Crissco
Master Don Juan
Lets get a thread of Jokes and Riddles going, I want this thread to be huge!!!
Q: "What has one head, one foot and four legs? "
A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: "Never mind, it's over your head! "
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet?
A: There are 11 letters in 'The Alphabet'
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters?
A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water?
A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: "David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ?"
A: David!
Q: "If you were in a race and passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in?"
A: 2nd place!
Q: What is the center of gravity?
A: The letter 'V'!
Q: What English word has three consecutive double letters?
A: Bookkeeper
Q: "What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs?"
A: A penny!
Q: The turtle took two chocolates to Texas to teach Thomas to tie his boots. How many T's in that?
A: There are 2 T's in THAT!
Q: "What goes up, but never comes down?"
A: Your age!
Q: What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A: A hole!
Q: How many months have 28 days?
A: All of them!
Q: Can you spell rotted with two letters?
A: DK (decay)
Q: How many books can you put into an empty backpack?
A: One! After that it's not empty.
Q: "Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? "
A: "Neither, they both weigh a ton! "
Q: Does your shirt have holes in it?
A: "No, then how did you put it on?"
Q: What starts with a P and ends with an E and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office!
Q: When does a cart come before a horse?
A: In the dictionary!
Q: What is full of holes but can still hold water?
A: A sponge!
Q: "What has two hands, a round face, always runs, but stays in place?"
A: A clock!
Q: Where does success come before work?
A: In the dictionary!
Q: What breaks when you say it?
A: Silence!
Q: How many peas are there in a pint?
A: There is one 'P' in a 'pint'.
Q. What is eternity?
A. When 4 blondes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection!
Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios?
A. Donut seeds.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Q: "What has one head, one foot and four legs? "
A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: "Never mind, it's over your head! "
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet?
A: There are 11 letters in 'The Alphabet'
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters?
A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water?
A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: "David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ?"
A: David!
Q: "If you were in a race and passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in?"
A: 2nd place!
Q: What is the center of gravity?
A: The letter 'V'!
Q: What English word has three consecutive double letters?
A: Bookkeeper
Q: "What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs?"
A: A penny!
Q: The turtle took two chocolates to Texas to teach Thomas to tie his boots. How many T's in that?
A: There are 2 T's in THAT!
Q: "What goes up, but never comes down?"
A: Your age!
Q: What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A: A hole!
Q: How many months have 28 days?
A: All of them!
Q: Can you spell rotted with two letters?
A: DK (decay)
Q: How many books can you put into an empty backpack?
A: One! After that it's not empty.
Q: "Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? "
A: "Neither, they both weigh a ton! "
Q: Does your shirt have holes in it?
A: "No, then how did you put it on?"
Q: What starts with a P and ends with an E and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office!
Q: When does a cart come before a horse?
A: In the dictionary!
Q: What is full of holes but can still hold water?
A: A sponge!
Q: "What has two hands, a round face, always runs, but stays in place?"
A: A clock!
Q: Where does success come before work?
A: In the dictionary!
Q: What breaks when you say it?
A: Silence!
Q: How many peas are there in a pint?
A: There is one 'P' in a 'pint'.
Q. What is eternity?
A. When 4 blondes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection!
Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios?
A. Donut seeds.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
