Bi Polar Disorder

[Glassguy]

I've currently been dating my gf for 10 months. Outside of the last 3 weeks, everything was great. Sex, communication, friendship, affection, etc. She is also bi polar and does take a low to mod dose of medicine for it. There were no trust issues so I really never experienced her blowing up on me.

Before my gf, I hooked up with a woman that I had to end up blocking. Even though I told her that I didn't want a relationship with her and the hook up was a one time thing, she became very angry when I told her I started seeing someone and didn't want to talk to her anymore (her actions were completely crazy and disrespectful). And I blocked her..

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago and the woman I blocked started talking to my gf's ex. Told him that I used her for sex (which I clearly stated my intentions with her and we only hooked up once) and said that we had texted all the way until March of this year, which is a lie. Nevertheless, my gf's ex made it a point to pass along that info to my gf.
Early November- hooked up with crazy woman
End November- started seeing my current gf.
First week of December- blocked crazy woman after she blew up on me when I refused to see her again and told her I was seeing someone

My gf and I discussed it in detail. I was 100% honest and transparent. She knows her ex is not a person of character and knows his intentions, which are to blow up our relationship. My gf agreed to work through this after I assured her of what really happened.
Then yesterday she decided to message the crazy woman I hooked up with before I knew my gf.....and again re-accused me of talking to her after we had been dating for months.
She told me the other night that she has insecurities from her ex cheating on her, lying to her, etc and that she is sorry for self sabotaging our relationship. Then blows up on me last night.

Is this a thing with people who are bi polar? I'm just curious as I've never been in this situation with someone before

Happy Hunting

 

[soulforge]

I've currently been dating my gf for 10 months. Outside of the last 3 weeks, everything was great. Sex, communication, friendship, affection, etc. She is also bi polar and does take a low to mod dose of medicine for it. There were no trust issues so I really never experienced her blowing up on me.

Before my gf, I hooked up with a woman that I had to end up blocking. Even though I told her that I didn't want a relationship with her and the hook up was a one time thing, she became very angry when I told her I started seeing someone and didn't want to talk to her anymore (her actions were completely crazy and disrespectful). And I blocked her..

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago and the woman I blocked started talking to my gf's ex. Told him that I used her for sex (which I clearly stated my intentions with her and we only hooked up once) and said that we had texted all the way until March of this year, which is a lie. Nevertheless, my gf's ex made it a point to pass along that info to my gf.
Early November- hooked up with crazy woman
End November- started seeing my current gf.
First week of December- blocked crazy woman after she blew up on me when I refused to see her again and told her I was seeing someone

My gf and I discussed it in detail. I was 100% honest and transparent. She knows her ex is not a person of character and knows his intentions, which are to blow up our relationship. My gf agreed to work through this after I assured her of what really happened.
Then yesterday she decided to message the crazy woman I hooked up with before I knew my gf.....and again re-accused me of talking to her after we had been dating for months.
She told me the other night that she has insecurities from her ex cheating on her, lying to her, etc and that she is sorry for self sabotaging our relationship. Then blows up on me last night.

Is this a thing with people who are bi polar? I'm just curious as I've never been in this situation with someone before

Happy Hunting

I'm concerned that you are dating someone with bipolar.. I dated someone with depression for 9 months, let's just say it didn't end well.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Tough situation. While her mental health issue could have some bearing on this, a woman with normal mentation would most likely do the same.

They just loooooooove drama.

 

[soulforge]

Tough situation. While her mental health issue could have some bearing on this, a woman with normal mentation would most likely do the same.

They just loooooooove drama.

My ex actually went into my phone and started looking up my WhatsApp chats and contacts, she didn't like the conversations she found from chicks from before I even met her.

They love drama, and they will sabotage the relationship in the process.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Trust issues are part of bipolar disorder, but women who have been cheated on are in general wary and suspicious. The main problem is that there are two people out to mess with your relationship and you fail to get her trust.

I'm not saying it will work for you, as bipolar people tend to be self-sabotaging, but I counsel people with (C-)PTSD who often have trust issues. Since they come to me out of their own volition (I don't advertise and I'm not a therapist) they have to choose to trust me as much as the person who referred them to me. With bipolar people, I tell them that they have to inform me when they have doubts and to express them to me, so we can work on their trust issues together. Ruminating on trust issues is detrimental - with too little information, bipolar people tend to spiral into negativity - so you have to both be forthright in your desire to trust each other and not let others mess up your relationship.

 

[Glassguy]

Trust issues are part of bipolar disorder, but women who have been cheated on are in general wary and suspicious. The main problem is that there are two people out to mess with your relationship and you fail to get her trust.

