Break off Engagement - Exit Strategy??

[Reyaj]

Samspade by no means was I trying to dismiss your long advice you gave me. I agree with it completely... unfortunately I think its beyond that point. As far as acting AFC.... you know what you may be on to something? Maybe if I start acting obsessive and insecure like crazy she might want to leave... although she is pretty clingy herself so I am not sure if thats the right move

Beowulf... not a terrible idea... maybe I should just use the fact that I may cheat on her in the future..... or that I am attracted to other women.... Although I think that might make her a woman scorned..

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Rejaz,
" But anyway I'm not following your story about your family friend..." ...My story is to illustrate that in real life people do come out of the closet,as demonstrated,properly handled you can all still be good friends...

"Are you saying to just go through with the wedding and accept things for whatever they are?"....Certainly not,but it seems to a bystander that you are just a leaf in her stream going willy-nilly where she leads you....If you don't have the bvalls to play a little theatre,then just prevaricate......."Sorry I cant get married in June,I need more time,yes I fully intend to,later"...This organised crime crap is just an excuse to justify your own lack of decisiveness Raj...You seem Indian,as far as their laying out Money,it's a strange Indian who doesn't protect his financial interests,they can just put off whatever deals they had going,the same as you!

 

[Reyaj]

Dear Rejaz,
" But anyway I'm not following your story about your family friend..." ...My story is to illustrate that in real life people do come out of the closet,as demonstrated,properly handled you can all still be good friends...

"Are you saying to just go through with the wedding and accept things for whatever they are?"....Certainly not,but it seems to a bystander that you are just a leaf in her stream going willy-nilly where she leads you....If you don't have the bvalls to play a little theatre,then just prevaricate......."Sorry I cant get married in June,I need more time,yes I fully intend to,later"...This organised crime crap is just an excuse to justify your own lack of decisiveness Raj...You seem Indian,as far as their laying out Money,it's a strange Indian who doesn't protect his financial interests,they can just put off whatever deals they had going,the same as you!

For the record I am not Indian lol!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Raj,
"For the record I am not Indian lol!".....Indian or not,unless you wake up quick you are just another fat Duck waiting for the Plucking!

 

[Reyaj]

This sucks

 

[EastWind]

Exactly why are you engaged to a girl who has ties to organized crime?

Don't let money be an issue here. No matter how much it costs, you will always be infinitely more free for not having a girl with these ties and a marriage license with your name on it. Offer to reimburse them for everything if you have to.

 

[matt_cantona]

go ctatch her

 

[Reyaj]

Exactly why are you engaged to a girl who has ties to organized crime?

Don't let money be an issue here. No matter how much it costs, you will always be infinitely more free for not having a girl with these ties and a marriage license with your name on it. Offer to reimburse them for everything if you have to.

Her family doesn't do it... but they have connections who do. The places we made deposits too are run by these type of gangsters.... It bothers me that I will have to pay everything... she should at least pay half in my opinion...

Anyway I still need an exit strategy.... I don't think going AFC will work... at this point she is so invested that I don't think it would make her leave.

Is there any type of mental illness I can say I have? Please I need ideas to break this off before its too late!

 

[Reyaj]

If this is true, and you hurt their little girl badly, then they will find you no matter where you go. If I were in your shoes, I would call a round table discussion among the patriarch's of the family, and honestly try to explain to them that you may have problems later on, desiring other women, and what you should do about it, because you have a very high sex drive, and don't want to hurt their little girl.:nono: Maybe some were in the same situation, and can advise you how you can still run some key game by, on the low. Later on, maybe you can think of a way to get a divorce without having this vendetta hanging over your head.

I don't know.... I think they would be pissed that at the last minute I am saying I want other girls.... thats why I'm thinking of going with a mental illness or something like that.. That would make her family not want her to be with me

 

[Reyaj]

Or maybe some sort of disease.....?

 

[Reyaj]

Are there any types of Illnesses maybe mental that I could say I have....


I need to come up with something quick!

 

[Don_Dom]

Figure out another place to live, as in another city, and get a place there. Pack or even move if you can.

Then, as others have said, tell the truth. Sit her down and tell her that you are stupid, a weasel, and barely a man for letting things go this far. And that she is far better off without you. The truth.

Then go start your new life and let her deal with the wreckage you have left behind. Hopefully, she is a better person than you and moves on quickly and doesn't call in any favors from the family "friends.". And, for your sake and any women in your future, hopefully you will learn how to be a man and not let relationships with people you either don't care for or respect, or those with mob ties, get out of hand.

Sorry if any of that sounds harsh, but you seem to want us to help you come up with some magic excuse to help you weasel yourself out of a situation of your own making. These boards are for people who want to better their interactions with women by being the best men that they can be. Yes, there is lots of advice for "gaming" women because, due to the piles of BS that women create as well as the little hoops we often have to jump thru just to deal with them, some gaming is often required. But make no mistake, unlike other PUA communities, this DJ community is about success with women via success as A MAN, not BS and trickery and, from what I can tell by this thread, YOU have been the little b1tch, in this case. And I find it more than a bit insulting to this community that you think we are here to help you come up with an exit strategy from a situation of your own creation, because you didn't gave the balls to stop it at a reasonable point. Weasels like you are what feed the arguments of the feminist trolls who call those of us who simply want to be men in a woman's world pigs.

