Borderline Relationship

[rainbowarrior]

Hello dear Friends

i have been in a year long relationship with an undiagnosed Borderline (ex) Girlfriend..

We met through a friend and in the begin things moved very very fast, we had sex on the first night we met, and got closer very very fast.. i was very protective with my feelings, because i felt some kind of crazy in her.. she was practically chasing me for more then a half a year.. i always had some kind of excuse that i coudnt let her into my life and that i needed some space.. alot of ****ed up things happened during that period.. we burned down her house, she got pregnant and had an abortion, she was depressed and threatened to kill herself if i leave and alot of drugs and crazy fights.. after a period of not seeing each other because of my job (3 months) i came back to her and things were amazing.. i started building down my wall and started trusting her, fell completely in love with her.. she also told me that she loved me on a daily bases, so i thought, i need to tell her how i feel.. so i did.. and everything went to ****.. since i told her she is running like crazy.. she thinks i am responsible for everything and was mistreating her, i am the devil now, after 6 months of being the prince everything i say or do i wrong. she told me she wants a break because she can not trust me and our relationship is not healthy and it never was. she just wants to be friends.. for me my whole world broke apart.. coudnt eat or sleep for more than a week and i am acting like a psychopath, checking her socialmedia everyday, writing long texts and letters and so on.. i am obsessed with her and i cannot understand why everything went to ****, it was so perfect and she told me she loved me... as soon as i said it back it was over.. what can i do, how can i get her back? do i text and tell her i love her and iam waiting for her? should i move on dont text and give her the silent treatment? i disparately want her back, i would do everything for that girl, but i dont know how... is there something wrong with me? i never been in love or so low in my whole life.. iam 28 years old..

please share some thoughts and knowledge with me...

thank you & love
rainbowarrior

 

[Serenity]

Why the fvck would you want more of that absolute mess? Do you really hate yourself that much?

I'm not going to help you get her back, it's for your own good. What you're experiencing now is NOT love, it's addiction and she has you completely hooked draining every last bit of your soul you have left. This is NOT a woman who loves you, a woman who loved you wouldn't ever do this and treat you like this.

This was bad from the start. Rushing things early on is NEVER a good idea, you probably broke some record regarding red flags ignored.

RUN! Away from her, not towards her!

 

[wolf]

Ever seen Forest Gump? Jennie finally told Forest she loved him and when he woke up she was gone. Be less Forrest!..

 

[Serenity]

Because crazyness can be fun/endearing, and guys don't have decent boundaries/perspective.

It was a rhetorical question posed to OP, I wasn't actually wondering about it. I've tried relating with a BPD before and know exactly how this state of mind works.

Thanks for the answer though, you couldn't know.

 

[speed dawg]

.. alot of ****ed up things happened during that period.. we burned down her house, she got pregnant and had an abortion, she was depressed and threatened to kill herself if i leave and alot of drugs and crazy fights..

Good Lord, son.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Ever seen Forest Gump? Jennie finally told Forest she loved him and when he woke up she was gone. Be less Forrest!..

this all day

at least she made it up to him by having HIV just in time for the wedding.

 

[Killakittie]

Good Lord, son.

Right lol

 

[stovepipe]

Take it from someone who experienced it already and who's story is similar. Like meeting through a mutual friend, sleeping with them on the first date and abortions. For your own safety and sanity, delete and block any way she can contact you. Sleeping with them on the first date is normal, I did within an 2 hrs. Intensity is their trump card. Sex is what they use a weapon to trap you in their black widow web. I swear mine was possessed by the Jezebel spirit. The crap they do to people is purely demonic.

Look at it as she is a magician and you fell for her magic show. It was all an illusion to trap you in her crazy world in which she will suck the life out of you. Her "love" was simply a mirage in the dessert=fake Its a hard pill to swallow man, i know, its been 6 months since Ive sene my ex BPD. Went through suicidal thoughts, deep depression, anger, confusion, doubt, ect. Im still kinda there and it can take a very long time, but the longer you stay, the more chance of you becoming insane and possibly hurting yourself or her. Watch this video to help you understand what happened.

 

[Jason887]

My dude.

Listen to these guys. A situation similar to yours got me here (sosuave). When you behave in a way you normally wouldn't (stalking her on social media and other frantic behavior) it should say something to you. Good luck.

 

[The Duke]

I've had a few cluster B's, but my lord I was never stupid enough to keep drinking their poison. They never broke me down and controlled me either. Some of you need to look yourselves in the mirror and address the other issue.

 

[stovepipe]

I've had a few cluster B's, but my lord I was never stupid enough to keep drinking their poison. They never broke me down and controlled me either. Some of you need to look yourselves in the mirror and address the other issue.

