Bothered by potential GF's sexual history

[Insouciant]

Hi Guys,

Definitely need your help in what the right frame/ action to take would be on this one.

The girl I'm talking to is amazing. We communicate really well. She's very sexy, smart, and funny... and she totally digs me.

Problem is... she's done some stuff in the past to her BF that sort of makes me think twice about being in a relationship with her.

The first time was when she was 18. This was seven years ago. She was talking to two guys that time, one was her boyfriend-to-be (before they started going out), and the other was another friend who also liked her.

She ended up losing her virginity to the other guy, and then sleeping with her boyfriend-to-be that same day. Here's the zinger, she told her boyfriend-to-be that she lost her virginity to him.

I knew about this secret because I actually know the guy she lost her V-card to. I actually brought it up when we were talking about secrets... and I brought it up in a nonjudgmental way, and I could tell she was shocked. Now she tells me that "you know all my secrets already..." I think I gained some major trust points from that.

The next one is more recent. She told me about how she used to send nude pics and videos to her then-boyfriend's friend (this is another one). And although she never did anything to this guy, that threw me back a bit. She told me that, "I could just grab him by the crotch and nobody in our group would have a clue because it's so secret".

I would see her ex BF's facebook page, and in his profile picture would be him and his friend.


I know that as a DJ we're supposed to accept that women have voracious sexual appetites... and that if you follow Roissy's school of thought on LTR's, that you should be in the clear of such things.

But I just feel bothered by what she's done. Even if she didn't do it to me. It's like, damn... does the word "boyfriend" mean anything to you?

Looking for advice from you fellas on this one. Am I overreacting? Should I still give this girl a shot? Everyone knows that between the ages of 18-24 that girls are the sluttiest. What would you do in this situation? After all, she didn't do any of it to me, she did it to her previous BF of seven years...

 

[SecondHalf]

Tough question...

She seems amazing, wild maybe exciting ... but ... a liar.
I think that would be a red flag (now anyway) for me to take this woman serious.

When I read the thread, it brought to my mind an old western movie....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJWzfGh3Ros

She'd have to have an interest level through the roof before I would risk the heart.

SH

 

[muscleman]

Girls are slutty with the right guy at any age. I can say that from experience as the past few years I've been 'that guy'. There's no guarantee that any girl you make you girlfriend will always be 100% faithful. Screen the best you can and take the risk, if that's your thing.

Safe rule of thumb: the 'sluttier' her past, the more 'alpha' you have to be to keep her in line. It can actually be pretty fun, just keep your eyes open and live and learn.

The problem with a lot of guys on here is they throw red flags everywhere and don't act as a result, thereby missing out on some great experiences.

One of the girls I'm seeing right now tops yours easily. Used to do coke, did 2 guys, was in a 4some, etc. Will I be exclusive with her? Hell no. Then again, I don't see myself exclusive with any girl until I'm ready for kids, and that's 10-15 years out.

Amazing sex, can't keep her hands off me (and I off her), and very pleasant to be around. Definitely couldn't tell these things just by looking at her.

But I found all this out because I was non-judgmental. It's good to screen, but don't be so quick to judge (openly).

Just keep hitting it. If she pushes for exclusivity, that's basically marriage. Girls rarely want a boyfriend they don't want to marry, some just end up that way, but they go into it with lock-him-down mindset. So if it's her way or the highway, think about whether you want to give up other pvssy for her (for some indefinite amount of time) or not.

Calling a girl 'a liar' is retarded. Every human being on this planet is a liar. Life is amoral. Same thing with 'once a cheater always a cheater'. Most average+ girls have cheated on someone at some point or will. The few attractive ones who haven't are outliers and most likely haven't had the right circumstances. Put an alpha in front of them and it's game over.

 

[flashpoint]

you sort it out with her --> GF
you dont --> FB

your choice.
my take is in order to sort it out, you need to have some talk with her about her expectations or ideas. or even better yours. she needs to understand that if she plans to pull shyt like this on you, you ll be gone for good. you are not robert pattinson lol. but i guess you have time until exclusivity becomes an issue. was there even anything more than talk so far?

