BEWARE OF MENTAL CASES: hate to say it, but me thinks yall were right on this one

[iqqi]

hey yall. it's been a pretty interesting week with this cat. click here for link

with this guy, time is so warped it feels like a month, not a week. after much deliberation on what you all were saying, and my personal objections against judging someone, i decided that as long as he was handling his issues (he is, just started seeing a therapist), and treating me well, then i would have no probs.

the first (new) alarm was his "attachment". he started mentioning kids, marriage, love! i mean, i know i'm great and all, but damn. my numero uno issue is just "filling a position" and he was making me think that he was infatuated with the idea of me, not actually me. so i knew i needed to take it slooow, make him get to really know me.

we had a great friday night, went to a club in another city with a bunch of my friends to celebrate a friend's bday. at first he was apprehensive, thought everyone might ostracize him. well they didn't, and he had more fun than anyone. ha what do you know two days later he'd trip out, out of nowhere!

he didn't call, or return calls. when i talked to him he was purposely "mysterious", trying to make me insecure! this is something i don't do with him because he flips out, and i understand that this is no normal DJ situation, with his "issues" and all. so the fact that he would for some unknown reason decide to play games all of a sudden really pissed me off. we decided to get together and talk that night. well, he didn't call, he stood me up.

so i have decided that this is where i draw the line. i feel like maybe he needs drama in order to feel or validate his emotions, and mine. but, i can't roll like that! maybe we SHOULD just be friends.

sigh. why me.

 

[Slickster]

iqqi,

Methinks there is much better for you out there.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Slickster
iqqi,

Methinks there is much better for you out there.

awww! that made me smile! (i admit i am feeling very sorry for myself today )

thanks, slick. once i get over my self pity and disappointment, i'll truly know that.

 

[princelydeeds]

No way do you get off the easy. I would bet a bunch of money that he comes back soon. He's already got you right where he wants you, I guarantee hes not done with you yet.

 

[NatureGuy]

iqqi,

If you still think he's worthwhile (after
all that), take it real slow with him. Maybe see him once in two weeks.
Otherwise, it would probably be better to move on.

 

[Starman]

iqqi..suicide (attempts or thought) is associated with major depressive disorder or borderline personality disorder..

is this him?

http://www.stanford.edu/~corelli/borderline.html

 

[Kwah]

The guy is a twit. Get the hell outa Dodge before you get yourself into trouble.

Or as in the terms that seem popular right now NEXT him.

 

[Silquee Smoove]

I'm so glad Iqqi has to decided his grievances about his "guy friend" on a website about promoting good techniques on women for men.

It's a free country and this is a semi-free expressive website, but the whole guy on guy thing has got to go.

Take it here http://www.stileproject.com

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I'm pretty sure iqqi is a girl but the women have the mental problems not the guys.

Some guys do, but they are "unlearned" and will quickly get rid of bad habits when shown their error.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by Silquee Smoove
I'm pretty sure iqqi is a girl but the women have the mental problems not the guys.

Some guys do, but they are "unlearned" and will quickly get rid of bad habits when shown their error.

Huh? First, of course she is a girl. And yes, some guys have mental problems.

Iggi, if this crazy guy gets attached to you and then you want to bail, he might off himself over that. This isn't worth it. Lose that Florence Nightingale syndrome.

 

[Starman]

My best friend sliced his wrists with 2 different women..he too has it all..good looks, nice car, makes over $150,000 a year..but has some major mental issues

Ive also had a "thing" for a woman like this..and I'll tell you iqqi..if the good looks arent balanced with mental stability..BAIL

These types of people really cant be blamed..they do things more out of emotional instability, underdeveloped social skills, unresolved issues..and THEY DONt KNOW what they are doing and what effect it has on others..

they get hot/cold..back and forth..for NO apparant reason at all .. they will worship the ground you walk on one minute..and will spit on your grave the next minute

they have a fvcked up perception of abandonement and being left by you..so any little thing you do (i.e. not call a day or so) will have them flying in a tiff of fury and resentment

and like one guy above said..when you are past his physical attraction..and are sick of his emotional b.s...and readyt o dump him..you could risk him commiting another suicide attempt

if you like drama..and people throwing you for an emotional whirliwind..and making you feel good/bad based on how they feel that day..go for it..

but just remember .. there is an old proverb that says women like guys they can "fix"...

