BLOWN OFF??? Make me understand this!

[Smartone84]

Ok so its my first time back here in YEARS and I need some advice from the very best PUA's out there. At 27, I recently got out of a year long relationship and have been back in the game for a bit now. I'm going to try and make this short and sweet...

This past Tuesday night I went on what was one of the best dates in my entire life. I met her through a friend and we chatted on facebook and then via text leading up to the date. When I originally asked her out she was busy but countered with another day which was a good sign. We went to dinner and had just an amazing time. Now she was very outgoing, and she's very mature, so that helped a great bit (28 yrs old). We literally were there for a little over 2 hours as we even got coffee at the end which was HER idea might I add. Of course I picked up the bill and we were on our way.

So... Before I drop her off I hug her goodbye and then go in for a kiss which ultimately turned into a full fledged MAKE OUT session. This girl was absolutely beautiful and this was the icing on the cake for this date. I went home with such a smile on my face and one that I hadn't had in quite some time. Now at 27, I feel like I've been around enough to know that a girl usually doesn't kiss or especially MAKE OUT with a guy unless she wants to. I felt like I was in for sure and we even talked about a second date before I dropped her off when I said how I would like to see her again to which she agreed. (earlier in the date I cracked a joke about how 'we'll see')

Now for the interesting part. After the date she went to some bar with friends, so the next day at about 11am or so I throw her a quick text asking her how it was. It took the girl FOUR hours to write me back a text message, which did not include anything but the answer to my question. No "how was your day" or "Had fun last night". Nothing. Of course she could be playing the game a bit, playing it cool, or whatever you want to call it, but it just rubs me the wrong way how it took her that long. I then wrote back to her an hour later at 430pm.

At 1030pm at night I get another text from her about the bar from the night before. I found this text interesting bc if she WAS looking to blow me off, you can say she definitely wouldnt have gone out of the way to text me again like that. This was all Wednesday. Thursday afternoon comes and I answer the text from the night before. This time she takes THREE hours to write me back, again with no question for me or anything. Here's a girl who undoubtedly enjoyed herself on the date (please don't doubt me) and just to add to that, MAKES OUT with me at the end, and now it seems like she does not want to get to know me better at all, and is taking hours on end to write back to my text messages.

Fed up on Thursday night, I throw her one final text which she responds to me two hours later and finally makes some conversation to me asking what i'm up to tonight. After a few more back and forth texts with me playing it very cool and not trying to jump down her throat, the convo ends. That was thursday night. It is now SUNDAY, and I have not heard a thing from her after waiting to see if she would finally come to me for once. Sure yesterday was xmas eve and today is xmas day, but I'm just very confused about all of this.

We had a great time together and now it seems as if i'm ready to get blown off. I'm going to ask her on a 2nd date tomorrow and that will be that, but in the meantime, what do you guys think this behavior is about??? Perhaps making out is just not that big of a deal to her? Perhaps she is dating several other guys and thought about it and actually didn't like me much?? Doesn't add up at ALL in my book.

 

[Iceberg]

Now at 27, I feel like I've been around enough to know that a girl usually doesn't kiss or especially MAKE OUT with a guy unless she wants to.

I feel like I've been around enough to know that a girl will DEFINITELY make out with a guy she has no plans on dating again.

It's not necessarily about her liking you. It's about her being wanted, her beauty being validated....and whatever other estrogen-related weird feelings that girls have.

Now for the interesting part. After the date she went to some bar with friends, so the next day at about 11am or so I throw her a quick text asking her how it was. It took the girl FOUR hours to write me back a text message

And I'll just sum up the rest of your post here:

What's with you guys and this "She texted me 'X' hours after I texted her!!" Are our lives so empty that we're in a constant state of staring at our freakin smart phones, counting the hours between texts from women we barely know?

Here's a girl who undoubtedly enjoyed herself on the date (please don't doubt me) and just to add to that, MAKES OUT with me at the end, and now it seems like she does not want to get to know me better at all, and is taking hours on end to write back to my text messages.

