Biggest regret in my life!!!! (Can anyone relate?)

[Prodigy746]

I am not a good looking guy...i am average at best.

What i do have going for me is that i am a fun friendly guy who is not afraid to strike up a conversation with anyone. I am nice and love to joke around and have fun, i love talking to people, treat everyone with respect, and make them laugh..I am energetic , upbeat, and most people including girls love being around me.

I am also 6'4 and educated/successful so i would say that helps when it comes to girls as well.

Anyway i am not here to brag about my self far from that... I am here to share something that if i was on my deathbed tomorrow i would look back and it would be the biggest regret in my life. Heck i am sure even 50 years from now i will look back and consider it my biggest regret in life.

So my biggest regret in life is that i did not go for girls that were clearly CLEARLY showing interest in dating me, girls who i would have loved to date and thought about when i was not with them. Its not just one or two girls i am talking about, i would say over the course of 28 years on this earth it is about 40+ girls ranging anywhere from 7-9.9/10. These were not subtle hints either ... these were not "obvious signs that i missed" ... i knew exactly what was happening while it was happening ...it was like it was happening in slow motion and i decided to ignore or not take any action each and every time. These were signs that girls went WAY WAY WAY out of their way to make it known to me they were interested and i rejected them ...i hurt them.

EXAMPLES

-Hottest girl at work comes to me while i am talking to my friend and asks me if i have a gf...i say no and she says she is single too... i say cool and change convo and 5 min later or she jokes asking if i am gay.When she leaves my friend goes nuts at me for not asking her out. She also always used to go out of her way to come and talk to me eventually giving up.

- Girl at work talking to me and telling me she really really wants to go to xxx concert but she has nobody to take her. She did something simillar few times and every time i decided to make a joke about it ...the last time i ignored it or made a silly joke about it i noticed her eyes teared up and she gave up after that.

- Girl at college tells me she really wants to see xxx movie and if i want to take her... i make up some excuse and her eyes tear up...she knew i was single

- Another girl at college... she was tall (6'0) and extremely beautiful 9/10 . She would always sit at the front row and i would sit in the back 6-7 seats away from her. I would always talk to people around me and became friends with people that were near me. Anyway i noticed her looking at me often and i ignored it. I would come to class early leave my stuff and go outside of class and talk on the phone and after a while she started doing same thing so it would be me and her talking on phone and having a starring contest and she even smiled few times.... again i thought that was a coincidence, no way a beautiful girl like her would ever be interested in average looking guy like me. Finally the day before last exam i come in early and what do you know she is sitting in the back seat that is right in front of mine. At this point i know for sure that is the reason she is there but i choose to ignore her and we sit there in silence for a minute before she turns around and asks me a random question. I answer it and another person that usually sits in the back comes in that i have become friends with comes in and i proceed to talk to him like i normally do pretty much not saying anything else to her. After 3-4 minutes of this she slams her folder on desk gets up and moves to her regular seat in the front row.


SO WHY DO I IGNORE THE SIGNS???

Its hard to say exactly why but i think its a combination of these...

-Fear of rejection...not necessarily that they will not go on a date with me but that they will not like me enough to go on a second date , third date with me so i don't wanna get hurt.

- Fear of failing on date and being boring when they think so highly of me and ruining my reputation.

- Dating takes work and setting up something fun and making sure the girl has fun involves alot of pressure and it takes work so i choose the easy way out.

Can anyone relate to this???

I know what i need to do and i have known for a while i am not stupid but it seems like each and every time i let my self down and in the process hurt the girl by rejecting her.

 

[Thundernuts]

I can relate but not with that quantity. That's a damn good regret to have though man.

 

[YAboi]

What's done is done, take action next time. Stop picturing the dating process as an obstacle in your mind. With girls they don't want things laid out explicitly but subtly.

She would prefer if you casually told her to come to xyz place and then chit chat and sweetly transition into making your move/make mistakes but carry on as opposed to you getting her number in the context that you're courting her and being nervous all date long.

It's mostly through failure and other people's failures and lessons that you learn (get a guy to mentor you/run you through the process if all else fails).

Most females want to know 3 things before letting themselves get conquered by a man.

