Beware the attention *****, the female equivalent of creepiness (story time)

[sangheilios]

A couple weeks ago something popped up that reminded me of a woman I had unfortunately crossed paths with. I had a conversation with @SW15 about this particular woman. When we talk about creepy behavior from men it's often from a place where the man is socially mis calibrated in some way. However, women are also capable of this behavior and the story I am about to tell is a great example of this.

Going back to 2018, I was at a gym that I attended regularly and there was this woman I had seen there semi regularly for several months that was making a lot of eye contact with me. I've always been hesitant to approach women at the gym and very selective when I had done so, so I mostly ignored it. At one point though I was in the aerobics room and by chance she was in there with me and we were by ourselves, so it was the perfect opportunity and I decided to give it a shot.

I approach and we interact for a few minutes and it was a bit awkward but I decided to try to close, to which she says "I have a boyfriend'. I then say "Ok, well it was nice to meet you" and I then go about my day.

After this interaction this woman was going OUT of her way to say hi and bye to me, would flirtatiously wave to me, talk to me, smile, etc. At the beginning I was a bit confused by it but then figured maybe she possibly changed her mind. This went on for a couple months and I'd probably run into her about once per week or so, so this happened multiple times.

One time she is interacting with me and I asked her if she was free later and then she says "Don't you remember what I told you last time?" lol. I was immediately thinking "Did this woman seriously go through this entire charade for just attention?". I made an effort to leave the interaction without getting confrontational about it and figured just leaving on a friendly note was in my best interest.

A week later I was walking down one of the aisles between the machines and by chance walked by a machine she was sitting on. I figured just continuing to be friendly was a good idea and I said "Hey, how's it going". She literally just sat there at the machine and gave me this one word answer "good" and just awkwardly stared at me to make me uncomfortable. At the time I had my water jug in my hand and had this urge to pour it on her head because I was so angry and disgusted with her behavior over this entire thing. I then decided to just leave and said "Take it easy" and she responds with this long drawn out "byeeeeeeee" as I walked away.

Whenever I'd by chance run into this particular woman at the gym she would act incredibly uncomfortable and would avoid me as much as possible. This woman literally put herself into this situation for NO reason and probably had no clue as to how it played out in the manner that it did. I saw her there for a couple more months and she finally disappeared.

Women like this are energy vampires that are toying with men for NO reason. I partially question if they are even aware of their own behavior, so naturally they have this act on repeat over and over.

 

[SW15]

Attention whorres are bad news. While Millennial and Gen Z women overuse the words "creep" and "creepy", attention whorres do not receive the same level of dislike.

That gym story was complete crap. While there are a few things you could have done differently, it is likely it would have ended similarly.

Going back to 2018, I was at a gym that I attended regularly and there was this woman I had seen there semi regularly for several months that was making a lot of eye contact with me. I've always been hesitant to approach women at the gym and very selective when I had done so, so I mostly ignored it. At one point though I was in the aerobics room and by chance she was in there with me and we were by ourselves, so it was the perfect opportunity and I decided to give it a shot.

Great move! You had received IOIs so things were set up well.

I approach and we interact for a few minutes and it was a bit awkward but I decided to try to close, to which she says "I have a boyfriend'. I then say "Ok, well it was nice to meet you" and I then go about my day.

Why was the conversation awkward? This is a key detail. The boyfriend may or not have been real, which is why every man needs to use a boyfriend destroyer line when hearing about a boyfriend. Though, the best use to destroy a boyfriend is objectively having higher value than the boyfriend. As a 6'4" man with big muscles, you could make a good claim that you had higher value than the boyfriend.

Women like this are energy vampires that are toying with men for NO reason. I partially question if they are even aware of their own behavior, so naturally they have this act on repeat over and over.

Her behavior after the IHAB was unacceptable. After the IHAB, you must completely ignore. But all IHABs need a boyfriend destroyer.

 

[sangheilios]

Attention whorres are bad news. While Millennial and Gen Z women overuse the words "creep" and "creepy", attention whorres do not receive the same level of dislike.