This is in the Top 10 of Neediest Comments on SoSuave.

1. How does any of this crappy, useless, meaningless text chatter the equivalent of "getting to know you better"? Here's an idea - stop texting chicks every day and start getting to know them better on real dates.

2. WHO CARES HOW LONG IT TAKES TO RESPOND? She's not your goddamned wife, man. She's a chick you went on one date with.

Stop seeking approval through text.

We had a great time together and now it seems as if i'm ready to get blown off. I'm going to ask her on a 2nd date tomorrow and that will be that, but in the meantime, what do you guys think this behavior is about??? Perhaps making out is just not that big of a deal to her? Perhaps she is dating several other guys and thought about it and actually didn't like me much?? Doesn't add up at ALL in my book.

Maybe she's dating other guys. Maybe she's not interested. It could be anything, man.

All you can do is ask her out and see if she agrees. You'll drive yourself insane trying to read mixed signals from women.

And trust me, a make-out session does not 100% guarantee a future date, or that the girl even likes you.

So stop trying to read signs and just ask for the next date. If she says yes, then you'll forget about all this texting crap. And if she says no, then you can stop wondering.

 

[PokerStar]

i concur with iceberg.

in the mean time. YOU should be seeing several women. go on other dates. you will quickly forget about this particular one if you have options.

And now you are back in the game, its time to develop those options.

 

[1ncredible]

I agree with the 2 replies. Waiting hours for replies and reading into texts in NOT healthy. I've had some girls take over a day or so to reply to message and they're still keen to meet again. See if she wants to go out again.

You should definitely be spinning multiple plates, so get back out there and fill up your phone directory!

Has this one in particular been single for long? Is she really hot? - Maybe she's out there playing the field (like you are) and perhaps come across a better option. Doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong, perhaps just not that into you.

 

[st_99]

I could be totally wrong but imo girls that take forever to reply to a text are on some kind of power trip and they suck. Its just a sign of things to come, always wanting the upper hand and never 'giving in'.

But like other said, you just can't worry about it, maybe laugh about how silly these girls can be. Never take it personal.
Assume they are total f*ck ups.

And you being high as a kite after your date was also a bad idea, can only lead to trouble. You have to remain skeptical for a while, even if you think they are showing high interest. Act like you've done this before a million times and this girl is no big deal until
proven otherwise.

 

[perseverance]

I can understand at times someone taking a long period of time to reply back to a text or even not replying at all. If I am busy and I am not able to reply to a message straight away, sometimes I will forget about that text message until a day or so later. Sometimes I am busy and cannot reply straight away, always remember that before going off in the deep end.

If a woman is continously taking hours on end to reply then I put that down to a lack of interest, because a woman who is interested would reply back as soon as she could. Nobody is busy 24/7, so if she spins you that line then she is lying to your face. I wouldn't even call her out on it, I'd just cut contact.

Incidentally, I have been on dates which I have thought have gone really well and nothing ever materialised from those dates. You just have to develop a thick skin when it comes to dating. If you allow things like this to get to you, you're going to struggle in the dating sphere.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

1. You shouldn't be countin the hours down because you should be busy with your life.

2. This girl is a horrible texter. Was she like this before the date?

3. Only way to find out if she is feeling you is to ask her out on another date but me personally would just cut off contact. She doesn't seem 100% co-operative so find you a girl that is.

 

[Zerro]

In my opinion the amount of time it takes her to reply is not that indicative of much. I have one girl who replies over 90% of the time and at least 70% of that is within minutes rather than hours, yet we haven't been on a single date as she flaked three times (which is why I've gone non-contact with her since the last time). On the other hand there is another girl who often takes hours to a day to reply yet doesn't flake out on me when I ask her out.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

You sound like you're in texting limbo or something, lighten up man...So far you've only been complaining that she takes forever to text you back, that doesn't mean she doesn't like you or doesn't want to see you again.

