizard]

Hi,
I have been in a long distance relationship with this chick for 3 months who lives in another city from me. We've known each other 6 months and starting dating after the 3rd month. Things were going great, we were very much inlove and i went up to see her for a week and had the best time ever and our love grew and grew. She came over to where i lived for a holiday for a couple of weeks and again had the best time and our love got stronger and stronger and we knew we could see ourselves having a long term future with each other and she was planning on moving here to be with me...

Now a week after she left she went all distant & funny with me, we used to text and call pretty much all day, everyday and from that we went to one text a day to one 5 minute phone call to which she always ended because she had to "go". Being concerned i questioned her about this but she reassured me that everything was fine, shes just really busy and that she still very much loves me. Few days later and it keeps continuing and i question her again, she gets mad at me and i lose it and break it off with (big mistake i know) she's in tears and hurting and says shes going through a rough time and is trying to sort her life out and i realize ive made a mistake...

So ive been trying to get her back a couple of days later and she says wants to work things out but needs her time and space, fair enough. She randomly messages me yesterday an asks how i am etc and that was fine, were still talking, but today i message her just to see how she was and all she does is give me one word blunt answers and then i asked if she was still thinking about stuff and 5 hours later still no reply.....I feel like she is giving me mixed signals and i dont know what to do...PLEASE HELP! i love her so much and i feel like im losing her for good now how do i get her back?? any help would be apreciated!

 

[betheman]

Sorry to break it to you but there is another guy on the scene! also its an LDR, the odds of these types of relationships working are hugely stacked agaisnt you.
the one thing you did right when you sensed something was wrong was break it off, she wasn thurtingm, the tears were fake or confusion.

you are being fed lines and very brief ones, this is all shady stuff.

the only thing you can do is to preserve your dignity, go silent, let her do the running, she will soon give up.

time to face fact son, this isnt going anywhere

 

[ink_wizard]

so do i keep perservering or go NC? i'll be so torn if she finds someone else and should i move to the same state as her to prove how much i want to be with her??? HELP!!

 

[window]

"Being concerned i questioned her about this..."


this is your problem...neediness. She smelt it and her instincts are to run. You need to back off from this girl but always show respect and state control.

When a girl pulls away your instinct is to lunge forward but a man in control with himself will know something is wrong and give her the space she needs.

Your job is to work out why you are needy and eliminate it from your core.

 

[ink_wizard]

so i guess i just leave her alone and not contact her anymore? will she ever come back?

 

[window]

mmm my guess is you have done too much damage, going nc is just an immature thing to do. The best thing to do is just let her initiate the majority of contact and be polite and friendly, let her bring up relationship stuff not you...she has basically broken up with you though so you shouldnt be trying to get her back.

 

[ink_wizard]

she told me today that im "chasing someone unobtainable" and that im the one who left and "broke her heart and for me to leave her the **** alone" i just dont want to lose her to some one else and she always hangs up on me whenever i try to call her

 

[DonJuanabe]

It's over. Now, here is the good part: you get to LEARN from your mistakes. If you don't learn from them then you have failed. Is that what you want? If you don't want to be a failure then decide to learn from your mistakes and apply it going forward. You have much more ahead of you in your future than you do behind you in your past -- which is where this girl is -- so move forward.

Here are some mistakes:

1) Long distance. Don't do it ever again. The primary point of being in a relationship is being with that person physically. When you are long distance you've already destroyed the primary purpose of the relationship.

2) You were needy. You must, I repeat must, grow out of this. Boys are needy. Men are not needy. You must be mature enough to love without needing to love. That takes time and heartbreak but eventually you will understand.

3) You showed the girl you were needy. This is not the same as being needy. It takes time to develop emotionally to not need someone you love/like. During that time period learn to keep that neediness inside; never show it.

I'm sure other can add to this list.

 

[Juan Don]

she told me today that im "chasing someone unobtainable" and that im the one who left and "broke her heart and for me to leave her the **** alone" i just dont want to lose her to some one else and she always hangs up on me whenever i try to call her

you already lost her. that's the truth. keep your dignity as someone said and move on. go no contact. the sooner you get over her the better person you will be. later down that road maybe a time will come when she initiates contact with you and perhaps she wants to get back. but, at that time you can get back on your terms whether or not you want to. more than likely you will be over her.

 

[exile663dfx]

Dude the answer is.. NO.

Move on

 

[ink_wizard]

i know and i will be giving her, her space but what can i do to get her back or make her think about me???

 

[Juan Don]

i know and i will be giving her, her space but what can i do to get her back or make her think about me???

no you don't need to give her anything. what you need to do for yourself is to make time for you to get over her and move on. you can't do anything. she doesn't want you. at least she made it clear to you.

"broke her heart and for me to leave her the **** alone"