That gym story was complete crap. While there are a few things you could have done differently, it is likely it would have ended similarly.



Great move! You had received IOIs so things were set up well.



Why was the conversation awkward? This is a key detail. The boyfriend may or not have been real, which is why every man needs to use a boyfriend destroyer line when hearing about a boyfriend. Though, the best use to destroy a boyfriend is objectively having higher value than the boyfriend. As a 6'4" man with big muscles, you could make a good claim that you had higher value than the boyfriend.



Her behavior after the IHAB was unacceptable. After the IHAB, you must completely ignore. But all IHABs need a boyfriend destroyer.

She was just an attention *****, albeit a very extreme one. She probably had no real interest and was just looking for another orbiter that she could milk for attention. As for ignoring her, I definitely agree with this part but the issue was that she was going OUT of her way to interact with me, flirt, etc. This isn't like some match on tinder that you are endlessly messaging with nothing to show for it, this is a person that is making an effort to interact, and not only that but in a flirtatious manner.

I totally agree with her behavior being unacceptable and honestly creepy, socially mis calibrated, etc. When a man leaves on a good note by saying "It was nice to meet you" after rejection it is incredibly disrespectful to go out of your way to toy with that man.

 

[sangheilios]

Attention whorres are bad news. While Millennial and Gen Z women overuse the words "creep" and "creepy", attention whorres do not receive the same level of dislike.

That gym story was complete crap. While there are a few things you could have done differently, it is likely it would have ended similarly.



Great move! You had received IOIs so things were set up well.



Why was the conversation awkward? This is a key detail. The boyfriend may or not have been real, which is why every man needs to use a boyfriend destroyer line when hearing about a boyfriend. Though, the best use to destroy a boyfriend is objectively having higher value than the boyfriend. As a 6'4" man with big muscles, you could make a good claim that you had higher value than the boyfriend.



Her behavior after the IHAB was unacceptable. After the IHAB, you must completely ignore. But all IHABs need a boyfriend destroyer.

Side note, this particular story is from a while ago and I was a bit different back then. If something similar were to happen now at the gym, where I leave after getting rejected and she starts flirting later on, I'd handle it completely differently. If I was getting a vibe like this particular woman I'd say something like "Why are you approaching me, didn't you say you had a boyfriend?". If it really got out of hand I'd probably tell her to stop talking to me or even report it to the front desk for harassment.

 

[RazorRambo24]

This is not in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM Attention Whoring. This is a desperate man who thought just because a girl was being friendly and saying hi and bye like a normal human would to someone they interacted with before, that she owed him something more..

She made it very clear she wasn't interested in you the first time..

(I bolded and made this text large so you understand this.. if you don't, you'll be the reason why this girl possibly becomes more standoffish and possibly gives the next guy who is simply trying to socialize a rude defensive attitude. Often time weak men blame women for acting like b.itches but don't realize that a girl doesn't become a b.itch over night.. when they're creeped on and made to feel uncomfortable way too many times by weirdos and creeps, some women start becoming way more defensive so its easier to understand they ARE NOT INTERESTED)

Yet again, some of the Sosuavers who posted before me.. no one mentioned this BLATANTLY obvious notion.. and ofc thought it was the womans fault.. Steady shaking my head on here in disappointment with some of these replies on here. if not most...

 

[sangheilios]

This is not in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM Attention Whoring. This is a desperate man who thought just because a girl was being friendly and saying hi and bye like a normal human would to someone they interacted with before, that she owed him something more..

She made it very clear she wasn't interested in you the first time..

(I bolded and made this text large so you understand this.. if you don't, you'll be the reason why this girl possibly becomes more standoffish and possibly gives the next guy who is simply trying to socialize a rude defensive attitude. Often time weak men blame women for acting like b.itches but don't realize that a girl doesn't become a b.itch over night.. when they're creeped on and made to feel uncomfortable way too many times by weirdos and creeps, some women start becoming way more defensive so its easier to understand they ARE NOT INTERESTED)

Yet again, some of the Sosuavers who posted before me.. no one mentioned this BLATANTLY obvious notion.. and ofc thought it was the womans fault.. Steady shaking my head on here in disappointment with some of these replies on here. if not most...