People with suicidal tendencies and emotional disorders cannot be "fixed" in the span of a relationship

good luck and happy hunting (buy a straight jacket)

 

[Bonhomme]

Yup, iqqi

Trust your instincts. You can spell P-S-Y-C-H-O, right?

You can certainly do better.

If you can't deal with having this guy as a ****-buddy only, bail, before you sink with his leaky ship.

 

[iqqi]

thanks fellas. he called twice yesterday (i am just leaving my cell at home, so as not to be tempted to answer it). he left a very short, nothing out of the ordinary message, hahaha. like nothing happened.

i wish it wasn't like this, but it appears that i have to let this ship sink. it's so hard not to try and save it!

what do you all do when you have to let go of something you want, and it keeps throwing itself at your feet, but it's bad, so you can't give in? what do you all do in a case like that?

 

[BobbDobbs]

Well, since he stood you up, you are under no obligation to respond to him.

If you do decide to ever respond, no baloney. Just tell him its over. Don't be ambiguous like most women who are avoiding rejecting someone outright.

You don't have to explain the rejection either. Just say it didn't work out.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by iqqi
...what do you all do when you have to let go of something you want, and it keeps throwing itself at your feet, but it's bad, so you can't give in? what do you all do in a case like that?

You know, "labeling" is usually a bad thing and almost always referred to negatively. Yet, we do it and do it often, because it is useful and, if consciously done, the right thing to do.

I label certain people around me as "healthy" and "unhealthy" (or, for my perverse pleasure, as "tweaked" or not.) I probably have dozens of other labels that I use for my protection--it's a thing I find that distances someone from me, or me from them, that acts a sort of protection.

I always have to be aware that I am labeling and be open for signs of more complex behavior or that something has changed---but I need to see the objective evidence first.

Try it--or, rather, it is likely that we are all doing it anyway, so be conscious about it and see if it can't work for you.

Label your guy: "tweaked".

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by TesuqueRed
I probably have dozens of other labels that I use for my protection--it's a thing I find that distances someone from me, or me from them, that acts a sort of protection.

hmmm... i had to read this a few times before i thought i really understood it. it's kind of like taking something that is personal and completely subjective, and depersonalizing it and making it completely objective, right? kinda like when a guy decides that his ex is just a biotch, and leaves all the good personal memories out of the equation?

I always have to be aware that I am labeling and be open for signs of more complex behavior or that something has changed---but I need to see the objective evidence first.

this makes me feel better about doing it, because you are giving yourself enough credit to know when to stop being only objective, er...no, stop being...what is the word?! oh fcuk it, a robot, for lack of better vocab right now.

Label your guy: "tweaked".

tweaked= unhealthy? badly insane? not good for me?

ok! i'll try it!

i think that is what i've kinda been doing these past few days. thanks, tesque, for that helpful nugget!

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by BobbDobbs
Well, since he stood you up, you are under no obligation to respond to him.

that is what i keep telling myself.

If you do decide to ever respond, no baloney. Just tell him its over. Don't be ambiguous like most women who are avoiding rejecting someone outright.

i'm not ambiguous, and i already decided i'm NOT playing games.

You don't have to explain the rejection either. Just say it didn't work out.

short and sweet = less chance of being misunderstood by a "tweaked" guy!

