Blown-out Again; How do you keep rejection from phasing you?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

As I said about a week or so or go, I'm solo-sarging for the first time ever. The only time I ever sarged before was a couple of times with a guy who was into Pick Up in the early summer, but then I settled down with a chick and fell out of The Game for a while.

I've been going out to trendy bars and clubs for a couple of weeks, but like I said, it's so hard to motivate yourself when your out on your own and have no external support. My first solo approach ended in a blow/freeze-out, and that was really discouraging.

Yesterday, I went out again and did only my second solo-approach. I don't even know if you could even call it an approach. It was a pretty packed bar that was playing dance/techno. This girl was at the bar wearing sunglasses (yeah, at night and indoors) but I could tell she was cute beneath them.

I just nudged her arm with my elbow while I was waiting for my drink and said, "Hey is it too sunny in here?" She just was like "What?" and I repeated. "I said is it too sunny in here?"

She just gave a really weak (almost sarcastic) chuckle. I saw the CC (Coco Channel) logo on them and asked "Are those Cokes?" but she just said "what?" again (the music was really loud) and I repeated "Are those Coco Channel?" She said "Oh yeah."

I said "Classy. All I got are fake Raybans I bought in Chinatown." She just aid "Oh," and a really weak chuckle again. Then her drink got to the bar and she just said "Have a good night" and walked off with it. I just said "Cheers" as she walked away.

She wasn't totally rude to me like my first approach was a little over a week ago, but still, she was really cold and barely responsive. The fact that I couldn't get her up to talking was another blow to my self esteem. All I could think was "wow, am I really that not interesting to talk to?" Once again, I didn't even get to try all the material I developed using the techniques I've read on here.

I know you're not supposed to feel ashamed or embarrassed or discouraged when an approach doesn't go well but I really can't help but take these rejections and blow/freeze-outs personally, and it's really impeding my ability and desire to approach more often.

Is this something every new guy goes through? How do you keep rejection from phasing you?

 

[AAAgent]

keep going at it until you succeed. That first success after a long phase of failures will make up for everything.

 

[thedude4242]

yea she acts like that, think thank you, now not much time was wasted and now you can move on the to the next one.

 

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

You derive validation from yourself and not others.

You realize you're not defined by how people react to you.

You learn to be YOUR TRUE identity and that is more valuable to you than the acceptance of others.

That's how I do it. By the way, when you get those things in aline.. you don't receive really any rejection and when you do it doesn't matter anyways.

How do you do that? Is it basically just continual trial like building up a tolerance, or like getting callouses and stuff like that?

 

[seano99]

i reckon that interaction was good man. if that were me man, i'd say those things, but i'd be laughing at the same time. i'd be so into the moment (probably intoxicated) so i wouldnt actually care what she thought. you were clearly hilarious, you took the piss beautifully.

after this interaction i'd be onto the next conversation, or take a walk to see what's happening elsewhere.. the trick is not to care, get in the right frame of mind before you go out. i'd never go out unless i was ready to party and in an awesome fired up mood. one night even i turned around and went back home before i got there because my mind wasn't in it.

i've been out on my own twice in the last 3 weeks.

 

[AMDG]

How do you do that? Is it basically just continual trial like building up a tolerance

Obviously if you don't try you cannot succeed. You will realize later that you are irrelevant to some girls and the whole world to others, and yet you remain the same person. The key here is self-confidence and self-reliance - these are essential in starting and especially maintaining a relationship.

 

[p4rk r4ng3r]

Just change your outlook on things. Think with a new perspective.
Like, the only person you can make like you, is yourself.
You have no control over anyone else besides yourself.
And don't put a girl on the pedestal just because she's cute. You gotta have standards ya know.

 

[tafakna]

Taking a different perspective. There are people that indeed try to get girls to be self-conscious as an openning. This works if for example the girl has something on her hair, lipstick on their teeth, etc...

But in this case your openning line sounded as mockery, as a direct criticize to her style.

If you started directly at "Are those Cokes?" you'd probably have at least a shot...

If you tried to talk to another girl, and mentioned the "Hey is it too sunny in here?" line pointing at the Coco Girl, you'd have a shot...

Anyway, I agree 100% with others here... Always keep trying... I know people that tries 10-15 times a night...

 

[SBW]

Keep at it sir!

If you don't know them, or have any emotional "investment", how can their rejection hurt you?

Even after being out of things for as long as I have, I've found that after a mere few weeks practice, I've greatly increased my hit rate for approaching and striking-up positive conversations.

In fact, my most positive one of all on Saturday was when I struck-p a chat with a woman about "all these desperate looking men and women making cliched/formulatic approaches to each other and getting nowhere" We had a great laugh about it and she asked me to come back downstairs with her.