My advice is, stop freaking out or you will LOSE her. First you'll lose your self-control and confidence (which is already starting to happen), and then you'll start in with the needy, validation-seeking behaviors. Sooner or later her attraction to you will dwindle, and it's all because your thoughts are displaced. Don't make her the center of your world, you've only been on one date. Who knows how she feels about you, and honestly, why do you care so badly? People come and go throughout our lives, that's nothing new. It's only you who remains constant in your own life. Make the most out of it!!

 

[GameTime76]

Answer - LOW INTEREST. Second, you may have talked to her too soon after the first date. I know this from my trial and errors.

I know you got the number, date, and a kiss. But, women will date and have sex with guys for whatever reason. Whether their interested or not. I'd say look up some Anti-Dump threads to get more info.

 

[TopGun2000]

most likely low IL or a female player

 

[Desdinova]

All women have different text etiquette. Some are very prompt texters, and some are too busy to notice that they have a message waiting. I've had to learn to take the time it takes to respond with a grain of salt UNLESS they take days to respond. Sometimes they leave their phones on their bed, in their purse, and other stupid places while they do other things. Face it, some women are NOT glued to their phones.

Don't worry about it too much. Just keep busy and see other girls. I've been with my GF for over three months now and it still takes her hours to respond unless she's got the phone in her hand.

 

[window]

why are you texting her ? none of your texts actually asked her out so all they are doing is demonstrating how available you are. Just call her up next time and ask her out...

 

[Pimp-sicle]

This past Tuesday night I went on what was one of the best dates in my entire life. I met her through a friend and we chatted on facebook and then via text leading up to the date. When I originally asked her out she was busy but countered with another day which was a good sign. We went to dinner and had just an amazing time.

I'm gonna take a different approach and break down your date, since most of the replies are focused on what you should do next etc and I for the most part agree with what they're saying.

First mistake was going to dinner; yes you can get dinner with a chick and have fun, but if your not a good conversationalist and if she doesn't already have high interest, its always best to do something where the focus isn't solely on you and her; think activities

Now she was very outgoing, and she's very mature, so that helped a great bit (28 yrs old). We literally were there for a little over 2 hours as we even got coffee at the end which was HER idea might I add. Of course I picked up the bill and we were on our way.

You joined this site back in '06, yet you speak like an absolute chump?! Did you not learn or remember anything from all the reading you did here years ago? Things like you went to dinner, "of course I picked up the bill" etc etc; making me cringe bro.

So... Before I drop her off I hug her goodbye and then go in for a kiss which ultimately turned into a full fledged MAKE OUT session. This girl was absolutely beautiful and this was the icing on the cake for this date. I went home with such a smile on my face and one that I hadn't had in quite some time. Now at 27, I feel like I've been around enough to know that a girl usually doesn't kiss or especially MAKE OUT with a guy unless she wants to.

You don't know women then. Making out is fun for most women and men, it doesn't mean much, although I won't' deny that on a first date a good long make out session is a positive, but not a clear cut sign that you will see her again.

I felt like I was in for sure and we even talked about a second date before I dropped her off when I said how I would like to see her again to which she agreed. (earlier in the date I cracked a joke about how 'we'll see')

Another chump mistake. Lets see here, running total from what you've told us is 3 errors (likely more). Dinner, paying of course and now talking about a second date while your still on the first one. Why is this bad? It kills all the mystery, the intrigue. What most rookies, noobs or life long chumps don't realize is its the time spent AWAY from the girl that makes her attraction grow for you IF you do your job right. If you smother her, are chumpy and give off the vibe that your too interested too soon; it only creates a sense of remorse within the girl.

Now for the interesting part. After the date she went to some bar with friends, so the next day at about 11am or so I throw her a quick text asking her how it was.

I'm not a big proponent in having to wait X amount of days before contacting after a first date or after getting her number; but I gotta ask why would you text her with a lame question like that? If your gonna text, pull on her emotions, send her something funny, or maybe slightly arrogant or an inside joke from maybe something you two discussed on the date. The point is, make her excited to respond to you.

