big problem with LOVE

[rapsta]

I got this big problem.. im in love.. heh. And the problem is; there is this girl.. we've spent almost every day and night
together now for 3 weeks. We have a total diffrent relation to eachother than average. It's like we've known eachother forever.
Like she is me and I am her. Strange shyt. We've been a couple for 3 months now. I know its not a long time but its all strange.
This girl has got EVERYTHING i want from a girl. And she has a completely diffrent way of thinking. Something that I only
thought existed in dreams and fairytales. The reason why we've spent 3 intensive weeks together is because she is leaving
for chicago in two days. She is gonna study there, she'll be back in 4 years. The problem is though.. what should I do?
We are gonna seperate like friends.. we're gonna break up before she leaves. Because it will take too much effort from us
otherwise.. and we're both busy with school.
So were gonna be friends.. GOOD friends.. but.. is that good? Should we really keep in touch? I mean.. this girl
really wants to be friends with me her entire life.. even if we're not a couple.
Should we keep in touch or should we break our contact completely? I mean.. we're seperating like friends..
so.. why not keep in touch? but that will probably make me weak.. because i will fall in deeper love with her.. or something.
fvck.. i have no idea what to do. Anyone help me out? thanks alot

 

[CLOONEY]

Ever heard of the saying, "blinded by love" Translation = she is not perfect you just cant see her faults because of your brain chemistry!

Yep, you are definately in love. Thats why u sound like a wuss and feel like you have known eachother forever!

You are young, enjoy your life. Do NOT KEEP IN CONTACT WITH HER! This will only fukc u up! If in a few years circumstances are different and you are both single, u can see how things work out. But right now, u need to live your life and learn and grow!

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

bro..you've got oneitis bad..

i feel your pain..but, your words are making me want to vomit right now..no offense..but, you're SOOO damn young bro!!

I say that as a positive...you're young, you're stress free, you're hitting college, you're at an age in your life that you shouldnt be thinking about settling down..you should go out and LIVE IT UP.

Yeah, this girl is great and all..but, think about 4 years of influence you WILL NOT have on her. She's going to study in the states, will be influenced by people here, and (in my experience) will ultimately want to experience things on her own.

Personally, I wouldn't hold her down..and you shouldn't hold yourself down either.

There isn't any reason you could keep in touch...but if you are breaking it off as friends, you have to cut out those lingering feelings because that's what she's expecting of you...just to be friends.

Besides...hell..19...you might think you have it all figured out..this is the perfect girl..the perfect time..etc..but, are you the same person at 16?? did you have the same outlook in life at 16 as you do now at 19? will you have the same outlook on life at 22? 25? 28? my point? our tastes change and our ideal woman will change...only through experience (with other women) will show you this..

good luck bro

 

[rapsta]

yeah but i feel i NEED to keep in touch with her as friends.. and i promised i would visit her this summer in chicago.. as FRIENDS..
we decided to break up and see whats gonna happen in 4 years.. maybe something with bring us back to eachother.. we'll see.. but i cant stop being in touch with her completely.. i'll do it as a FRIEND.. once in a while.. what about that? thanks alot for the previous replies.. that really helped me out

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

hate to be the pessimist...but, it looks like you're going to LEARN THE HARD WAY..

IMO - long distance relationships never work. period.

But, you insist on keeping your oneitis trip for this girl...hopefully this site will be around when you make your next post -- I'm guessing it will sound like this...

"I'm crushed because the love of my life who is studying overseas just told me that she found a NEW boyfriend"

 

[Caveman]

Yeah, Rapsta,

the others are right. You have a serious case of oneitis. We can tell because most of us have been like that ate least once in our lives and got hurt bad.

This girl will cause you heartache if you don't start looking elsewhere while she's gone. Date other girls and have fun. Forget about her completely.

If by the time she gets back, you both still have feelings for each other, take it from there. Just don't think about that right now and see her as a goner.

 

[Dirtheart]

I concur. You're setting yourself up to be hurt in a big way. You simply cannot be just friends with someone you have such deep feelings for. It doesn't work.

As hpnotiq pointed out...how will you feel if she meets a new boyfriend. Still ok being just friends?

I know it's an amazing feeling when you fall in love and it does seem like a fairytale and just so perfect. But you always have to wake up from the dream sooner or later.

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

Good for you!

I'm happy for you!

BE IN LOVE! Do what you want, enjoy this time, milk it for all its worth!

And then when shes gone, realize shes gone, but that doesn't take away from the experience you had with her.

WHEN THAT DAY COMES...


