Bpd ex has ****ed me up

[Jamie35]

My ex who discarded me 3 weeks ago has properly done a number in my esteem. I've been a physical and mental wreck for the past 3 weeks since she started off with the usual silent treatment for days for a perceived slight. This time however I made no attempt to initiate contact and it turned in to a break up (not that she ever gave me the decency of even telling me). It's the usual bpd story. She made me feel special, told me how great I was, how abusive and toxic her ex boyfriends were. Then I found out she has ****ed some other dude when we were just dating but let that slide as we weren't official. Follow this with a rollercoaster if push pull. I let her move in at her request, she moved out 2 weeks later saying she was confused and needed her own space. She then started moving back in again and lasted a week this time. She professed to love my kids but has discarded them too without a second thought. I saw some massages to her friend a couple of months back where she was evil about me. I see this now as triangulation. The mate saying "yeah he's a **** he doesnt deserve you dump his ass". I am struggling to accept that this woman was not really feeling anything. She clearly doesn't care whatsoever about the breakup, I'm told she's going about life as normal. She also last week blocked me on all social media. I'm astounded as to how cold this ***** is. My questions are how do I get over this crazy ***** fast and is it likely she will be back to try and **** me up a bit more?

 

[djdfuser]

She made me feel special, told me how great I was, how abusive and toxic her ex boyfriends were. Then I found out she has ****ed some other dude when we were just dating but let that slide as we weren't official.

Sounds like your average entitled femcentric woman to me. LEARN and bail there next time.

 

[Infern0]

Your main priority is your kids.

Stay away from this woman, block and delete everything, never let her back in again.

Time will heal, it'll take a few months. After this you won't make the mistake of going down the rabbit hole again.

In the meantime your kids come first.

 

[sosousage]

sounds like sshe wanted something from you whatever it was but something about you was pushing her away, or she just had other dude

 

[Infern0]

sounds like sshe wanted something from you whatever it was but something about you was pushing her away, or she just had other dude

There's red flags that don't place the blame at OP's door.

Her asking to move in, then gapping 2 weeks later being just one. Normal women don't do that sort of ****.

 

[Spaz]

There's red flags that don't place the blame at OP's door.

Her asking to move in, then gapping 2 weeks later being just one. Normal women don't do that sort of ****.

The blame is at his door.

He qualified and accepted poor behaviour.

Now he needs to own up 2 his mistakes, learn from it and be stronger because of it.

 

[Infern0]

The blame is at his door.

He qualified and accepted poor behaviour.

Now he needs to own up 2 his mistakes, learn from it and be stronger because of it.

Agree in principal, in reality he's not going to be able to do that just now. Best thing is to get him away from her, clarity will come over time.

 

[Spaz]

@Infern0 , understood. You hv lead here then.

 

[Infern0]

@Infern0 , understood. You hv lead here then.

Sometimes it's just about the timing. Op will learn.

 

[Jamie35]

Thanks for the advice guys. The ****ing the other guy incident I didn't find out about until 12 months in. I'd only been on 2 dates with her at that point. I was not happy when I found out. I plan on keeping her out of my life. She was good with the kids but her behaviour these last few weeks suggests it was all a big act. Is it likely she will try and come back? I've read these bpd girls do that when they realise they have lost the monopoly on treating them like they died.

 

[MountainSlide]

I dated chick with bpd (diagnosed). Let me tell you my friend, when we broke up, I felt like a total basket case. I’m not sure if there’s a super fast way to get over it, it took me a while. The fastest way is by making permanent no contact and never speaking to her again. Don’t look at her social media. And don’t respond if she reaches out. If you do respond you’ll expand the amount of time it takes to get over it because you’ll be sucked back into the craziness.

Whether or not she cares isn’t relevant.

 

[MountainSlide]

Thanks for the advice guys. The ****ing the other guy incident I didn't find out about until 12 months in. I'd only been on 2 dates with her at that point. I was not happy when I found out. I plan on keeping her out of my life. She was good with the kids but her behaviour these last few weeks suggests it was all a big act. Is it likely she will try and come back? I've read these bpd girls do that when they realise they have lost the monopoly on treating them like they died.