1. That you know what you are doing (you should have a relaxed air, one where you know it's not the end of the world if you make a move that is not reciprocated)

2. That you will not rape them or get mad if they withold their goodies (hence why you should be calm when say you touch a girl on her lap and she recoils shocked or angrily, you maintain a happy charming, seductive playful poker face if she is shocked or you have an indifferent unphased poker face if she is angry and take two steps back in the process or pull out entirely based on your intuitive feeling at that point)

3. That you will respect them after they succumb to you. (this has to be subcommunicated through your body language so only pursue women you respect, that way you will be congruent)

Never feel like you are far behind in the game as it is all a mindset thing. Women will tespond to your vibe. You say you are confident so all you need to do is take relaxed action and weigh the outcomes. Its all about gut feelings. You are a hunter in the jungle and you need to have sharp reflexes but in your case you have easy pray but you have overpedestalized yourself in your own mind and are afraid of how women will see you if you supposedly mess up the amazing image they have of you. Take a chance and stop being so hard on yourself. You need to get your confidence from the most High God and not people's opinions of you. Realize that we are all flesh and blood and all this will pass away.

Go out there and get em (preferably 1 woman) tiger!

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

-Fear of rejection...not necessarily that they will not go on a date with me but that they will not like me enough to go on a second date , third date with me so i don't wanna get hurt.

-Fear of failing on date and being boring when they think so highly of me and ruining my reputation.

-Dating takes work and setting up something fun and making sure the girl has fun involves alot of pressure and it takes work so i choose the easy way out.

You know what you are doing wrong, which is a start.

From a third party perspective, the thing you are lacking is outcome independence. The three points above describe things (outcomes) that haven't happened, may not happen and don't need to happen, when you have the right internal monologue processing.

Listen to the words you are using and then imagine what a girl's reaction is going to be if you actually said those things to her. Things like 'fear of rejection', 'failing', 'ruining reputation', 'dating takes work'. Even if you don't say these things out loud, they will be written all over your face and be very apparent in your behaviours and tone of voice.

It takes a lot of practice, but every day you have to change the things you say to yourself in order to change your belief system. This can take years; we might even be doing it for the rest of our lives. I know I certainly still do it to this day.

There are five general steps we can go through (this is very general CBT):
-Identify what the current mental state is.
-Acknowledge/admit that we are experiencing it.
-Identify what preferred mental state we want.
-Acknowledge what resources (especially of time), actions and efforts are required to achieve the preferred state.
-Acknowledge moving in to the preferred mental state, both during the transition (which is why I mention the resource of time) and upon arrival.

Whether you are going on a first date or a twentieth date, you have two primary objectives: (a) making sure you both have fun and, (b) make moves to transfer that fun to the bedroom.

Fun, make a move - fun, make a move - fun, make a move. This is how your dates go on a weekly basis, pretty much forever. They will only increase in frequency until she indicates they should. In between times, you are focussing on yourself, family and friends.

As a brief aside, the 'hottest girl at work', her attitude is what you are looking for - that is DIRECT interest in you, without a demand. The others who 'need someone to take them to a concert/cinema', mehh... they might be interested, but they are wanting 'someone' not 'you', and in a demanding way (needing investment, probably expecting a free date). Listen to how people convey their intentions.

Lastly, don't worry about 'letting people down'. Letting someone down is not turning up to a date, not refusing to go on one in the first instance - the only person you're letting down there is yourself.

 

[RangerMIke]

I really don't have this regret, but I can respect this.

So often men miss the signs a woman is interested in them. Learning the signs and being aware of what is going on is key to success. The biggest sign is that she will make herself available to you. In fact I'll list them here:

(1) She makes herself available. She puts herself in your line of sight at a party or event. She will call, text, or e-mail you for reasons that don't really make that much sense. When she does this she wants you to approach her. Look at her smile and wave her over... if she comes to you smiling, this is going to be easy.

(2) She brags about herself. It might not be anything you think is particularly important, but she is looking for you to validate her for things SHE thinks is important. She does this because she is attracted to you and is trying to justify her attraction by trying to find out if she is 'worthy' of your attraction. When this happens you have to acknowledge this... if you don't you will blow it. Second, she wants to get a feel for if you are going to like her for who she is inside, not just her looks.

(3) She asks you personal questions.... This is where you have to be VERY careful... First you can not lie.... She is doing this in an attempt to find commonality... You do not have to impress her, you only have to build rapport. Build a connection on something... but it has to be real otherwise later you will fvck things up. Besides, women are walking breathing lie detectors, I don't know any man that is fully capable of lying to a woman who is interested in him and get away with it.