 

[Uberguy]

Just make her your DB. So long as you are not emotionally invested, you will be fine when she treats you like she has treated the others. You cannot control her regardless of how alpha you age, but you can control yourself.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Ensoussient,
No not a Girl,a child,Fvck her and forget her!

 

[scrouds]

Are you upset because you want a pure girl?

Or are you upset because you think you might be missing out on something?

Or are you just plain jealous?


What do you want? Do you want a mother and wife? Do you want a steady gf, do you want someone to fuuck? Figure out what you want right now and tell us here.

 

[Three]

All wise words here. There's a lot of risk in getting emotionally invested. She WILL do this kind of sh!t to you, given time. Sure, there are people who do change, but, in general, it's been my experience that core values, or lack thereof, do not change.

Honestly, I have very little faith left in women in general. I love the feeling of being in love, but given that I have experienced so many married/taken women in the past few months basically throwing themselves at me, I can now believe that any woman will cheat given the right circumstances.

 

[origin138]

I can relate to this one all too well.

I dated a chick a while ago who had a sexual history like this, but covered it up while we were dating.

It wasn't until a few months in that one of her friends told me she had at least 3 occasions where she was plowed by 2 dudes in 1 day. He was one of them and learned the hard way when he went down on her and tasted some other dude's seed. I know, right?

14 years later and she still does the same thing. Your gut is cautioning you and you should probably listen to it. Girls like this are nymphos and have damage that runs very deep.

 

[Married Buried]

I can relate to this one all too well.

I dated a chick a while ago who had a sexual history like this, but covered it up while we were dating.

It wasn't until a few months in that one of her friends told me she had at least 3 occasions where she was plowed by 2 dudes in 1 day. He was one of them and learned the hard way when he went down on her and tasted some other dude's seed. I know, right?

14 years later and she still does the same thing. Your gut is cautioning you and you should probably listen to it. Girls like this are nymphos and have damage that runs very deep.

you would think she would at least take a shower? Talk about low quality. What was he banging trailer trash?

 

[Jitterbug]

The word "boyfriend" means you're renting with an expiry date. There's no ownership and no mortgage. Don't take it too seriously. If she wants the label, give it to her.

What I'd do if I were you? I'd keep her around with zero emotional investment, and since she's so slvtty, I'd get her to do all kinds of things I want. She likely has plenty of slvtty friends that she can invite over too.

 

[BMX]

You've already expressed too much doubt and your gut is already telling you she's not relationship-worthy. Don't date her, simple. Do her if you want but only if you can live with the fact your were last in line. My last lay a few days ago was my worst but I'm already indifferent about it.

 

[Insouciant]

Thanks for all of the responses, guys. Definitely appreciate all the different points of views with this one.

Everyone here has made a good point.

In fairness, though, there are a few things that are keeping me in this:

She said she's only had three sexual partners (and one which only involved oral sex) her whole life. While I'm not jumping up and down to believe this, the fact that she's been with the same boyfriend for the past seven years does make it fairly believable.

In spite of her fvcking her BF over with the virginal thing (really fvcked up, btw), and the behind-the-back videos and photos... are those really dealbreakers? The virgin thing was seven years ago when she was 17-18. As for the sexting... this is what she said after she sensed that I wasn't completely okay with it in spite of my play at nonchalance:

"I've just been thinking about this whole ordeal lately. And I've decided that its best that I stop the whole sexting thing completely. Only boyfriend status gets the privilege, just like how it real life. Only the bf gets to do the love making."

She stopped sexting everyone else. But I wouldn't compromise so she still does it with me. With what she said, I do believe that that is foreshadowing of a looming encounter where she will force me to make a decision soon on a relationship.

I do want her for a LTR. That's the thing. I know of the other guys she's hooked up with. None of them are quite as adventurous/fun, worldly, or come from the same social background that I do. Can Hypergamy play a part in easing her need for attention?

Again, thank you. Love you guys.