 

[iqqi]

is he mental at all, or a DJ in mental's clothing?

hey. i deliberated for a good moment on posting this at all, but fcuk it, i've posted more embarrassing, ego-ripping threads. besides, this is just an internet forum! if i can't be completely honest with yall, then i got issues. so...(please refrain from throwing tomatos and "dammit what did i tell you so's")...

yesterday evening i was emotionally socked pretty bad. my girl just found out that she has cancer. it is everywhere! i kept blacking out where, because it was so widespread. inside her pelvic bone, on her ribcage....i can't remember where else! so yeah, that is definately anotha issue...

well i was emotional, dammit. so i ended up at ole boys place.

confession: i don't want it to be over. in all honesty i just wanted to regain complete control of my emotions and i wanted to give him space to see that he is wrong. so that he would act right!

well i failed. i went over there, and we talked briefly about what was happening with my girl.

i asked him about standing me up, and he said he didn't, because he was walking into work when he "agreed" to that, = he never said that. = whatever. what is there to say if he won't even agree that it happened? and he turned it around on me, like "you didn't return MY calls when i called you the next day".

which made me second guess myself. i was watching him, and he was seeming completely cool, normal, kinda "tolerating" of my "misunderstanding", and it made me wonder, damn! is he mental!? or is he Djing me?

anyways, it was kinda weird between us, with my emotional state (i close up and get pretty tough), and the "misunderstanding". but i ended up spending the night (no sex ). and he did something else that really got under my skin. he woke us up like 3 or 4 hours later, right after the sun came up, like he had something to do. basically kicking me out!!! WTF? he did this both times i slept over, which really makes me feel like he is completely selfish/inconsiderate. i am NOT going to be sexually intimate with someone if they are going to kick me out the next morning like i am a silly ho he met at a club. grrr...
am i being DJ'd? is that possible by a guy in his state? what do yall think about THAT?

some history:
1. we meet. we go out. he tells me his sad life story. leaving me feeling like wow. that was a lot. but at the same time i am intrigued by his intelligence, perspective, complete openness, and our chemistry...WOOHOO! plus his looks, yeaaaah.
2. we go out a few more times, chemistry is increased, but i see signs of insecurity, when other men seem interested. like blatant insecurity/uptightness.
3. the whole suicide incident. the deliberation, ect, ect.
4. one day i don't call him. (at work, then go home and sleep.) i call him the next afternoon. he is tripping. seriously wants to know the reason i did not call. tells me he drove past my job, too. this doesn't really freak me out, i feel like he is just being open and not hiding the fact that i am really under his skin. i decide not to DJ him, because it is unneccesary (mistake?).
5. we go out friday, have that great time i told yall about.
6. we go out sat, to the movies. afterwards, we talk. he says a lot of things that really disturb me. he says he feels like maybe he is wasting his time with me-which really got under my skin. WTF does that mean? he says for the 2nd or 3rd time "you seem mad. what am i never gonna hear from you again?". WTF? is he saying that because he really is insecure, or is that what he wants?
7. we don't talk sunday. monday is when he does that whole mysterious thing that i originally posted about. and then proceeds to stand me up.


i dunno. i think maybe i should revert back to DJ principals with this guy. can i DJ this guy? do DJ tactics work on people like this? what should i dooooo? i want to keep him, the way he was when we first met.

 

[Starman]

how do I DJ this guy?

bahahahahhahahahaha

you didnt read or comprehend any of my posts did you?

you'de have more luck DJ'ing a DoucheBag Vendor

your stuck in helping the "wounded bird" syndrome

*shrugs shoulders*

 

[Silquee Smoove]

Starman, save your breath dude.

This (woman?) is looking to be telling a story about her life and either be vindicated that she is right or she is looking to put the poor guy down.

Iqqi = (Icky) Take Starman's advice and stop promoting this thread.

Jeez, between you and ShortyBrown the Don Juan Discussion is all going to female attention and "please, pity me" type of posts.

This is one of the reasons I think that sosuave.com is getting watered down.

I remember when Demon, Diesel, Helter Skelter, and a few others "lit" the boards up, but now it's these damn -queen bees- using stories to get the -drones- or AFC's whatever you want to call it to get there work done.

Eh...I'm posting more and more on http://www.mindcollisions.com under same name for any one who wants to discuss sex and various other issues.