(4) When you find something to connect, see if she is trying to guide the interaction to an emotional level. For example, if you learn you both love to travel, does she talk about her experiences in an emotional way. It is a difference between saying you went to Paris and say XYZ, and saying how you felt the first time you climbed the Eiffel Tower. The more emotional her discussion, the more interested she is in you. She is in an emotional state because attraction is emotion.

(5) Does she touch you? When she does this, she is giving you permission to touch her back. You MUST touch her back. But there are ways to do this that will either make her wet, or make her uncomfortable. How to touch a women is a LONG topic and can't be described in a paragraph, but just remember a few KEY factors. (1) Be natural, and touch her in safe places, arms, shoulder, at first... slowly escalate and see what you can get away with touch her hand, on her lower back, touch her hair... if she pulls back, you do the same. (2) Don't touch her like you are touching a hot stove. (3) DO NOT LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING TO TOUCH. This is a fvcking major league turn-off for a woman.

Things that the PUA people tell you that are indicators of interest, which are NOT. (a) Touching her hair.... women will touch their hair when they are feeling uncomfortable, it could be either attraction for you, or you are making her uncomfortable. (b) Eye contact, a women will give you strong eye contact regardless, because this is how they read you. If a women is giving you strong eye contact, it just means that she is curious about you not attracted.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

-Hottest girl at work comes to me while i am talking to my friend and asks me if i have a gf...i say no and she says she is single too... i say cool and change convo and 5 min later or she jokes asking if i am gay.When she leaves my friend goes nuts at me for not asking her out. She also always used to go out of her way to come and talk to me eventually giving up.

- Girl at work talking to me and telling me she really really wants to go to xxx concert but she has nobody to take her. She did something simillar few times and every time i decided to make a joke about it ...the last time i ignored it or made a silly joke about it i noticed her eyes teared up and she gave up after that.

Allow me to set your mind at ease with these two: do not get involved with women at work...PERIOD. Don't care how hot they are, don't care how desperate you are. Go get some hookers if you need to, do NOT get involved with chicks at work.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Can I relate? YES. But it was mostly over the course of 2 years where it gets really cringe worthy. Thank God it wasn't over the course of 28 years cuz that would suck.

 

[pyros]

I am not a good looking guy...i am average at best.

What i do have going for me is that i am a fun friendly guy who is not afraid to strike up a conversation with anyone. I am nice and love to joke around and have fun, i love talking to people, treat everyone with respect, and make them laugh..I am energetic , upbeat, and most people including girls love being around me.

I am also 6'4 and educated/successful so i would say that helps when it comes to girls as well.

Anyway i am not here to brag about my self far from that... I am here to share something that if i was on my deathbed tomorrow i would look back and it would be the biggest regret in my life. Heck i am sure even 50 years from now i will look back and consider it my biggest regret in life.

So my biggest regret in life is that i did not go for girls that were clearly CLEARLY showing interest in dating me, girls who i would have loved to date and thought about when i was not with them. Its not just one or two girls i am talking about, i would say over the course of 28 years on this earth it is about 40+ girls ranging anywhere from 7-9.9/10. These were not subtle hints either ... these were not "obvious signs that i missed" ... i knew exactly what was happening while it was happening ...it was like it was happening in slow motion and i decided to ignore or not take any action each and every time. These were signs that girls went WAY WAY WAY out of their way to make it known to me they were interested and i rejected them ...i hurt them.

EXAMPLES

-Hottest girl at work comes to me while i am talking to my friend and asks me if i have a gf...i say no and she says she is single too... i say cool and change convo and 5 min later or she jokes asking if i am gay.When she leaves my friend goes nuts at me for not asking her out. She also always used to go out of her way to come and talk to me eventually giving up.

- Girl at work talking to me and telling me she really really wants to go to xxx concert but she has nobody to take her. She did something simillar few times and every time i decided to make a joke about it ...the last time i ignored it or made a silly joke about it i noticed her eyes teared up and she gave up after that.

- Girl at college tells me she really wants to see xxx movie and if i want to take her... i make up some excuse and her eyes tear up...she knew i was single

.
.
.
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I am amazed by the quantity of guys in this forum that say they meet super playboy cuties and/or supermodels that are almost perfect, every week. LMAO!!

 

[YAboi]

. (3) DO NOT LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING TO TOUCH. This is a fvcking major league turn-off for a woman.