Huh? This is most certainly attention whoring, wtf are you talking about. The a.w went OUT of her way to flirt and engage with a man she already rejected, that is not normal or acceptable behavior.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Huh? This is most certainly attention whoring, wtf are you talking about. The a.w went OUT of her way to flirt and engage with a man she already rejected, that is not normal or acceptable behavior.

You gotta be smokin something.. Saying hi and hello is called being friendly. It does not equate to flirting. IF it was, why would she clearly tell him "didnt I TELL YOU THE FIRST TIME" [that she wasn't interested]. You dudes gotta be weird man. That's just awful to think that a grl is flirting with you when she has a boyfriend and makes it clear that she doesn't want you.. Creep behavior.

@SW15 I gotta say im most surprised by YOU not seeing what I said than this other dude especially because i Like some of what you say on here.. I would say this is one of your most out of touch takes.

I don't know what universe saying hi when passing by someone is "flirting" or trying to garner attention.

 

[SW15]

@SW15 I gotta say im most surprised by YOU not seeing what I said than this other dude especially because i Like some of what you say on here.. I would say this is one of your most out of touch takes.

I thought he got some IOIs before he started the conversation. I don't understand why there was any interaction after she IHAB'ed him and that interaction ended. Neither one of us were there. If she was being flirty after IHABing him, I think that is problematic.

After an interaction doesn't result in a date arranged, ignoring makes the most sense. In a gym, there might be some more interaction, so a minimum of cordiality might need to happen, but that's it.

I once had to be cordial in a grocery store to a woman who rejected me at the gym many years prior when she recognized in that grocery store. I didn't ask her out again but I had to at least have some decent social decorum in that situation. It wasn't the most comfortable conversation for me.

 

[RazorRambo24]

I thought he got some IOIs before he started the conversation. I don't understand why there was any interaction after she IHAB'ed him and that interaction ended. Neither one of us were there. If she was being flirty after IHABing him, I think that is problematic.

After an interaction doesn't result in a date arranged, ignoring makes the most sense. In a gym, there might be some more interaction, so a minimum of cordiality might need to happen, but that's it.

Its basic logic to understand that if a girl BLATANTLY rejects someone, safe to say shes NOT interested nor will she be flirting with him anytime soon, unless she has a horrible breakup and hes a decent enough guy to be a quick rebound.

If she REALLY wanted to or was the type to ATTENTION *****, she wouldn't BLATANTLY reject him, she'd entertain the idea or leave hints that she might be open to going out.. The rest is being friendly. I mean imagine a person who just because you asked them out, decided to never talk to you and completely ignore you from then on out.. despite having to see you.. now thats just awkward.

I noticed a trend with guys who don't get any or are desperate.. they see or think that girls like them with basic interaction. Why? because they'r enot used to much of any interaction with women to begin with.. SO they take small tlak and hi's and hello's to be more than what it is.. Its sad.. but it happens. Being that we're on SoSuave, that makes much more sense than to think this girl was attention whoring him lmao.. Real attention *****s will lead a guy on till no tomorrow.. The final BYEEEEEEE says it all. and now she avoid shim like the plague. EVERYTHING you need to know about this situation is RIGHT THERE for you to read.

 

[SW15]

Its basic logic to understand that if a girl BLATANTLY rejects someone, safe to say shes NOT interested nor will she be flirting with him anytime soon, unless she has a horrible breakup and hes a decent enough guy to be a quick rebound.

If she REALLY wanted to or was the type to ATTENTION *****, she wouldn't BLATANTLY reject him, she'd entertain the idea or leave hints that she might be open to going out.. The rest is being friendly. I mean imagine a person who just because you asked them out, decided to never talk to you and completely ignore you from then on out.. despite having to see you.. now thats just awkward.

The woman who rejected me at the gym who I saw in the grocery store was pleasant to me after the rejection to some degree. She eventually faded out and I didn't see her anymore without changing gyms, so that was good.

