Bizarre Communication - Finally Cut Her Off

[Smartone84]

Met a girl off Match in early March (pre covid). We went on one date which went seemingly very well, but afterwards the games began. Though she agreed to go out again, the texting was now stagnant, delayed, and sometimes just plain weird. Whether it was low interest or her just playing some weird form of hard to get in order to appear more desirable didn't matter to me. Bad communication is simply a turn off to me at this age. We are both 35 fyi. I texted her in the early afternoon asking her if 6pm was ok for our second date that coming Friday. She texted me back 24 hours, thats right, 24 hours later, saying its good. Absolute bullsh-t. She then canceled the date saying something work related came up but she definitely wants to reschedule. I played it cool and said sure. Then I backed off and didn't hear from her and the pandemic hit in late March.

I'd send her a message or two here and there during quarantine and she'd be responsive, eventually even agreeing to go out again once we're able to. Then we finally really reconnected on a one hour phone call in mid May and set a second date which would be a walk in a park (bars/restaurants were closed). Date went great. Same great chemistry from our first date. Then again, like clockwork, the weirdness hit. Delayed texts, again with responses happening the next DAY, strange behavior when talking about setting a third date, etc. Finally, after what felt like pulling teeth to set the plans in stone for date 3, it was set. A day at the beach. That morning however there was confusion about when she's actually leaving to meet me there, not letting me know until last second. I'm a sitting duck in my apartment, etc. I call her now and she doesnt pick up and says she'll call me back in a few mins and how she hasn't left her house yet. 35 minutes later, which was already one hour after we were technically slated to already be on our way to the beach, she finally calls back all nonchalant and says she's leaving soon and that something was wrong in her apartment (sink) that needed to be fixed. Whatever. By the time I left to finally meet her I was borderline done with her. Then date 3 happened and it was an AMAZING day. Spent all day at the beach then I treated to dinner after. We connected well, however the one negative was she was not comfortable with kissing or kino bc of Covid concerns. I was supportive of this all as she has an elderly mother, etc.

Then, you guessed it, even after all that. 3 dates now, on and off talking for almost 3 months, AGAIN, bullsh-t communication. 24 hour later responses, ignoring a question of mine through an instagram DM, etc. Just a very weird/bizarre girl imo who at this point now was basically just toying with me, so it felt like. Finally two nights ago I hit my breaking point and had enough. She again responded 24 hours later to my invite for another date saying how it sounds good. No apology or explanation for the insane delay, etc. Now please note i dont care at all if someone takes a few hours to text back, but when I text you at 7pm one night and you respond the next night at 9pm, thats called no respect. I ignored this time, finally, and she texted the next night (last night) asking if everything is ok. I wrote back how i'm sorry but it just seems like communication is very off with you and has been from the start and that we likely are looking for different things. I personally at 35 am looking for a LTR while i've gotten the vibe that the story from this girl is that she's just out to enjoy a guys company. Sorry, no time for that these days. I said how she's a very nice person and I had fun with her but I wish her luck out there. She wrote back acting surprised (of course) but said ok and good luck to me too. Take care.

So what do all you guys think was the story here? Just low IL? or something deeper? In any event I have no regrets as I have no time for women that play games like that with me at this age/point in my life. Childs play.

While there is always a game to be played in some form, girls who like you are ultimately supposed to make things EASIER for you, not harder and more stressful, imo.

 

[AttackFormation]

The fact that you made this long of a post about a girl who clearly just has low interest in you is the real problem here man. Why are you spending so much effort and thought on her? it's not good for your peace of mind and energy.

PS. I hope you didn't pay for her when you say you "treated" her to dinner. Giving a woman money for no reason or to try to bribe her to have sex with you already doesn't make sense... but as a reward for bad behavior it's even worse. If you pretend she isn't behaving badly and just reward her bad behavior, she'll lose what shard of care and respect she may have had for you. This, I would guess, is why she was surprised by you finally putting your foot down and walking away - she didn't know you had that in you based on your behavior thus far, and was surprised when you punished her low interest and bad behavior instead of putting up and rewarding it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Just low IL, nothing more. I think you handled it very well. They need to learn that their behavior yields consequences.

 

[Smartone84]

Just low IL, nothing more. I think you handled it very well. They need to learn that their behavior yields consequences.

Thanks.

 

[Smartone84]

The fact that you made this long of a post about a girl who clearly just has low interest in you is the real problem here man. Why are you spending so much effort and thought on her? it's not good for your peace of mind and energy.

PS. I hope you didn't pay for her when you say you "treated" her to dinner. Giving a woman money for no reason or to try to bribe her to have sex with you already doesn't make sense... but as a reward for bad behavior it's even worse. If you pretend she isn't behaving badly and just reward her bad behavior, she'll lose what shard of care and respect she may have had for you. This, I would guess, is why she was surprised by you finally putting your foot down and walking away - she didn't know you had that in you based on your behavior thus far, and was surprised when you punished her low interest and bad behavior instead of putting up and rewarding it.

FIrst of all don't worry about my peace of mind so much. I'm fine. Though I get where you're coming from. I disposed of this piece of work and now i'm onto the next, attempting to spin more plates.

With regards to your comments about her being surprised by me finally putting my foot down and not knowing I had it in me, etc etc. I'm honestly curious (seriously) how you would have handled this from the start? Are you implying you legit would have blown her off at the first sign of shady-ness?

 

[AttackFormation]

FIrst of all don't worry about my peace of mind so much. I'm fine. Though I get where you're coming from. I disposed of this piece of work and now i'm onto the next, attempting to spin more plates.