Trust me brother Mike, nothing is set in stone. You can look at her body part where you are going to touch if you have made her comfortable enough beforehand even if it's your first date with her. Humour covers all sins and you can only be humorous when you are relaxed. I've done it before so I would know. The lady told me about her sex life afterwards and keeps asking when I am going to hang out with her (more like shag). I'm a good boy though but I was acting up that day.

 

[Genos]

I have had the EXACT same experiences man. Women showing interest, but for some reason even though I recognize it I still don't make a move. And the women are hurt because I don't respond to their advances.

The advice in this thread is good, I can't offer much more than what the others have. But know that you're not alone in this, there are others working on similar issues.

 

[Eljuego]

I am not a good looking guy...i am average at best.

What i do have going for me is that i am a fun friendly guy who is not afraid to strike up a conversation with anyone. I am nice and love to joke around and have fun, i love talking to people, treat everyone with respect, and make them laugh..I am energetic , upbeat, and most people including girls love being around me.

I am also 6'4 and educated/successful so i would say that helps when it comes to girls as well.

Anyway i am not here to brag about my self far from that... I am here to share something that if i was on my deathbed tomorrow i would look back and it would be the biggest regret in my life. Heck i am sure even 50 years from now i will look back and consider it my biggest regret in life.

So my biggest regret in life is that i did not go for girls that were clearly CLEARLY showing interest in dating me, girls who i would have loved to date and thought about when i was not with them. Its not just one or two girls i am talking about, i would say over the course of 28 years on this earth it is about 40+ girls ranging anywhere from 7-9.9/10. These were not subtle hints either ... these were not "obvious signs that i missed" ... i knew exactly what was happening while it was happening ...it was like it was happening in slow motion and i decided to ignore or not take any action each and every time. These were signs that girls went WAY WAY WAY out of their way to make it known to me they were interested and i rejected them ...i hurt them.

EXAMPLES

-Hottest girl at work comes to me while i am talking to my friend and asks me if i have a gf...i say no and she says she is single too... i say cool and change convo and 5 min later or she jokes asking if i am gay.When she leaves my friend goes nuts at me for not asking her out. She also always used to go out of her way to come and talk to me eventually giving up.

- Girl at work talking to me and telling me she really really wants to go to xxx concert but she has nobody to take her. She did something simillar few times and every time i decided to make a joke about it ...the last time i ignored it or made a silly joke about it i noticed her eyes teared up and she gave up after that.

- Girl at college tells me she really wants to see xxx movie and if i want to take her... i make up some excuse and her eyes tear up...she knew i was single

- Another girl at college... she was tall (6'0) and extremely beautiful 9/10 . She would always sit at the front row and i would sit in the back 6-7 seats away from her. I would always talk to people around me and became friends with people that were near me. Anyway i noticed her looking at me often and i ignored it. I would come to class early leave my stuff and go outside of class and talk on the phone and after a while she started doing same thing so it would be me and her talking on phone and having a starring contest and she even smiled few times.... again i thought that was a coincidence, no way a beautiful girl like her would ever be interested in average looking guy like me. Finally the day before last exam i come in early and what do you know she is sitting in the back seat that is right in front of mine. At this point i know for sure that is the reason she is there but i choose to ignore her and we sit there in silence for a minute before she turns around and asks me a random question. I answer it and another person that usually sits in the back comes in that i have become friends with comes in and i proceed to talk to him like i normally do pretty much not saying anything else to her. After 3-4 minutes of this she slams her folder on desk gets up and moves to her regular seat in the front row.


SO WHY DO I IGNORE THE SIGNS???

Its hard to say exactly why but i think its a combination of these...

-Fear of rejection...not necessarily that they will not go on a date with me but that they will not like me enough to go on a second date , third date with me so i don't wanna get hurt.

- Fear of failing on date and being boring when they think so highly of me and ruining my reputation.

- Dating takes work and setting up something fun and making sure the girl has fun involves alot of pressure and it takes work so i choose the easy way out.

Can anyone relate to this???

I know what i need to do and i have known for a while i am not stupid but it seems like each and every time i let my self down and in the process hurt the girl by rejecting her.

This is a strange post. So you're saying that over the course of 28 years you have had 40 plus girls ranging from 7-10 approach you and make very clear signs (not subtle signs) that they were interested in you? For example "the hottest looking girl at work" walked right up to you while you were with your friend no less and asked you directly there and then if you had a girlfriend...while saying "I'm single too"? So far correct? And you feel that you "hurt" them by rejecting them, yeah? For example the one that asked you about going to the cinema....she "teared up" when you said you weren't going? So far correct?

