BPD story-where to start????

[nooneyouknow]

I would eat my hat if your ex is a BPD. You sound a bit upset that your ex has left, only a bit because you still have the blankey of your wife to protect you.

I havent heard any of the common signs fom you to confirm that your ex is BPD. Think she may just be angry that you have a wife....

Regarding your wife..... I would think very very very very seriously about what you do. Many men have left that security that you have on a whim, only to realize that what they had was far better than big tits, fresh skin and a tight pvssy, to try to go back to the wife who herself relishes the indepence when her esteem returns and herself to not want the husband anymore.

For gods sake man, cant you do what most men do and fook hoes, have the occasional one nighter, and plan independent weekends away where you enjoy ho's, champagne and reefer?

Think carefully about what you do here.....women today are not cast like the old school....you will find it hard to replace the submissive that is your wife.

Good luck!

Thank you. I have lived as a cheater for 27 months straight, and occasionally before that. That is not a life I really want. To me, that is an unfulfilling life filled with women who bang you for money, or women you really don't like much, or women you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole if you were single.
I like relationships, and I want a partner.

 

[nooneyouknow]

I agree with tony, try all 9 criteria and then some, every woman has issues, even a few of the criteria stuff that makes the BPD diagnosis.

Unless you have a woman who has serious fears of abandonment, raging for hours on end screaming, crying, smashing up the car, house , lying, cheating, exessive spending, driving like she stole it, not paying bills ever. making up stories of past abuse and rape, no friends, extreme jealousy, tries to alienate you from your friends and family as they are a threat to her and might take you away,

can't look after herself in any way shape or form ( this is a 30+ woman) cant hold down a job for more than 6 months and moves 3-4 times a year, can't have a rational conversation, circular arguments that are never resolved and denies that there is anything wrong with her or she has done anything wrong,has talked of suicide and has cut herself in the past, moves onto the next relationship within days

Then and only then assume she might have BPD.

She does about half those things, and a "positive" result for BPD is five affirmative answers out of the nine questions. She has six affirmative.

As for the things you mention, which are not the questions asked-yes, rages on for hours, yes, wracked up lots of CC debt and does not pay or answer her home phone, or plan on paying. She explained to me that it was unsecured debt, and they had to stop trying to collect after a certain number of years. There are some times when she is not rational. Sometimes she spaces out or is just illogical (often). But sometimes she is very determined and logical and tough. This does not affect her friendships or work. She exhibits jealousy, both real and unrealistic, to the extreme. She has tried to come between me and my wife often, and not just in a logical "you should leave her because" manner. She drives well, very well, but she does do some reckless things there even to the extent of texting on the highway! There is a past history of sex abuse, and she lost her virginity while passed out drunk. I doubt she invented those stories.

I am not saying she is ready for the psyche ward. She is not full blown. I'm just saying she failed the test, and as I read forums on BPD, I see so many things she does or has done.

 

[nooneyouknow]

Actually I think you might have a PD too. If you do you need to fix that before you can heal.

True, no doubt. I do have narcissistic tendencies. Maybe more. C'est la vie!

 

[nooneyouknow]

Don't worry, she probably ****ed more guys than you did girls behind your back.

Actually she has sworn up and down that she never has. I tend to believe her because other than an on again-off again 8 year affair that ended over ten years ago, she did not cheat on her husband until we met, according to her.

I actually do believe her, if she had cheated on me, she would have told me during one of her drunken rages or sometime she felt hurt. She would love to hurt me that way.

She says, and I believe her, that she does not get anything out random hook ups, and that they are not good sex for women. She said she does not fall in love often, but when she does, she falls hard.

I do tend to believe her on these subjects. Random hook ups are not really great for men either. I think you have to have a bond and get inside their head before the sex becomes great. And you both have to overcome that nervousness, which may take a few times together.

 

[nooneyouknow]

I agree with Mauser. The whole post sounds rather fake to me. He talks up the wife and cheats on her and the bpd. If you cheated on the bpd the bpd wouldn't leave you. The bpd would stay with you more because the bpd would be afraid of losing you.

I doubt this is true, that a BPD would cling tighter to a cheater. BPDs fear abandonment. They push away.

 

[nooneyouknow]

I think this is a sh#t test post by a female. Anyway - any guy worth his salt would hang with the wife (at the stage you are at) and bang on the side.

I wouldn't make the mistake of thinking that having hot sex, great d eeee p convos and fun times with the possible BPDer, equates to the same good times when shacked up w the beatch.