Gyms in general have a lot of turnover of members. A lot of times, after a bad romantic interaction, one person will change gyms within a few months. This tends to happen more with a bad short term dating situation or longer term relationship.

Some guys will get a secondary gym membership, buy class packages from a studio, or use ClassPass. ClassPass can enable you to take fitness classes at multiple places, which is very good for a seducer who wants to get in and out and limit potential messes. Any of these solutions can help avoid uncomfortable situations at a primary gym caused by approaches or relationships gone bad.

 

[sangheilios]

You gotta be smokin something.. Saying hi and hello is called being friendly. It does not equate to flirting. IF it was, why would she clearly tell him "didnt I TELL YOU THE FIRST TIME" [that she wasn't interested]. You dudes gotta be weird man. That's just awful to think that a grl is flirting with you when she has a boyfriend and makes it clear that she doesn't want you.. Creep behavior.

@SW15 I gotta say im most surprised by YOU not seeing what I said than this other dude especially because i Like some of what you say on here.. I would say this is one of your most out of touch takes.

I don't know what universe saying hi when passing by someone is "flirting" or trying to garner attention.

Bro, are you missing this or what? This woman was behaving this was with a man that had an interaction with her for just a few minutes, basically a stranger. We were not coworkers, classmates, etc. That is not normal behavior for a woman to go OUT of her way to flirt and engage with a man she already rejected. She either is socially oblivious or knew exactly what she was doing and just wanted another orbiter.

This **** is ****ing weird and not acceptable. The only mistake I made was not calling her out on her behavior or outright ignoring her, as @SW15 mentioned.

 

[MtmVaott]

I would have acted exactly like you did.
Her behaviour is totally weird. I would have interpreted that she just used the IHAB line because she "wasn't sure yet" (because potential talk in the gym) or any other reasons. Especially when I would have been very attracted to her I'd rationalized it in any way possible to the outcome she'd be interested in me.
The normal behaviour of women that rejected me was to say hello when passing by, maybe very brief chat and that's it.
Maybe she even became interested and you did something that turned her off.
Also, and that's my best guess, insecure women seem to "play nice" after the rejected you because they are afraid you will react aggressively (verbally). Especially because she was going to see you regularly (normally, women then change the venue/course, but this one apparently liked the studio).
Another possibility is that she was luke-warm.
Anyway, f*** that sh*t. I guess this was a good learning opportunity for you.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Bro, are you missing this or what? This woman was behaving this was with a man that had an interaction with her for just a few minutes, basically a stranger. We were not coworkers, classmates, etc. That is not normal behavior for a woman to go OUT of her way to flirt and engage with a man she already rejected. She either is socially oblivious or knew exactly what she was doing and just wanted another orbiter.

This **** is ****ing weird and not acceptable. The only mistake I made was not calling her out on her behavior or outright ignoring her, as @SW15 mentioned.

You need to really understand one of the basic fundamentals of why some women will go out of their way to act nice to you after rejecting you.

Women dont want some guy feeling the way you did when you wanted to pour your water all over your head or worse. But you felt like that anyway. I mean she finally understood you were still being weird and then made it more than clear that now she wants nothing to do with you other than be cordial and you then go to a forum and vent your upset and frustration/anger over the rejection and blame the chick and call her an attention *****.

Best thing you could have done was start ignoring her and just forget about her completely so she wouldnt have to bothrr being nice thinking you were agood dude. But now you just shown us you are reaking of desperation here. You asked hrr out a 2nd time too and got the same result. How many times does she have to reject you for you to get the memo?

I mean you could have just easily been a stand up guy and kept things cordial.. but now you got a girl feeling creeped out by you..

 

[sangheilios]

You need to really understand one of the basic fundamentals of why some women will go out of their way to act nice to you after rejecting you.

Women dont want some guy feeling the way you did when you wanted to pour your water all over your head or worse. But you felt like that anyway. I mean she finally understood you were still being weird and then made it more than clear that now she wants nothing to do with you other than be cordial and you then go to a forum and vent your upset and frustration/anger over the rejection and blame the chick and call her an attention *****.