So apart from these 40 plus girls ranging from 7-10 is one to assume that you have dated other women and you've had sex in your life? Have you ever had a girlfriend?

If you have, on one hand actually been with/dated/had sex/a relationship with other woman, it then begs the question, what has been different with the ones that you did fvck in comparison to the 40 plus 7-10 girls that seemed to throw themselves at you but....you failed to act on it? There is your answer, no?

Or are you saying that this is your regret: you've never been with a girl, yet they throw themselves at your feet? That would be a regret.

Also, at the start of your post you say you are fun, energetic etc but one of your reasons at the end of the post for not going through with dates etc this"Dating takes work and setting up something fun and making sure the girl has fun involves alot of pressure and it takes work so i choose the easy way out.."

... that screams apathy.

 

[Aspiring Don Juan]

Yes, I had the hottest girl in my grade telling me how much she wanted me, and saying how she wish she could hook up with someone, but not anyone, and constantly talked about that. I knew what she meant and I didn't do anything. It is because I was scared and I didn't know how to kiss or anything

 

[Infern0]

Yeah been there and done that, just clueless to obvious signs of interest, marching straight into the friendzone while she is confused as hell lol.

Still, I don't really regret it , I needed to make the mistakes so I could learn from them. I just laugh about it now.

 

[dk1990S111]

Summer after 8th grade i had 3 pretty hot girls on the phone late one night, they were all drinking and telling me to come over and fvck them. Didnt go because I was too worried about my parents catching me. Biggest regret of my life lol

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Stupidest thing I ever did (with regard to women) - and I've done a few stupid things - was dumping the hottest chick in college 'for the sake of my exams'. What a f*cking a$$hole :crackup: To be fair, I was resitting exams, so I probably wouldn't have got to uni if I hadn't.

I mean this chick may be wasn't the hottest, but she was certainly Top 4-5 out of 2000 people in my school. Bumped in to my best mate in town one time while I was with her, he's had his share of 8's and 9's, and his eyes nearly popped out of his head.

Tried to get back with her months later, but she was with some new guy 'Tim' by this point who looked about 12 years old. The other stupid thing with her was not f*cking her having had ample opportunity.

Regrets are natural. But 'insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result'. We must learn from the errors of our ways.

 

[Steady Eddie]

Allow me to set your mind at ease with these two: do not get involved with women at work...PERIOD. Don't care how hot they are, don't care how desperate you are. Go get some hookers if you need to, do NOT get involved with chicks at work.

This should be part of the 10 commandments.

Timeless words of advice.

 

[Huffman]

- Fear of failing on date and being boring when they think so highly of me and ruining my reputation.

- Dating takes work and setting up something fun and making sure the girl has fun involves alot of pressure and it takes work so i choose the easy way out.

Can anyone relate to this???

Yes, yes, hell yes, this! Setting up dates is really work and it makes me feel anxious. Just like you, I can leave incredible first impressions and then I feel really self-conscious about ruining it on a date.

I guess we have that much in common. I'm pretty decent at sex these days, but I suck at actual dating

Gonna read the rest of the thread in a minute.

 

[Steady Eddie]

I'm with Thundernuts. I can relate but not to that quantity.

Prodigy, the truth of the matter is, you didn't want these women. You can rationalize your actions, any way you want, but at some juncture you'll arrive back at this simple truth.
Remember back to a time when you wanted something. Recall how you behaved towards it. I can assure you, you didn't feign indifference or dismiss it. Which is what you did with these women.

Your height and your easy going nature is what primarily attracts women to you. From the jump you know she see you as a security blanket. What's equally repellent, is the fact she's approached you.
Not only is she adopting your role as the instigator, but she's made the assumption you'll want to go out with her.
In these circumstances you have no say in what transpires.

My opinion isn't offered, without personal experience to draw from.

I would conclude with the following and say, your mind, intuitively, understood everything I've stated. But your d**k doesn't care. It's your d**k that regrets not accepting these women at face value. Not your intellect.

 

[Prodigy746]

Wow just rememberd i posted this thread now. Its interesting to read the responses and for those saying have i gone out w girls before and had sex...yes i have but with girls that were average 4-5 maybe 6's and when it comes to those girls i never really cared what they thought of me. If i bored them on a date who cares but with the hot girls i really want that make it obvious they want me i ignored the signs.

Sadly now that i work from home and am not at college anymore i dont get many chances to meet very good looking girls.