Do her hard, all ways if you want, but don't lock in with her.

OK, last reply for now. Too many responses here. Thank you all.

First, if I was happily married this never would have happened. I was vulnerable because my sex life was pretty bad as far as the wife is concerned. Maybe once a month, and after 32 years together, I am just bored even with that.
The OW/BPD paid attention to me, and if you know BPDs, they worship their partners and will do anything for them, often without even being asked.

As far as hanging with the wife. I am convinced that I am a sex addict. I have always suspected it, but it comes more clearly into focus after this affair with the BPD. I am not willing to do a random hook up here and there and catch a BJ when I can wherever. I am not really a bar person, though I did all that 25+ years ago when I was single. I want a relationship, a new relationship. Or, I want various partners with nothing beyond friendship.

And no, this is not some post by a trolling woman. I don't see what anyone, any person, male or female would get out of making this stuff up and spending all this time posting and answering!

If I didn't feel I had a problem, and I wasn't looking for advice, I wouldn't be on here.

And to those of you who suggested that BPD was rare-ha! Take a look at the research. I have. It is estimated that 10% of women have it, and that it results in 20% of visits to the psych ER!

Again, I am sure 10% of women are not total psycho sluts. But it may be close to that number that fit the criteria. I really don't know, but thats what the experts say. Pretty shocking, I know.

 

[nooneyouknow]

Ok, one more point- I have also been posting on a love/marriage/divorce forum for about 18 months. Its funny how different the responses are there, with so many people, men and women, telling me to come clean to my wife and work on my marriage and/or myself.

Just very different from the guys here, a lot of whom basically said just go bang sluts and get off anyway you can and stay married.

It's just an observation on my part. But I would prefer living clean and openly. Cheating and running around is kind of pointless as the relationships usually don't last long, and take a while to develop. At least thats my experience. Obviously a woman, especially a younger one, would be much more likely to become involved with a man who is not in a relationship already. Women hate cheaters, at least that is my experience. And women who have cheated seemed to have learned from it and stopped.

 

[floydb25]

But ontopic.
I've had 2 BPD girlfriends in my life, I prefer the term "Psychopath" over Borderline though, these women have no empathy, leech on your life energy, and walk away when you are of no longer use for them. Dont expect them to come visit you in the cancer ward when youre dying, instead they'll use your creditcard to book in hotels to fvck random strangers on cocaine, and say its your fault anyway.
These women are pure evil. Youre lucky to be ignored, worst case they call the police on you.
Most men have been brought up in a happy family and have been told that everybody "has some good in them". Its a pretty bitter pill when youve encountered a psychopath in your life to know thats not true.

Good luck.

Hmmmm... Dated women like this before. They were more selfish and narcissistic than BPD, though. Being a psychopath isn't the same thing, but they were that, too.

Of course, all the loser men were WK'ing for them, and wanting to see me fail throughout - then coming to irrational conclusions in their favor - simply because they were "hot", and all those losers cared about was status. Bunch of ****ing idiots.

 

[asa_don]

I doubt this is true, that a BPD would cling tighter to a cheater. BPDs fear abandonment. They push away.

Looks like you haven't read much in the 20 hours because you missed the main points. BPD's stay in abusive relationships and cling to the cheaters because those aren't normal girls. That is normal to them. They cling to that. The guys who treat them well are the ones the bpd's treat like crap and hate. They can't accept love. They piush away from that. You don't know what you're talking about.

 

[nooneyouknow]

Looks like you haven't read much in the 20 hours because you missed the main points. BPD's stay in abusive relationships and cling to the cheaters because those aren't normal girls. That is normal to them. They cling to that. The guys who treat them well are the ones the bpd's treat like crap and hate. They can't accept love. They piush away from that. You don't know what you're talking about.

I maintain that everyone is different, and there is no way a person can say "these people do this", or "those people do that", especially when dealing with someone with a PD.

I was just relating my experience.

 

[nooneyouknow]

Looks like you haven't read much in the 20 hours because you missed the main points. BPD's stay in abusive relationships and cling to the cheaters because those aren't normal girls. That is normal to them. They cling to that. The guys who treat them well are the ones the bpd's treat like crap and hate. They can't accept love. They piush away from that. You don't know what you're talking about.

The answer is control and manipulation:

http://www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/topic46042.html

If I were you, I would remain silent rather than appear to be an idiot. Just sayin'