BPD ex.... 3 months out - need some advice

[Mikeman123]

i've been doing everything in my power, cleaning house, cleaned whole garage, in gym 2.5 hours a day 7 days a week, lost 37lbs just since she dumped me, bought a dog, started voice, guitar and piano lessons, hanging out with friends

it's just like nothing i do no matter how much takes my mind off her and what i thought she was in the idealization stage and how amazing our lives could have been, i can't look at the stars, can't drive by our spot, can't go to starbucks, can't go to our movie theatre, i was so attached to her kids too, had pics they drew me on my fridge, had to get rid of everything in garbage bags and gave it all back to her on the last day (and u know what she said, "i don't understand why people do that? lol) i literally feel ruined :/ fuk i hate this, easily the worst fuking thing that could ever happen to anybody next to going to hell

 

[Dingo]

I can TOTALLY relate to this ^... She is everywhere.... and it does royally suck...

 

[Mikeman123]

I went through all the same stuff


Btw she WILL try to come back at some point, mine always does. The first couple of times i never thought it would happen but i went from 8 weeks of NC to having sex with her in my car in the space of an hour.

Its nothing to do with your looks.

What i WILL say i that most of us who end up with bpd do have some nice guy traits and neediness issues which triggers them faster.

Use the time to really dig in and figure yoursekf out because as i say she WILL reach out at some stage and you dont want to be in a vulnerable position when she does.

yah but Infern0 did she end it with u or did u end it with her the first time, also did she have a new guy right away?

I just want this bpd/jezebel thing to be gone from
her and to have the real human being who's buried deep in there somewhere to be free and be able to choose me

 

[Dingo]

I just want this bpd/jezebel thing to be gone from
her and to have the real human being who's buried deep in there somewhere to be free and be able to choose me

Dude... smh... Your homework is to do a Search and go read all the bpd threads and the No Contact thread on top of this forum.... don't let her ruin your life. It's hard stuff but it's reality....

 

[Infern0]

yah but Infern0 did she end it with u or did u end it with her the first time, also did she have a new guy right away?

I just want this bpd/jezebel thing to be gone from
her and to have the real human being who's buried deep in there somewhere to be free and be able to choose me

What happened was she went from 100% awesome girlfriend to super, super distant for like 3 weeks and i had no clue what was going on, went from sleeping over every night and 100 texts a day to not coming over and barely replying to my texts.

Then announced she had a new boyfriend.

So yeah she ended it with me and well and truly "won" our encounter.

And she still came back, several times, and has tried to contact me 3 times in the last 2 weeks.

 

[phil2015]

mind u one week prior i almost broke up with her cuz of how she was being cold to me and she cried and begged

You would have been fully justified in breaking up with her for this. Just bear this in mind, when you start missing/thinking about her.

In my case, I knew deep in my heart of hearts there was no way it would last, and I could sense there was something not quite right about her and ultimately she would fvck it up. I also almost broke up with mine a few times, yet due to my emphatic nature I was willing to overlook the red flags under the assumption that she would change over time.

This was my mistake.

Its good that yours was willing to go to councilling though. I was trying to persuade mine to go, but she would refuse and gaslight the issues onto me, saying it was me with the problem.

I now realise the real reason she didn't want to go is because she wants to adopt children in the future, and she felt this may complicate things.

 

[MasterAce]

I had a look at BPDFamily.com. I wish I hadn't. Either that place is run and moderated by BPD enablers or they're ****ing BPD themselves. And this was on the so called 'detachment' board. All I see are mods gaslighting some seriously tortured souls whilst attempting to normalise BPD behaviour and even encouraging recycles.

If you seriously want to detach from these emotional leaches, avoid that dodgy ****hole.

 

[Infern0]

Bpdfamily is toxic but when i was there the detatchment board was basically just hate and victimising each other.

Meh

 

[wolf]

I had a look at BPDFamily.com. I wish I hadn't. Either that place is run and moderated by BPD enablers or they're ****ing BPD themselves. And this was on the so called 'detachment' board. All I see are mods gaslighting some seriously tortured souls whilst attempting to normalise BPD behaviour and even encouraging recycles.

If you seriously want to detach from these emotional leaches, avoid that dodgy ****hole.

They ban anyone that speaks negatively about anyone with BPD lol. It's definitely a haven for BPD's and I feel for any Man that goes there looking for answers as ti why his Wife just up and left.

 

[MasterAce]

I registered the other week but didn't post. Received PM's from 'site director' Skip asking me for money to donate to the site.
So I read his posts which can all be summarised pretty much in one sentence: 'Let's take BPD out of the equation for a moment...blah blah blah.....so as you can see, you're the crazy one here'. And he wants my money?

I know self reflection is important, but being gaslit by a smug, self righteous tool and his army of condescending, BPD enabling mods is no way to detach. But then BPDFamily's intention appears to be to keep nons firmly in their place - head deep in F.O.G. Maybe that's how they keep these 'donations' rolling in.

