Books on Socializing

[mrgoodstuff]

It’s better to focus on having a social life rather than working on social skills. You are a social creature that’s inherently born with social skills honed through millions of years of evolution.

Kids don’t have to go to socializing class. They naturally do it. A hierarchy is naturally formed and the guys on the lowest end of the totem pole gets the scraps.

How do you get to the top of the hierarchy? By having value. If there are two guys in the room, the guy with a social life and connections to social circles with women and influencers, and a guy with social skills because he took a boot camp from a dating coach or spent all his time reading books instead of developing cool hobbies, who do you think has the value?

Trying to become a socializer is the same as trying to become a PUA. Neither has any value to offer. Eventually people (both men and women) will vet you on what you have to offer. You can’t just get by with wearing a social mask and being devoid of substance.

A social artist and a pickup artist has no substance. They are not about anything. You are better off being an entrepreneur. At least then your social skills will lead to somewhere like making money and connections with rich people or people who have access.

You need to be an actual person with a real identity and purpose, and not some phony social artist.

What are you going to talk to people about as a social artist? The art of conversation? That’s how you attract people with autism and social rejects.

The whole pua community is just a bunch of social rejects who aren’t about anything. They have no identity and substance or value. They bring nothing to the table besides trying to leech off of people of actual value.

It’s time to be a real boy Pinocchio.

Dont focus on social skills. That’s putting the cart before the horse. Focus on identity. What are you about? You will attract people in your wavelength. If you are about nothing, then the best you will do is attract losers.

At the end of the day, your "social skills" or "game" is just an extension of your core identity. If you have no core identity, your social skills and game has no power. And if you have a strong identity, then you don't need much "outer game" besides natural authentic expression.

There are people who make friends in high places and they don't have alot financially working for them. They may have been a collegiate atheletes and now work a normal job. But are "cool". They build rapport and go from there.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

They may not have it working for them at the moment, but they have an identity. They are rising entrepreneurs. They are not empty social artists that are about nothing. People come together because of similar interests.

It's not unusual for a veteran guy to take a promising guy under his wings in business. But the key central point is the word "business." They are both on the same wavelength in terms of identity and purpose, although one is more accomplished than the other.

I know quite a few NON-CEO NON-Executive class guys who are able to network like this. I'm not saying it's the way to be, but it is a skill.

 

[ubercat]

Hmm maybe I can add something to the convo here which is old knowledge but been forgotten.

I know Nick is a scholar so I doubt he s going to fall for the Nike argument that all knowledge is useless and you should just do it.

I m an agilist so I agree learn small and fast, apply, take the feedback go again.

First u need to up your input speed. Speed reading works train yourself. Now u have the ability to skim a book very quickly. A lot of people have also trained themselves to watch YT on 2x.

Most learning programs r based around 4 things:

1. Chunking
2. Overlap
3. Spiral curriculum aka circle back.
4. Progression in difficulty

 

[ubercat]

You may you may not. If you do great maybe mentoring is a thing in the states. Here in Australia the only 'mentoring' I ve ever received is a kick to the head.

But whatever secret knowledge they share you will have to practice. Everything I ve said is relevant to sports and business training also.

Ironic in a social skills discussion your trying to prove people wrong (win/lose). How about you step up your value and we grow the pie together (win/win).

 

[ubercat]

@mrgoodstuff

You re a man of letters and action.

I'm interested on your perspective

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes but the non ceo and non executive will be molded by the CEOs and executives. If not, he will be dropped. If we take away identity and purpose, the next element that binds them on the same wavelength is mindset.

Sosuave is full of people of different statuses, but we all share a similar mindset.

People of different mindsets repel each other. For example, I am easily triggered by people with a victim's mentality. No matter how much "social skills" they have, I will always be repelled by them. Me and people who make excuses are like oil and water. We don't mix.

People of "like mind" will come together, even if their status in life might differ. But eventually the CEO's will sell business ideas and give inside tips on how to become even more successful. Actually, it doesn't even have to be about money. It could be about greatness in a different form. And if the non CEO comes up with an excuse, he will be dropped from the inner circles. The CEO will be repelled by his limiting beliefs and excuses.

So even if you start off as a non-executive, you will eventually join them in the ranks either in status or greatness in your craft. You become like the 5 people closest to you through osmosis.