Best thing you could have done was start ignoring her and just forget about her completely so she wouldnt have to bothrr being nice thinking you were agood dude. But now you just shown us you are reaking of desperation here. You asked hrr out a 2nd time too and got the same result. How many times does she have to reject you for you to get the memo?

I mean you could have just easily been a stand up guy and kept things cordial.. but now you got a girl feeling creeped out by you..

Bro, did you not read the fing original post? This is from 2018 lol. This is a horrible case of attention whoring and this creepy w h o r e created a terrible situation for both herself and a male stranger for NO reason. I walked away and she felt the need to keep flirting in order to milk as much attention out of me as possible. How do you not understand this?

And I was a stand up guy, I said "nice to meet you" after her initial rejection and yet the woman felt the need to go out of her way to troll. That's super fed up to do that.

 

[sangheilios]

You need to really understand one of the basic fundamentals of why some women will go out of their way to act nice to you after rejecting you.

Women dont want some guy feeling the way you did when you wanted to pour your water all over your head or worse. But you felt like that anyway. I mean she finally understood you were still being weird and then made it more than clear that now she wants nothing to do with you other than be cordial and you then go to a forum and vent your upset and frustration/anger over the rejection and blame the chick and call her an attention *****.

Best thing you could have done was start ignoring her and just forget about her completely so she wouldnt have to bothrr being nice thinking you were agood dude. But now you just shown us you are reaking of desperation here. You asked hrr out a 2nd time too and got the same result. How many times does she have to reject you for you to get the memo?

I mean you could have just easily been a stand up guy and kept things cordial.. but now you got a girl feeling creeped out by you..

And I was a stand up guy, I said "nice to meet you" after being rejected and she went out of her way to troll lol.

I would have acted exactly like you did.
Her behaviour is totally weird. I would have interpreted that she just used the IHAB line because she "wasn't sure yet" (because potential talk in the gym) or any other reasons. Especially when I would have been very attracted to her I'd rationalized it in any way possible to the outcome she'd be interested in me.
The normal behaviour of women that rejected me was to say hel

I would have acted exactly like you did.
Her behaviour is totally weird. I would have interpreted that she just used the IHAB line because she "wasn't sure yet" (because potential talk in the gym) or any other reasons. Especially when I would have been very attracted to her I'd rationalized it in any way possible to the outcome she'd be interested in me.
The normal behaviour of women that rejected me was to say hello when passing by, maybe very brief chat and that's it.
Maybe she even became interested and you did something that turned her off.
Also, and that's my best guess, insecure women seem to "play nice" after the rejected you because they are afraid you will react aggressively (verbally). Especially because she was going to see you regularly (normally, women then change the venue/course, but this one apparently liked the studio).
Another possibility is that she was luke-warm.
Anyway, f*** that sh*t. I guess this was a good learning opportunity for you.

I wasn't really trying to rationalize her behavior but what you said here was kind of where my line of thought was going at the time. I was just honestly confused by her behavior at the time and didn't really think someone would go out of their way like that to lead me on for no reason. This woman clearly was confident enough to continue to flirt and approach, so she definitely knew what she was doing but probably didn't think it would go as far as it did. Women like this are horrible things to run into.

This was also the last time I ever approached the gym. Looking back I should have immediately called her out on her behavior or reported her for harassment if she wouldn't leave me alone.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Bro, did you not read the fing original post? This is from 2018 lol. This is a horrible case of attention whoring and this creepy w h o r e created a terrible situation for both herself and a male stranger for NO reason. I walked away and she felt the need to keep flirting in order to milk as much attention out of me as possible. How do you not understand this?

And I was a stand up guy, I said "nice to meet you" after her initial rejection and yet the woman felt the need to go out of her way to troll. That's super fed up to do that.

Most guys get the memo when a girl tells them they are not interested/has a boyfriend. But you, it took 2 rejections then being very short with you for you to still not get it and instead blame her.. Its silly. you just come off as frustrated and angry in the situation. You got rejected. Thats all that happened. And the sad part is this happened in 2018 and you still don't seem to understand what happened. I woulda hoped you grew from the situation but nope. no growth, just resentment.