Man up. The truth will set you free. There is no winning in this, just degrees of losing. Tell the truth, take your beating, and move on. Learn from this.

 

[Desdinova]

I need to come up with something that will make her want to leave me - I don't care to be honest for some "moral highground" or whatever it is.. I need to be safe and move on with my life... Again, if I get her to want to leave me the ramifications will be a lot less than dealing with a woman scorned!

I'm with Don Dom. Plan to move outside of the city. Leave while she's at work or something. Just take a small bag of clothing and go. Leave a brief note that says "I cannot be with you anymore" and leave it at that.

You can replace all the 5hit you leave behind - including her.

 

[SecondHalf]

There is no excuse that she won't see through.
I'm gay, I'm sick, I'm deranged, I'm in dept, I gamble, I'm a closet drunk, the dog ate our marriage certificate...

If the parents are not criminals, they're not going to become criminals to deal with you. This is a cop out.

You're in this pickle because you lied about your true intentions to keep the woman/sex rather than be a man and set boundaries or leave.
Now you want to lie to this woman again rather than be a man.
Yep, it's going to hurt her. Yep, it's going to hurt you (not physically, that's bullcrap).

You my DJ colleague are going to be walking down that isle unless you run, or tell the truth. The reason you haven't tried to spin one of your excuses thus far is that they don't fit. I can feel the conflict in your words.

Just thinking ...
Might a better solution be to engage the titans of this sight on methods to game your girl and improve whatever is lacking in your relationship that has you so frightened?
I mean you got here because at some level maybe there was some interest in her? Are you just frustrated with the dynamics of your relationship? This as a real issue, I wouldn't judge ... really! (made a bad decision as a young man - should have fixed things with that woman).

Regardless, you need to deal, especially if you have the majority of assets and failure is a sure thing.

Whatever route you take, good luck with it. Regardless of your character, these types of changes in direction are never easy to deal with and will leave you with a big ugly memory for life. For this, I feel for you.

SH

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

So my marriage is imminent..... how could I get out of it gracefully without having my fiance want to have a vendetta against me for life????

Yes I let it get out of hand.... but better to end something late than never right??? The problem now aside from the emotional damage is the money already spent on the engagement festivities...... This includes everything from gifts, to deposits put down etc....

Well anyway that aside, I need a good exit strategy that is going to cause the least collateral damage possible. I am thinking the idea would be to make her want out of the engagement.... Any ideas are much appreciated.... Here's a few off of the top of my head...

1. Say I am gay (I am being serious... make her really think I am attracted to men)

2. Say I have some sort of illness (not sure what... but something that would make her want to leave)

3. Say I can't have children.. something is wrong with me...


Thats about all I got so far.... Obviously she is going to be hurt no matter what but I want to do something that would make her as least hurt as possible and one that would make her not want to kill me!

Two options. Both of which will work.

OPTION ONE

Tell her that you know you'll be a terrible husband. You hate to feel trapped. you know it's a shortcoming, and you've been seeing a counselor, and it's part of your makeup and will take a long time to overcome. Tell her you really care about her and you know that being married to you would be hell. Tell her you care about her so much that you don't want her to go through that. Then, in great detail, tell her about all your personal problems (real or made up, go to loveshack for inspiration) and make it last at least a few hours, and cry as much as possible. The aim is for her to suddenly see you as a horrible, pathetic little beta-boy. That way she won't try and kill you, she'll try and forget you as soon as possible.

OPTION TWO

Start shitting the bed, and rub it all over yourself and her while you sleep. Then in the morning pretend you don't know what happened.

 

[twentee]

being HIV or HIP etc positive oughta work, did you have blood tests together before having sex? i think that the part about a crime family is a lie, the op just doesn't want to seem to be the total idiot/scumbag that he probably is in fact.

 

[Kailex]

Why did you even let this get to this point? You've been going on with this relationship for YEARS even though you KNEW that you didn't want to marry this woman.

You put yourself in this position, so now man up and eject yourself out of this. You had PLENTY of chances to exit this relationship before the engagement and yet, you stayed... because you were comfortable... and now you either have to man up or create resentment for the rest of your married life.

I remember you posting about her over 2 years now... maybe 3.

It's time to face the music.
Tell her the truth. You've been avoiding it for years.

 

[scrouds]

Why did you even let this get to this point? You've been going on with this relationship for YEARS even though you KNEW that you didn't want to marry this woman.

You put yourself in this position, so now man up and eject yourself out of this. You had PLENTY of chances to exit this relationship before the engagement and yet, you stayed... because you were comfortable... and now you either have to man up or create resentment for the rest of your married life.

I remember you posting about her over 2 years now... maybe 3.

It's time to face the music.
Tell her the truth. You've been avoiding it for years.

shaming alert

 

[Kailex]

Listen up, junior mint... if that's ALL you got from my post, then you really need to work on your reading comprehension.

Go look up posts from Reyaj from 2010.
Sorry, but he's been avoiding this disaster for YEARS on this forum. Would you rather have me word that phrase differently just for you?

Please.

 

[scrouds]

Listen up, junior mint... if that's ALL you got from my post, then you really need to work on your reading comprehension.

Go look up posts from Reyaj from 2010.
Sorry, but he's been avoiding this disaster for YEARS on this forum. Would you rather have me word that phrase differently just for you?

Please.

man up and show some respect to your elders, boy