Bro it isn’t that she didn’t care. It’s called splitting aka black and white thinking. So when she splits you white, you’re perfect and the best in the world. When she splits you black, you’re evil incarnate. It’s a relational disorder. This feeling you’re experiencing isn’t love, it isn’t a deep caring, it’s called attachment.

But none of it is real. Because her feelings aren’t based on reality, they’re based on delusional thinking. Mine came back endlessly. After I blocked her, then her mom started contacting me. I blocked her too. I’m sure that she’ll be trying to get in touch with me in the not too distant future.

Who gives a shyt though. It’s much better if she’s not contacting you. Because everything that comes from her mouth will either be lies or manipulations. Maybe she’ll start sending you songs. Maybe she’ll tell you about how much she loves and misses you. All breadcrumbs my friend. Don’t buy into. And don’t fail by talking to her dirty snatch.

I felt jealous after we broke up because she monkey branches into a relationship with another guy. Well guess what? She cheated on him four times with me. Who knows who else she cheated on him with. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and give myself thanks that I’m not the one in that relationship. Find a woman that has integrity!

 

[RedScorpion]

Is it likely she will try and come back? I've read these bpd girls do that when they realise they have lost the monopoly on treating them like they died.

Having been there, I know what it's like to be wondering about that same question. In my perspective, it was a matter of hoping that they do come back, if only for the opportunity to shut them down. That's what I would openly think. But I think it was more about that sense of approval or acceptance from them, if they did come back. 'Hey look, I did mean something to her! She came back to engage with me.' Trying to get back some esteem about the issue. And then later convincing myself it's better not to hear from her.

I don't know if you'll have the same mindset, but I'll say it's better if you try not to deliberate, over whether or not she'll try to contact you. It can get stuck in your head easily if you let it. Try to fully affirm to move on from this chick and most importantly - do not think about her! Keeping her out of your thoughts is the best thing you can do. If you're worried about her contacting or bumping into you - plan out how you'd respond, keep that as a backup, and continue to keep her out of mind. The less you think of her, the less this whole situation will ingrain in you. That's my recommended course of action.

There is no rationality to these bpd types. And even if it's just someone that's simply incompatible - it's better to not try and figure out their behaviour. Try and move on with normal life again. Note the signs and red flags to learn (such as love bombing, you're so great, etc.) for next time, if you meet someone with similar tendencies. You will be better prepared to handle it.

 

[gravityeyelids]

The main takeaway here is that YOU ARE OUT. Keep it that way. You're already bordering by even worrying about what she thinks. I know its hard. Especially with the crazy ones. They have more innate game than even some of the smoother guys and can drive you absolutely nuts because they know just the right buttons to push. As someone else said - there is no rationality here.

The biggest thing is to cut her completely. You don't need her fvcking with your head - you need to get her out of your life so you can build yourself back up. It will take time, and the LAST thing you need during that time is to be having ANY contact with her, checking her social media, etc. The ONLY exception to this is if she's so crazy that you honestly worry she might hurt you or your belongings. If that's the case, you might want to be careful about pissing her off. I don't really know - to be honest i don't have a ton of experience with these type of women (luckily).

 

[051AV]

You have to get her out of your life and start fixing yours, she's going to keep making your life dysfunctional like hers. Stop all contact with her give her no information, if you're the guy that spills your guts and told her everything in your life you're fvcked. She's possibly got all kinds of sh*t she can hold over your head, black mail you with something. These nut jobs love to lie and make up stories you could end up behind bars she starts claiming you were physically abusive and beating her. They start turning people against you to make you look like your the problem not her, tries to get as many people on her side she can. I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to get child services on your back claiming you're an abusive father.

Cut her off break ALL contact, hell get a restraining order, you have to get this b*tch to hate you, by the sounds of it you're a weak man and she walked all over you. If they know they can manipulate you they will keep doing it, my ex tried it on me quite a bit she got a taste of her own medicine. I used to throw her lies back in her face, would catch her lying and confront her on it and watch her squirm, hell they can't even keep track of the lies they tell their fake stories keep changing.

 

[soulforge]

The one and only thing you can and NEED to do... NO CONTACT