However, it all starts with mindset. The social guy might have a great mindset, but he just hasn't realized his full potential yet.

At the end of the day, it's identity, purpose, and mindset that will have you meeting these upper echelon people.

The guys I am talking about are of the "warrior" protoge. So CEO and Executives do make use of these types and they like having them around. I hear you on the CEO and Exec's build other CEO and Exec's... This is the way of things.

 

[ubercat]

Umm re discussing social skills didn't the OP set the topic or have I wandered into your thread accidentally?

As for projection quite true all any of experience is our perception of the world. And your point is?

Your driving analogy is useful. And fun i m an E46 owner. Nobody talks about it but we all try and reach a minimum baseline - the driving test. So training did happen. And if u want to reach higher levels of skill learning heel toe double clutch, slipstreaming etc. u will need training and practice (track days).

I m not saying your wrong. Not my way.

I m saying in different contexts we re both right and this should stay a discussion not a debate.

 

[ubercat]

Nice point. That is very true. And in line with a lot of the accepted wisdom here. E.g. you must be an expert in at least one field. @nicksaiz65 check out the book ' flip the script' it's written by a guy who brokers high value venture deals and has a short cut method to attract the attention of the rich. Same principles would apply to any circle you re breaking into to find mentors.

 

[ubercat]

One of the standards I set for myself here is I make actionable posts. Because it's not just about the OP all sorts of people on different levels browse here. And often people chime in with how they do it and I learn something I can use.

So let's look at a basic eye contact.

1. Chunking
2. Overlap
3. Spiral curriculum aka circle back.
4. Progression in difficulty

 

[ubercat]

1. Learn in small chunks apply feedback

Keep eye contact with everyone u see walking past u in the park smile and say ' morning'

Small start anyone can do that.

2. Overlap
Do that for a week then add keeping eye contact with retail staff for an extra half second as you say thank you and point to them palm out. (Very small movement and close to your body so u don't invade their space.). Overlap is you ve added body language but r still practicing the original skill.

3. Circle back
Add a little wave to your park good mornings

4. Progression in difficulty.
Practice eye contact and small hand gestures with hot chicks first and the when you're not creeping them out managers at work.

Getting back to @stormrider s theme (3. circling back) now your lazy brain is saying aw fuk he needs to know this stuff. So it will on its own be activating that social guy vibe, paying more attention to subtle cues in interactions, etc. It becomes part of who you are.

Most of the senior posters here started as paint by numbers guys but now they aren't anyone you would want to casually cross or leave alone with your sister for too long

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah CEO's and Execs don't come out of a vacuum. If you ask anyone of them, they will tell you about 10 other mentors. Having a mentor is probably the single most important aspect to success in life. Every single successful person I have ever met came from an environment where they had people teaching the right mindsets.

If you think about it, the only social skills that are relevant are authenticity and being genuine. Thinking that there are actually "techniques" you can do to pique their interest would be an insult to their intelligence.

Like you said, it's who you are that attracts high caliber people.

Mentors are key. They are Already in the space on the wavelength you desire to be. They open the door and direct speeding your development along. I agree.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Read for the theortical skills but make sure you go out and apply the skills you learn with real practicial situations.

Reading alone wont do much, you need to go out and be social too.

 

[ubercat]

+1 and a simple mini plan like the example I gave is a good start. Another I often spruik is o l d. Useless for meeting great chicks great for practicing messaging game and takeaways.

BTW nick has several identities he can market and message. Digital native, problem solver, soulful musician etc.

 

[ubercat]

when you are looking to crack social circles look for hacks for example to pick a tennis ball up people trap it beside their foot with the racket and then left a leg up. soccer players by rolling it's back towards them and catching it on their toes and picking leg up. Simple moves that make a beginner look like a pro. Learn their lingo and a couple of tricks and often you are in.

 

[nicksaiz65]

+1 and a simple mini plan like the example I gave is a good start. Another I often spruik is o l d. Useless for meeting great chicks great for practicing messaging game and takeaways.

BTW nick has several identities he can market and message. Digital native, problem solver, soulful musician etc.

Sorry I'm just now getting back to responding to these messages. I just finished up all my finals the other day, now we can get back to the discussion. And most definitely. I'll be done with college very soon. I consider those two things that you listed to be very critical to my identity.