Time to sigh, smile to yourself, and move on.

 

[Disconnect]

Are you sure u want (can) be JUST friends with her? You sound hopeful.

 

[afc_007]

I'm in a similar situation man. Girl I was into is heading overseas in a few months, and she decided to prematurely cool things off, so that she doesn't spend her time overseas moping (not something I agreed with, but that's what happened).

The problem that women have is that they feel that it's a simple manner for guys to drop things back to 'friendship'. But it isn't - especially once you've been intimate. But the advice people have been giving is good. You're obviously placing her on a pedestal, and potentially losing the manly appeal you used to have, by trying to please her all the time.

Don't burn that bridge - leave things on good terms. You never know what will happen down the track. Who knows, your girl might come back a few years later and introduce you to a hot friend of hers..

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Hahaha - Rapsta, I just realized you are from Sweden - that is a helluva long way from Chicago. Dude, why don't you give me her number and I'll make sure she is taken care of - Chicago is an 1.5 hour drive from where I live!

You can trust me bro!

"We'll be friends forever" - at 19 odds are 10 years from now you'll be in Sweden and she'll be in the states!! Rarely do teenage 'lovers' stay friends!!

This is a fantasy - if she really 'loved' you should would not have gone to Chicago to school!!!

You have only been together for a few months - can it 'really' be 'love'???

 

[NRM]

Wait wait, so you are in love with this girl so much that you are okay with being friends with her for the rest of your life even if you weren't a couple?

Jesus Christ, think about what that means. That means that as you fall more and more in love with her by the minute, sticking by her side because she "wants" you to, you're okay with seeing her date other guys, other guys with the balls to leave if they can't get a relationship, other guys who are going to break her heart, while you sit by and be the loyal companion that never gets any from her.

You think you're in love. She's moving away. She wants to be friends forever, even if you don't date. Man, you should just throw this away now.

If she were REALLY REALLY in love with you, she wouldn't go overseas without you. She'd at least invite you, if not stay back for you. You'd probably do the same for her the way you're talking.

But let's say that you would go away for whatever peculiar reason you have. She's waiting at home for you. Would you honestly tell her that no matter happens while you're away, you always want to be FRIENDS with her? Fuck no. The way you are now, you'd probably tell her that you'll call her everyday and the day you get back you want to marry her.

She is not feeling the same way as you at this moment.

Understand that in a relationship, there is always a tide of emotion on one side of the scale. I'm sure you're on the one sunk through the floor. You say you are into her, she's into you. But she's okay with moving away, and she won't guarentee that you'll be together forever or the second she gets back. INSTEAD she lets you KNOW that she'd be friends with you even if you weren't a couple and you'd be friends forever.

WHAT KINDA FUCKING THINKING IS THAT?

Okay okay, this is what a committed relationship is like. One person does not make any plans without the other person. If a single person has in their right mind a goal or plan that does not involve the commited other, then they should not be together. Now, this isn't some lovey dovey high school drama. This is the real kinda LOVE that you're thinking of. She's already planning for the aftermath of the relationship (friends), while you sit around and hope for the alternate (lovers). Your side of the scale just sinks and sinks.

Now, enough about how she probably isn't going to be yours when she gets back. What are you gonna do after she gets back? 4 years guy, you think you're still going to be in love? Who were you in love with 4 years ago? What have you accomplished in the past 4 years? In 4 years, she's going to get a degree, meet a billion guys, 7/8ths who will be interested in her for sex, a quarter of those interested in her for love, and many other people who AREN'T you. And that even excludes those not pansy enough for fall in love in 3 weeks with a woman.

3 weeks is not enough time to focus. 21 full days is not enough time to focus for any relationship.

YOUR MIND IS PLAYING YOU.

I would tell you to rethink, but you're not in the state to do that. Be friends with her for a month after she moves. The hardest month of your life. Then rethink, think about what you're putting up and what you're going to have to deal with. Then forget it all.

Good luck.