You also gave 0 examples of attention whoring. Nothing of wht you said is attention whoring. saying hello and hi after rejecting you is called being cordial. Being short with you and giving short answers is not attention whoring. Thinking that ANY woman needs your attention is pathetic lmao they get enough of it anywhere and everywhere. I think at first she thought you'd be cool about the rejection and clearly YOU WERE NOT so she made it clear she aint into you by then avoiding you and being uncomfortable by your presence!!!!

 

[sangheilios]

Most guys get the memo when a girl tells them they are not interested/has a boyfriend. But you, it took 2 rejections then being very short with you for you to still not get it and instead blame her.. Its silly. you just come off as frustrated and angry in the situation. You got rejected. Thats all that happened. And the sad part is this happened in 2018 and you still don't seem to understand what happened. I woulda hoped you grew from the situation but nope. no growth, just resentment.

You also gave 0 examples of attention whoring. Nothing of wht you said is attention whoring. saying hello and hi after rejecting you is called being cordial. Being short with you and giving short answers is not attention whoring. Thinking that ANY woman needs your attention is pathetic lmao they get enough of it anywhere and everywhere. I think at first she thought you'd be cool about the rejection and clearly YOU WERE NOT so she made it clear she aint into you by then avoiding you and being uncomfortable by your presence!!!!

Bro, do you not understand that this woman was going out of her way to approach me, interact with me, flirt, etc.? I've repeated this multiple times, wtf do you think attention whoring is? A woman should not be approaching a man she rejected like that and leading him on.

Are you trolling right now?

 

[sangheilios]

Most guys get the memo when a girl tells them they are not interested/has a boyfriend. But you, it took 2 rejections then being very short with you for you to still not get it and instead blame her.. Its silly. you just come off as frustrated and angry in the situation. You got rejected. Thats all that happened. And the sad part is this happened in 2018 and you still don't seem to understand what happened. I woulda hoped you grew from the situation but nope. no growth, just resentment.

You also gave 0 examples of attention whoring. Nothing of wht you said is attention whoring. saying hello and hi after rejecting you is called being cordial. Being short with you and giving short answers is not attention whoring. Thinking that ANY woman needs your attention is pathetic lmao they get enough of it anywhere and everywhere. I think at first she thought you'd be cool about the rejection and clearly YOU WERE NOT so she made it clear she aint into you by then avoiding you and being uncomfortable by your presence!!!!

Have you ever actually been to the gym, approached women there or seen what they are like? Over the last decade, particular the last 5 years, I've seen the gym become a place where women constantly take thirst trap selfies, dress like it is a strip club, flirt with tons of men, etc. It's the perfect environment to lead a man on for attention because it can come across as harmless. I can personally cite several examples of women in relationships that would flirt with men at the gym, lead men on, etc.

I think you seriously underestimate how severe attention whoring can be.

 

[corrector]

I think you seriously underestimate how severe attention whoring can be.

Such as making threads about attenting wh0ring. It's like if you were someone in my position, and no woman noticed you at the gym at all or were repulsed (ie avoided eye-contact or moved to a machine further away from you), then you would be better off because nobody is even trying to lead you on? (ie my experience prior to 2019)

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Women like this are energy vampires that are toying with men for NO reason. I partially question if they are even aware of their own behavior, so naturally they have this act on repeat over and over.

This is your problem. You don't see the reasons. Step out of your rational mind. Reasons are not always as rational as you want them to be.

IHAB means I'm not available now, but I'm on the lookout. Women who are in a serious relationship won't flirt with you, only the ones that are always looking for greener pastures are. They are intrigued as long as you don't pay them attention ("does he not see my perky b00bs?), but the moment you show interest they backpedal because they don't want to appear like they would cheat on their boyfriend / husband.
If you had maintained aloofness, she would've escalated until she was sure she could have you, then knock it down a peg again, because all she wants to know is if she's still marketable.