With regards to your comments about her being surprised by me finally putting my foot down and not knowing I had it in me, etc etc. I'm honestly curious (seriously) how you would have handled this from the start? Are you implying you legit would have blown her off at the first sign of shady-ness?

Good thing man.

What I would do when saying "put your foot down" isn't to send an angry text to her or anything, just so you don't get the wrong idea. Rather I already expect the worst, and am ready to adapt my effort level:

- First of all I expect women to flake and plan thereafter, so I wouldn't have been "a sitting duck in my apartment" for example as you put it haha. Set dates up to places you would have wanted to go by yourself anyway whether it's at your home, close to you or in some nice nature area so that when you get the flake, or she says she's 2 hours late, it doesn't matter to your plans.

- Secondly I would stop putting in effort in her at all if she replies sparsely and far later, doesn't write in full sentences, doesn't make statements or questions back, flakes without voluntarily rescheduling - it's not worth it to put up with this just for a mirage of pvssy, when I have so much else to be conserving my focus for every day of my life. Guys will say you'll "miss out on pvssy" that way, and I say even if that would be true that's totally fine with me: I'm done with that shyt. I value my self-respect and focus at #1, not her pvssy. But if you don't care how she behaves in the first place because you're just after the lay and don't care, this advice won't apply to you and that's fine too, it's up to each guy to choose his line.

 

[thinker]

@Smartone84 the way I would have handled it is simple. You said that when you texted her for your first date that Friday that she texted you 24 hrs later. If that is me I next her immediately and will not do anything, if she wants something she has to do 100% of the work which I doubt she would do because of the obvious low interest level on her part. She behaved poorly and you treated her instead of punishing her for it. She was basically using you for whatever she could squeeze out of you. One good thing you did was that you ended this instead of just continuing to be one of her orbiters that she uses but you have to cut women like this off much sooner.

 

[BaldandBrazy88]

Met a girl off Match in early March (pre covid). We went on one date which went seemingly very well, but afterwards the games began. Though she agreed to go out again, the texting was now stagnant, delayed, and sometimes just plain weird. Whether it was low interest or her just playing some weird form of hard to get in order to appear more desirable didn't matter to me. Bad communication is simply a turn off to me at this age. We are both 35 fyi. I texted her in the early afternoon asking her if 6pm was ok for our second date that coming Friday. She texted me back 24 hours, thats right, 24 hours later, saying its good. Absolute bullsh-t. She then canceled the date saying something work related came up but she definitely wants to reschedule. I played it cool and said sure. Then I backed off and didn't hear from her and the pandemic hit in late March.

I'd send her a message or two here and there during quarantine and she'd be responsive, eventually even agreeing to go out again once we're able to. Then we finally really reconnected on a one hour phone call in mid May and set a second date which would be a walk in a park (bars/restaurants were closed). Date went great. Same great chemistry from our first date. Then again, like clockwork, the weirdness hit. Delayed texts, again with responses happening the next DAY, strange behavior when talking about setting a third date, etc. Finally, after what felt like pulling teeth to set the plans in stone for date 3, it was set. A day at the beach. That morning however there was confusion about when she's actually leaving to meet me there, not letting me know until last second. I'm a sitting duck in my apartment, etc. I call her now and she doesnt pick up and says she'll call me back in a few mins and how she hasn't left her house yet. 35 minutes later, which was already one hour after we were technically slated to already be on our way to the beach, she finally calls back all nonchalant and says she's leaving soon and that something was wrong in her apartment (sink) that needed to be fixed. Whatever. By the time I left to finally meet her I was borderline done with her. Then date 3 happened and it was an AMAZING day. Spent all day at the beach then I treated to dinner after. We connected well, however the one negative was she was not comfortable with kissing or kino bc of Covid concerns. I was supportive of this all as she has an elderly mother, etc.

Then, you guessed it, even after all that. 3 dates now, on and off talking for almost 3 months, AGAIN, bullsh-t communication. 24 hour later responses, ignoring a question of mine through an instagram DM, etc. Just a very weird/bizarre girl imo who at this point now was basically just toying with me, so it felt like. Finally two nights ago I hit my breaking point and had enough. She again responded 24 hours later to my invite for another date saying how it sounds good. No apology or explanation for the insane delay, etc. Now please note i dont care at all if someone takes a few hours to text back, but when I text you at 7pm one night and you respond the next night at 9pm, thats called no respect. I ignored this time, finally, and she texted the next night (last night) asking if everything is ok. I wrote back how i'm sorry but it just seems like communication is very off with you and has been from the start and that we likely are looking for different things. I personally at 35 am looking for a LTR while i've gotten the vibe that the story from this girl is that she's just out to enjoy a guys company. Sorry, no time for that these days. I said how she's a very nice person and I had fun with her but I wish her luck out there. She wrote back acting surprised (of course) but said ok and good luck to me too. Take care.

So what do all you guys think was the story here? Just low IL? or something deeper? In any event I have no regrets as I have no time for women that play games like that with me at this age/point in my life. Childs play.

While there is always a game to be played in some form, girls who like you are ultimately supposed to make things EASIER for you, not harder and more stressful, imo.

With all the respect brother... KNOW YOUR WORTH

 

[Lookatu]

3 dates over 3 months is a huge waste of time and the fact that you have to think this deeply about it says you invested way too much, too early.
Next time try to identify these things early on and be prepared to move on swiftly.
Remember, live by actions over words and equal reciprocation. If those two things aren't met, next and move on.
Did you even have sex with her? I hope all 3 weren't dinner dates...