 

[rapsta]

NRM.. much respect to what you wrote. But bro.. this girl isn't a christian but she sees jesus as her best friend. She wont just screw around with anyone. I've been with her for around 3 months now all in all. She says she will go solo if she don't get with me. Because her mother did so after her father left her.. she haven't dated anyone for the sake of honor. The girl has faith.. she won't just screw around with anyone. I took her virginity and she has never loved anyone as much as she loved me. MAN this girl is my soulmate. She showed me love. MUCH LOVE. LOVE I HAVE NEVER EVER SEEN BEFORE! Like in a fairytale or something. She would do anything for me.. i mean it.. ANYTHING. But she asked me to please understand this thing with the USA trip, and studying there. It's been a dream to her since she was a little kid. And i really don't wanna ruin that. I truly understand that.. I want her to make the best of her life. And if I hurt her I'm afraid she will return to sweden because she is so fvckin depressed. I don't want that. This girl is a real woman. She has a way of thinking like no other girl. She is a role-model for all of her friends etc.
I really don't want her out of my life.. she gave me motivation for reaching my fully potential in my life. She tought me to fight for what i really wanted etc etc. I dunno man? First she said she wanted to be friends because she knew i would hurt her etc.. but now on the phone she got really happy when i called because she was all down and shyt. She told me she didn't want us to break up. NEVER EVER. i dont fvckin know!!I¤%N!¤ my mind is overheating!

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by rapsta
yeah but i feel i NEED to keep in touch with her as friends.. and i promised i would visit her this summer in chicago.. as FRIENDS..
we decided to break up and see whats gonna happen in 4 years.. maybe something with bring us back to eachother.. we'll see.. but i cant stop being in touch with her completely.. i'll do it as a FRIEND.. once in a while.. what about that? thanks alot for the previous replies.. that really helped me out

The thing that bugs me is that you say you NEED to keep in touch with her, instead of that you WANT to keep in touch with her. This says that you're being controlled by your emotions, instead of controlling them.

I have a feeling you're blind here, though. Love isn't something you want to run into with your eyes closed, but lots of people do just that because they love the feeling so much they don't want to see the problems (or even disasters) up ahead.

Ask yourself: when the intoxication wears off (and it will), will she still be as wonderful to you?

Slow down, take a deep breath, and inject a little method into your madness. For these 4 years, see her maybe once a year, call her every now and then, stay in touch, but explore the other possibilities out there. See other women and really open your mind romantically to them. And if she wants, let her do the same. If your love is as unique as you say, then neither of you will find someone else who makes you as happy and in four years you'll be back together. But don't count on it. You're only 19. How old is she?

Seriously...you think you're the first people to feel this. You're not. I'm skeptical, but just wait and see.

 

[rapsta]

She is 20, and i am 20.. we both just turned 20..
and squirrels.. that shyt u wrote is the best thing for me i think.. do u think it would work out if i managed things that way? thanks alot bro!

 

[rapsta]

but when i see her once in a year squirrels.. how should i see her? as a friend? or as her boyfriend? should i break up with her now? or should we have an "open relationship"? im kinda confused here

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

meet her as a freind, keep her as a freind do not plan to be a copule ever again, as this is the part which will screw you up. if you end up a copule agian thne theres nothing wrong with that but do nto say or tinhk, you will automaticly be a couple agian when she comes back in 4 years. you have known her for 3 months so i do not think you want a long distance relationship for 4 years, think what you would be misisng out on, your 19!

hope iv been a help

 

[rapsta]

yeah but i would like to hear what squirrels has to say.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by rapsta
but when i see her once in a year squirrels.. how should i see her? as a friend? or as her boyfriend? should i break up with her now? or should we have an "open relationship"? im kinda confused here

See her how you want to see her. I'm not going to tell you to fly out there "as a friend" when really what you want to do is make love to her. At the same time, remember that when you come back, it's back to business as usual...no sitting around "wishing and hoping," you've got a life too.

I'm no guru by any means, so don't take my words as gospel, but I wouldn't say that you should go all the way up there and "just be friends," because if you do, then you'll start thinking of each other as friends and chances are you'll grow apart. If she wants you to come up there, it's because she misses the physical intimacy and companionship, so there's really no reason not to give it to her. That's what she likes in the first place, right? It's certainly not like being thousands of miles away and only calling maybe once or twice a month isn't being "enough of a challenge." LOL

Then when the trip is over, you go back to your normal life. Doing your things, living YOUR experiences, seeing other people.

Your problem is that you worry about this too much. As if what she does or what you do with her has some cataclysmic effect on your life. Stop worrying.

 

[rapsta]

we broke up..
i sent her a letter through e-mail.
she read it.
i called her.
we spoke for 25 minutes.
i told her not to hang up yet.. i just had to say one more thing..
she said i gotta go (while she started to cry)
i said PLEASE WAIT!
she said i.... gotta... go (and she cried even more)

FVCKING SHYT MUTHAFVCKING SHYT!¤=!#=¤!=)#!=

my world just went down.
how the fvck should i think now?!
how should i readjust my thinking?
BKAHWHHARAWPO%"¤!NJ#¤!I¤O#!IO

everything feels so empty now.