 

[SecondHalf]

I do want her for a LTR. That's the thing. I know of the other guys she's hooked up with. None of them are quite as adventurous/fun, worldly, or come from the same social background that I do. Can Hypergamy play a part in easing her need for attention?

Hypergamy has many levels friend.
To the active hypergamous (is this a word?) woman, all men are potentially nothing more than another step in the ladder.

Don't think you'll receive the reassurance that you clearly want to hear.
Don't fight it!
Your gut is talking to you, listen!

SH

 

[origin138]

Honestly, I have very little faith left in women in general. I love the feeling of being in love, but given that I have experienced so many married/taken women in the past few months basically throwing themselves at me, I can now believe that any woman will cheat given the right circumstances.

Similar thoughts have crossed my mind as well. After finding this site, the world of women takes on a much different appearance than it used to. The thought of being a cuckold as the result of becoming too complacent is unsettling. I'd like to find a quality woman one day and start a family. But I'm starting to wonder if this thinking is realistic.

 

[origin138]

I do want her for a LTR. That's the thing. I know of the other guys she's hooked up with. None of them are quite as adventurous/fun, worldly, or come from the same social background that I do. Can Hypergamy play a part in easing her need for attention?

People on this board who know me know that I pick terrible women, but I'll throw out my 2 cents anyway and you can take it FWIW.

This chick doesn't sound like LTR material. From what you're saying it sounds like her history is pretty deep in terms of sexual nature. She sounds like she may even be sexually addicted which can be a great thing for your sex life, but a problem for a LTR in which the outcome is dependent on many other non-sexual things.

I would take things very slow with this one, and make sure you have others on the side. You can be sure she does. Sadly, hypergamy will not stop with you. She will always subconsciously look for higher status males to swing to, it's her nature. It's your job to make sure your life is amazing and that you always represent higher value. This will keep her hypergamous nature in check. If you slide on this, and she starts becoming the center of your world, she'll be in another man's arms by nightfall.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Every man wants a slut, he just wants her to be HIS slut.

ANDREW DICE CLAY: Hey, is that your chick there?

GUY IN THE AUDIENCE: Yeah!

DICE: Damn she’s pretty hot!

GUY: Yeah,..

DICE: You been together a while?

GUY: About 6 months.

DICE: Nice. She faithful to you?

GUY: Oh yeah.

DICE: She good in bed?

GUY: *nods head enthusiastically*

DICE: She suck a good dîck?

GUY: (laughing) Ohhh yeah,..heheh,..

DICE: I suppose the next question would be, “How do you suppose she got that way?”

The Slut Paradox

 

[ThunderMaverick]

You said she was 17 or 18 when this happened and that was 7 years ago? It's a great time to experiment and make mistakes when you're that age. Better to do it then than to do it now.

Everyone's GF here, current or ex, has done something similar to what your girl has done. It also takes the right guy, the right time and the right setting to bring that inner "sl00t" out of her. Maybe the guy had great game, maybe her hormones were acting nutty (they do at that age). The point is she was honest with you. She didn't have to tell you a thing and maybe her past is none of your business because it's in the past.

Another important question is would this be an issue if you had the sexual experience that she had? Would you be so ready to judge if you participated in 3somes and f*cked 2 different chicks on the same day?

People have sex, it's what we do. Sometimes we try new things. What i would look for, instead of focusing on her past is to gauge her interest level in you now. There are a bunch of articles on how to spot high interest levels and signs if she's straying. Focus on how she treats YOU.

 

[C-quenced]

I knew about this secret because I actually know the guy she lost her V-card to.

No you don't know who she lost her V-card to and it really doesn't matter either. Just take her for who and what she is. A hor.

Fake virgins is nothing uncommon especially in the younger age groups and females under religious and social pressure.

 

[C-quenced]

You said she was 17 or 18 when this happened and that was 7 years ago? It's a great time to experiment and make mistakes when you're that age. Better to do it then than to do it now.

It's societies own fault for harboring such asinine philosophies and it will result in it's own inevitable downfall. The current societal trends is proof of this and it's here to stay.