It took the girl FOUR hours to write me back a text message, which did not include anything but the answer to my question. No "how was your day" or "Had fun last night". Nothing. Of course she could be playing the game a bit, playing it cool, or whatever you want to call it, but it just rubs me the wrong way how it took her that long. I then wrote back to her an hour later at 430pm.

Obviously not a good sign, but also who knows what her text game is like or what else could've been going on. She could've been hung over like hell, left her phone on silent etc etc. Or she could be not big on texting.

At 1030pm at night I get another text from her about the bar from the night before. I found this text interesting bc if she WAS looking to blow me off, you can say she definitely wouldnt have gone out of the way to text me again like that. This was all Wednesday. Thursday afternoon comes and I answer the text from the night before. This time she takes THREE hours to write me back, again with no question for me or anything. Here's a girl who undoubtedly enjoyed herself on the date (please don't doubt me) and just to add to that, MAKES OUT with me at the end, and now it seems like she does not want to get to know me better at all, and is taking hours on end to write back to my text messages.

Actually I do doubt that she really enjoyed herself because IF she did (as much as you think); she would be getting back to you quickly. Furthermore, if you have a good amount of comfort built (which it sounds like you did) but not enough attraction; she will go cold on you once she analyzes the date

Fed up on Thursday night, I throw her one final text which she responds to me two hours later and finally makes some conversation to me asking what i'm up to tonight. After a few more back and forth texts with me playing it very cool and not trying to jump down her throat, the convo ends. That was thursday night. It is now SUNDAY, and I have not heard a thing from her after waiting to see if she would finally come to me for once. Sure yesterday was xmas eve and today is xmas day, but I'm just very confused about all of this.

Again I ask, did you not remember or learn anything from this site when you first joined or maybe you didn't really spend much time here? Women RARELY will initiate contact in the beginning. Unless the girl is highly attracted/interested in you, most women usually expect the guy to initiate. Once you get physical, then its typical for the girl to start calling because sex is their ultimate power.

We had a great time together and now it seems as if i'm ready to get blown off. I'm going to ask her on a 2nd date tomorrow and that will be that, but in the meantime, what do you guys think this behavior is about??? Perhaps making out is just not that big of a deal to her? Perhaps she is dating several other guys and thought about it and actually didn't like me much?? Doesn't add up at ALL in my book.

Women are bloodhounds for smelling out neediness and desperation. You have this girl on such a high pedestal and are already beyond infatuated with her after only one date and you can clearly tell just by the way you wrote this post. It sounds like she has lots of things going on in her life, you are one of them. On the other hand, this girl has quickly become the center of your universe and unless you get a hold of yourself and relax she will likely be gone. Instead of worrying about what she could be up to, make it real simple on yourself. Judge her on her actions.

If you feel so confident that she's into you and she had a great time, ask her out again. If she agrees and you guys have a good time again, then you really have nothing to worry about. At the same time, you should be meeting new women to prevent feelings of neediness and to stay level headed. Bottom line, ask her out and go from there.

PIMP

 

[Websterdic]

I know women who make out with dudes because they feel bad that they paid for everything like...dinner.

 

[Packers2010]

if it was me. i would be happy with getting the make out and that's it. you know..

i wouldn't wait around for her on the next message bro. if she wants to see you again she will come and find you.

you have better things to do with your time.


( i'm not the best on here so take these things with a grain of salt)

 

[perseverance]

you have better things to do with your time.

Does he? I wouldn't say so, if he is waiting around and keeping a running clock of how long it takes for her to contact him inbetween text messages.

He's put too much investment in one great date and a make out session. He's had "the best date of his entire life" and now probably sees this girl as LTR material, even though he hardly knows her.

I will make out with a girl on a first date, even have sex with her, but if she is willing to put out as early as that I'd consider her anything but relationship material. I certainly wouldn't be waiting on her to text me/call me to set up part II, but then that's just me.