 

[sodbuster]

SW<SW,SW,next. Applies to sales in any buisiness. SOme will,some won't,so what? next. Ask any salesman if he takes it personally if they don't buy from him.

 

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

i reckon that interaction was good man. if that were me man, i'd say those things, but i'd be laughing at the same time. i'd be so into the moment (probably intoxicated) so i wouldnt actually care what she thought. you were clearly hilarious, you took the piss beautifully.

after this interaction i'd be onto the next conversation, or take a walk to see what's happening elsewhere.. the trick is not to care, get in the right frame of mind before you go out. i'd never go out unless i was ready to party and in an awesome fired up mood. one night even i turned around and went back home before i got there because my mind wasn't in it.

i've been out on my own twice in the last 3 weeks.

How do you fire yourself up like that? It's so hard to get in that mood when you're out on your own and you don't have the confidence of having ever pulled off a successful solo-sarge inside you.

 

[flint]

Hey buddy I got flaked on last night, and I feel like getting flaked is worse than getting a rejection because you feel like things are going good at least for a second.

For everyone it's different but I'll tell you what I do. I redefined my success with women as pushing my limits/going for it versus what most guys define it as (ie F close or whatever).

The honest truth about this game, especially when you're a beginner like me is that you're going to fail a lot more than you're going to succeed at first. But it's better that you're failing (or not closing) than not even trying.

It stunk that I got flaked on last night, but i realized that around this time last year I wouldn't even have a number to call to get flaked on. That means I'm improving!

So my best advice to you is redefine your success as going for it. It always stinks when you scare yourself into not talking to some chick out of fear and then you look back and kick yourself in the face. And if you blow it in front of your friends, if they're your real friends they'll laugh with you about it, so don't worry.

 

[PigAdlemPimp]

REJECTION & DEFEAT are AWESOME BLESSINGS, you learn how not to fail in the future by having them.

You create your own misery and your own success, failure and rejection need to be accepted, if not you'll never get anything in this life.

 

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

SW<SW,SW,next. Applies to sales in any buisiness. SOme will,some won't,so what? next. Ask any salesman if he takes it personally if they don't buy from him.

Yeah, but a salesman isn't attracted to his clients. And a client isn't rejecting him, he/she's rejecting what he's selling.

To be honest, I never thought the sales analogy was good or encouraging to people trying to learn game.

 

[mrRuckus]

Women can't reject you.

They're too fvcking stupid for their opinions to hold any weight.

 

[Luminescence]

Actually, I think advice like ''you should only derive validation from yourself'' is well meaning, but a bit misleading. Humans naturally derive self worth and validation/esteem from how others think about them. People who do not, either have over come their natural social instincts, or they have some kind of psychopathic disposition.

Social rejection (in it's many forms) is supposed to hurt.

 

[spinaroonie]

That was a weak opener.

Learn the Mystery Method.

 

[Trader]

How do you keep rejection from phasing you?

The attraction/mating game is exactly that. A game which requirse you to develop skills.

It has nothing to do with your fundamental value or worth.

Failure indicates you lack skills. But it says nothing about your worth.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Yeah, but a salesman isn't attracted to his clients. And a client isn't rejecting him, he/she's rejecting what he's selling.

Your dead wrong here. I'm in sales and if you don't appeal to the client's (girl's) specific needs (attraction) it doesn't matter what your selling (cool clothes, funny one liner's) they're not gonna buy.

If sales was simply about buying/rejecting the product your representing then tell me why I repeatedly hit my sales goal every month selling the EXACT SAME product as 75 other sales reps in my company? How come I come out on top more times than not and these other reps repeatedly get rejected?


To be honest, I never thought the sales analogy was good or encouraging to people trying to learn game.

That's because you don't understand either of them at its core. Your mentality is.... "see hot girl, talk to her, if she rejects me I'm a failure." Instead of understanding where you went wrong, you seem to be making the same mistakes over and over.

For instance your approach here; why would you approach a girl when it was EXTREMELY LOUD right next to you two? Also think about this... how many different guys do you think commented on her sunglasses that night?? If you want to blend in and be like all the others, then don't change.

No one.... I mean NO ONE was awesome at this right when they started. Sure some guys had quick success, others picked it up fast, but they still went through tons of rejections. Figure out what works for YOU and develop that angle.

PIMP

 

[Luminescence]

The attraction/mating game is exactly that. A game which requirse you to develop skills.

It has nothing to do with your fundamental value or worth.

Failure indicates you lack skills. But it says nothing about your worth.

And beauty is only skin deep too? Skills can be developed (and they make a difference), but people reject you based on how they perceive your reproductive value ....after countless rejections, you can (and should) go on considering yourself valuable, but don't expect others to feel the same way .... and don't think that your belief is some persona ''fundamental value'' is anything but subjective, when you continually fail in the objective world