Body language and more

[kuntribumkin]

Been reading here for a while and really starting to meet/approach women. Had coffee this morning with one I met at a store the other day. Lots of laughs eye contact and she was doing the hair thing every two minutes. She mentioned three times about her live- in boyfriend WE had a good convo I told her it was nice to meet her and thanks for having coffee with me. She announces two or three times that she was leaving, I said thank you again and smiled. I payed the 3 bucks for coffee and left. Why did she meet me for coffee? why do I get the positive body language? but the boyfriend talk? After a long marriage, getting back into this game is hard. Should I wait a week and go back to talk to her? I think she wanted me to ask her for her number. Truely, I was more interested in having a nice convo to prove to myself I can do this! She was a strong 8 my wife was a 6.5 or 7. I'm rambling but interested in hearing form the peeps on the body language and what she was thinking.
This "date" was the result of me approaching good looking women and having convo with them. Be gentle, I'm a noob to all this!

 

[Doppler4000]

She either really does have a live in boyfriend or she just said that because she decided she doesn't want to take things any further than meeting you for coffee. You're probably overanalyzing the whole body language thing. Way to get out there, though- you'll have to wade through a lot of failures and flaky chicks to find a few good ones. That's just how it is. Getting a number or a first date is actually the easiest part.

 

[Skel]

NEXT

 

[The Dominated1]

This girl maybe into you, but if that is the case you still have one major problem "she has a live in boyfriend".

She maybe flirting with the unknown!

However this is what I have learned from dating!

Never expect anything from a first date - Just have fun! Live in the moment and do not think about the future.

When I do this it seems like I get a lot more second dates.

Don't analyse too much - just realise that she has a boyfriend and this one is a low percentage - put her at the bottom of the list and date others.

 

[kuntribumkin]

Thanks for the imput. Maybe I mistated my question. This was the first real cold approach in 18 years for me. Long marriage that is dead, and trying to relearn the dating stuff. I really had no intention of doing any more then proving to myself that I could approach a TOTAL semi hot/hot female, meet her for coffee, convo for an hour or so, then walk away. I was suprised however when we were done with coffee, I thanked her for her time, and she hung around annoucing her leaving several times. I felt as is she wanted me to ask for her number, set up another coffee date etc...My second question was about her BF. Do women generally go to coffee with strange men when they already have a BF? I have been away too long and am relearning the rules.
I'm by no means a DJ in looks or charm, so this encounter was about working on me and redeveloping the self esteem and confidence I need, so I was kinda of taken back at some of her actions.

 

[ali_g]

Unlike some here, don't be so quick to next. Try again, but in one or two weeks time; same type of date.

There is a lot you don't know about her. She could either have a boyfriend who is on the way out and happens to like your company or she is going steadily with him and gets off on your company for coffee and has no interest whatsoever.

Try again and you'll get your answers to these questions.

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

Here's a little tip. listen up. What you did is great! It is a major, major, major step in regaining back or gaining a love life that you want. Even if you didn't bed her, or kiss her, or set up another date, you have improved. Take this as a lesson, learn, and keep on keeping on. Never take such things as a loss or something in negative side of the spectrum because that will subconsciously harm you greatly.

good job nevertheless. But for next time, build rapport, and if a girl starts talking about BFs, change the subject. Talk about her, ask her questions..You know the deal.

 

[kuntribumkin]

Don't get me wrong, this was great for me! I didn't want her number, I wanted the convo and experience. Sh*t I havn't approached a woman in 18 years or so, let alone set up a date etc... I wanted to know if women usually go out with strangers when they already have boyfriends? It would seem that when I asked for the coffee date, she would have said, "well thank you, but I have a boy friend". I might go back and let her know that she owes me coffee this now, and see what she does. I really don't want anything more from this but the experience of convo/flirting etc... If she wants more, It is understandable because we all know I'm a great guy .
Cheers!

 

[Austin Allegro]

First of all, excellent work, Kuntribumpkin. It must be hard to get back into dating after 18 years so it's all good.

Secondly, now that you're on a roll, don't worry too much about this one woman - get dating some more.

Thirdly, in answer to your question about whether girls with long term bfs date other guys - yes. They either do it because they think it's 'just as friends' and is therefore harmless, or because they fancy the bloke and hope for something to develop, so they can ditch the present bf and have a replacement lined up. That's called 'monkey branching' btw.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

your goal was to get back into the game with good convo? sounds like Mission Accomplished! don't sweat all of the analysis. just keep doing it.

18 years out of the game is a long time. give yourself at least 6 months of experimentation/practice, with no real expectations, other than improving the game.

don't sweat chicks with boyfriends, especially chicks that SAY they have BF's. who cares? just ignore it. anyway, they would be more than willing to upgrade--they always do.

a live in BF? uh, that's different! only because it makes it harder logistically.

 

[NaturallySelected]

Hey mate

The boyfriend thing doesn't always mean she's not interested, but trust me a boyfriend that DOESN'T live with a woman is hard enough to "bypass" nevermind one she lives with. I went for coffee with a girl last year sometime, she had a boyfriend (they on't live together). We made out with each other a lot, I copped a feel here and there . She kept bouncing back an forth between me and her BF, eventually I nexted her, 4 months later she gives me a call and she is STILL with the dude.

Thing is she's been with him two years and knows me a total of about 3 months. So I figure she wants to get to know me better before "choosing" who she wants. I have placed her in the "freind-zone". She is great as a friend, but fvcking her must be enjoyable . I will continue to see her now and again (she's with her BF this weekend) but I am going to carry on dating other women (keep my options open).

I would next this one and meet other women, if she comes looking for you. Go on another date, show her a good time. Just let her initiate dates, etc.

NaturallySelected

 

[FratAndDiddy]

i think most women do the "monkey branching" thing. the way i understand it, anyone with a live-in boyfriend who is going out for coffee with other men is either interviewing for a replacement or trying to stir up jealousy with the live-in.
you did good to get yourself back out in the dating world; its not an easy task. i personally got thrown back into the "pot" 2 years ago and i am still very apprehensive. western culture chicks are bred not to depend on a man and will plan their moves like a cat.
i have found that the best women out there are the married ones.
no commitment.........

 

[caribguy]

kuntribumkin, I'm proud of you man.
What you did, most guys wouldn't have the Ball's to try.

My advice is, Baby steps man, Baby steps. Don't analyse her reaction, concentrate on how you felt while you were talking to her. Did you feel more confident as time went on, were you doing all the talking or was she.

Concentrate on the things you felt you did right and practice practice, practice.

Don't worry too much about this chicks boyfriend, this was an experiment right? then you have nothing to worry about.

Now go back out there and experiment some more. Don't worry about looks or charm. I have a buddy of mine that is missing most of the teeth in his mouth, this guy is by no means a lady killer in the looks dept, but he is the smoothist operator I have ever seen.

Its all about attitude, confidence and timing. All that comes with practice, experimentation and having fun.

Good luck man and let us know how your doing from time to time.