 

[Smartone84]

Ok very good advice for the most part on here. "Pimpsicle" though, you need to relax buddy. Now I'm getting bashed for taking a girl to dinner? And I dont care what you've read on here or how much of a bad boy you or some guys might be, but I pay for my date on the first date. I honestly don't care what you say. You DO however make one of the BEST points by explaining that my day after text message should have been more exciting and funny. That is smart, and I messed up there.

I admit I sound a bit afc like i'm putting this girl on a pedestal, but I don't feel like i've done anything to really show her that.

In my honest opinion - she's simply a hot girl who had some fun with me, boosted her self esteem a bit, got a free dinner out of it, and decided she just didn't wanna go out again. Sad these creatures exist, but they do.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Ok very good advice for the most part on here. "Pimpsicle" though, you need to relax buddy.

Relax? Who said I wasn't relaxed? I'm pretty blunt and I don't sugar coat it, I will tell you how it is. But its not to bash you, its to help you learn and correct your mistakes either if there is a chance to save the situation at hand or to learn for the future.

Now I'm getting bashed for taking a girl to dinner?

I'm not bashing you for taking her to dinner; simply pointing out that you want to always set up dates for the highest chance of success. Like i said before, unless she has very high interest already or your a great conversationalist; dinner on a first date is not a good idea. If you need me to explain in more detail I'd be happy to.

And I dont care what you've read on here or how much of a bad boy you or some guys might be, but I pay for my date on the first date.

That's nice, but don't be surprised when a lot of girls go silent on you after your first date if you keep making the same mistakes. The whole paying thing has been talked about a million times before as well, if you want some perspective on that as well I would be happy to explain that too. Again, just advice, you take what you like and ditch what you don't. But my point is, you are making rookie mistakes, these are the basics of game that I might have incorrectly assumed you learned when you first joined the site in 2006

I honestly don't care what you say. You DO however make one of the BEST points by explaining that my day after text message should have been more exciting and funny. That is smart, and I messed up there.

You don't care what I say, but you like some of my advice?

I admit I sound a bit afc like i'm putting this girl on a pedestal, but I don't feel like i've done anything to really show her that.

See this is where you are starting to turn the lights on upstairs. You have completely put this girl on a pedestal and SHE KNOWS IT! How? One by paying for the date, its not so much the act of paying, but the expectation it sets up. Second the dinner as I mentioned before and third the text after, which clearly shows your high interest in her. This is not to say that you can't do those things and not be successful with women, but with you in particular its CRYSTAL CLEAR that you were operating from a disadvantage from the get go because you put her on a pedestal. You didn't even mention what you guys talked about on the date. Did you tease her? Flirt with her etc ? Yes you got a nice make out session and I think that's a very positive sign, but again IN THE MOMENT and after the fact are two different things. When a girl sees a guy who is overly eager to get together simply by asking her out for a 2nd date while still on the first date, it sub-conciously communicates that SHE is the prize. When you pay for the date and go to a nice dinner it again sets up higher expectations and again sets HER up as the prize. If you don't see the problem in that, well then you have more to learn than I thought.

In my honest opinion - she's simply a hot girl who had some fun with me, boosted her self esteem a bit, got a free dinner out of it, and decided she just didn't wanna go out again. Sad these creatures exist, but they do.

You got it wrong here. She is a hot girl who HAD some interest in you and had fun on the date, HOWEVER by the end it was clear to her that you were so into her and provided no form of a challenge so her interest went downhill. She will likely still accept dates from you EXPECTING you to pay for them all and even make out with you again, but eventually she will flake on you and pull the busy card for other options. The problem isn't the girl, it was the way you carried out the date.

PIMP




PIMP

 

[Vice]

I like this thread. Lots of learning going on for the OP.

Iceberg pretty much said what I would have said, except much more mildly. I hate reading this f*ggot texting sh*t, I'd pick this thread apart displaying the good, the bad, and the ugly, but I've got an eye infection and have a paintball date with a beautiful Russian blonde tomorrow.