Some men and women have no clue about manipulation and gas lighting. When it happens to them for a long a period of time, they become hypnotized and prone for getting destroyed. Yes, some of those who were destroyed due to underlying problems from their childhood. Just because you were immune, doesn't give you the right to talk chit about those who did. Have some respect

 

[The Duke]

Some men and women have no clue about manipulation and gas lighting. When it happens to them for a long a period of time, they become hypnotized and prone for getting destroyed. Yes, some of those who were destroyed due to underlying problems from their childhood. Just because you were immune, doesn't give you the right to talk chit about those who did. Have some respect

Own up to your own issues dude, that's the first step to being a stronger person.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Dear 23 years old YawataNoKami:
Please stop, don't do it, just don't. Ohh poor boy , sex will be great......but trust me not worth it. She is a psycho b!tch from hell. Run younger me and run fast. Mehhh, only if i could go back in time.........

Mine threatened to set fire to my house, threatened to tell the police that insect bites that had swollen on her calves were actually from me kicking her, smashed a window in the side door of my house, wrote all over my car with paint, went to my mother's house unannounced and screamed at her for allegedly trying to keep us apart, told me she was pregnant when she was not and, let's see.................Bottom line don't stick your d1ck in crazy.


Risk Vs Rewards OP...........

 

[stovepipe]

Own up to your own issues dude, that's the first step to being a stronger person.

I've owned up to my own issues. I realize now why I stayed and endured all the abuse. I see everything clear as day now. I have aged a lot in the past 6 months from this breakup. A lot of my hair has turned grey since from the stress and shame of knowing my issues.

The shame of letting a women get away with so much as eaten me down to my very core. Not fulfilling all my sexual fantasies with her cause I was too insecure of my body has caused me panic attack after panic attack. It all stems from my abusive childhood.

My ex constantly made me feel shame, blamed me for everything, made me feel guilty. All that, on top of her giving me an life long STD has me feeling hopeless of a bright future. Nothing I have done to better myself is working. Ex is in my head everyday. I've gone on dates, talked to other women and it does nothing. Its like I'm programmed to only think, want, find attractive and love her.

Eats me alive that I didn't walk away the handful of times I tried, instead, she was able to suck me back in to her vortex with her manipulation and gas lighting to endure more bs each time.

 

[YawataNoKami]

I've owned up to my own issues. I realize now why I stayed and endured all the abuse. I see everything clear as day now. I have aged a lot in the past 6 months from this breakup. A lot of my hair has turned grey since from the stress and shame of knowing my issues.

The shame of letting a women get away with so much as eaten me down to my very core. Not fulfilling all my sexual fantasies with her cause I was too insecure of my body has caused me panic attack after panic attack. It all stems from my abusive childhood.

My ex constantly made me feel shame, blamed me for everything, made me feel guilty. All that, on top of her giving me an life long STD has me feeling hopeless of a bright future. Nothing I have done to better myself is working. Ex is in my head everyday. I've gone on dates, talked to other women and it does nothing. Its like I'm programmed to only think, want, find attractive and love her.

Eats me alive that I didn't walk away the handful of times I tried, instead, she was able to suck me back in to her vortex with her manipulation and gas lighting to endure more bs each time.

Why are you still in contact with you ex?

 

[stovepipe]

Why are you still in contact with you ex?

? Haven't spoken to my ex months

 

[rainbowarrior]

thanks for all the comments and advice..

jezus, i thought i will get some different responses, but i guess you dont get what you want you get what you need...

reading all of these stories and seeing what happened from a different perspective i will try to run..
had no contact for more than 2 weeks now, not planing to change that..

thanks
namaste

 

[SadoMasochrist]

Can't be solved.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3323706/

http://www.academia.edu/11338442/Fr...d_Identity_in_Borderline_Personality_Disorder

You can spin plates on her if you have kids. But if you don't have kids, consider yourself lucky and blessed that you can just leave. For those of us who had kids with one, we're all or have tried varying methods all resulting in failure.

Have one last hypothesis to test, but I don't think there's any solution. Without a "self" there's nothing really to have, you only have what you two are at any moment. And once you've been split black, it's impossible to return to the same spot, by the nature of it being an attachment disorder and you repositioning yourself and the new guy in front. She can put you back in the front of the line, but then would you want it after that, knowing you're just going to get split again?

I'll talk you through any help you need that doesn't involve you rationalizing staying with her if you don't have kids.

 

[JimProphetMGTOW]

OP

Get the fvck outta there? WTF is your problem? Staying in an abusive relationship like this means that you have no pride as a man to respect yourself. Every minute you spend with her is an L that you're taking in life. Leave that ho