I'm not saying it will work for you, as bipolar people tend to be self-sabotaging, but I counsel people with (C-)PTSD who often have trust issues. Since they come to me out of their own volition (I don't advertise and I'm not a therapist) they have to choose to trust me as much as the person who referred them to me. With bipolar people, I tell them that they have to inform me when they have doubts and to express them to me, so we can work on their trust issues together. Ruminating on trust issues is detrimental - with too little information, bipolar people tend to spiral into negativity - so you have to both be forthright in your desire to trust each other and not let others mess up your relationship.

I've been open about my past and 100% transparent when asked about the past situation with this crazy lady. She was understanding for a week and then it's like it hit her again.
There are only so many times I can tell the truth.

 

[The Duke]

What are you doing with a bipolar chic? You've been on this forum for years, you know better. Relationships are hard enough with healthy minded people.

 

[Objective]

I've been open about my past and 100% transparent when asked about the past situation with this crazy lady. She was understanding for a week and then it's like it hit her again.
There are only so many times I can tell the truth.

@The Duke is on point. I am also wondering how come you stand idly by when your chick is talking to her ex still. If he did cheat on her, then it's even much more broken setup. It seems to me like you want the BPD to be the reason for her behaviour.
It might have hit her again because she is listening to her ex and your ex, I doubt they stopped talking.
Women in general, be it having some sort of disorder or not, tend to look for others' validation and opinions, usually in a way to confirm their own prejudice. Had multiple experiences when a chick was going out with her friends and suddenly bringing something up causing more drama. I would assume it's her responsibility to give in or resist her friends' influence and a chick should be held accountable for presenting facts in a manner to get an advise that then leads to drama and conflicts when she knows for sure their friends are an echo chamber.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Is this a thing with people who are bi polar? I'm just curious as I've never been in this situation with someone before

I guess whether it's a bipolar thing or not doesn't matter - what matters is your peace of mind and happiness.

I say that bc I had a relationship with someone who had mental health issues; it's easy to make excuses for them but having a mental illness is not an excuse for toxic behavior.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

OP, she's on meds? Why are u with her? That stuff will screw with her and probably only get worse... That being said, if someone goes out of their way to tell on you then wouldn't be surprised at all about her blowing up on you. We all have our moments of irrationality and paranoia, some more than others.

 

[Glassguy]

OP, she's on meds? Why are u with her? That stuff will screw with her and probably only get worse... That being said, if someone goes out of their way to tell on you then wouldn't be surprised at all about her blowing up on you. We all have our moments of irrationality and paranoia, some more than others.

She's on a low dose med

 

[Glassguy]

What are you doing with a bipolar chic? You've been on this forum for years, you know better. Relationships are hard enough with healthy minded people.

True. But I didn't find out about it until several months into the relationship. I actually found a med bottle. Other than that, I would have never known unless I stumbled on it.

Last I checked, people don't always wear their daily t shirt that says they have a mental illness.

 

[Glassguy]

@The Duke is on point. I am also wondering how come you stand idly by when your chick is talking to her ex still. If he did cheat on her, then it's even much more broken setup. It seems to me like you want the BPD to be the reason for her behaviour.
It might have hit her again because she is listening to her ex and your ex, I doubt they stopped talking.
Women in general, be it having some sort of disorder or not, tend to look for others' validation and opinions, usually in a way to confirm their own prejudice. Had multiple experiences when a chick was going out with her friends and suddenly bringing something up causing more drama. I would assume it's her responsibility to give in or resist her friends' influence and a chick should be held accountable for presenting facts in a manner to get an advise that then leads to drama and conflicts when she knows for sure their friends are an echo chamber.

She has a kid with her ex husband. So if you know anything about that type of situation you also know there is basic communication between parents.

Does he try to initiate conversation with her? Yes. Does he try to push boundaries? Yes. But I have also seen her shut it down.....and I've also seen her let him get too chatty before she exits the conversation. And honestly, I'm sure the ex is a cuck and would take her back at the drop of a hat.

That being said, the other chick in this equation is not my "ex". Just a chick that I hung out with once and made clear to her that I wasn't interested in any more than that. But to your point, there is definitely some spite towards me on her part since I blew her off and used her for sex.
I will 100% say that her ex husband probably knows how to push her buttons and pull her triggers. Which is why firm boundaries with consequence is required with him due to his intent.

 

[Glassguy]

And my entire point should be this- after seeing the facts that shows I did nothing wrong and these accusations were compete BS, it seems there are things still rolling around in her head about this whole thing.
Maybe just a woman thing, but I'm curious if bi polar adds to it and makes it a little harder for doubt to dissappear.

 

[soulforge]

True. But I didn't find out about it until several months into the relationship. I actually found a med bottle. Other than that, I would have never known unless I stumbled on it.

Last I checked, people don't always wear their daily t shirt that says they have a mental illness.