 

[Infern0]

I registered the other week but didn't post. Received PM's from 'site director' Skip asking me for money to donate to the site.
So I read his posts which can all be summarised pretty much in one sentence: 'Let's take BPD out of the equation for a moment...blah blah blah.....so as you can see, you're the crazy one here'. And he wants my money?

I know self reflection is important, but being gaslit by a smug, self righteous tool and his army of condescending, BPD enabling mods is no way to detach. But then BPDFamily's intention appears to be to keep nons firmly in their place - head deep in F.O.G. Maybe that's how they keep these 'donations' rolling in.

I agree, BUT

if you got mangled by a BPD, you are either:

A) Codependent

or

B) Have CPTSD

so either way you DO need to look at yourself because you are NOT healthy.

And that's just a fact.

 

[MasterAce]

I've never disputed that anyone who (knowingly or unknowingly) gets involved with cluster B's needs to stop and take a long hard look at themselves. As I previously mentioned, self reflection is important and for numerous reasons.
I'd just be wary of certain sites claiming to offer support. You'll never detach whilst stuck in FOG.

 

[wolf]

I've never disputed that anyone who (knowingly or unknowingly) gets involved with cluster B's needs to stop and take a long hard look at themselves. As I previously mentioned, self reflection is important and for numerous reasons.
I'd just be wary of certain sites claiming to offer support. You'll never detach whilst stuck in FOG.

There is a website catered specifically for Men who have been in abusive relationships. Many Men on there have been on BPD Family and been banned for speaking the truth about their abusive wives/girlfriends. They also speak about Shari Shrieber as if she is the Anti Christ.

 

[Infern0]

Schreibers articles are by and large accurate.

The point im trying to make gents is to shift the focus OFF the bpd. Because it's not important.

I actually recovered from cptsd. So i do know.

Dont ever refer to yourself as an "abuse victim". You will never recover if you see yourself as that.

The mindset us "I ****ed up, ok how did i let this happen and how can i make sure i never get myself in this position again"

Thats the mindset you need.

And stop watching porn (youll thank me later for that one)

 

[MasterAce]

There is a website catered specifically for Men who have been in abusive relationships. Many Men on there have been on BPD Family and been banned for speaking the truth about their abusive wives/girlfriends. They also speak about Shari Shrieber as if she is the Anti Christ.

I'm not remotely surprised mate. Whilst Shari Shrieber explains our own role in these toxic relationships, she also dares to call out pwBPD for what they truly are - which is evidently heresy on BPDFamily.
Most of her articles are eerily spot on.

 

[wolf]

Schreibers articles are by and large accurate.

The point im trying to make gents is to shift the focus OFF the bpd. Because it's not important.

I actually recovered from cptsd. So i do know.

Dont ever refer to yourself as an "abuse victim". You will never recover if you see yourself as that.

The mindset us "I ****ed up, ok how did i let this happen and how can i make sure i never get myself in this position again"

Thats the mindset you need.

And stop watching porn (youll thank me later for that one)

Totally agree! It's the Victim Mentality that sets you on an even keel with BPD's as harsh as that sounds. Remember that water seeks its own level!

As for Porn.. I agree on that too for more reasons than one.

 

[Mikeman123]

What happened was she went from 100% awesome girlfriend to super, super distant for like 3 weeks and i had no clue what was going on, went from sleeping over every night and 100 texts a day to not coming over and barely replying to my texts.

Then announced she had a new boyfriend.

So yeah she ended it with me and well and truly "won" our encounter.

And she still came back, several times, and has tried to contact me 3 times in the last 2 weeks.

same with mine, amazing and 100's of txts every day on the phone 5 plus hours a day when we weren't together slept on the phone together when we weren't physically together every night, she sent me 3700 pics in the 1.5 years i knew her of herself at least half naked, and then this fight and bam, i'm not meant for her anymore and she tried her best she can honestly say lol and she's sorry it's not meant to be forever, 4 weeks later new bf and pics on facebook, fukin brutal

been almost 7 weeks now and i honestly deep down inside don't think she will ever come back, not that i can even be with her after what she has done to me but would be nice to know she knows she made a mistake even if she doesn't know how to feel sorry

 

[resilient]

4 weeks later new bf and pics on facebook, fukin brutal

These type jump from bed to bed to bed. She'll discard him for someone new when she gets bored and he stops being a challenge. You're better off w/o her.

 

[randalljohnson]

These type jump from bed to bed to bed. She'll discard him for someone new when she gets bored and he stops being a challenge. You're better off w/o her.

Me and my gf first met a few weeks after a badboy "alpha" douche she was dating played here. We were exclusive a couple weeks after we met. Do u suggest the same about her because we jumped in fast following her previous heartache?

 

[resilient]

randall, I would say there is no timeline to make a prediction on your gf's behavior. As always, it comes down to interest level. She should be concerned that she's meeting YOUR needs and that you're satisfied in the relationship. If she stops showing interest, you will know what to watch for if things head south.