BPD: an update after 3 years

[Infern0]

Got a Facebook "memory" pop up today from the day before we broke up.

Even though I'm over it and learned a good lesson, there's been bad effects from it all that still linger so I thought id make a post just to warn anyone who considers getting involved with one of them.

Note: im not "blaming" her for this, most of this stuff was my decisions but im just showing how you can lose a lot tangling with these types

First thing I'm still majorly impacted by was the loss of my Job 2 years ago which happened due to my performance tanking after being with her. Brain fog and depression wrecked me for a good long while, and eventually I got made redundant. Bear in mind I got offered a PROMOTION from regional manager to national sales manager while I was with her and I didn't take it due to her not wanting to "lose me" and convincing me to stay.

I thought there would be "other opportunities" work wise...

As a result of this I got another job which has none of the benefits of my last one, is more hours for less pay and sucks.

My car also got repo'd as I ended up out of work for 9 months. Was a customised twin turbo Nissan 370z

Credit rating obviously went to **** due to money problems. Still have 3 years to go until the bad credit wipes off my record.

Have lingering health issues to this day from wrecking my body with not eating, chain smoking, alcohol abuse, drugs etc to get through the bad times.

This is just some of it.

The point of this post?

I was going places, I had a great car, great credit, a lot of savings, an executive job offer for a 6 figure salary.

Now, I'm still rebuilding just to get back where I was, and it was all over not listening to people telling me BPD is a lost cause.

 

[Infern0]

Your self image definitely changes when you go from a lifetime of no depression to suddenly viewing yourself as damaged goods once they finally break you. This is the wrong mindset but if you've gone from perfect mental health to suddenly losing confidence in your emotions and thought processes via depression you get it.

I wouldn't say I was 100% mentally put together prior, but I would say that I was very "functional"

During the worst of it with the BPD stuff I had entire days go missing, at work a colleague could be standing right in front of me talking and I literally couldn't hear what he was saying. It was like I'd gone deaf.

I wag googling inpatient mental health facilities at one point because I thought if this gets any worse in going to have to check myself in LOL.

I can laugh now but at the time it was something else

 

[051AV]

I feel your pain, what you've said is no fvcking joke, BPDs live their lives in chaos so your life turns the same. I ended up walking away from the job I worked because my ex, I was ready to leave the job but not the way it happened. Contending with her and my job, she worked in the same office, it was pretty much a 50/50 causing me stress. I too would blank out I could be standing with people I've known for decades talking to them and forget who they are. My head was so full I couldn't think straight she was causing drama in my life constantly, I was trying to keep things going straight at work management was lame ducks I was going their work for them because the corporation hired a whole raft of fvcking newbie managers.

When I thought things where going well bam out of the fvcking blue she creates drama, picks a fight with me I don't really remember about what I was in such a fog. I was dealing with money issues as well I thought about claiming bankrupt but I decided against it. My body was giving me signs I had stroke symptoms, chest pains, one morning having morning constitution seen blood, oh fvck I have to do something. I took hold of the reigns and started turning my health around I knew things were getting serious, the people that knew me didn't know what was going on I kept it quiet.

When I couldn't take her BS anymore I told her that's enough the relationship we had is over, that's when my life really turned upside out. She had everybody thinking I was the most evil person on the planet I was abusive and stay away from me. The managers at the corporation turned on me I ended up in a gun fight with a butter knife. I was all alone management that knew me for over a decade were all taking hits against me I felt like I was getting the sh*t beat out of me. One of the managers that I thought was my friend threw the last few blows, you know its an awful feeling. They believed every single word she said pretty damn sure she was black mailing some of these people. I never felt so low I've never been treated like the way I was ever...….. I'm a well respected person the other employees in the corporation were shocked. I wasn't surprised they abused a female manager till see had a mental break down.

First year of recovery I was still in a fragile state, it felt like I was recovering from one hell of a car wreck I walked away from. Second year my life started normalizing I had put the pieces of the puzzle back together I regained my social life and old friends, my physical and mental heath on full steam ahead rebuilding and repairing the damage. Fast forward to today I'm fully recovered I still get brain fog at times my life is what it used to be when I was back in my 20s. Living a stress free life, I'm better off today than I've ever been, living life the way I want it, happy, being successful, I learned a big lesson never get involved with BPD women or women with mental health issues. Today I can sense a woman that have issues from interacting with them for a few short minutes. I just get that feeling this woman is fvcked up move on, it is no joke a BPD woman can cause you pain big time. I was aware of what my ex was doing I tried controlling the affects as much as I could, I knew she was a loose cannon which I came to fruition when I cut her off for good and she fvcking exploded. I was prepared sort of for what would happen but I didn't think it would be the Hiroshima bomb. You know my friends wanted to kill her they said where can we find her, I told them leave her be she can't help the fact she's messed up blame her parents for screwing up their daughter.

 

[Spaz]

Got a Facebook "memory" pop up today from the day before we broke up.

Even though I'm over it and learned a good lesson, there's been bad effects from it all that still linger so I thought id make a post just to warn anyone who considers getting involved with one of them.

Note: im not "blaming" her for this, most of this stuff was my decisions but im just showing how you can lose a lot tangling with these types

First thing I'm still majorly impacted by was the loss of my Job 2 years ago which happened due to my performance tanking after being with her. Brain fog and depression wrecked me for a good long while, and eventually I got made redundant. Bear in mind I got offered a PROMOTION from regional manager to national sales manager while I was with her and I didn't take it due to her not wanting to "lose me" and convincing me to stay.

I thought there would be "other opportunities" work wise...