I can only go by own experience, from dating a person on meds for depression/anxiety.

Had to deal with impulsive mood changes, from nice calm, to agressive, moody etc.

Drama would rear it's ugly head on a regular basis. Wasn't a pleasant experience at all.

 

[jimwho]

I've been open about my past and 100% transparent when asked about the past situation with this crazy lady. She was understanding for a week and then it's like it hit her again.
There are only so many times I can tell the truth.

Pretty much tell her the same thing. Then step back and show your disappointment until she "snaps out of it" . Hopefully she remembers this and takes it serious.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

And my entire point should be this- after seeing the facts that shows I did nothing wrong and these accusations were compete BS, it seems there are things still rolling around in her head about this whole thing.
Maybe just a woman thing, but I'm curious if bi polar adds to it and makes it a little harder for doubt to dissappear.

Bipolar means sometimes she'll be up and sometimes down.

You say she's on a low dose med, typically people with BPD downplay their highs and lows until catastrophic consequence is seen. If you go to her house and find little pills everywhere, that is also a very common thing and a very bad thing, shows the care she has towards being medicated.

Being up and down means that when she's up, you can do no wrong, when she's down, everything you've done wrong or every perceived slight will be channeled upon in the interaction.

To suggest you haven't seen any negative symptoms in 10 months is honestly laughable, I'm not trying to be mean but even on a low dose, the progression can be slow, but once that swing begins, she's gonna need a higher dosage of med, typically these meds don't interface with their current lives well, typically a new med means or increased dosage means significant life changes, most people will go into catastrophic consequence before admitting they need a higher dose for this reason... I should add, catastrophe looks different for everyone, for some it means chewing their nails, for others it means trying to fly. I should also add your presence in her life is likely a barrier towards her actually being on the dosage she should be on if she's swinging moods. She doesn't realize she's doing it until post reflection.

The relationship will likely end before you can sit down and have a transformative conservation about this, you are much better off making contact with her parents under the guise of a friendly get together or something like this, if you are so inclined.

Im seeing you in this thread excusing some of her behavior already, I imagine this isn't gonna end well for you on that basis alone but good luck.

Also, all your doing by bringing openness of your past into the relationship is filling her ammo clips for when she has a down swing, she'll literally leverage everything she can into her favor and no matter what your response, it don't be enough because it's internal on her end, not yours.

 

[The Duke]

Cluster b(bipolar, borderline, narcissistic) types are the best at playing mental games. They all build you up and tear you down. They hide behind their own facade until they can't. Lots of smoke and mirrors. I've had a borderline go 6 months with almost perfect behavior until the wheels came off and they came off every few months after that.

I know two people that were in ltr's with bipolar women, they both ended up in counseling. The counselors told both of these guys they would have to put up with her crazy or leave. They don't ever cure themselves. Just stay medicated.

I've got one bipolar male friend. All of his relationships with women are a mess and he is on meds.

And I go snooping for their meds every time I get with a new one. Every man should. They are about as forthcoming with their mental issues as they are with how many dudes they fuhked.

 

[soulforge]

Cluster b(bipolar, borderline, narcissistic) types are the best at playing mental games. They all build you up and tear you down. They hide behind their own facade until they can't. Lots of smoke and mirrors. I've had a borderline go 6 months with almost perfect behavior until the wheels came off and they came off every few months after that.

I know two people that were in ltr's with bipolar women, they both ended up in counseling. The counselors told both of these guys they would have to put up with her crazy or leave. They don't ever cure themselves. Just stay medicated.

I've got one bipolar male friend. All of his relationships with women are a mess and he is on meds.

And I go snooping for their meds every time I get with a new one. Every man should. They are about as forthcoming with their mental issues as they are with how many dudes they fuhked.

I think us men underplay how risky it is to get involved with someone who has a mental health issue.

It simply boils down to put up with crazy till the wheels completely fall off (which they usually do, sooner or later)

Or cut your losses and move on.

 

[Crissco]

Listen dude. Being a male that is bipolar and on a low dose of meds (Abilify 2mg). RUN, run far away. Bipolar is different for women than it is men in ways. Yes the same emotions, same ups, downs, anger, you name it. But for the most part men can control it better. Ive had many times woman tell me how normal i am from an online dating date. Maybe I was feeling stable at those times? I dont know since I just live my life and do what I can to better it for my own mental wellbeing. But yes a lot of things suck, I have trouble with money, thank god my relationships were OKAY, I look back and realize how much I sabotaged the relationship from my own insecurities and bipolar. Things mainly got bad when the women tried to boss me around since I have a control issue, then it spiraled from there. In reality they were trying to help me better my life and make good choices but I took it as them telling me what to do and it was like a switch, I got bitter, not angry, but bitter towards the relationship. Thats just one example.