As a result of this I got another job which has none of the benefits of my last one, is more hours for less pay and sucks.

My car also got repo'd as I ended up out of work for 9 months. Was a customised twin turbo Nissan 370z

Credit rating obviously went to **** due to money problems. Still have 3 years to go until the bad credit wipes off my record.

Have lingering health issues to this day from wrecking my body with not eating, chain smoking, alcohol abuse, drugs etc to get through the bad times.

This is just some of it.

The point of this post?

I was going places, I had a great car, great credit, a lot of savings, an executive job offer for a 6 figure salary.

Now, I'm still rebuilding just to get back where I was, and it was all over not listening to people telling me BPD is a lost cause.

This is an interesting story Inferno. I'm professionally interested in men's inherent passive personality.

Intellectual and expressive men falls into that category. Of the regular posters here, I'd say 80%-90% fits that personality but you seem willing to acknowledge it, that makes you different. You accept responsibility thus allowing growth.

I can only think of one possible way these came about, a complete destruction of self.

Is that what happened? Did you consciously decided it or it was impressed upon you ?

Have u acquire a new sets of principles to replace the old ?

If so, the way you do things is noticeable different and that effects the results you r having in ur current life. It will be gradual but the results is immediate. Am I correct ?

 

[Infern0]

This is an interesting story Inferno. I'm professionally interested in men's inherent passive personality.

Intellectual and expressive men falls into that category. Of the regular posters here, I'd say 80%-90% fits that personality but you seem willing to acknowledge it, that makes you different. You accept responsibility thus allowing growth.

I can only think of one possible way these came about, a complete destruction of self.

Is that what happened? Did you consciously decided it or it was impressed upon you ?

Have u acquire a new sets of principles to replace the old ?

If so, the way you do things is noticeable different and that effects the results you r having in ur current life. It will be gradual but the results is immediate. Am I correct ?

Ego death is how I've heard it described.

All I know is after all that pain, looking myself in the mirror and accepting i was a flawed man wasn't a big deal

Prior to all this that was something I just couldn't do.

I think that's something a lot of guys lack, and it's a major source of negative emotions. If you can look at yourself objectively, and even have a laugh at your own **** ups, that helps a lot.

 

[Spaz]

Ego death is how I've heard it described.

All I know is after all that pain, looking myself in the mirror and accepting i was a flawed man wasn't a big deal

Prior to all this that was something I just couldn't do.

I think that's something a lot of guys lack, and it's a major source of negative emotions. If you can look at yourself objectively, and even have a laugh at your own **** ups, that helps a lot.

Yes, theres no disputing that truth.

This must be recent, I've noticed you're experimenting with a few life principles, finding one that suits the results u desire in ur life.

You'll find ur footing. I'm sure of it. The 1st step is always acknowledging ur weakness and instead of blaming women, you've taken responsibility by changing. You'll fall off the wagon a few times, and that's the only way a man can learn.

U r one of the "success" stories, transcending the blame game stage into something positive. I can only think of another who did the same.

You hv my respect Inferno - for being brave.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Got a Facebook "memory" pop up today from the day before we broke up.

Even though I'm over it and learned a good lesson, there's been bad effects from it all that still linger so I thought id make a post just to warn anyone who considers getting involved with one of them.

Note: im not "blaming" her for this, most of this stuff was my decisions but im just showing how you can lose a lot tangling with these types

First thing I'm still majorly impacted by was the loss of my Job 2 years ago which happened due to my performance tanking after being with her. Brain fog and depression wrecked me for a good long while, and eventually I got made redundant. Bear in mind I got offered a PROMOTION from regional manager to national sales manager while I was with her and I didn't take it due to her not wanting to "lose me" and convincing me to stay.

I thought there would be "other opportunities" work wise...

As a result of this I got another job which has none of the benefits of my last one, is more hours for less pay and sucks.

My car also got repo'd as I ended up out of work for 9 months. Was a customised twin turbo Nissan 370z

Credit rating obviously went to **** due to money problems. Still have 3 years to go until the bad credit wipes off my record.

Have lingering health issues to this day from wrecking my body with not eating, chain smoking, alcohol abuse, drugs etc to get through the bad times.

This is just some of it.

The point of this post?

I was going places, I had a great car, great credit, a lot of savings, an executive job offer for a 6 figure salary.

Now, I'm still rebuilding just to get back where I was, and it was all over not listening to people telling me BPD is a lost cause.

It’s amazing how similar it all is.
For me?
Job loss after promotion: check
Hitting the booze hard after d day: check
Smoked heavily for about a year afterwards: check
Gained a lot of weight: check.

I’ll leave out the stuff about getting arrested......

 

[Billtx49]

Yes, it is remarkable how similar BPD survivor stories are. Many of them involve a level of personal destruction so high that the normal getting over a breakup advice after the fact doesn’t completely apply.
If you’re still moving and breathing though, you’re better off than men that have lost their lives in one way or another from being with one of these disordered women…

 

[Roober]

Good to hear from you again and I'm glad your on the right path. The thing we can do best is educate ourselves and the men around us the actual idea that "there are more fish in the sea".

Too often people get stuck on someone for long periods of time, not because of that person, but because they will filling a good in that persons life. I would advise @Infern0 if and anyone else that doesn't bounce back quickly to take a deep deep look at yourself. A relationship ending is like someone dying, it will impact your life, but it should absolutely not wreck your life. This is regardless of whether or not they are supposedly BPD or not.

If this persons absence is taking a serious toll on your life, it's time to find that hole in your life and fill it up your damn self!